A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. An extra big thanks to BeastBoy4pres052 for the song that is used for this chapter so this chapter is dedicated to you and all your great song ideas! I also do not know that much about drugs so you'll have to forgive me for any mistakes but what the heck this is fiction. I also don't know much about alcohol or clubs as I have never been to one (I really do need to get to one). Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Warnings: abuse, alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc...

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I also do not own the song choice that was BeastBoy4pres052. I also don't own the song by K's Choice. I own the White Wizard and the drug dealer that's it!

Chapter Ten

I'm Not an Addict

Raven hadn't left her room in two days. For the most part she stared at the ceiling but if Beast Boy tried to sit by her bedside, she would throw him out the door so for the last two days, he was sitting outside the door on a chair. That's where he was right now, sitting outside of her room on an uncomfortable chair. Robin walked up to him running his fingers through his hair.

"I just figured I should warn you, Terra's on her way here and she doesn't look very happy." Robin said, giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before walking down the hall in the opposite direction of the way he had indicated Terra was coming. Beast Boy sighed. 'Guess its time to talk.' He thought with a sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair as Terra walked up to him. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Well are you coming home or not? It's been three days since you've been here. It's like you don't even care about me." Terra said. Beast Boy looked up at her.

"I care about you, T. I love you, for goodness sake's." He replied. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

"But? You can't come until Raven is better. You know what BB, you need some time alone to deal with your issues. So until you make up your mind, we are officially on a break. Call me if you want to talk." She said, shaking her head and walking away. Beast Boy sighed, running fingers through his hair once again. 'What? A break? But I love you Terra, what is going on?' He thought. confused and dazed.

Breathe it in and breathe it out

And pass it on it's almost out

Raven stared at herself in the mirror. She had heard Terra and Gar's conversation. She felt empty in her chest, even after what had happened to Gar because her emotions were still locked away from the world. The water from the tap was still running like the tears rolling down her cheeks that had no emotion attached. Somehow nothing mattered anymore even what happened to Gar and what had happened to her anymore for she was empty. Perhaps it would have been better if she had died, things would have even easier.

Her scarred wrists proved that something didn't want her dead though but oh how she still wished for it, even now. He had tormented her for so long and he was still out there somewhere and all she wanted was to be released from his grasp. He still had control over her even now inside the Tower and she knew he would for as long as she was alive. Why couldn't she have died, so she could rest in peace without having to look over her shoulder and jump at every little noise? She was living in fear and that was no way to live.

A knock at her bathroom door caused her to jump. Raven sighed, opening it up to look at Beast Boy. He seemed almost like he was in a daze as he stared at her. His eyes were red and puffy, causing her to realize he had been crying since she had been in the bathroom.

"Raven, do you think we could go out somewhere? I really don't care where, just out." Beast Boy asked, his voice almost devoid of emotion. Raven looked at him wondering if that's how she sounded to everyone like her life had been sucked out of her. She stared at him for a moment, trying to decide. "It's okay I understand, you are still recovering." He turned to leave but something made her grab his arm.

"I would like to get out of the Tower." She said softly. Beast Boy nodded, turning and leading her out of the Tower without saying a word to anyone. He transformed into a hawk and took off towards the city with Raven flying beside him.

We're so creative and so much more

We're high above but on the floor

Beast Boy set down across the street from a club whose neon sign blared in the darkness. Raven looked at the place but didn't really care as she followed Beast Boy across the street and past the bouncer. When she walked in, the atmosphere was smoky and the music was almost deafening. The patrons didn't even bother looking at them as they walked in. She watched as Beast Boy made a beeline to the bar. She shook her head; she needed something stronger than alcohol to dull her pain. She headed towards the more private areas, knowing Beast Boy would be along behind her as soon as he had ordered and drank his first drink.

Raven sat on the semi-circle couch watching people move around the club. Quite a few people were on the dance floor but most people were mingling and she refrained from outwardly shaking her head. Beast Boy walked over to her, sitting beside her with some amber looking liquid in a glass in both hands. She raised an eyebrow but ignored it.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side

Raven watched as a man walked towards them. He sat down beside her with several others following. People came and went as he handed them something and left. Raven watched him as he lit what looked like a cigarette but from the smell was definitely not. He smiled and handed it to her.

"First one's on the house. After that I can provide you anything you want for a small fee. I'm the cheapest you'll find around here." He said with a smoky voice. Raven nodded, putting the rolled up paper to her mouth and inhaled slowly. She looked at him confused when nothing seemed to be happening. He chuckled at her. "Most people's first time they don't feel the effects. You look like you could use something a little stronger. I let you try this for free, if you like it, you let me know." He went into a pocket and pulled out a powdery white substance. He leaned over pouring it out onto the glass tabletop in front of him.

"What is that?" Raven asked as she glanced at Beast Boy out of the corner of her eye. If she was counting right he was on his fifth glass of what she assumed was whiskey or maybe it was beer, she wasn't quite sure anymore, for all she knew he was switching his poison. The man smiled at her.

"Inhale through the nose. It'll take a while to hit the system but not as long as that." He said pointing at the rolled up paper with a smile as she looked at the two perfect lines on the table. He handed her a cut straw and she sighed. 'This is one way to cope.' She thought. She leaned over and did as she had been instructed. She screwed up her face at it and the man laughed. "Not your cup of tea I see."

