Author's Note: As promised, the second of the two chapters based on "Nikki Heat." More familiar dialogue ahead. Also, bonus points for anyone who spots the reference to "The West Wing."
Diving Into It Together
Chapter 9
She trusted Castle, Kate told herself for about the tenth time in the hour and half since she'd left the precinct and returned to her apartment. She trusted him and she knew him. She knew he would never cheat on her. It didn't matter that Natalie was gorgeous and voluptuous and had a bust that put Kate's less well-endowed chest to shame. Not that she was jealous. She wasn't—it wasn't jealousy that made her not like to see another woman, and a beautiful woman at that, trying to seduce her boyfriend.
Not that it mattered what Natalie did. She trusted Castle. She knew he wasn't going to do anything with Natalie. Was even more certain of it because she knew that Meredith had cheated on Castle; having been on the other side of it, he would never do that to anyone else, let alone her.
Natalie Rhodes was not the issue, although trusting Castle didn't make Kate's feelings Natalie-ward much more charitable.
She trusted him and she knew he loved her. Kate didn't care about Natalie—well, okay, that wasn't true, she cared but she wasn't worried about Natalie. Natalie wasn't a threat to her relationship with Castle. She was choosing to dwell on Natalie, her evil doppelganger, to avoid what was really troubling her, she admitted reluctantly. She'd shoved the initial doubt, the questions, aside, but doubts and questions that were ignored still had a way of taking root and sprouting up inside her mind until they couldn't quite be ignored anymore.
She stared down at the photo album her dad had given her after she'd moved in to her apartment, the album with copies of their old family photos, since her copy had been destroyed when her old apartment had exploded. She studied her parents' wedding photo and for once, she looked at it with less grief and a more personal longing. Looking at her mom's youthful, smiling face in her beautiful, flowing white gown—Kate could see her own resemblance to her mother even more strongly in this picture. Her mother had been only a few years younger than Kate was now.
She suddenly remembered Castle daring her to say that she'd never torn a picture out of a wedding magazine. Technically, she hadn't. She'd once seen a picture of a wedding dress and marked the page in the magazine that she'd kept for months but she hadn't actually torn the picture out. She couldn't remember exactly how old she'd been at the time, sometime in high school, maybe around 16? Younger? It didn't matter.
Any youthful dreams about her own wedding Kate might have had had shattered along with everything else in her world the day her mother had died. Since then, Kate had never thought about her wedding, about getting married, with any real seriousness.
Even when she'd been with Will, even when she'd begun to acknowledge to herself that she could see herself marrying him one day, it had always been a thought about some hazy, distant future. Had been more about her mind thinking that Will would be a good match because he was a good man, who appeared to understand her well enough, who understood about her job, and they got along well enough.
But she hadn't been in love with Will.
She was in love with Castle.
She heard his voice in her head, the words repeating in an endless loop. Will you marry me?
And not even all her rational mind's protests that he hadn't been talking about her at all, had only been asking as a hypothetical to help Ryan in his proposal planning, could erase the memory from her mind. Not when the only response she could think of to the question was yes.
She wanted to marry Castle. Oh god oh god oh god.
When had it happened? How had it happened? Stupid questions but somehow fitting too. How had she, Kate Beckett, who was a mass of insecurities about her ability to have a real, lasting relationship, who was always quick to doubt, who no longer believed in happily-ever-afters, somehow come to this, to being so… certain of her relationship with Castle to know that she wanted to marry him? And yet, amazing as it seemed, she had.
Memories, snapshots of their relationship over the last six months, played through her mind—dinners with Alexis and Martha in the loft, playfully checking him with her hip as she passed him in the kitchen as they worked together to make dinner, the time he'd teasingly flicked water at her as he washed the dishes making her retaliate and splash him back until they'd both ended up thoroughly soaked with half the dishes still unwashed. Long nights in his bed and sometimes in hers, the view when she rose up above him in bed and proceeded to drive him crazy with her hands and her mouth until all he could do was groan her name, times when he returned the favor and reduced her to an incoherent, breathless mess. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, when she had still worked her usual holiday shift but he had insisted on coming into the precinct on Christmas, after celebrating with Alexis and Martha, bearing a basket of goodies which he'd distributed to the grateful uniforms who'd pulled the short straw, and the usual coffees for both of them, and then settled into his usual chair and stayed for the rest of her shift, making the hours fly by.
