CHAPTER TEN – THE THROAT OF THE WORLD

As it turned out, Delphine and Esbern both made the decision to stay at Sky Haven Temple permanently.

"Nobody else knows where it is, not even the Thalmor," Delphine reasoned. "We'll be completely safe and protected while we run our operations out of here. Even if they do find us, it'll be impossible for them to find a way in."

What those operations were, Atrius had no idea. Delphine suggested they might find ways to help him with this dragon business. And there were plenty of writings inscribed in stone for Esbern to examine. But Delphine also had other plans – plans to restore the Blades to their former glory. Now that they had a Dragonborn to serve, the Blades had a purpose once more.

Atrius and Lydia stayed three days in the Temple. Delphine had located a set of Akaviri armour. She insisted it was Atrius' ceremonial right to take it. Atrius wasn't complaining – it was a fine set of armour. Old as it was, it had never rusted within what Esbern had referred to as the "remarkably well-preserved" Temple, and the craftsmanship was exceptional. He would wear it with pride.

They set off for High Hrothgar the morning of the third day. Delphine and Esbern accompanied them as far as Rorikstead to gather supplies for themselves. After that, they headed back to the Temple and left Atrius and Lydia to travel alone to High Hrothgar once more.

"Are you sure you'll be able to get back through the door?" Atrius asked them before parting ways. "Remember – the door only answered to my blood."

"Ah, you forget just how remarkable Akaviri magic is," Esbern replied. "The door may only open to the Dragonborn initially, yes – but we were your guests. The door remembers friends of the Dragonborn."

"Well, if all goes south, I suppose I could bottle up a vial of my blood for you to use as you need to," Atrius joked.

He turned to Delphine and addressed her directly.

"Thank you, Delphine. I wouldn't have made it this far if you hadn't manipulated me into meeting with you."

She laughed at him.

"Well, if you ever need any more manipulation, you know where to find me."

Atrius hugged her briefly before turning to leave.

"Take care," Delphine said to them, "Lydia, Dragonborn. I expect we'll meet again soon."

"We will," Atrius replied. "Safe journeys."

"And to you."

"How long has it been since we were last here?" Lydia yawned as she kicked off her boots and stretched out on her bed. They'd stopped over in Whiterun for the night, taking the opportunity to get some rest and relaxation out in the busy streets – a small luxury they'd neglected for some time.

"I guess it's been…a few weeks at least," Atrius replied to her. "How does it feel to be back?"

"Normal, I guess," Lydia shrugged. "I mean, I know the city well. It's the only home I've ever had. But at the same time, I've never really had a place that felt like what a home should feel like."

"And what should a home feel like?" Atrius asked.

"Well, what does it feel like for you?"

"For me? Huh…"

Atrius thought back to his days in the Imperial City. He remembered the stone walls, the thick royal curtains of his bedroom and the cotton blankets. And then he thought of his parents – the warmth in his mother's arms, but the strength of her courage and resolution. His father's unwavering conviction and leadership. His love and respect for the both of them. That was home.

"Home is…family," he explained to her. "Home is a place where you know you have people who are waiting on you to return. And when they're gone, you're waiting on them. Home is a sanctuary where you feel safe in the arms of those who love you and are loved by you. It's a place of peace and comfort, where all the troubles that exist outside of it can disappear. It's a place you wish you never had to leave – but a place you're always glad to come back to."

"That's really home?" Lydia asked him, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It is," he whispered back. "Do you feel it?"

"No," she replied honestly. "But I think I'm almost there whenever I'm with you."

Atrius smiled to himself. Ever since his da had passed, he'd been missing that part about home. But going on this journey with Lydia – it was like having family again. And he was almost home with her too.

Their second journey to High Hrothgar was thankfully much less eventful than their first one had been. The path remained clear all the way up barring the occasional scampering fox and reverent pilgrim, although those 7, 000 steps sure left the both of them panting by the time they'd reached their destination. Atrius decided to meet with Arngeir alone this time whilst Lydia trained in another part of the monastery. The Greybeard was pleased to have the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller in his possession, but much less pleased to hear what Atrius had been doing with his time away.

"I need to learn the shout used to defeat Alduin," Atrius informed him after returning the Horn.

