It was three days after Christmas and they were back in Nashville. Filming wouldn't start until after New Year's. They wouldn't get the script for the new episode until right before the holiday. So he had been working on new music, trying to channel his energy into that. Connie wouldn't be back until the day after New Year's. They had talked and texted during the holidays, but it was a busy time for both so there hadn't been as much contact as he would have liked.
He was sitting at the kitchen island, reading the paper, drinking coffee. He heard footsteps on the stairs and looked up. Patty came around the corner. She'd been more relaxed over the break, more relaxed with him. It was always that way, when she knew Connie wasn't in Nashville. She didn't hover as much or keep track of what he was doing, in the same way. She stopped at the counter and looked at him evenly. "I'm going to go run some errands. I probably won't be back until after lunch."
He nodded. "Sounds good." He cleared his throat. "Are we all going out for dinner tonight?"
"Yeah. Chase wants to go to Cork & Cow. You up for that?"
He shrugged. "Sure. Sounds good."
She grabbed a jacket from the hook by the back door and shrugged it on, then picked up her purse and keys. When she had her hand on the door knob, she turned back. "You got plans today?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Not really. Writing is all, I guess. Might take Blue out for a run." He considered that. "Actually I will take Blue out for a run. I need to get back on that." He had slacked off on running over the break, but, with Deacon and Rayna married, he was thinking there might be more shirtless scenes and he'd need to be ready for that.
She gave him a ghost of a smile. "Okay. Well, I'll be back."
He just nodded and went back to the paper and his coffee, hearing the door open and then close. He waited a few minutes and then reached for his bag, where he kept his writing notebook. Because of the holidays, he didn't have any appointments, but he still tried to be diligent about capturing thoughts, ideas, verses and choruses, anything he could use when he got together with other songwriters.
He opened the notebook to the last page he'd written on. He'd jotted down something he thought was probably a chorus, during the Christmas week. They were spending time with family in Virginia and, while there was lots of laughter and fun and good times, he would sometimes find himself standing a little on the outside of the circle, watching everyone as though he were just a ghost in the room.
He'd thought back to the early days, when he and Patty had been married only a few years and the babies had started coming. They'd built this life that had felt strong and true and they had both been ecstatic when first Taylor came along and then Chase and finally Addie. They got caught up in the family life and, somehow, it felt like, being all the way across the country from their families, it was the two of them against the world. Things had been good then and he'd been in love and she had too. And then came Addie's diagnosis.
It hadn't happened all at once. In fact, it had been gradual enough that he almost didn't realize it at first. But one day he'd stopped and thought about the fact that they weren't spending time together anymore, as a couple. They were parents – and they were a team that way – but in their private times, they were more like roommates than lovers. The sex gradually disappeared from their lives and neither one made any real efforts to rekindle that. They still laughed together, shared stories and reminiscences, mainly including the kids, but it no longer felt intimate.
And eventually it became the new normal. He would look at Patty and see a beautiful, caring woman that he loved, as the mother of his children and as a friend, but he no longer had feelings of romantic love for her. He often wondered if that was just how it went, in marriages. Having grown up as the child of divorce, though, he hadn't wanted that for his own children. Even though he'd had good relationships with both his parents, it was as he'd told people, there was a void, a gap, a hole, where his father had been. Not having him there in his life on a daily basis had made him feel incomplete and he'd often wondered if he had overcompensated in his life by trying to be the entertainer, whether it was music or comedy or acting.
It really hadn't been until he'd met Connie that he'd felt some sense of peace and a realization that he hadn't felt that way for a very long time. He and Patty had just been dancing around the life they were now leading. It had felt comfortable, easy, with no reason to rock the boat. Until Connie.
He looked down at the notebook and the words he'd jotted down later that night in Virginia. He'd marked through and erased and reworked them since, but as he read them through, he liked what he had. It made sense. It was his reality. We are always dancing all around it / Losing each other for so long / We didn't notice the last note had sounded / We keep holding on / Even though the song is gone. He wanted to use it, felt like there was something there he could build on. He had a writing appointment late in that first week of the new year and he planned to bring it to that appointment.
