I owe a HUGE thank you to Satan for getting my head back in the game. Thank you Ham for questioning me and making me see things just weren't working.
These ladies are beyond awesome.
Asylum
Chapter 10
His thumb leaves my skin and he takes a slow, calculating step back. I feel the loss instantly. My body aches for him, and every nerve screams the further away he gets.
I want to step forward, to grab his hand and demand him to touch me again, but the haze that filled my mind only moments ago slowly unravels. I feel its fingers as it brushes at my consciousness. They loosen, and slowly, so slowly, they fade away.
"Masen." I blink over and over until I can focus. I look up and his possessive eyes are on me. Hungry and needing.
"What are you feeling?" His fingers twitch and I know he wants to touch me. To be closer to me, but I fight the urge that builds inside me. The pain of him so far away.
"What?" I ask, confused. I feel loss, but I also feel anger. It bubbles and flicks at my nerves.
I feel hate.
"Do you remember anything? Who I am? Who you are?"
I take another step back and the fog clears a little more. This time I can think. I can see.
I can feel it. What he's done.
"You did it again." I grab my neck and turn to the mirror. Anger floods every inch of me as I brush my hair to the side. Two crimson dots stain my pale skin.
Two reminders that I let him win. That I let him take advantage. Again.
I look up at Masen's reflection behind me and he narrows his eyes.
"How are you doing that?" he asks, moving toward me. I jump back, desperate to get away from him.
"Don't you fucking dare," Grabbing the pen on my desk, I swing at him. "If you touch me…"
"You'll what?" he laughs, knocking the pen out of my hand and onto the floor. The tattoos along his skin fade up his arms as his eyes flash bright green. The dark ink shimmers and moves like a snake as his black wings rise.
I sense his anger in the room. Like a fog it surrounds us, whirling and twisting its way up my spine. He's pissed, but I want revenge. I taste it, sour on my tongue, acid in my stomach.
Fuck him.
"You think that's going to hurt me?" His boot stomps the pen and ink sprays the walls. "You can try. I enjoy it when you're angry. You're absolutely beautiful. And so fucking lethal, but you have no idea the power you hold, Bella. The secrets you have locked away inside." He shakes his head and adds. "No idea at all."
Red fills my vision and I lift the chair, slamming it across his chest. His wings block the blow, looking even larger and more deadly than I've ever seen them.
They don't frighten me anymore, though. The only thing I feel when I look at them is white hot rage. It lances at my skin and burns my insides. It's in my blood, rushing into my heart and begging for a way out.
"You've made everyone think I'm crazy. You made me think I'm fucking crazy." I grind my teeth and move to the wall. "You keep playing with me. Over and over. You make me see things, Masen, and now this. You manipulate me. You talk about my powers, about what I can do, who I could be. You act like I'm nothing, but then sometimes…" I shake my head.
"What?"
"When I look at you, like when you saved Charlie. Sometimes I think I see something more, but then you make me feel like a fool. You're poison. Like a disease that won't go away. You keep torturing me and drawing me in. You hurt me and then pretend to care about me." I laugh and tears fall down my face. "You bit me!"
I snatch my brush from the table and throw it at his face.
"I did that to protect you." His fists clench. "And now I'm tired of this. You need breakfast, something to calm you maybe. We can talk later."
"Protect me?" I shake my head and laugh. "An asset, right? You see me as your property. You are so fucking full of yourself."
"And you're a little girl who really needs to learn some manners." His wings shake behind him and dark shadows curve around them. "Would you rather I let them have you? I would so love to watch you bleed. I'd rather it by my hand, Bella, but things can be arranged."
The smile that crawls up his lips is demented as his eyes roam over my body. I can't stop the shiver that runs over me. The reactions I have to him make me feel out of control. I snap.
"You're psychotic. You've done nothing but fuck with me. Made me your puppet. Is that what I am to you? Some sick little toy?" I scream so loud my chest burns and my body shakes.
All I see when I look at him is destruction and death. I want to choke him until the life leaves his eyes and smile down at him the same cold way he smiles at me.
"It would do you good to remember I still hold Charlie's life in my hands," he sneers and my eyes go wide. "I could kill him with a snap of my fingers. In fact…"
"You wouldn't dare," I say, but I know he would. He'd do anything to hurt me.
"Oh the things I would do to punish you. Charlie means nothing to me. The fact that you love him? That only makes me want him dead even more."
