"Darren is that you?" Chris asked with a beating heart and the phone pressed against his ear.
"Yeah it's me … and I know it's a shitty time to call, but … I just needed to hear your voice ... and I … fuck I can't." He suddenly began sobbing and it sounded like the deepest pain expressed without words. Chris panicked. Something was terribly wrong.
"Darren where are you? What happened?" he asked frantically.
Darren tried to say something while he was crying but he stumbled on every sentence and Chris only caught a few words like mom, afraid and sorry. "Darren, please, please, you have to slow down," he begged. "I can't understand a word. Take a deep breath and calm down. I don't know what has happened, but I'm here to help you any way I can." Chris listened intensely but got nothing but snuffling and words barely making sense. He softened his voice. "Darren, listen to me. Can you do that?"
"Yeah," Darren sniveled, clearly struggling.
"You need to calm down. Whatever has made you this upset and sad will be less overwhelming once you tell me about it. So, close your eyes and focus. Slow down your breathing. Do that for me, baby." He heard a long shuddering exhale from the other end of the line and sobs easing up as Darren got a grip on himself.
"I'm sorry," he finally whispered. "I shouldn't burden you like this."
"You could never be a burden, Darren," Chris assured gently. "Now tell me what has happened. I've been worried about you."
"I know and sorry for not calling you back," Darren said and took another deep breath when his voice was cracking again. "I um … it's about my mom."
"Has anything happened to her?"
"Yeah, she um … had a heart attack yesterday." He started crying again, but this time it was quieter. "She was with my dad, making dinner, when she suddenly felt weird and she hardly managed to tell my dad before she collapsed."
Chris could feel his heart break for Darren, carrying the pain with him. "Oh god, I'm so so sorry to hear that, Dare." More deep breaths. Chris let the silence between them settle.
"Fuck, I haven't cried all day … then I hear your voice and I'm suddenly reduced to this mess!"
"I don't mind mess."
"You don't?"
"No, not at all. Will she be alright?"
"We don't know yet. My dad called me right after we split at the cafe. And I just jumped into my car and drove straight to San Francisco. I was so scared, Chris, all the way I prayed that God - or whoever is taking care of all our shit - would spare her life, you know."
"Of course."
"And when I came to the hospital she was stabilized and monitored closely. By then everything seemed okay. They kept her unconscious to give her body maximum rest. But all of a sudden … earlier this evening … she got really, really bad." Darren's voice broke again. "And they had to take her to surgery ASAP … and now we don't know what will happen. We're just waiting for someone to tell us how she is." He cried again. "It's so fucking stupid right? You spend your entire youth breaking free, learning to take care of your own shit. But at the end of the day you just know that your folks will be there for you in a heartbeat if you need them. And I … I just … I can't lose her, Chris. I just can't."
"Hey, hey, hang in there, baby," Chris said. "You have to keep hoping and fighting for her. I'm sure she's fighting her best too, because she doesn't want to leave either. She knows you'd get yourself in trouble."
Darren huffed out a sad laugh. "True, I would be sooo fucked up without her. That's honest man."
"What about your dad and your brother, how are they doing?"
"My dad tries to be strong, but I can tell he is falling apart and Chuck ... Chuck gets very practical. He's the one making sure we eat and the one who googles every term the doctors throw at us, you know. And I … I just …"
"You keep their spirits up, because that's a gift you have; a truly amazing gift," Chris finished for him.
"You make it sound so simple."
"It's not and I know that, Darren, but you're a lot stronger than you think."
"Thank you for saying that."
"I'm not just saying it, Darren, I really mean it. I sometimes envy your open mind and how you believe in the good stuff, you know. And that's the energy you can feed from in times like these."
"I will try," Darren said. Then he pondered. "Have you ever lost someone close to you?"
"I've lost my granddad, and my sister was really sick when she was a kid - so we kind of lived our lives with the risk of losing her," Chris explained.
"I can't even imagine something like that. Is she okay?"
"Yeah, the kind of epilepsy she has is damaging and she'll never recover fully, but she is amazing and stronger than anyone else I know. I admire her that way. And she can make me laugh like no one else." Chris smiled. "Your mom will be alright, Darren, you have to believe that."
"I know ... I just want to tell her that I love her."
"She already knows that."
"But I haven't told her enough! I need to tell her more. "
Chris hummed. "I remember one time my sister was hospitalized and the seizures had been going on forever. I was so scared when the ambulance picked her and my mom up. But she pulled through and when I saw her and told her how much I loved her she just said; But I already know that, Bubba, I can see it in your eyes."
"She sounds so sweet. I hope I get to meet her some day."
Chris closed his eyes and inhaled the hope in Darren's voice. "I think you will," he answered quietly. They paused again. Not because there wasn't anything more to say, but because they needed each other more than words.
"Chris."
"Hmm."
"Do you believe in God and heaven?" Darren asked.
"Um I believe ... in God, but probably in my own way. I don't always believe in Christianity but that's a different matter. And I think I believe in heaven, maybe not with streets made of gold and choppy looking angels, but more like a wonderful place where kindred spirits meet and look out for their relatives still living on earth, trying to keep them out of too much trouble."
"That's nice. I like your heaven."
"How about you?" Chris asked. "What do you believe in?"
"Oh, I definitely believe in something bigger than shitty little me - because otherwise I'd be fucked, you know."
Chris could hear Darren was getting emotional again and switched to more practical matters. "How long will your mom be in surgery?" he asked. "Do you know?"
"It can take hours. It all depends on how her body reacts through the procedure."
"Are you home or at the hospital?"
