Avarent: Ok so the memories had to be broken up because I wrote a lot more than I thought. This is where things get tricky. Naru (aka little Naru) is for the memories actions and thoughts. Naruto (inner or older Naruto) is for the one reliving the memories.
"SPEACH" -Kyubbi using Naruto to speak
Warning: This part of the fic contains triggering material due to child abuse and implied sexual content. This may appear in other parts of the fic. I'm not going to really be all that descriptive, but it's implied mostly.
It was nighttime and little Naru was standing on top of a hill of a street. This was the one that eventually lead to where his apartment would be. His neighborhood his wasn't so great; smack in the middle of the red light district. There was a bar down the block and a house where men came and went with different women all times of the day. As a child he steered clear of the bars but this area wasn't so bad in how people treated him, when sober. Most ignored him or were at least indifferent. In the rest of the village it was much of the same but he felt more hateful glares than he did here.
The house he stood near a man came out with garbage. He smiled and waved before going back inside. One of the few people who were at least passingly nice, the name "Tamaki" sounded for his younger self's thoughts as he waved back. Turning back up the street he was suddenly lifted in the air for a hug.
"Naru-chan did you miss me?!" Swinging the boy around childishly, then planting him back on his feet, he squished the blond into him.
"Keehhhoooshhannn" The boy tried to wine but it was muffled in fabric. Kyo released him to squat down smiling sheepishly.
'This is where I would meet Kyo after he was on missions...' The next bit was something he already knew. Kyo motioned to his back and little Naru hoped on for a piggy back ride. Everytime Kyo came off missions even if it was only for a few hours he pretty much did the same; smothering the boy in affection as if he hadn't seen him in forever. Then he'd run full tilt down the hill to their apartment building, the blond squealing with delight all the way.
'Why am I seeing this, I already knew this...' Kyo brought them to his apartment in this sequence. though. 'Okay that's a bit new I guess...' His trips to Kyo's place were few and far between in his memories, hardly any at all though he lived so close. Naru squirmed to be let down from the man's back, but he just kept on going into his bedroom. the man face planted into the mattress, bringing the boy down with a surprised Yelp.
"Kyo-san! Are you okay?!" There was silence for a moment and the muffled rumbling from the sheets. "Eh?" The boy leaned down to hear better and Kyo turned his head to move his face from the mattress.
"Tired. Rest now." The blond giggled at his monotone. He tried to get off the man's back again but Kyo didn't move his arms that were wrapped around the boys legs when he's been supporting him. It was an Awkward position to lay in, Naru thought. Kyo whined when he tried to move again to no avail.
"Narrrruuuu-ccchhhaaaannn. My back hurtssss!" The boy sweat dropped.
"Well let me off then silly Kyo-san." He felt uncomfortable and sort of trapped because the man though tired sure had a firm hold on him.
"Give me a massage." More whining and Naru quirked an eyebrow.
"Eh...um I don't know how to-"
"-just act like my back is a pillow that's too lumpy or something." The boy was confused but Kyo wasn't letting go so he started his best attempt do as instructed. It was more along the lines of him basically punching. Naru delt with his pillows as such.
"You're terrible at this..." The man grunted as little fists pathetically worked his shoulders. The blond sighed in exasperation.
"I said I didn't know how...Am I hurting you?" Kyo snorted, Naru was offended and crossed his arms in a pout.
"It's fine, come here Naru-chan." In a roll Kyo pulled the boy around onto the bed into a hug. Kyo was spooned against the boy head in his hair. He nuzzled into the blond locks and gently rubbed his little arm and side. Naru was fidgeting and felt odd.
"K-kyo-s-san...you're being weird." He was pulled in tighter everytime he tried squirm away.
"Naru-chan...I just really missed you. I know it was only a few days away but missions are hard and I worry about you when I'm gone. I'm tired now so just stay here today. You missed me didn't you?" The small boy didn't have any words to say. He was touched by his words but felt odd being touched so much at all. Kyo was the only one who was ever really affectionate towards the boy. He was growing used to it though and decided to bare with it to make the man happy. How could Naru say no, when he seemed to care so much about the boy.
"...yeah I missed you too...I-I'll stay..." Sleep took a while being held like a teddy bear but when the darkness came so did the next memory. Inner Naru mentally shuddered at the lack of light and the discomfort the last memory made him feel.