"Where did you learn of that?" Arngeir snapped suddenly. "Who have you been talking to?"

"It was recorded on Alduin's Wall," Atrius answered. He didn't understand why Arngeir was becoming so angry all of a sudden. What was the big deal about wanting to prevent the end of the world?

"The Blades! Of course," Arngeir concluded. "They specialise in meddling in matters they barely understand. Their reckless arrogance knows no bounds. They have always sought to turn the Dragonborn from the path of wisdom. Have you learned nothing from us? Would you simply be a tool in the hands of the Blades to be used for their own purposes?"

"The Blades just want to defeat Alduin," Atrius argued. "Don't you?"

"What I want is irrelevant!" Arngeir declared in anger. "This shout was used once before, was it not? And here we are again. Have you considered that Alduin was not meant to be defeated?"

"So what, this has all been a waste of time?" Atrius yelled. "You've just been teaching me all these things so that I can die along with the rest of the world and have them all mean nothing?"

"Those who overthrew Alduin in ancient times only postponed the day of reckoning, they did not stop it!" Arngeir countered. "If the world is meant to end, so be it. Let it end and be reborn."

"So you won't help me?" Atrius asked, folding his arms.

"No. Not now," Arngeir replied stubbornly. "Not until you return to the path of wisdom."

A rumbling and a loud, but clear and haunting whisper echoed through the halls – Master Einarth was walking towards them and glaring at Arngeir. Atrius had never heard the Greybeards converse with one another. The exchange shook the halls. It was frightening to behold. No wonder the people down below in Ivarstead seemed terrified of them. They could likely cause the entire mountain to collapse if they had any inclination to do so. When it was over, Einarth disappeared back into the shadows, and Arngeir turned to face Atrius once more.

"Forgive me," he conceded. "I was…intemperate. I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgement. Master Einarth reminded me of my duty. The decision whether or not to help you is not mine to make."

"So, can you teach me this shout?" Atrius pressed him.

"No," Arngeir replied shortly. "I cannot teach it to you because I do not know it. It is called Dragonrend, but its Words of Power are unknown to us. We do not regret this loss – Dragonrend holds no place within the Way of the Voice."

"I thought you knew all the Words of Power," Atrius said, both disappointed and surprised.

"But not Dragonrend," Arngeir answered. "The knowledge of that shout was lost in time before history began. Perhaps only its creators ever knew it. But I am not the one to speak of it to you."

"If the shout is lost, how can I defeat Alduin?"

They couldn't come to a dead-end here after all the things they'd done and been through. It couldn't all be for nothing.

"Only Paarthurnax, the master of our order, can answer that question, if he so chooses," Arngeir responded.

"I need to speak to Paarthurnax then," Atrius ordered him. He knew he was pushing it, but he was getting impatient. And besides, Arngeir had already admitted he was wrong not to help him.

Arngeir sighed as if he'd rather reprimand Atrius than give into his demands – it's likely that this was a true reflection of his inner state. However, he was bound by duty, as Einharth had only just reminded him.

"You weren't ready. You still aren't ready. But, thanks to the Blades, you now have questions that only Paarthurnax can answer."

"Where is Paarthurnax?"

"He lives in seclusion on the very peak of the mountain," Arngeir informed Atrius. "He speaks to us only rarely, and never to outsiders. Being allowed to see him is a great privilege."

"Great," Atrius said, picking up his gear. "Then I'm off to the peak of the mountain."

"Not so hasty, Dragonborn," Argneir stopped him. Atrius stalled and turned around to face him once again. "You will not find the way so easy. Only those whose Voice is strong can find the path. We will teach you a new shout to open the way to Paarthurnax. Your training will begin again tomorrow. Until then, I can only hope you meditate on your course of action and return to the path of wisdom."

It wasn't going to happen – Atrius and Arngeir clearly had very different ideas regarding the definition of wisdom. Atrius' definition involved taking action when it was in his power to prevent the destruction of the world. But this conversation was wearisome to him – he turned once more and left to find Lydia without another word.

"Is everything alright?" Lydia asked Atrius as he stumbled into their room. She'd clearly decided to make an early end to her training today. "I heard raised voices. And you look…you look angry."

She stared into his face, as if examining him and trying to read his thoughts.