"The staff told us to go home, but we can't. We all need to be close to her and more family is coming in tomorrow. My dad is trying to sleep in an armchair in her room and Chuck has gone home to get fresh clothes to us all."
"And where are you?" Chris asked, trying to picture Darren in the hospital.
"I'm at this deserted waiting room, lying across four chairs. But I couldn't sleep without talking to you."
"You must be exhausted," Chris said.
"I am and now I'm exhausting you as well."
"I wouldn't be able to sleep either. I'd be too worried about you."
"Really?"
"Darren, I know this might seem so insignificant now, but I'm so sorry for what happened the other night," Chris tried.
"Oh god no. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you. It wasn't a part of our agreement."
"Well I haven't been sticking to the agreement either so I don't blame you." Chris braved up. "I miss you." He could hear the smile in Darren's voice when he answered back.
"I miss you, too."
Chris closed his eyes and wondered how it could be this simple when he had thought it was the hardest thing to do. Because there was nothing above what he felt this very moment.
"Now tell me about your day," Darren prompted.
"No, you don't want to hear about that."
"Yes I do! For hours it's all been about devastating news and a thousand what-if's. I need something normal, something predictable."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Well apparently I'm Mr. predictable himself so that will hardly be a problem."
"Says who?"
"Never mind. My day, um well. I've been a zombie, I've been eye stabbed by Caitlyn and picked up again by Anna. I've been called a control freak and … let me see … oh, yeah, I've been scolded by an old lady who told me the essay I wrote was the worst rubbish she'd even seen. And now I'm here."
Darren laughed for the first time and it was the most beautiful sound Chris had ever heard. "I think I need an interpretation."
"It isn't that hard. I was a zombie because I hadn't slept all night."
"Why?"
"Because ... because I hated the way we parted and I couldn't reach you, which I completely understand now. And the Caitlyn thing, um I think it was important to her that that only one from the class tried calling you - meaning her; and that you weren't spammed with calls from a bunch of people - meaning me."
"So the ten texts and the ton of messages she left on my voicemail isn't spam?" Darren asked snarky.
"Oh no, how could they be when the two of you are BFF's."
Darren sighed. "Tell me about Anna instead."
"It was just nice to talk to someone who knows you so well and she told me that you sometimes need to go away and reload."
"Hmm yeah, I guess."
"She really made me feel better and I like her," Chris stated in agreement.
"She likes you, too. You've been preapproved so to speak."
"I have?"
"Yes."
"That's nice to know after all," Chris chuckled.
"How about the old woman scolding you? I can't figure that one out."
"The elderly lady," Chris clarified, "is my tutor and she had every right to scold me because that essay was shitty and I am a control freak. So, I've decided I still love her."
"You're not a control freak and she sounds a bit harsh to me."
"Oh, everything she says comes from a place of love." Chris suddenly chuckled. "I don't why but somehow I connect really well with older people. They are so reliable and I know they are smarter than me so I don't have to pretend otherwise."
"That makes sense," Darren said giggling. "Fuck I'm so tired that I cry and laugh at the same time."
"Can't you close your eyes just for a little while," Chris suggested. "Chuck will wake you up for sure when there's something new."
"Yeah, probably, but I … just don't feel like hanging up, you know."
"You don't have to. I'll talk to you until you fall asleep."
"I miss you," Darren whispered emotionally.
"I miss you too, Dare, now close your eyes."
"They're already closed, now I just need you to sing to me."
"Oh god no that will not happen," Chris said terrified. "How about a story instead?"
"Hmm, a story is fine too."
Chris got settled in bed. "I'll tell you a story that I imagined as a kid when my sister suffered the most."
"You've always been writing, haven't you?"
"Probably, one way or another. Now do you want to hear it?"
"I'd love to."
"Okay, there once were a couple of twins, Alex and Conner, who lived alone with their mother."
"Two boys?"
"No a boy and girl. Alex was smart, she loved to read and to know about things. Conner was more easy going and funny, with a big heart. They had lost their father a year ago and since then the family had struggled financially."
"Um Chris, is this story supposed to make me feel better?"
"It will, it will," Chris guaranteed and wished he had left out the detail about the dad. "I just need to get to the good stuff."
"Okay, go on."
"Anyway, the twins had this amazing grandmother who told fairytales like no one else. She used to read to them from a beautiful, ancient-looking book and every time she read to them they imagined what it would be like to live in a fairytale world. One day their grandmother gave them the old fairytale book before she had to go away for awhile and soon they discovered something weird about the book; it kind of glowed in the dark." Darren hummed approvingly. "Alex was the first one to notice it, because let's face it, Conner wasn't that much into books. But Alex began to experiment with the book and found that things disappeared between the pages, as if the book swallowed them. She told her brother about it and by accident they fell into the book and landed in a fairytale world, a land of stories."
"This is good, Chris," Darren mumbled approvingly. "You should totally make this into a children's book."
Chris smiled. "Yeah, maybe I will. Okay, the twins were very confused about the fairytale world at first because they didn't know where they were. But then they met a huge walking and talking frog and he helped them out."
"A frog, Chris?"
"Hmm, a frog named Froggy. "
"Of course."
"But the frog's isn't really a frog," Chris continued.
"No, he's a cursed prince, right?"
"True, he's a cursed prince. In reality he has warm golden eyes and dark, curly hair," Chris explained as he licked his lips and his heart picked up pace.
Darren paused. "But Froggy has to be kissed before he can turn into a prince again, right?"
Chris blushed in the darkness. "It's a bit more complicated than that, but yes, basically."
"So will the frog be kissed?" Darren asked.
"Yes, he will be kissed."