Chapter Ten

I am horrified about the book on Blood Magic I am reading. What is written is deeply disturbing and I can't prevent myself from shivering slightly. I close my eyes, close the book and I push it faraway from me. I cannot read anymore and I am deeply ashamed of myself for being so insistent on reading it. It serves me right. Anders warned me not to read any of the books in the Forbidden School and I chose to ignore him. We had a huge fight about it yesterday where he made is thoughts on the subject perfectly clear and he has not said two words to me since then.

The four months have gone by in a blur of classes, exams, assignments and stolen kisses and I have settled well into Circle life. I attribute that to Anders' positive and calming presence and at the moment, I miss him terribly. This is the longest we have been apart and I hate every minute of being away from him. It hurts, not just in my heart, by all over.

Sighing sadly, I grab the wretched book and I place it back on the shelf above me. Maker knows why they even keep these books in the library. I wander to the shelves holding all the books on the Creation School of Magic and I scroll the titles until I find the tome on Herbal Medicine Recipes, but as I am about to sit down, a young apprentice approaches me,

"Marian, right?" she asks softly.

"Yes… I am she," I chuckle.

"First Enchanter Irving wants us all in the Grand Diningroom," she explains.

"Um…Okay," I murmur, snapping my tome closed and tucking it securely under my arm.

"Do you know what it is about?" I ask.

"No, I don't. I was just told to find you. I don't know why," she replies and I can't prevent the anxious flutter in my stomach and more than anything else, I wish he were with me to reassure me. By the time we walk into the diningroom, every mage, servant, Templar are standing around waiting for something and I wonder if Anders is around somewhere. I search the crowd in the hopes I will catch sight of his smiling face, but he is not here and I let out another despondent sigh. I have been so lonely since our argument. I only realised this morning how much it means to me to have him around, even if it is just for a chat. I search the crowd a second time and I spot him coming towards me and his expression is grim, almost angry and as tempting as it is to reach for his hand as soon as he is close enough, I decide against it.

"What's going on, Anders?" I ask cutting to the chase before he can utter a word to me and he frowns. He really frowns and if I weren't so annoyed with him, I would smile, but I am just as grim as he is.

"I heard something about blood magic," he replies quietly as he searches my face for something and I frown.

"It's not me, if that is what you think," I murmur, lowering my eyes to my worn-out shoes. I am going to have to write home and ask my parents to send me a new pair.

"Someone saw you hovering around the Forbidden School tomes and books this morning, Mari," he points out.

"Anders, I told you I wanted to read about it and I did and I was horrified. I couldn't finish the book I started reading. It made me sick to the stomach and here you are, judging me simply because I wish to learn more about the subject. Well, to appease you, Anders, I don't think I am going to read anymore about the subject. It's frightening and dangerous and enough to give me nightmares, now if you don't have anything kind to say to me, then please leave me alone," I hiss, not quite hiding the pain in my voice and my pain is mirrored on his face.

He grabs my hands, "Look, I am sorry, okay? You know my thoughts on the subject, Mari," he murmurs, tugging me that much closer and I gasp breathing in his familiar scent of grass and pine trees. It brings tears to my eyes and if we were alone, I would launch myself into his arms. He seems to realise what I want because he tugs me flush against him, completely disregarding the faces of our fellow mages.

"You miss home, don't you?" he murmurs.

"Yes," I reply. I told him a few days ago his scent reminds me of home. He was amused at first, until I smacked him and then he told me I remind him of Andraste's Grace and Lavender.

"And I have being a right royal arse since yesterday?" he asks.

"Yes," I murmur.

"And I have ignored the only person who means the world to me," he continues.

"Yes," I reply.

"The sooner we get out of here, the better… I am sorry, Mari," he murmurs.

"It's okay," I murmur.

"No, it's not," he sighs, "Tell you what…when we are finished here, we are going back to my room and I am going to show how sorry I really am," he chuckles.

"You meant that?" I ask, hope flourishing madly in my heart and my yearning intensifies. It has been extremely difficult to keep our raging hormones under control and there have been several occasions where we nearly have, but then either he pulls away or I push him away.

He frames my face between his hands,"Not in that way."

"Oh go away, Anders. Don't get my hopes up," I murmur.

"Sorry, sweetie, but you know how it is. So, these rumours-" he trails off as I place my fingers on his lips.

"Are not about me, Anders. I have no inclination whatsoever to dabble in that school. It's enough to send cold, foreboding shivers along my spine."

"Thank the Maker for that," he says, giving me a relieved smile.

"But that doesn't excuse you for assuming otherwise, Anders… You have to make amends for that," I tease.

"And I will. You just wait and see. Mmm… Irving and Greagoir are here and they don't look happy. I wonder what this is about? Have you seen Solona?" he asks.

"She was in the library with me about three hours ago… She… there she is, Andy. She's with Cullen and they both look very grim as if they know something we don't… She really looks upset, Anders… Why?"

"Hasn't she told you, Mari?" he asks.

"Told me what?" I frown.

"She has three months to prepare for her Harrowing Ritual, Mari," he replies softly.