He put the notebook away and got up from the chair. He went and changed into running clothes. As soon as he appeared back in the kitchen, Blue jumped up from where he'd been laying in front of the fireplace and trotted over to his side. He smiled down at the dog. "Ready to run, buddy?" he asked, and Blue bounced around on his paws, his mouth open and his tongue flapping around, almost as though he were smiling too. He picked his phone and wallet up and grabbed his keys and the leash. "Let's go!" And they headed out the door for the car.
It was a chilly day, but the sun was out and the sky was a brilliant clear blue. He had gone about a mile and a half when he felt his phone vibrate against his hip. He stopped, reining Blue in, and pulled the phone out. He smiled when he saw it was a text from Connie. Call me if you can. Have some news. He quickly pressed the call button and lifted the phone to his ear.
"Well, hey there. That was quick," she said when she answered.
"I'm out on a run," he said. "So what's up?"
"I'm coming back early."
That was good news. "When?"
"Tomorrow."
"Something going on you need to get back for?"
She laughed softly, that sexy, husky laugh of hers. "You."
He grinned. "I like the sound of that."
"Well, I missed you. It feels like it's been a long break."
It did feel that way. "Yeah, I know what you mean. So, how was it?"
"We had a great time. Lots of friends and fun. Christmas Day was long, you know, opening gifts pretty much all day long. Too much food. Yoby's on a sugar and Christmas present high, I think." She laughed again. "He needs a long nap and I need to hit the gym, or something."
He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you don't. Never seen you looking anything but gorgeous."
"Well, thank you for that. How was your holiday?"
Blue was jerking on the leash, so he started walking. "Good. We went to Virginia and it was kind of like yours, only we didn't open gifts all day long."
"Yoby loved the football, by the way. He's been throwing it with Jed pretty much nonstop."
He frowned. "Jed?"
"My friend, Jed." He could practically hear her roll her eyes. "You know who he is. The author. Splits time in Nashville and out here." He did remember her talking about him.
"Yeah, yeah, I remember. Well, I'm glad Yobes liked it." He cleared his throat. "So when do you get back?"
"Tomorrow afternoon." She paused. "I was hoping maybe you'd be able to get away for a bit the day after." She had a smoky tone to her voice. "So we could have our own little celebration."
He smiled and breathed in. "I like that idea. I should be able to get away, so long as no one knows you're back."
"I'll message you then. When I'm back."
"Sounds like a plan to me." He paused. "Connie?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
She laughed softly. "I love you too. And I can't wait to see you. It's been entirely too long."
"You sure you don't want to go to the movies with us?" Patty asked. She and the girls were ready to head out.
He shook his head with a wry smile on his face. "To see a chick flick? I don't think so."
"It's not a chick flick, Dad," Addie said with a grin. "It's about a woman who pulled herself up from nothing and became a millionaire."
He grinned. "I get it, Addie. But no, I'd rather not. I'll probably just go for a run instead. But y'all have fun." Patty gave him a look and, for a moment, he wondered if she somehow knew Connie was back in town. Even though knowing she'd come back the day before, he'd focused on not giving anything away, even though he was itching to see her. He walked over to the coffee maker and poured himself a mug of coffee. "I'll be good. And you can tell me all about it when you're back." After a chorus of goodbyes, they were out the door and he let himself relax.
He reached for his phone and texted Connie. I'm leaving here in ten minutes. See you soon. He added a heart emoji and then sent it. Then he went upstairs to change.
He waited at her front door, drawing his shoulders up against the chilly breeze. She opened the door and he smiled. She was dressed in a sweatshirt that looked unbelievably soft and snuggle worthy, although he had no intention of just snuggling, and jeans, with her hair settled around her shoulders and her glasses on. "Hey there," she said, with a happy smile, reaching for his hand and pulling him in the house.
She closed the door behind him and he pulled her into his arms, pressing her back against the door, kissing her hungrily. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back just as fervently. He pulled his mouth from hers. "Hey," he said with a smile. "God, I've missed you."
She smiled up at him. "I've missed you too."
He didn't let her go, but looked around behind him. "Yoby here?"
She shook her head. "He's spending the afternoon with Jed."
That took him by surprise. "Jed's here?" He could hear the irritation in his voice.
She rolled her eyes. "He lives here, Chip. He came back when we did."