A mental sigh of relief when the light of this memory came into focus, though his little self seemed to be rather gloomy. He was at Kyo's door and it was close to sundown from what he could see. Catching the thoughts of his past self...it had been a rough day at the academy. Children and be cold and cruel; his soiled clothing stood testament to that. Naru wanted to cheer up with Kyo.
When said man came to the door he gave a knowing look with a warm smile nonetheless and ushered the boy in. No words were really needed. Kyo motioned the boy to follow him into the kitchen.
"You look hungry, lets make something yummy." He rummaged around the cupboards and called out items Naru could get from the fridge. "Hmm, we can make cupcakes!" Kyo chimed as he plopped a bag of flour on the counter. It burped up a white puff.
"I really don't know how to cook...much." By that he meant ramen; he could make ramen and cereal...maybe toast.
"Good thing we are baking then ne?" Naru finally cracked a real smile. They set to it, Kyo dishing out gentle instructions along the way. Though he seemed set to make a mess of the two of them before they were done. As their pastries sat in the oven a small food/tickle fight broke out. Naru's muddied clothing were nothing compare to the layer of flour and frosting they dawned as they munched on sweets.
Kyo rose playfully wiping his hands on the boys shirt, after they were finished. The blond made a face but smiled. The man tread flour foot prints into his living room. Naru snickered into his sticky sweet hands. When Kyo returned he gingerly held up an orange shirt; a red Uzumaki swirl embroidered on its front.
"Well I supposed this all worked out in the end. I was going to give this to you next we met anyways. I had it made in your...er favorite color. Even though I may not like to wear it, I knew it would suit you." Naru wanted to protest spending money on him all the time but it was cut short when his face was full of fabric. Kyo swiftly lifted his shirt over his head.
"Tsk...you're still covered in flour under here too. Someone needs a bath." KKyo smirked mischievously and Naru was indignant but again all protest were cut off. Kyo swept him up and hauled the grumbly boy over his shoulder into the bathroom. When let down, Naru crossed is arms with a huff. He threw a disgruntled glare over his shoulder, but stopped in his tracks, his face burning red. Kyo was shimmying out of his own shirt and pants till he was in nothing but boxers.
"K-Kyo-San! What are you doing!?" The man stilled with an inquisitive look.
"Um...taking a shower?..." The man said it like it was the most obvious thing. Kyo chuckled when the boy seemed to struggle to speak. "Naru-chan it's okay. It's not like you haven't seen it before ne? We're both guys." Inner Naruto's mind stilled at the déjà vu those words brought. "Also I'm not sure you've realized how hard it's going to be getting batter out of your hair." The blond absentmindedly brought his hand to his hair. The strands were crusty; flattened to his scalp and a knot was forming on one side. "I should know since I put it there." Kyo attempted to look guilty. He rubbed the back of his own head and grimaced. "I see you had the same idea..."
Naru was a bit smug at this but suddenly, if even possible turned redder still; when Kyo started to undress him fully. He lifted the boy like a child much smaller than he already was. Kyo turned on the water, adjusting the temperature as he hummed carefree. Naru then saw through the bottom of the curtains, boxers fall to the floor. He quickly looked away to the tile wall, face burning. Inner Naruto was going strong with a steady mantra of 'this is weird, this is weird, this is weird.' When fingers laced into his hair, Naruto's uncomfortable hymns ceased and Naru stiffened. Blood was pumping so loud in his ears he didn't even hear the man step into the stall.
This was off for both of the boy's consciousness'. Especially when the jonin's hands slowly but surely moved from his hair, to his arms, down his sides; all while humming away. When the hands moved towards the front of the boy's thighs and something...stiff pressed into his back ever so slightly, he jumped to make it stop, tiny hands barely halting the movement. He cast fearful, confused, wide eyes up and behind him at the man.
"Naru-chan it's okay. You were so sad before. I want you to be happy...it's normal for boy's bodies to react this way, it feels good...don't you trust me?" His finger twitched to move again and tears welled in Naru's big eyes.