The deeper you stick it in your vein

The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain

I'm in heaven, I'm a god

I'm everywhere, I'm feel so hot

Raven sat for several moments smoking the marijuana. The effects of the cocaine were slowly kicking in. Relaxation seemed to be settling in along with her surroundings seeming dimmer. The man chuckled at her as she leaned more into the cushions. He looked at Beast Boy by now who was becoming more and more depressed due to his drunkenness.

"What's your friend trying to forget?" He asked. Raven gave a content-like smile as she looked over at Beast Boy.

"He's on a break with his girlfriend." Raven replied evenly. Beast Boy glared at her as he downed another glass. The man seemed to be looking at her with a kind of strange understanding.

"You are trying to escape something far more worse than that, I know. You have this desperate look in your eyes for some way to cope and escape from the pain and the memories." He said softly. Raven nodded slowly.

"I'm trying to escape a monster." She stated, leaning more and more into the cushions.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side

I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

The man looked at her for a moment with a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair. He went into his bag handing her several bags of weed. He handed her several other bags with a smile.

"Those put over heat. Breathe in the smoke, it will do wonders. You have monsters; with this you will be chasing the dragons. Enjoy my dear girl and remember this: do not let demons and monsters destroy you. What I give you is an escape but it will not repair you, only love can do that." He said handing her a slip of paper before disappearing into the crowd.

Raven sighed, she had been sitting there for what felt like hours. She knew her perception was off but she didn't care. Beast Boy was sitting beside her, still drunk and he was quite out of it. Her new friend as she would call him was gone and she was alone.

It's over now, I'm cold, alone

I'm just a person on my own

Nothing means a thing to me

(Nothing means a thing to me)

Raven stood slowly, grabbing her packages placing them in a hidden pocket before turning to Beast Boy with a sigh. She wasn't even sure if he could walk, let alone stand on his own. She grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet. He glared at her.

"What do ya think ya doing?" He asked his speech slurred. Raven nearly growled at him but refrained from doing so as she could still feel the relaxing effects in her body. She stared at him for a moment.

"We are going home. You are drunk and I am still quite high but neither matters for we need sleep more than anything else in the world." Raven said, not truly caring what he thought of her right now. She knew there was no way Beast Boy would be able to fly back home in his condition that only left her one way and she was unsure if she could do it. With not having been able to do it for so long because of the monster that haunted her. In this state though, could she be trusted to return them to the Tower safely and not end up somewhere else?

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side

I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

Some part of her really truly thought, what does it matter anyway? Beast Boy was looking at her with a look of concentration on his face like he was trying to understand what she was telling him. She shook her head. She wrapped them in her cape and they disappeared, sinking into the floor. For a moment, she felt like she could simply float in a void forever but knew she couldn't as Beast Boy was starting to freak out. Raven sighed, before they appeared in her room.

Beast Boy looked around and immediately moved to the bed where he crashed onto it. Within a few seconds he was asleep. Raven watched him sleeping as she sat in the air. She had another joint in her hands and was burning incense to get rid of the smell, just in case the crazy Robin decided to do something about it. She just continued to watch Beast Boy in his sleep. A slight feeling in her chest made her wonder what she truly felt about her blond friend. She knew just before she had tried to kill herself, she had felt something towards him that wasn't her normal friendship feeling. Something that had never gone away even though she thought she had moved on. She shook her head, she couldn't really feel any emotions anymore so it didn't matter what it had been.

Raven gave a smile, something she hadn't done since her attempted suicide. She set her feet down on the floor and moved over to him. Something made her reach out to him, her hand brushed over his soft skin before touching his golden locks. She pulled away as if she had been burned as she breathed in another puff from her joint. 'What was going on with me? Gar is on the rebound and you're still being hunted by a monster. Plus you don't feel emotions anyway so what the hell are you doing?'

Free me, leave me

Watch me as I'm going down

Free me, see me

Look at me, I'm falling and I'm falling

Raven shook her head, walking over to her desk as she continued to smoke. Her nevermore mirror sat face down and she refused to mediate with her emotions. She had locked them in there a long time ago. She looked at the packages littering the top of it and saw her knife. She felt a pull towards it and reached out wrapping her hands around the blade. It bit into her flesh and she felt the need to feel something and anything that she herself could control. She grabbed the handle with her right hand and dragged the blade effortlessly across her arm. She watched the blood come to the surface and she almost smirked. She repeated the process twice more before stopping. They weren't as deep as the ones she had done only a few days ago but she was able to find release in the feeling of blade into flesh.

It is not a habit, it is cool, I feel alive I feel...

It is not a habit, it is cool, I feel alive

Raven smirked finishing her joint and watched the incense as she felt her high slowly slip away as the hours slipped by. She looked down at her arm and gently bandaged it up. She looked at the bed where Beast Boy was still passed out, and not truly caring she fell into bed beside him as she stared up at the ceiling. She had felt so alive on that high; she had felt almost normal again. She had found her ways to cope and perhaps it wouldn't become a habit. She looked over at Beast Boy once more and almost smiled at him.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side

Raven watched Beast Boy and once again touched his face. She was still mildly relaxed from the weed but she could feel the effects slowly fading and she almost felt like getting up out of the bed for another one. Though exhaustion was dragging at her and she was slowly falling into the darkness as she stared at Beast Boy.

It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side

I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)

I'm not an addict...

To Be Continued...

I hope you liked it. Things have to get worse before they get better for poor Raven and BB. I have mapped out all the way to chapter 19 so yay for me! I will update again soon. Please Review.

Next Chapter: Bottom of a Bottle. Things just keep escalating between the drugs and alcohol Raven and Beast Boy are into.