He raised an eyebrow. "Do I need to worry about Jed?" He'd never met this Jed, but then he hadn't met most of Connie's friends.
She frowned. "No. He's a friend. And Yoby adores him."
He smirked. "I meant, do I need to worry that Yoby's gonna like him more than me?"
She made a face and swatted his chest. "Stop. Yoby thinks you hung the moon. But he can never have too many male influences in his life, I don't think. It's the one thing I can't give him."
He slid his hand under her sweatshirt, which was every bit as soft as it looked, feeling the skin on her back. He leaned in and kissed her neck, right behind her ear. "So what can I give his mom?" he whispered.
She giggled softly, pressing her hands gently against his chest. "You can take her upstairs and make her scream," she said, her voice low and silky. He pressed a hard kiss against her lips, then took her hand and led her towards the stairs.
She did scream, although it was more like a loud moan than a true scream. And his was a shout, a feeling of ultimate release. It had left them both with the sheen of perspiration and both a little shaky and completely drained. As he held her tight and she clung to him, her legs wrapped firmly around his back, he could feel her heart beating against his chest. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was open just a bit, as she breathed in and out quickly. He smoothed her hair with his hand and she opened her eyes and smiled at him.
He pulled her sweatshirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor. She worked on the buttons of his shirt, fumbling with them enough that he finally pushed her hands aside and did it himself. He watched as she shimmied out of her jeans and then took off her underwear, as he finished undressing himself. He pushed her back onto the bed and laid on top of her, kissing her mouth, her nose, her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, her neck and shoulders. She rubbed her hands on his back and down over his ass, all the while squirming underneath him.
He raised his head and looked down at her. "What do you want, baby?" he asked, his voice gravelly.
She pressed herself against him, sliding her knees up as she did. "I want you to fuck me," she moaned. She reached between them and grabbed him, trying to push him inside her.
He slid back. "Not yet, baby," he said. He nodded at her. "Roll over." She looked confused. "Roll over." Finally she did. "Now slide up and grab the headboard." She had one of those beds with an intricate headboard that looked almost like fence rails. "On your knees."
She did as he told her, making a little anticipatory noise as she did. He knew it excited her for him to take her from behind. He especially loved doing it in the bathroom of her trailer at work, where she could watch herself. He watched now as she twitched her ass at him, her hands gripping the headboard. He came up behind her and slid his hand between her legs. He could feel how wet she was and he groaned. He slid first one finger inside her, then a second, and she let out a guttural moan. He put his other hand around her, flat against her stomach, and slid his fingers in and out, feeling her press back against him, her breathing getting heavy.
He rested his chin against her shoulder, whispering into her ear. "You like that, baby?" he said, his voice soft and low.
"Oh, yes," she moaned. When he slid his fingers out, she whimpered. He tilted her back against him and pushed himself inside her, feeling himself slide into her and hearing her long, low moan as she took him in.
He covered her hand on the headboard and leaned into her again. "That feel good, Connie?" he murmured into her ear. He started to move inside her.
"Oh, God, yes," she cried out. She made a little noise, then said, "Fuck me hard, Chip."
He kissed her on her neck just below her ear. "You sure?"
She nodded. "Mm hm." He picked up the pace, but he didn't want to go too hard, because he knew it would send her over the edge sooner than he wanted. It had been just over three weeks since they'd been together, but he didn't want to rush things. "Oh, please, Chip," she whispered.
"No, baby, you're gonna have to wait," he murmured. He stopped moving then. "How long can you wait, baby?" he whispered.
She tried moving her hips but he held her tight. "Not long," she begged. He kissed her neck and then down along her shoulder, forcing himself to concentrate on that. "Please, Chip," she whispered.
He pulled out and then turned her onto her back, hovering over her. He smiled. "Now I'm gonna make you scream," he said and she smiled up at him. He buried himself inside her and she moaned appreciatively. Every time he'd sense her getting close, or himself, he would stop, keeping her on edge. He spent time on her breasts, teasing her nipples with his tongue until they were hard, loving the sounds of her pleasure. He let his mouth and tongue trail down the length of her body, until she was shaking from the sensations.