"Everything is fine," Atrius huffed. "Delphine was just right about the Greybeards is all. Afraid of power…but they've agreed to help me. A little unwillingly, but they have agreed."

"So they'll teach you a shout to defeat Alduin?"

"No, they don't know it," he replied.

"You're kidding…"

"Apparently it was lost."

"So what are you going to do then?"

"They're going to allow me to meet their leader – some guy named Paarthurnax who lives at the peak of the mountain."

"Alright," Lydia said, springing up from the chair she sat. "So when do we head off?"

"The Greybeards said they're going to have to teach me a new shout," Atrius told her. "They'll have to train me for a few more days."

"Do you think they're just stalling you?" Lydia asked him.

"It doesn't matter," he replied, kicking off his boots and falling back on his bed. "Maybe they're right, the way could be dangerous. In any case if they keep coming up with excuses I'll just go up there anyways. I don't think they'd like it, but I also don't think they'd try and stop me."

There was a pause.

"This is one of those times where I can't follow you, isn't it?" Lydia asked him.

Atrius sighed heavily.

"I think so," he said to her. "It's entirely possible that the way is shut to anyone who doesn't possess the Voice. And besides – the Greybeards were reluctant to let even me go and see Paarthurnax at all. I can only imagine it would be even less so for you, no offence. As much as I'm a little frustrated with them right now, I think we have to give them that."

"Yes, that's probably wise," Lydia agreed. "We don't want to fall completely out of their graces just yet."

"No. No, we don't."

The day to meet Paarthurnax arrived later that same week. Arngeir had – with much complaint and sternness - taught Atrius a new shout, one to clear the skies of poor weather effects. Atrius had wondered what on earth he would need this for, earning this for his warning - that the mist on the way up was so thick that anyone else who attempted to climb the summit without possessing the right skill would end up lost and die of the cold. But with this new shout, he was ready. Lydia was there that day to see him off.

"I'll be okay," he assured her. "It's only a short way and I expect to be back soon."

"I know." She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her lips before letting him go. "Just don't run into any frost trolls."

He chuckled lightly at the memory of his poor judgement that day.

I'll have a meal waiting for you when you return."

"I'd like that. You're a faithful housecarl, Lydia."

She smiled at him and watched as he set out into the deep mist.

Immediately after passing through the gate that marked the way, he knew why he'd been warned about the dangers of the mist. The chill was of a kind that settled right into his bones. He was glad that Lydia had not insisted on coming with him. It was so cold he almost didn't even feel cold at all – it was easy to see how someone could die up here. His own body would shut down if he didn't keep moving.

"LOK – VAH – KOOR!" Atrius shouted into the void. The mist around him cleared up immediately and he could see a clear path. He followed this path upwards and upwards for what felt like an hour before reaching a landing that looked like the summit. That was when a familiar dark shadow flew over him, the trademark gust of wind alerting his senses to a danger he'd come to know too well.

Atrius reacted quickly, pulling out his bow and hoping to the gods the dragon hadn't noticed him. It had – although, something was strange about this one. It wasn't aggressive or trying to attack Atrius at all. In fact, it came in to land calmly and gently right next to him, not at all afraid or defensive. As if this wasn't strange enough, it then did the unthinkable – it spoke! And not just in dragon tongue like all the other dragons seemed to be able to do, but human speech.

"Drem Yol Lok," it growled at him. "Greetings, wunduniik. I am Paarthurnax. Who are you? What brings you to my strunmah…my mountain?"

"You're the master of the Greybeards?" Atrius gasped.

"They see me as master," Paarthurnax answered. "Wuth. Onik. Old and wise. It is true I am old. Tell me – why do you come here, volaan? Why do you intrude on my meditation?"

"I need to learn the Dragonrend shout," Atrius responded, still slightly shaken. He wondered vaguely if the mist and altitude were affecting him, or if was just shock. "Can you teach me?"

The dragon growled again before speaking.

"I do not know the Thu'um you seek. Krosis. I cannot be known to me. Your kind – joore, mortals – created it as a weapon against the dov…the dragons. Our hadrimme – our minds – cannot even comprehend its concepts."

Through all his surprise, Atrius was beginning to get annoyed – and desperate. What could he do to stop Alduin when he kept running into dead ends all the time?