"Really? That explains why she looked so anxious when she was with me and she didn't say one word…" I reply, "I shouldn't be surprised. We aren't exactly best friends and that saddens me."

"Hey, she thinks highly of you, Mari. When she is with me, she always talks about you. She is fond of you. Perhaps it's you," he points out.

"But-" I trail off, "I don't understand. And why is it all about me, Anders? I never asked -" I trail off as Irving rings the bell. I move away from him and I fold my arms tightly across my chest.

"Mari?" he murmurs.

I clench my jaw, "I think we should call it quits, Anders… One would think you love her the way you carry on and frankly I am tired of it. I don't need you or anyone else," I hiss and he backs away working his jaw and he doesn't say a word and I look away from him, lest he see my tears. Dammit, Mari. Why do I feel like this?

Irving rings the bell a second time and I force myself to focus on him and by his grim expression, this is not good news and a feeling of unease settles over me.

"May I have everyone's attention please?" he calls and everyone quietens down, "Thank you… We, that is to say, Greagoir and I have some disturbing news to tell you…" he continues, "It has come to our attention that some of you are experimenting with Blood Magic. I would highly advise against that. You know who you are and we don't need unrest in the Circle. We have strived to make the Circle as homely and comfortable as possible for you and it would sadden me greatly if we have to conduct searches and interviews to find out who is behind these rumours should they turn out to be true. As from this afternoon, all books and tomes on Blood Magic have been removed from the library and locked away in a safe place. And I would strongly discourage seeking them out and I ask that if any one of you knows of or suspects someone of Blood Magic, it would be in your best interests to report it to me or Greagoir… Greagoir, you may take it from here," he says firmly.

I look at my boots and I tighten my arms around myself. I hope no-one suspects me of Blood Magic and I notice a familiar pair of shoes and I swallow hard before looking up and when I do, there is deep pain and sadness in Anders eyes. He warily reaches for my arms and he gently unfolds them. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around me, locking me in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, "I don't love her, Mari. My heart belongs to someone else. Don't push me away," he murmurs.

"Then stop giving me reason to, Anders," I whisper.

"Attention everyone," calls Greagoir and we both look up at him, "The punishment for anyone suspected or caught dealing in Blood Magic is the Rite of Tranquility. We do not need a group of blood mages running rampant in the Circle. Not when we have tried so hard to make this a home instead of a prison. If the persons concerned don't come forward, we will have no choice but to implement rules restricting everyone's movements and I am sure most of you don't want that, but if these rumours are not squashed, we will have no choice. Curfews will be put in place. Every mage will be escorted in and around the Circle by a templar. Any privileges some of you may have earned, will be stripped and that includes those of you who are in romantic relationships. We strongly advise against any romantic relationships of any kind, however we cannot prevent them and that is why we are lenient about that, but be warned, if these rumours are not squashed or the culprits found, those privileges will be revoked… And it is our duty to inform you that every one of you will be closely watched until the culprits are found. Now, I am sure most of you have studying to do… Off you go… Supper will not be ready until seven… Irving?"

"Thank you, Greagoir. I trust you will heed our advice. Go back to your dorms and think very carefully about what we have just told you… See you all at seven," he dismisses us.

"Dammit," he murmurs, taking my hand and leading me through the crowd of people until we are clear of them. He tightens his hold on my hand and he walks quickly to the stairs, up the stairs and into his room where he releases my hand long enough to close the door and it's enough time for me to drop my bag and book on his desk. He paces restlessly in front of me and I sigh as I sit on his bed.

"Blood Magic? Here?" I murmur.

"Yes… The rumours are true. Thank the Maker they have removed those books from the library. If anything that will give an aspiring blood mage reason to dabble in that school. I am just relieved-" he trails off when he notices my annoyed expression.

"Don't start, Anders," I mutter as I stand with the intention of going back to my dorm where I can at least think clearly without his presence.

"Still angry with me, huh? I guess I deserve it… But, do you really want to call it quits between us?" he asks softly.

"Dammit, Anders. Of course not, but I will if you continue speaking about my cousin as if you-" I trail off because his eyes have darkened considerably and a look of… I don't know comes over his face and I try moving away, but he lunges for me and we fly onto the bed. He doesn't give me a chance to say anything because he is kissing me as if his life depends on it. His kiss is far from gentle. It's rough and he demands a response from me and I give him what he wants. I give him entrance and he darts his tongue into my mouth. I reach for the hem of his shirt and I tug it off him. I grasp his face and I kiss him…hard while he loosens the buttons of my blouse and I elicit a low sigh as soon as he touches my over-heated skin with his cool hands. I skim my hands along the curve of his back to the waistband of his pants and I slide my hands underneath only to curl them around his firm buttocks and he feels so good.

He groans softly, "Dammit, Mari. I can't keep this up much longer. I need you… I need you," he murmurs. I remove my hand and I touch his cheek. He frames his face between my hands and he plants a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and I reach between us. With inexperienced fingers, I loosen the buttons and ties of his pants and when his erection springs free, I whimper.

"Please, Andy… Please?" I implore.

"Oh Mari, I don't want to make love to you when I am angry. It just wouldn't feel right," he says softly.