"P-please...k-Kyo-San...I'm confused...please d-don't ..." The mans face whales in shock. Inner Naruto had already been mirroring his state. The 8 and 12 year old minds were swimming in confusion. This person he thought of as his brother, father, friend...why was he doing this? He was twisting his trust into something that the tiny blond couldn't handle and the older one couldn't and didn't want to believe. Kyo's face fell and soften and he pulled the boy into a hug. It hurt the man physically when Naru went ramrod stiff.
"Oh Naru-chan...I didn't want to scare you or make you uncomfortable ...I forget sometimes that you are still...small." Kyo spoke into the boy's hair. He pressed a soft kiss into the wet golden locks before letting Naru go. Shaking like a leaf, Naru had blanked out. He yelped when a fluffy towel draped over him as he was scooped up. Bridal style Kyo brought the boy into the bedroom and quickly dressed the him. Little Naru and Naruto became aware when they were at arms length; eyes locked on the man.
"I knew you'd look handsome in this..." A sad smile perked" Kyo's lips. Naru bit his lower lip hard to reel in his constant shaking. Kyo lowered his head in defeat with a sigh. "I hope you ...don't hate me now...I never wanted to hurt you Naru-chan...you don't trust me anymore. Do you want me to go away?" The blond broke with a single strangled sob, tears flowing.
"No!...k-Kyo...I ...I I'm ...so confused..." Choking on tears and stumbling through trembling lips, Naru fought to speak.
"Naru-chan...maybe when you are older...you'll understand..." Inner Naruto wanted to growl in frustration because he was older...and he still didn't understand. Though he wasn't a fool, he did get what adults did...now. He knew this was wrong but felt just as conflicted as his four years younger self. Kyo was so important, so vital in all he did. Little Naru didn't want to be alone again or to lose the closest thing to family he'd ever had.
Kyo pressed the boy into his chest whispering reassurances. How precious Naru was to him, how sorry he was, how he wasn't going to leave, how he could still trust the man, how he'd eventually understand...
Naruto was mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. He didn't want to see anymore. He just wanted the memories to end. He wanted this one to end. If it were possible to gasp in your thoughts, Naruto had when all color sapped from his sight. It was dark for a suffocatingly long time, leaving the fox boy to stew in emotions. He felt so helpless and scared but the next memory soon came. It didn't bring as much light as Naruto would have liked.
It was grey and wet, he was standing at the top of that hill in the red light district again. Cold was crawling over his skin and the rain poured down. He was waiting for Kyo again. His memories felt more solid up to this point. Inner Naruto had a good idea of what had happened before then. Things he had not known before. Promises and sorrys; about similar times to the last memory and a mental shutter was given at that. He again thought his younger self was so...stupid...though it was rather that he was naive ...and lonely.
Each mind lost in thought snapped to attention when a tap came to their shoulder. Brow furrowed beneath an umbrella was Tamaki.
"Naruto...Are you waiting for...Kyo-San?" He searched for the name at the end of his sentence. This was not the first time Naru had spoken to the young man; he'd often say hi to them or at least laugh at their antics that took place at his doorstep. Though this was probably the most he'd heard the man speak to him directly.
"You can wait inside if you'd like...it's really cold." Naru cast a anxious glance up the street before turning back to Tamaki with a shy smile. He followed behind into the open doorway. Tamaki shut the door and shook out his umbrella in the front hall. Walking in flashing a nervous smile over his shoulder to the boy, he beckoned him inside.
Tamaki was a bit shorter than Kyo, similar hair length, but his was thinner and brown. He was thin himself, though wide framed. Grey eyes; sort of twitchy and nervous in how he carried himself. He was pale as paper. Entering the kitchen area, he pointed to the window facing the street washed in heavy rain.
"You can wait here for... Um...Your brother is it?" Tamaki was leaning against his sink, arms wrapped around his stomach; a nervous smile suited the man. Naru stirred from his shivering at the doorway, when he asked if Kyo was his brother.
"O-ohh...u-um k-Kyo-San is m-my-y...f-friend." He hesitated though chattering teeth to give more information. Kyo always insisted that it'd be a secret from everyone else, so no one could keep them apart, because they didn't want Naru to do well. That it would be so much better to show them up when he knew things he shouldn't know as far as schooling...inner Naruto yearned for the ability to face palm. How could he not have seen this. Because he was desperate for love and affection. He was so hopeful and fearful to lose the little he had as a child and...even now. Naruto concluded loneliness is the cause of his stupidity and Kyo was the cause of his confusion. He couldn't come up with what he should do to fix either.