Laughing with him, solving cases with him, talking to him, watching him with Alexis and Martha. Just… loving him and being loved by him.
How could she not want to spend the rest of her life with him? How could she not want to marry him?
But what if he didn't want to marry again, after his history?
She pictured again the way his eyes had flared wide, how flustered he'd looked, how he'd been unable to meet her eyes, when he'd realized that his actions and his words had sounded as if he had, inadvertently, proposed.
And she felt her lingering insecurities creep in, whispering that maybe he didn't want to get married, that maybe she wouldn't be enough for him, not forever.
She tried to tell herself she was being silly, paranoid even, worrying over nothing. Castle loved her, she knew that. He'd told her and more importantly, he showed her he loved her in so many little ways every day. It was in his eyes, in his smile, in the way he touched her. In the way he sometimes mumbled her name and reached out for her even in sleep.
They'd been together for more than six months now, were comfortable and happy in their relationship—well, she was happy and she thought, believed, that he was happy too. But they hadn't really talked about where they were going, the future of their relationship. At first, it had been too soon and then they'd just been enjoying themselves, still were enjoying themselves, enjoying being together.
At some point, she expected him to ask her to move back into the loft, for real this time. He hadn't been entirely thrilled about her moving into her own apartment in the first place although he had come to appreciate having a place where they could always be alone, didn't need to worry about his mother or his daughter seeing or hearing something inappropriate.
He'd promised always and told her he believed in their relationship. And she knew he loved her and was committed to her.
But he'd never said anything about marriage.
She was being silly, she told herself. She didn't even know why she was obsessing over this; she'd never been one of those girls who believed that getting married was a definite goal.
And yet…
Kate's thoughts were abruptly interrupted at the sound of a knock on the door. And she momentarily forgot about her uncertainty in the joy that bubbled up inside her. It was him. She knew it was him. She supposed it was fanciful of her—although maybe not—but she could swear she recognized the sound of his knock, almost always knew when it was him.
She quickly put the photo album away and went to open her door.
It was Castle, holding a bottle of wine.
"Hey, Castle."
"She tried to kiss me," he blurted out, the words spilling from him as if he couldn't hold them in any longer.
Kate bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling, forgetting all about her irrational doubts in the rush of warmth settling inside her chest. He was here. He must have hurried through his dinner with Alexis—he almost never missed dinner with Alexis, she knew—and rushed here immediately afterwards to be here so early in the evening.
And she knew she didn't really need a ring or a piece of paper confirming their relationship; she just needed Castle in her life.
Natalie had tried to kiss him. Tried. As in Natalie hadn't succeeded. "I know," she said with an equanimity that surprised even herself as she stepped back to let him in. "I saw before the elevator door closed."
"I pushed her away," he said quickly. "I swear I didn't do anything to make her think I wanted it—I don't want her—but she just dropped the box I was holding in front of me and trapped me against the wall but I pushed her away before she could—"
Kate gave in and let her smile escape, stepping in to slide her arms loosely around his waist. "I trust you, Castle. You don't need to explain."
He relaxed a little, curling his free arm around her waist. "Kate, I wouldn't—I would never cheat on you, you know that, right?"
"I know."
He smiled slightly, his eyes clearing of the last remnants of worry. And she returned his smile. Of course she trusted this man; how could she not trust a man who would look so worried for fear that she might have been hurt or troubled from doubting his fidelity? "And Natalie might try but she's only a cheap imitation. You're the real thing and you're unique."
"Will the real Nikki Heat please stand up?" she quipped.
He laughed aloud and she felt a flicker of triumph as she usually did when she made him laugh. "It's the real Kate Beckett and she's better than Nikki Heat any day."