"Please, Chip," she moaned, as she gripped the sheets in her hands, arching her back. That's when he took her one final time, until she finally tensed up and then let go, as she wrapped her legs around him and let out one last, final, gasping moan, before she went limp. He came explosively and collapsed around her, struggling to breathe.
He still loved to watch her, loved to watch how he made her feel, still sometimes in awe of the fact that he was the man making love to Connie Britton. He smiled back at her. "You're so beautiful," he said. He leaned down and kissed her. "And I made you scream," he whispered against her lips.
She laughed. "Yes, you did," she murmured. He felt her clench him inside her, the way she liked. "I love how you feel inside me," she said, echoing the exact thought he was having. He kissed her again, taking his time, tasting her mouth, enjoying the feel of her lips against his and her sweetness. Finally he rolled off of her and onto his back. She turned on her side and put her hand on his chest, smiling at him. "I missed you," she said.
He put his hand over hers. "I missed you too." He looked into her eyes. "Don't leave me again." She laughed, that husky sound he loved, but he also noticed she looked away. He tried not to read anything into it and breathed in deeply.
She looked back at him then. "How long can you stay?" she asked.
He wasn't going to be able to stay as long as he would have liked. Patty had texted him that she and the girls were going to the mall and would pick up dinner. Connie's friend would be bringing Yoby back before long. He could see the sun going down in the west, earlier now that it was wintertime. He was sitting on a stool at her kitchen island and she was by the stove pouring hot water into mugs for hot chocolate. Then she reached into a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Kahlua. She turned and winked at him and he smiled, then she turned back and poured a healthy amount of the liqueur into the mugs. Then she turned and walked around to where he sat, setting the mugs down and getting up on the stool next to him. She slid one mug towards him, then picked hers up and took a sip, holding it in both hands. She closed her eyes. "Mm, I love a nice spiked hot chocolate on a cold winter day," she said.
He smiled back. "It is good."
She looked at him and smiled. "I'm so glad you could come over. I really have missed you."
He leaned in and kissed her, tasting the chocolate on her lips. "I missed you too."
She sat back. "You know, I spent a lot of time listening to the music you gave me. All of it. And I was wondering, what's your plan?"
"My plan?"
"You know. Are you gonna put out an album? Sell the songs to someone else? Just keep doing what you're doing?"
He'd actually been thinking a lot about what he could do. "I guess I'd put out an album. Or maybe an EP. I'm just not sure exactly how I'd go about doing that. I could do it myself. Or try to get someone else to put it out. But I don't know if I have something that's really, you know, cohesive enough for an album. So maybe an EP."
"You sing those songs, though, right? When you perform at clubs and stuff?"
He nodded. "Yeah. People are starting to recognize them. And I've been trying to play one of my own every time I'm at the Opry, so it's not just Deacon's songs anymore."
She smiled, looking a little impish. "You could put out something called 'Songs for Rayna Jaymes'," she said, laughing.
He grinned. "Maybe I should," he said. "You'd know it was for you, right?" She laughed again. "Speaking of songs, I had an idea of what song we could do at your benefit." Connie was doing her Nashville for Africa benefit in about a month and a half.
She shook her head. "I told you, no more singing." She waved a finger in the air. "I just can't do that again."
"Yes, you can," he said, with a smile. "We'll practice a bunch. You'll be fine."
She raised her eyebrows. "I'm serious, Chip. Both times I've agreed to do it, I was terrible and you know it."
He shook his head. "You were fine. And no one cares if you were off a note or two. They just want to hear you sing."
"It was more than a note or two." She shook her head. "No." She raised a finger. "I did, however, hear that Hayden was at least considering it."
"Well, there you go. If she does it, she'll sing. So should you. And I have the perfect song."
She smirked. "Of course you do. You never listen to me."
"You wanna know what it is?"
She shook her head and chuckled. "No, I do not want to know what it is. Because I'm not singing." She held her hand up. "Not even with you. Not this time."
He decided he wasn't going to listen to her. He knew he could persuade her to change her mind. She always did. "The one I picked is one that Deacon and Rayna should have done."
"And which one is that?"
"The one Rayna and Markus did." She looked confused. "At the Opry."
She made a face. "I must have put that out of my head. I'm not sure I remember it exactly."