"Oh...okay. Well im making tea..." Tamaki trailed off with a frown. Naru had stepped into the room shivering something terrible. Tamaki waved the boy over with one arm still pressed to his gut. He took the back of four fingers to a whiskered cheek and his brow knit more.
"You're freezing..." The brunette looked unsure of what to do and looked around from his spot as he tried to rub warmth into the boys arms. Naru wanted to lean into the warmth, he'd been outside for too long.
"Um...one sec." The brunette mumbled. Something seemed to occur to him and he hurried over to a closet in the hallway beside the kitchen. He peeked around the door after a minute and tossed a towel over to the boy, who nearly fumbled to catch it with trembling fingers. They shared amused smiles at one another. Tamaki came back out with a second towel draped over his arm. He bent down a bit to help muss the blonds hair with the towel the boy had wrapped himself in. He tried and failed to use said towel to get the moisture out of the boys shirt.
"This is soaked through...you were out there for quite a while huh?" Naru grimaced at the truth of it because he couldn't seem to get warm." You can take a shower while you wait, it will warm you up better. I can lend you some of my old clothes from when I was a kid...er they'll still be sort of big on you. Sorry." He looked away scratching his at his jaw.
"I-I ...uuum...I'm o-okay." Tamaki gave a look of 'you're kidding right?'. Naru grew flustered at his own shaking.
"Seriously, you're...er friend is probably running late due to the weather. I'll make some tea and keep an eye out. You're not gonna go home without him so, why suffer?" Naru bit his lip indecisive, casting glances the window. Tamaki raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. The blond gave a tentative smile and nod. Tamaki showed him to the bathroom and placed the dry towel on a rack for the boy to use. Suddenly he lifted Naru up and into the tub; making the boy let out an embarrassing eep'. He grumpily wondered why everyone thought to handle him like baby; that he wasn't that small. Even though he was short for an 8 year old.
"Here you can pass the wet stuff to me and I'll put them to dry." Tamaki said from behind the curtain with a wave at one opening, then retracted said hand. Naru and Naruto hated the thoughts of the last time he was in a shower while...Kyo was there. He quickly took off clothing sticking to him from the rain; hoping to just get Tamaki to leave faster. The man accepted the wet lump of fabric and loomed for a moment. Naru saw his shadow near the sink and heard him ring out his things for a second.
"Holler if you need anything..." Tamaki made his exit and Naru felt the awkwardness sort of set in, being in someone else' house. The water was nice and warm though; slowly it eased away his chills. Inner Naru was anxious even as he felt his young mind fall into ease. He didn't understand the purpose of this memory and hated not knowing. He was mulling over all the memories he'd seen so far , while his child counterpart fell into blissful warmth
Not wanting to take too long though the small boy stepped out and wrapped himself in the big towel; around his shoulders down to his ankles. Then he realized Tamaki hadn't left clothes for him. He nervously looked about but all there had been was the towel he was using.
"Tamaki-san?" he called when he peeked his head out of the door; hair still weighed down from his shower. The hall and kitchen area were dark and empty. He looked around confused and then spotted soft light from beneath one door. He shivered stepping out into the hall and up to the door. Looking in he saw Tamaki's back to him rummaging around drawers. When the floor creaked he casually looked over to the boy with an apologetic smile.
"Ah sorry, I was looking for clothes for you. I know there here somewhere..." He said turning back to look at the dresser crossly, as if it had done him wrong. "Just one sec and i'll have some stuff you, take a seat." Tamaki continued his search while throwing a thumb of his shoulder towards a bed. Naru fidgeted and slowly walked over to the bed but only to lean against it. This bedroom was dimly lit and decent in size. The window that was also facing the street had the blinds closed though, Naru was miffed to not be able to look out to see if Kyo was near.
"Finally, here we are. I knew I had something orange." he presented said shirt to the boy; it did look a bit big, and it was when Tamaki threw the collar over the child's head. Naru sputtered a sec and hastened to adjust the towel to his waist as and the man placed it over him. He quickly popped his own arms through the sleeves and went back to gripping his towel; he didn't want to be dressed by someone else. Tamaki was busy inspecting the shirt and let off a small laugh that took Naru by surprise.