She grinned. "Thank you. Coming from Nikki Heat's creator, that means a lot."
He shrugged a little but his eyes were soft, belying the casual gesture. "I meant it. You're one of a kind."
She kissed him quickly just for that, the last of her niggling insecurities over Natalie seeming to so easily step in to replace her vanishing, and then drew back. "You brought wine?"
He blinked, seeming to have almost forgotten what he was holding. "Oh, yeah, another bottle of the wine you liked so much the other night at the loft."
She flicked her eyebrows at him teasingly as she moved into her kitchen to get the corkscrew. "Trying to get me drunk, Mr. Castle?"
He scoffed. "If I wanted to get you drunk, I'd have brought hard liquor."
She laughed. "Fair point."
He opened the bottle and poured each of them a glass and she settled onto the couch while he curled his arm easily around her and she shifted to lean against him.
"So how are Alexis and Martha?"
"That reminds me, Beckett, I think I'm getting a little concerned about the sort of movies Alexis is watching. She appears to have seen all of Natalie's oeuvre. She was just telling me about how much she liked Natalie in Knife 3D and she's seen Hell's Crawl Space and everything."
"That's not all that surprising, Castle. Natalie's movies have been pretty popular."
He grumbled a little. "Alexis and I sometimes watch scary movies and we watched Demon Patrol together on one of those nights, and I let her hide behind me—"
She snorted. "More like you hide behind her, Alexis has told me stories about these scary movie nights of yours."
"That is so not true!" he protested with an offense so patently exaggerated that it was basically a confession. "I was trying to ensure she had the best view. And my daughter talks too much."
"She does not and I think Alexis is probably old enough and mature enough to decide for herself what movies she can and cannot handle."
"Have some sympathy on a poor father, who's worried about the sorts of things his daughter is being exposed to."
"You let Alexis watch Demon Patrol with you. What's so different about her watching Knife 3D with her friends?"
"You're not being very helpful," he grumbled. "I'm a father in pain."
"Really, you're just a pain," she quipped.
"Hey!"
She laughed. "Castle, does Alexis seem like she's been traumatized after watching these movies?"
"Well, no," he admitted reluctantly.
"See? She's got a good head on her shoulders and her feet on the ground. And I'm sure if she gets nightmares after watching a horror movie, she knows she can come to you."
"I think I liked it better when Alexis watched cartoons all the time," he groused.
She turned her head to smirk at him. "She still watches cartoons, Castle. I seem to remember accompanying a certain teenager and her father to the theatre to watch Tangled just last fall."
His eyes and his expression softened as he smiled. "That was a fun night."
"Yeah, it was," she agreed softly. They had gone out for dinner and a movie, just her, Castle, and Alexis. It had been a good night, a family night in a way that had made Kate feel warmed through, surrounded by love, in a way she hadn't really felt since her mom had died. Castle had made a token protest when Alexis had asked to watch Tangled but both Kate and Alexis had been able to see that he hadn't meant it. Kate was even sure she'd seen tears glistening in his eyes at certain points when she'd glanced over at him. But she'd refrained from teasing him about it (well, mostly) since she could, after all, understand that the scenes about parents mourning the disappearance of their only daughter would affect him.
They were quiet for a little while. And then they chatted, desultorily, about the case (although Kate noted that Castle didn't mention Natalie at all, which was fine with her) and Stacey Collins and the Wellingtons and the entire honey-trap scheme.
"It's sad, really, Stacey Collins was just trying to save these women from bad marriages and she ends up getting killed for it," she commented.
"It is sad when someone gets killed for trying to do something good."
"Yeah." She sighed a little. "It happens fairly often, unfortunately."
"No good deed goes unpunished."
She smiled slightly. "Clever, Castle. Anyone would think you're a writer or something."
He laughed softly and kissed her hair.
They talked for a little while longer as they finished up their wine and then she led him into her bedroom and proceeded to make very sure that she was the only woman on his mind and, indeed, the only thing he was aware of in the world.