"I don't care, Anders… I can't anymore. I can't. Spending every night with you is proving difficult with each passing day," I whisper.

"Sweetie, I don't want this for us… I don't want it to be an impulsive decision and I don't want any regrets and I am scared we are going to regret it," he says softly.

"Dammit, Anders. I don't have every regrets, you blithering idiot. I love you," I blurt out and instead of feeling shocked about my admission, a sense of my peace settles over me and I smile up at him. His face is an absolute picture and his eyes are the most beautiful shade of golden-brown I have ever seen.

"You…" he frowns, "You love me?"

"Of course I do, Anders, and I know you feel the same. How many times have you wanted to tell me and each time something or someone interrupts us?"

He gently frames my face between his hands and I close my hands over his wrists, "I know you do, Anders," I whisper.

"Mari," he murmurs, pressing his lips against mine, "I love you, I do and that is why I don't want to take this step with you."

"I…I understand. We don't need complications, right?" I ask quietly and I can't prevent my sense of disappointment.

"That is not what I meant… You told me a few months ago you were happy spending time with me without bringing sex into it. What's changed, Mari?" he asks.

"It won't be sex, Anders. It will be making love. Isn't that what two people who love each do to show or express their love for the other? Or have I been misinformed?" I ask.

"Mari, you are so difficult… No, you have not been misinformed. Surely you realise how much I would like to make love to you?"

And I realise he is being sincere. Do I really want to jeopardise what we share?

"Andy, sooner or later, it is going to happen and you know what? I can't wait for that day to come. I can't wait to connect with you in that way," I whisper.

"Hey, I know that, but tonight is not the night. Not when we are more than a little annoyed with each other. Why don't we study for a while? Or go for a walk around the garden? Clear our heads a bit?"

"Well, okay. I guess that will help. Fine, however I can't get up until you have," I reply. He chuckles as he rolls off me and onto his back.

"After you," he murmurs and I climb off the bed trying and failing to ignore his erection. The temptation to touch him is overwhelming and to make matters worse, heat floods my cheeks and spreads throughout my body, right to my yearning for him. I hastily look away from him, completely overwhelmed by the effect he has on me.

"You love me, Mari? I can't believe it. After all these months, you love me," he says softly from behind me as he slips his arms around my waist.

"Oh Anders, what do you think?" I chuckle, allowing me to lean against him. I tilt my head towards the side and he plants a soft kiss on the hollow of my neck.

"Mmm, true," he murmurs, skimming his hands along my arms, to my hands, to my stomach and he travels upwards until he closes his hands over my breasts, "So perfect for me, Mari. Everything about you is perfect, right down to the way you curl yourself into my body when we go to sleep. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy waking up with you or how attractive you are to me in your half-asleep state?"

"Andy, you really know how to flatter a girl. I am not at my best in the mornings," I chuckle as he turns me around. He grasps my chin and he gives me a chaste kiss, but I want more. I slip my arms around his neck and eagerly seek out his mouth and he responds eagerly as we move back to the bed. We half-stumble, half-fall onto the bed and we start laughing.

"What about our walk or studying, Anders? Aren't we defeating the purpose?" I chuckle.

"Well, what harm is there in fooling around for a while, Mari?" he asks.

"Fooling around, huh?" I reply, once again skimming my hands along the curve of his back to the waistband of his pants.

"Yes," he replies, loosening the buttons of my blouse and exposing me to his ever-intense gaze. He eagerly nudges my bra aside and before I can think of stopping him, he closes his mouth over my nipple and I moan…loudly.

"Andy," I murmur, holding his head securely between my hands to keep him in place while he lavishes attention on my breasts. He releases my nipple with a soft popping sound and he moves onto the neglected one and I whimper as soon as he takes it into his mouth and with his free hand he skims my stomach, slides it beneath my pants and presses it against a sensitive bundle of nerves and I cry out. We have never gone this far before and we have to stop before it goes to far.

"Wait," I whisper and he pulls back to look at me. The passion in his eyes is clear and they are smoldering with hidden fire.

"Trust me," he murmurs and with that he presses his lips against mine and he continues teasing my innermost place. He slides one, then two fingers into me and I arch upwards and I cry out again because it feels so good and I want more. He realises it because he slowly moves his fingers in a circular motion within me and an unfamiliar, yet very pleasant and deep sensation starts in the pit of my stomach. It feels as if my muscles are clenching and unclenching and I grip his shoulders with the effort of trying to keep myself under control and shamelessly I widen my legs to accommodate more of him.

"Anders," I half-pant, half-whimper and he quickly removes his fingers.

"I…I…Dammit," he murmurs, crushing his lips against mine in a deeply passionate and intimate kiss and I shamelessly wrap my legs around his waist.

"Please, I can't…take it," I whisper.

"It's okay… Relax…" he says softly as he gently kisses me to distract me from my body's primal response to his.

"What is happening to me, Anders?" I whisper.

"A natural way of things, Mari. This is what making love is all about and when we do make love for the first time, it is going to be very intense and perhaps painful for you," he replies, "But for now, just relax and ride it out with me," he murmurs.