"It's going to be a dress on you...well at least its orange right?" Tamaki said as he attempted to center the collar of the shirt but it would only slip to one side and Naru's whole shoulder would peek out.
"How did you know I like orange?" It was an innocent question born of pure childish curiosity, but Inner Naruto grasped at the thought a bit more seriously.
"Well I always see you wearing it, and its what you were wearing earlier...so I just figured." The collar slopped to the left this time as he kept fiddling with the boys shirt; looking somewhat frustrated. Inner Naruto was surprised this guy had been paying that much attention to him outside of ever really talking to one another. He and Naru were surprised more when Tamaki's hand shifted over to his collarbone and thumbed up the silver chain and star around his neck.
"Oh this is very nice...from your onii-san?" Naru looked down at it a moment before answering.
"Kyo-san...we aren't...hes really just my friend." Naru faced twisted sort of puzzled and frustrated.
"My mistake again...just from what I always see...you too seem very close..." 8 or 12 Naru didn't like being scrutinized. Attention was one thing but this felt like he had been watched, it was unsettling and made him nervous. The feeling bloomed when Tamaki's thumb began rolling over his collar bone in a massaging motion. Little Naru tried to push the feeling away, because Kyo was like this...was everyone like this? Did it only feel wrong to to him?
"I should ...f-finish, before Kyo-san does come. We'll go home then." Naru was growing uncomfortable with Tamaki so close though, despite trying to justify that this was normal, this was okay. That's what Kyo-san said. Tamaki's face was impassive and eyes locked on his small necklace. Naru cast a glance at the blinds cover window. It hit him then that the kitchen window had also had the blinds pulled closed too, maing the house dark. Making it so that Tamaki certainly wasn't looking out and no one could look in. The room started to feel a lot smaller. Inner Naruto's though slowed from the whirling to a single 'no...'.
"You seem to be really close friends...I see how he looks at you..." Tamaki spoke softly as he smoothed out the boys shirt at his side with his other free hand. The first. still at his shoulder and collar bone. Naru wanted to wriggle free and desperately wanted pants. He looked and noticed now too,Tamaki had not taken any out. Inner Naruto was already panicking with constant 'no,no,no,no's growing in intensity, desperately hoping the memory will hear him. That this tiny body will somehow listen and flee.
"You could be my friend too then...i'm really nice...won't you be nice to me?" Wide eyed panic hit the child, because this wasn't right. This was wrong. He wants to run, he want the man to leave; to let go. The blond moves to bolt up but Tamaki's hand is heavy and firm on his shoulder; its like pushing at a wall. The brunettes eyes darken and the wall of a hand pushes him back and down. Naru's back hits the bedding and he whimpers.
"It's okay...I'll make you feel good...I'll be your friend too..." A swing of his leg and the blond is pinned under the man's weight. He thrashes and starts to scream, but a large hand silences him. Leaving him to muffled pleas and tears. Inner Naruto is screaming, can a thought be a scream. Can a thought hyperventilate, no it's his 8 year self loosing oxygen to panic. Naruto doesn't want to see and feel this...it's so painful. Struggling he feels his necklace chain snap.
He's clawing for air and at hands. Tiny teeth finally sink into flesh, cause Tamaki to grunt. Naru's ability to scream is released. He gets off only one as his whole head is rocked with an open handed slap. He whimpers when the heavy hand pressed down on mouth in anger. Blood dripping from small teeth marks. Tamaki growls for him to be good. Inner Naruto is cursing and screaming as much as a thought can.
Then there's only pain and tears. Stretching, stinging, burning, blood, bruises, whimpers, and crys for it all to stop. It's does all at once. The weight on him is gone and Naru curls in on himself with strangled crys. He hears harsh movement and a loud thump; the boy keeps cringing away from everything, light and sound.
"Naru...chan..." The voice is so soft it almost goes unheard. Little Naru is a shaking small ball with his face to his knees. He fearfully peers through his bangs. Kyo is standing there, blood splattered across his front. A lump of a body is splayed on the edge of the bed, Tamaki's grey eyes are wide and unseeing. Kyo is stock still, his eyes shadowed by his bangs. Tear stains wet on his cheeks beneath the strands. Moving forward to the boy, Naru violently flinched and sobs. Kyo's face is full of anguish.