They parted the next morning with a lingering kiss, she to head into the precinct to get an early workout in and he to go back to the loft to see Alexis before she left for school and to change before he, too, returned to the precinct.
Kate greeted him on his arrival with a quick smile, made all the easier because Natalie had not arrived yet.
"Good morning, Detective," he greeted her with rather exaggerated formality, as if he hadn't just seen her little more than an hour and half ago, giving her a private, intimate look that existed mostly in the light in his eyes. And she couldn't quite help flushing since she could see that he was remembering the way she had woken him up this morning with a wickedly wandering hand.
With all that, it was a little jarring to see Jenny rushing out of the precinct with a tear-streaked face.
And of course—of course—Natalie had to walk in just as Jenny was running out, Jenny stopping to throw one last devastated, betrayed look between Ryan and Natalie before fleeing.
Leaving Ryan to awkwardly attempt to explain the misunderstanding that had led to the contretemps.
Kate winced with sympathy for Jenny, softened with even more compassion since, after all, she was the one whose boyfriend Natalie had actually tried to seduce. "She thought you'd lied to her," she said a little lamely, exchanging a look with Castle. It wasn't the lie so much as what Jenny had assumed must be the reason for the lie, that Ryan had cheated on her, but she wasn't going to say that.
Ryan winced at the words and then rushed off to try to call Jenny and explain, leaving them to stand around in some awkwardness.
Castle went over to talk to Esposito, who looked surprisingly guilty over his own inadvertent role in the whole mess, and Kate retreated to her desk, only to realize that Natalie had followed her. Oh bother. She really did not feel like dealing with her unwanted (evil) twin right now, especially knowing what Jenny must be thinking and feeling right now. Kate made a mental note to send Jenny a text message in a little while, hoping that Jenny might find it easier to believe Kate even if she found it difficult to believe Ryan.
Natalie sat down in Castle's chair and leaned forward, lowering her voice. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Kate agreed with as much casualness as she could muster, taking a large gulp of her coffee.
"Is Castle gay?"
She almost choked and spit out her coffee. What?!
She cleared her throat, attempting to regain some composure. "What? No. No," she said again. "Why?" she asked, warily.
"Then you two are an item but you're sworn to secrecy, right?"
Kate was thankful that she hadn't attempted to take another sip of coffee because she might have spit that out too. Come to think of it, she wasn't going to dare take another drink until Natalie was finished with wherever this bizarre conversation was going. And she was absolutely not going to tell Natalie about her relationship with Castle. It might be a sort of open secret in the precinct but it was none of Natalie's business and anyway, Kate had seen movies involving evil twins and how one would steal the other's boyfriend and then kill the other in her sleep. Oh no, Kate had seen how these things played out and she wasn't playing. "Why are you asking me this?"
Natalie glanced around. "Last night I tried to kiss him and he didn't let me and then I tried inviting him back to my place and he said something to me I have never heard from a man before."
She paused dramatically while Kate noted that Castle had not mentioned Natalie's asking him back to her place, likely not wanting to underscore how persistent Natalie had been, and tried, very hard, not to resent Natalie. It didn't matter that Castle had rejected her; it was the principle of the thing! And really, what kind of woman responded to a man pushing her away after she had tried to kiss him by then inviting him back to her place?
"What?" Kate finally, rather reluctantly, prompted when it seemed like Natalie wasn't going to continue.
"No."
"No?" Kate echoed a little blankly. Seriously? No man had ever told Natalie Rhodes no? Until Castle. Kate bit the inside of her lip hard to keep from smiling.
"I know," Natalie said as if Kate's response had been an expression of shock that any man would reject her. "I don't get it. Men don't say no to me."
Clearly they should. Kate bit back the words. "I—um, what does all this have to do with me?"
"I am not wearing this get-up for my health. You're Nikki Heat. He's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Can you talk to him?"
Kate choked on air. She—um—what?!
"And say what?" Kate finally managed to ask. Was the woman insane?
