Chapter Ten

I answered the door and saw that Todd had come like I had asked. "Come on in, thanks for coming," I said as I opened the door.

"Are you okay, you sounded upset on the phone?"

"I'm okay, I had a bad dream, memory and I thought that you might be able to clear some things up for me."

"What was the dream about?" Todd asked as he sat on the couch.

I went and sat down next to him. "Todd, can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything?"

"When you knew me as Michelle, did I ever introduce you to my family, the people I was staying with?"

"I met your uncle on one occasion, and your cousins. At least that's who you told me they were. You told me that your parents had died and that your uncle had custody over you. Marty, what was your dream about?" Todd asked as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it for reassurance.

I had a dream or possibly a memory of a man telling me that I was going to be living with him. He told me that he was a friend of my mothers, but that I should tell everyone else that he was my uncle otherwise they would ship me off to an orphanage."

"Bastard," Todd swore under his breath. "How old do you think you were?"

"I don't know, I was young, maybe five or six years old."

"Do you remember anything else?"

"No, but I'm certain it was a memory."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, it's just the way it felt, like I had been in that room before with that man. What did you think of him?"

"I didn't like him or trust him. He didn't approve of our relationship and I was positive that he had hurt you."

"How?"

"You never confirmed anything, but there were several times that we would meet up and you were covered in bruises. You always offered some lame excuse when I questioned you, but I suspected that he was behind it. That was part of the reason I wanted to run away with you, I would have done anything to get you away from him.

"And my supposed cousins, what were they like?"

"I don't remember them that much," Todd said.

I got the impression that he was holding back on me, I was going to press for more information when we were interrupted by a knock on the door.

I answered the door and was startled to see John standing there.

"What are you doing here? It's late." I said trying to compose myself.

"I think the more important question is what do you think that you are doing with Manning?" John asked as he scowled at Todd.

"Excuse me; I seem to remember you breaking up with me. So what I do and who I do it with is no longer your concern."

"I still care about what happens to you and your letting Todd take advantage of you doesn't sit well with me. I think that you should leave Manning."

"I'll leave when and only when Marty asks me to," Todd retorted.

"Todd you probably should leave, John and I need to get a few things straight."

"Are you sure?" Todd asked concerned.

"Yeah."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay."

Todd walked out the door and then I turned around and glared at John feeling the anger rise to the surface. "How dare you come into my room and think that you can dictate what I do with my life?"

"Marty I'm just concerned. Cole called me and…"

"Cole called you?"

"Yeah. He saw you and Manning having dinner at the Buenos Dias. I know all about your recent hospital visit and how you feel like you should be grateful to him for saving your life."

"I explicitly told Cole not to tell you," I said seething with anger. Cole had promised me that he would not involve John. I was furious and I felt betrayed. I couldn't believe that he went behind my back and told the one person I wanted to stay out of it.

"The kid's just worried about you. So are you dating Manning now?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think. I thought you were smarter than this, but apparently not. You're letting Manning manipulate you."

"He's not manipulating me; I know what I'm doing. He's helping me."

"More like helping himself into your pants."

I slapped John. "Get out. Go be with Natalie, she's the one that needs you. I don't want or need your help."

"I'll go, but answer me this. Do you really think that you can trust him? You never know, the next time you make him angry, he might just rape you again, pimp you to the neighbors just for sport."

"He wouldn't hurt me like that?"

"Oh yeah. He's already done it once. What makes you think that he won't do it again? He hasn't changed so do me a favor and open your eyes to the truth before it's too late." John walked to the door and then turned around, "Call Cole, he's worried about you, and from what I can tell he should be."

My hands were shaking as the adrenaline rush was hitting me. John's words were echoing, they were all I could hear. I was still so angry with him, but he had been right. Todd had hurt me before and as much as I didn't want it to be there, he still was capable of causing harm. He had intentionally tried to destroy me years ago and I had fought so hard to recover from the pain that he had caused. Could I really go through that again if Todd hadn't changed? Could I ever really trust him again?

I was terrified of what the dark side of Todd had to offer, but I couldn't walk away. Not now, not while I still had all these questions. There was too much that was left unanswered both about me and about Todd.

I wanted a drink. No, I needed a drink. I felt my mouth watering as I fantasized about the empty warm feeling that would replace this dark void in me. I tried to think of Cole and how I had almost died because of the last time I wanted to escape reality. I wouldn't, I couldn't do that again, but I couldn't trust myself. I decided to play it safe so I got in my car and I drove. I drove for about an hour and then I found an AA meeting in a town where I knew that no one would know or care who I was. It was a place that I could just be free to exist without any of the judgment that Llanview offered.