He glanced at the clock and knew he needed to leave. He stood up, then leaned in for a kiss. "Check it out," he said. "It's the perfect song. You'll understand when you listen to it." He kissed her again. "And now I've gotta go, before I turn into a pumpkin."
She smiled, then got up with him, taking his hand as they headed for the door. He pulled on his jacket and reached for the keys in his pocket. She put her hands on his arms and rose up on her toes to kiss him. "I can't have you turning into a pumpkin," she said, with a giggle. Then her face turned serious and she kissed him again, lingering a bit, as he put his arms around her. "I love you," she said.
He rubbed her cheek and brushed her lips with another kiss. "I love you," he said. He opened the door and walked out. She stood at the door and watched him until he pulled out into the street.
He was halfway home when she called. "Hey there," he said, smiling as he answered.
"Okay, I found it," she said, without preamble. "Chip, you are crazy."
He laughed. "So I've been told. So was I right? It's perfect."
"Well, yes, I suppose it is. At least it's not some angsty ballad. But I'm still not singing."
He laughed again. "Yes, you are. You know you'll give in."
"You underestimate me, Chip."
"I think you forget I have very powerful persuasive powers."
"You do have powers, I'll give you that. Maybe not that persuasive though." She paused. "So tell me something. Are you trying to poke the bear?"
"Maybe."
"You should be careful."
He sighed. "It's a song from the show. Like I said, it's a song Deacon and Rayna should have done. That's how I'd introduce it. The fact of the matter is, Connie, no matter what we do, the songs we've done together on the show are all about two people being in love. This one, at least, is one you originally sang with someone else."
"I suppose."
He breathed in. "Does that mean you'll do it?"
She chuckled softly. "It means I'll think about it." She took a beat. "I miss you already."
"I miss you too." When he disconnected, he thought about what she'd said. But the reality was, any fame he had was tied to the show. People called him Deacon when they saw him around town at least as much as they called him Chip, maybe more. Deacon and Rayna were a couple the fans rooted for, yearned for. He had a contingent of fans who were invested in Deacon and Rayna. It really made no sense to ignore that.
As he pulled into the driveway and around to the garage, he decided he'd just live with whatever happened in the aftermath. Chances were good, though, that Patty wouldn't say a word.
As he got out of the car, he noticed Patty and the girls weren't back yet. He jogged up the steps to the kitchen, calling out for Blue. Then he headed for the back door, letting the dog out and standing at the rail watching him race around the back yard.
He slid into the pew where Connie was sitting, waiting for the production crew to set up. They were filming at the old brick supply warehouse they used to film interior scenes for the Beverly. He'd been there all week, since there were a number of set up scenes happening. That day, however, it would be a show scene, so there would be lots of extras on set. Rayna would be coming to the Beverly in this scene, along with Bucky, to check out a new artist. It was their first scene to film together for the episode.
She looked up when he sat next to her. "Hey," she said.
He smiled back. "Hey. You ready?"
She nodded. "I think so." She looked towards the stage. He thought she seemed subdued.
"You okay?"
She looked back at him and smiled, but he noticed the smile didn't light up her eyes. "Yeah, 'course I am."
He frowned. "You kind of seem quiet."
She took a deep breath and leveled her gaze at him. "I can't really talk freely. Here."
"So there is something wrong."
She shook her head. "Not wrong." She waved her hand. "And not with us. Just…you know, same thing, different day." She stood up then. "We can talk about it later."
He watched her walk off and wondered what had made her feel so disconcerted.
When they got back to the set after filming, she waited for him, falling in beside him as they walked towards the trailer farm. "Can you come talk?" she asked, her voice low.
He looked at her. "Sure."
"Okay. Give me five, then come by." She hurried away from him towards her trailer.
He watched her until she disappeared around the corner, then headed for his own trailer.
He actually let ten minutes go by before he headed up the steps to her trailer door and knocked. She opened it almost as soon as he knocked. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming," she said, as she stepped back to let him in. When she closed the door behind him, he gave her a kiss.
"Why wouldn't I come?" he asked, frowning. "I just gave it a couple extra minutes." He sat, but she didn't, walking in circles. "So what's up?"