"I don't know. Give him permission or something."
She—um—what?! Kate opened her mouth, closed it, opened it, and then closed it again. Words. Damn it, she knew she'd been capable of speech and coherent thought just a few seconds ago. What the—just… what?
Natalie wanted Kate to—what?
Even if Kate and Castle weren't together, Kate would sooner have eaten her case paperwork than she would have interfered in any male friend's sex life to such an extent. She couldn't imagine what Natalie was thinking. She tried—and failed—to imagine giving Castle "permission" of that kind some time shortly after they'd met, back when she'd mostly found him irritating. Or even giving either of the boys that sort of "permission." Yeah, no, that would never ever have happened. Ever.
"I… uh…" she finally stammered, "I need to go. Over there. Now." It wasn't the most coherent thing she'd ever said but it was all she could manage.
Kate hurriedly stood up, belatedly remembering to grab her coffee, and then she fled from what had to be the single most bizarre conversation she'd ever had.
Yeah, Natalie Rhodes was definitely insane.
Kate took refuge in the break room, first sinking down in one of the chairs as she tried to get a grip on what Natalie had just said. She wanted to sleep with Castle in the name of character research? That wasn't dedicated, that was obsessive and way over the line of insanity.
After a minute, Kate found herself laughing, cracking up helplessly, as she remembered Natalie asking if Castle was gay. Oh god, of all the questions to ask about one of the City tabloids' favorite womanizers, even if Kate knew better than anyone that Castle's playboy reputation was somewhat exaggerated and most definitely a thing of the past.
She choked back her laughter as she belatedly remembered that the break room door was open and people were probably wondering if Detective Beckett were going crazy. She made a mental note to tell Castle what Natalie had asked, if only so she could see the look on his face.
And really, no man had ever said no to Natalie Rhodes? Except for Castle. Her Castle. Kate allowed herself a small, smug smile.
After a minute, Kate stood up and ventured to the window of the break room overlooking her desk, although she kept herself standing in front of the small stack of drawers containing packets of tea, instant coffee, and the various small packets of sugar, artificial sweeteners, and other things to add to drinks so that she wasn't immediately visible to Natalie.
Her evil doppelganger was now standing in front of the murder board, putting on a show of studying it intently.
It all seemed very… fake, staged, but at the same time, unpleasantly familiar. Looking at an exaggerated caricature of herself. Ugh. Kate grimaced.
She sensed Castle come into the break room looking for her and then felt the heat from his body warm her back even through the layers of their clothes and the couple inches of space he discreetly kept between their bodies, as he came up behind her, looking over her shoulder at Natalie.
"Hey, everything okay?" he asked quietly.
"Do I really do that?" she murmured.
"Yes, and it's adorable."
Kate couldn't help but smile. She would never have thought that she would ever appreciate having such a word applied to her. Adorable was usually such an infantilizing epithet, meant for little children and small animals, not for grown women who were homicide detectives at that. But somehow, from Castle, she didn't mind it. She knew perfectly well that he didn't mean it to sound in any way patronizing and Castle had a healthy respect for her strength and her toughness. "Adorable, huh?"
"Yes." He paused and then added, his voice lowering, "It's also really sexy when you do that." On the words, she felt his large hand cup her butt before sliding around her hip in a leisurely caress, ending with his fingers just barely slipping between her legs, his touch setting her entire body on fire.
Kate suppressed a gasp and forcibly stiffened her legs to keep from relaxing, parting her legs further. They were in the precinct!
"Castle, not here!" she hissed—or tried to hiss since her voice came out sounding more like a breathless moan.
He—aggravating, persistent, tempting, annoying man—deliberately let his hand slide further down her thigh before he lifted his hand and stepped back, leaving her feeling as if she were standing in an oven.
She was going to kill him. Really. He knew what he was doing to her and he still chose to tease her, arouse her.
She shut her eyes and tried, with limited success, to breathe deeply. And thought about the un-sexiest things she possibly could.