"How can I learn it, then?" he asked Paarthurnax.

"Drem. All in good time," the dragon hummed, clearly in no hurry to see the world saved from certain doom. "First, a question for you. Why do you want to learn this Thu'um?"

"I like this world," Atrius replied matter-of-factly. "I don't want it to end."

"Pruzah. A good a reason as any," Paarthurnax answered him. "There are many who feel as you do, although not all…"

"The Greybeards…" Atrius thought to himself.

"Some would say that all things must end, so that the next can come to pass," Paarthurnax continued. "Perhaps this world is simply the egg of the next kalpa? Lein vokiin? Would you stop the next world from being born?"

"The next world will have to take care of itself," Atrius responded. As long as this one was still here, he was going to continue to defend it. The gods hadn't given him dragon blood as a joke or coincidence. He had to believe that.

"Paaz. A fair answer," Paarthurnax conceded. "Ro fus…maybe you only balance the forces that work to quicken the end of this world. Even we who ride the currents of time cannot see past time's end. Wuldsetiid los tahrodiis. Those who try and hasten the end may delay it. Those who work to delay the end may bring it closer. But you have indulged my weakness for speech long enough. Krosis. Now I will answer your question. Do you know why I live here, at the peak of the Monahven – what you name the Throat of the World?"

"No?" What a weird question to follow from that. "Dragons like mountains, right?"

"True," said Paarthurnax with a slight chuckle. "But few now remember that this was the very spot where Alduin was defeated by the ancient tongues. Vahrukt unslaad. Perhaps none but me now remember how he was defeated."

"Using the Dragonrend shout, right?" Atrius asked him, finally settling down enough to take a seat on a nearby stone. He was beginning to enjoy his chat with Paarthurnax – it reminded him of work back in the Imperial City debating rights and ethics with other chamber members. However, like any conversation with an aging man with an active mind but too little opportunity to share it, Atrius sensed that this conversation with Paarthurnax might take a while.

"Yes and no," Paarthurnax growled. "Viik nuz ni kron. Alduin was not truly defeated, either. If he was, you would not be here today seeking to defeat him. The Nords of those days used the Dragonrend shout to cripple Alduin. But this was not enough. Ok mulaag unslaad. It was the Kel – the Elder Scroll. They used it to…cast him adrift on the currents of time.

"Are you saying that the ancient Nords sent Alduin forward in time?" Atrius asked in amazement. He had known from his lessons as a boy that the Elder Scrolls held great power and were capable of doing amazing things…but he had never guessed they could be used to do something like this…

"Not intentionally," Paarthurnax answered. "Some hoped he would be gone forever, forever lost. Meyye. I knew better. Tiid bo amativ. Time flows ever onward. One day he would surface. Which is why I have lived here. For thousands of mortal years I have waited. I knew where he would emerge, but not when."

"How does any of this help me?"

"Tiid krent. Time was shattered here because of what the ancient Nords did to Alduin. If you brought that Kel, that Elder Scroll back here…to the Tiid-Ahraan, the Time Wound…with the Elder Sroll that was used to break time, you may be able to cast yourself back to the other end of the break. You could learn Dragonrend from those who created it."

Right. So Atrius needed to find an Elder Scroll – this specific Elder Scroll – one of the rarest items he's ever heard of in existence and usually locked under the strictest guard in the Imperial City, bring it here, and somehow use it to cast himself back in time. That sounded simple enough.

"Do you…do you at least know where I could find that Elder Scroll?" he asked the dragon.

"Krosis," Paarthurnax shook his head. "No. I know little of what has passed below in the long years I have lived here. You are likely better informed than I."

Fantastic. It didn't make much sense to Atrius that Paarthurnax would be so pre-occupied about Alduin's return that he would restrict himself to a single mountain for thousands of years in anticipation of the event, but then not even bother to keep track of the one important tools which started this whole mess in the first place and would likely be instrumental in undoing it all. But it is what it is.

"Hmm," Atrius muttered after some thought. "Esbern or Argneir might have some idea."

"Trust your instincts, Dovahkiin," Paarthurnax advised him. "Your blood will show you the way."

Trust his instincts, indeed. Atrius would certainly have a lot to tell Lydia when he got back.