She stopped and looked at him, frustration on her face. "I didn't think about the show the whole time we were off. I just went home and enjoyed the holidays and my friends and Yoby and just did silly, fun things. Kind of shook off the shit, I guess. And then when I came back here, I told myself things would be better. Rayna and Deacon were married. Finally. They'd have some good married scenes and we'd see them working together as a team, without so much drama. But I was wrong."
He was a little confused. "But we do have scenes together, Connie," he said. "They're talking about all those mundane things, the stuff Deacon always wanted."
She threw her hands up in frustration. "Mundane isn't interesting on TV, Chip. They aren't really solving problems together. They don't seem particularly passionate. I mean, come on. They're newlyweds."
He couldn't help but smile. "Connie, they're newlyweds who've loved each other for twenty-five years. They've had this complicated relationship and now they're finally married."
She shook her head. "You're not understanding me. These are two very passionate people. I mean, you could see it every time they were on screen together. And, I guess, we still feel it, but we aren't getting anything to play onscreen." She sighed almost angrily. "Too much teenage drama, this bickering between Deacon and Frankie, now drama with this Vita person. I mean, I know I want Rayna to be more involved in her business, but quite honestly this feels shoehorned in. And that doesn't even touch on the storylines that don't involve us. Do you even read the rest of the script?"
Quite honestly, he didn't, most of the time. It was enough to understand his own story and learn his lines and the context. He shrugged. "Sometimes."
She shook her head. "Do you even pay attention to what's going on around us?"
"I don't know what you mean, Connie," he said, frowning. He stood up then.
She threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't," she said, sounding more exasperated than angry. "You live in this fantasy world, I think, and you just accept whatever gets thrown at you because, I don't know, it's your first big role and it's a long running series and you just don't fight hard enough."
He raised his eyebrows, put his hands on his forehead and threw them out in front of him in anger. "Seriously? You're gonna tell me I live in a fantasy world? Like I don't know that these storylines are over the top and sort of crazy…."
"Sort of?"
"Okay, very crazy. I get that, Connie. And I know you have this highbrow sensibility about everything and you're looking at this being not that."
She glared at him then and he could feel the anger rolling off of her in waves. "It doesn't mean I have a 'highbrow sensibility'" – she made air quotes – "because I want the work to be good and because I don't want to be part of a soap opera. That's so ridiculous!"
"Then what are we actually talking about? What is it that you want?"
"I want to go back to where we started. How we started. The story we were really trying to tell, about strong women and the realities of the music business."
"I think we still do that."
She waved him off. "No, we don't. And they're heading down a path where they're going to try to damage Rayna and Deacon's relationship, just when they put them together. I just don't know how much more of this I can put up with."
"You don't know that they're gonna do that," he said, trying to control his emotions.
"I'm just frustrated, Chip. This stuff matters to me. Plus I don't feel like I'm stretching myself anymore. Rayna doesn't even perform much anymore. I feel like I need new outlets."
He breathed in deeply. He didn't want to fight with her and he didn't like the direction this line of talk was going. It wasn't the first time she'd talked about her frustrations and he knew they were real. He could feel her itch, could sense her tension and her feelings of being pulled in multiple directions. She was the ultimate professional and she would never do anything less than her best. She would never truly express her frustration and feelings of ambivalence with outsiders. He knew she trusted him and that's why she could confide in him.
He pulled her into his arms, one hand on the back on her neck. "I know, baby. I get it. I wish I could change it."
He felt her sigh against his shoulder. "It's so hard. And I'm sorry to dump it all on you." She pulled back to look at him, her eyes sad. "What would I do without you?"
He gave her a little smile. "Hope you never have to find out," he said. He took a deep breath and then let it out. "Look, all we can do is our best with what we get. Right?"
She nodded and then a smile slowly crossed her face. "Truly you are the only reason I'm still here," she said. She lifted her hands, placing them on his face, and pulled him in for a kiss. "I really do love you," she whispered against his lips.
"I love you too." He stepped out of the embrace. "Now, you know I would love to stay here with you, but I know you need to get home to Yoby."
She nodded. "I do." She looked at him with longing in her eyes and touched his cheek with her hand. "All of this has been worth it," she said.
He ran his hand over her hair and then gave her one last kiss. "I'll see you on Monday." Then, reluctantly, he let himself out of her trailer and headed for his car.