Thankfully, Castle had the sense to stay silent since the sound of his voice would have wreaked havoc on her efforts to cool down.
She had barely managed to tamp down her rioting senses when Ryan walked in, followed shortly after by Esposito, who had managed to find Chloe, a.k.a. Greta Morgan, in one of the hotels she had reserved a room at. And Kate snapped back into Detective Beckett mode, although not before shooting a narrow-eyed look at Castle who met it with an expression of innocence that would have done justice to a saint.
Greta's interrogation, where Natalie showcased her ability to play Nikki in a forceful mood, led them to the trail of the real killer, one of the other husbands who had been honey-trapped.
Kate took a quick minute to shoot off a text to Jenny, telling her generally that Ryan loved her and was distraught that she wasn't answering his calls, while the boys were checking up on those men's alibis.
And before long, although not before a tense stand-off with the killer, they had arrested him and closed the case. Which, thankfully, meant the end of Natalie's few days of "observing" her.
Now that Natalie was leaving, Kate found it much easier to smile and see her off in a friendly fashion but Kate's charitable feelings toward Natalie had a rather short lifespan as Natalie effectively diluted them with her decidedly flirtatious invitation to Castle to visit her on set.
Not particularly helped by Castle's response, "Wouldn't miss it."
She shot him a look and he met her eyes with a little shrug. "What, I wouldn't. I've never had a book made into a movie, you can't think I don't want to visit the set while they're filming."
True enough; she managed a twitch of her lips that was the closest approximation to a smile she could reach.
Then they were all distracted as Jenny appeared, much to Ryan's obvious happiness.
And Ryan took the opportunity to, well, go big and intimate by proposing.
Kate smiled even as she felt tears pricking at her eyes at Jenny's transparent surprise and happiness, a joy echoed in Ryan's face.
Jenny and Ryan were so happy and from all Kate had seen of them, they were a perfectly-matched couple, Jenny's sweetness and kindness helping Ryan to preserve his lingering idealism, his lack of cynicism, even in the face of all he saw. Jenny, she found herself thinking, did for Ryan what Castle did for her in some ways, although Kate was not nearly as quick to trust or believe as Ryan was.
She was distracted from watching Ryan and Jenny as she felt Castle briefly slip his hand into hers, giving it a quick pressure, a subtle gesture since they were surrounded by the rest of the precinct.
She glanced up at him and met his eyes to see the happiness on his face, the way his eyes shone with whole-hearted gladness for their friends.
"That was big," he commented quietly.
"And intimate," Kate agreed.
Castle glanced back at Jenny and Ryan. "They're great together," he murmured.
Kate's eyes returned to Ryan and Jenny. "They are." She looked back at Castle to see that he was still watching Ryan and Jenny, his expression softening from its earlier happiness until he looked almost wistful.
"I think I envy them," he admitted absently.
Kate's heart flipped, her breath hitching, a whole flock of happy butterflies suddenly taking up residence in her stomach. Oh. He envied them for being engaged, for promising to get married.
He was thinking about marriage. He did want to marry her.
And then he abruptly seemed to realize what he'd said and his head jerked around to stare at her, his eyes wide and nervous. "I mean, not for right now," he blurted out hastily, "just, you know, for the future, someday, maybe, if you… I mean, I don't…"
She cut off his words by slipping her hand into his, in her turn, giving it a quick squeeze. "Someday," she told him softly. "After all," she added, smiling a little, "they say third time's the charm."
He let out his breath. "Yeah," he breathed, his tone amazed.
Their eyes met and held for a long moment, the two of them forming a little island of quiet intimacy in the sea of excited congratulations as the rest of the division converged on Ryan and Jenny. And then they, too, joined the group to hug Ryan and Jenny in turn.
And all the while, Kate was conscious of a warm glow of hope inside her in addition to her real, sincere happiness over Ryan and Jenny's engagement.
Someday.
~To be continued…~
A/N 2: Thank you, everyone, for reading. Wishing everyone who celebrates it a very happy Thanksgiving.