Hands coated in blood gently wrap around the boy, still inconsolable. Even as he fights, and crys, Kyo holds him close. A constant stream of sorrys, as he rocks with the child. Naru eventually crys all out into numb shock. Exhaustion and the the rocking motion lull him to sleep.
Inner Naruto is thrust into a black again, falling from one memory than another. Entry so quick this time he wasn't sure the first one ended. He was in too much shock himself. He had to live it, and the pain felt so fresh, but his eyes open to somewhere new. It's still raining but this is not ...that mans house. That man is dead. Memories flood through of kyo's reassurances; he'll take care of everything. Of days of fear and numbness. Days of anger and confusion.
The sky is dark, there are trees around and he could see Konoha off over the edge of spiky rocks. This was the hokage monument. He's in Kyo's arms here too. His face is full of pain again, more so than before if it could be true. A question in his eyes.
"I don't want this! I'm so confused, please! I don't understand anymore. It's your fault, you're just like him. He was just like you You said it was okay...you said. You said! I thought he was just...I thought it was okay like with you! It's not! It's not! It hurts!" Naru wails and writhes in Kyo's embrace, fists to his eyes in frustration. He's so confused. Inner Naruto is too, he doesn't understand what's going on.
"I'm sorry, so sorry, so sorry, so sorry. I'll make it better. i'll make it better, please I'm sorry!" Kyo is wailing back to the boy. Naru is so small in his arms. Naru feels weak and small; dirty and confused.
"...Forgive me. I'll make it better now okay." Kyo shakily takes a hand to the small boy's chest, a black symbol glowing at the center of the palm. The searing pain blacks him out mid scream. Naruto is weightless now and the darkness is receding. No it's the color of black that is draining away, because his sight isn't blocked by a lack of light. It's blocked by, fingers, palms, wrists, hands...all being leached of their demonic coloring. All that is left is pale skin. Some like chalk or paper...Tamaki. Others like Naruto's own but these are Kyo's hands. They are pulling away melting into nothingness.
Naruto wakes with a painful gasp launching up and away. He's always waking in someone's arms. Kyo was holding him and his embrace left as it was, palms up in his lap. His head is bowed. Naruto curls in on himself, sitting on his knees; still far too exposed. He brings his hands to his hair pulling in frustration. But these are his hands, a 12 year old body. He is in control once more. All he can push forth is a single word like a fearful hiss.
"Why..."
"I wanted to protect you...I had failed. ...I loved you, I still love you...you were just too small then...it was so hard...I had tried to make it easier...but that man he used it to-"
"SHUT UP!" Naruto screamed into the floor, eyes clenched shut, fingers still digging into his scalp. Passed the confusion, fear and pain; red hot anger was rushing forth. He was done listening. All he could hear in his head was "Filthy, dirty, vile" He felt like tearing off his own skin, but soon the words grew louder and gruff. It was kyubbi.
"FILTHY HUMAN." His eyes snapped up to the man, red as bood. His voice it was not, Kyubbi's demonic bellow rolled out over his tongue. Kyo froze in shock.
"GET OUT!" The boys eyes flashed back to blue and then to red again.
"FILTHY HUMAN!" Kyo staggered back as the inhuman sound grew louder the second time around. He wanted to plead but the air was thick with demonic presence, killing intent.
"I'm sorry..." Was all the dark haired man could whisper. He twisted back and quickly fled. Naruto was still heaving for breath on the floor. He felt the fight leave himself. Like he was hollow. He stood slowly on shaky legs, stumbling to the table. The remains of his meal sat there. Hot rage boiled over once more. With a sweep of his arm everything was sent crashing to the floor. He was still breathing hard. He stalked over to the bathroom. This feeling must be him becoming ill. There was no nausea though, just disgust.
He went to the toilet hands gripping it hard. Nothing came, but the feeling like a rock in his gut was still there. So he leaned over and pushed. This was the food ...Kyo...that man gave him. He wanted to expel all traces of filth from himself. Naruto crumbled in tears when he could get rid of no more food. All this time fighting to eat and through nightmares; only to have been living in the shadow of a real nightmare. Only to be here now forcing away the food he'd been so hard kempt to keep