"I would never forgive you." My heart struggles to beat as I try to keep myself from falling to the floor.
"And I love that you think I actually care." His laugh echoes around the room and the hair on my skin rises.
"Fuck you!"
"You're testing my patience. You should really stop before I lose what little I have left." His eyes burn into me and his jaw tightens. Every nerve I have is on fire. My heart pounds in my chest and defiance fills me.
"I hate you!" I say, the words coming out cold and tasting bitter.
"That's enough." He grabs my arm and I slap him across the face. The sound echoes in my small room and I gasp when I see a bright red mark along his cheek.
My hand stings and trembles when he releases me. I wait for him to react, but he says nothing. Does nothing. Only his wings rise higher, casting shadows around us.
I reach up, feeling my anger pulse inside the palm of my hand as it flies through the air. He lets me get within an inch of his face before his fingers wrap around my arm and he slams my back into the wall.
All the air in my lungs leaves when I look up at him.
"Do that again and I'll show you what I'm really capable of." His words slice into me, cutting me to the bone. "Do you want to piss me off?"
"What are you going to do? Send the birds again? Make me hurt someone else?" I stand very still, focusing on the haze that tries to control me. I try to block him. To block the whispering inside my head. The laughter that sounds so much like his. "You killed my mother, tried to make me kill my friends, and God knows what I did to Charlie. You can go to hell for all I care."
"I said enough." My back hits the wall again and I see the ink along his neck fade.
"This is your fault," I seeth.
He's on me before I can blink. His forehead against mine, pressing me hard into the wall. His hot breath is on my lips, and I see my reflection in his eyes. I'm nothing more than prey, terrified and caged as he holds me.
"You want to see how far you can push me? Fine." His teeth snap and his fingers dig into my skin. "I told you I could play nice, but you've forced my hand. I hope you said goodbye to your father, Bella."
"No." I try to break free, but he pushes me harder.
"I warned you." He lips turn hard and vicious as he laughs at me.
"That's my father!" I cry and fight against him, clawing at any part of him I can reach.
"I would think you'd be a little more grateful that I let you live."
"I wish you hadn't," I snarl and he flinches back. His eyes recover quickly. The hurt is replaced by a piercing icy white and I try not to cower.
"So do I." Three words. Three words and my eyes goes wide. Hurt explodes inside and I can't understand why.
They shatter me and I blink back tears. I try to turn cold, try to understand. My emotions have my head spinning. I hate him. I really hate him, but the words sting.
I look up at him and he's nothing but a stranger. A cold unfeeling savage that I want gone. Destroyed by my own hands.
"He's right, isn't he? You aren't real." The laughter bubbles out and spills over as I search his eyes. A part of me wants to poke at him, see if I'm right.
I try to think back, to really see the things that have happened. My vision clouds again and I look up to see he's closer. Only inches away.
"Anything Carlisle says to you is nothing but a lie!" he roars and the tips of his wings catch fire.
Masen goes rigid and his arms flex as he wings rise higher in my small room. I stand back, mesmerized by his beauty. How much like a demon he truly looks as he stands before me. I've never seen anything so stunning or deadly. It stuns me, how much I feel drawn to him, how right he feels when we touch, but I know it's a trick.
"How little you think of me." He turns his head to the side and I want to beat the smug smile off his face.
"You don't fucking care about me at all, do you?" I laugh hard and take a swing, missing him by an inch. "You wanted me insane. A prisoner."
"Very astute." He winks and the blood drains from my face.
I launch myself at him and knock us both into the corner.
My fists fly. I feel the skin break with every punch I throw. I smile as blood smears along his chest.
I scream but he stands very still, laughing at me, fueling me.
"Are you having fun hurting yourself?" He wipes my blood off his face with his thumb and touches it to his lips, tasting me.
"Shut up!" I scream and punch. I kick and I hate. I cry.
I feel hands on me, wrapping around my waist and pulling me off him. He waves as they hold me down, touching a single finger to his lips. I try to break free, to reach him again as he laughs at me.
"I'll kill you!" I try to kick free. Nothing matters but hurting him, but they hold me tighter.
"And I'll enjoy every second of you trying." He blows me a kiss, but stiffens as hands squeeze against me tighter.
His jaw sets and his eyes flash red when I feel something pinch my hip.
I don't mean to say his name, or to beg for help. The black that runs at the edge of my vision scares me and all I see are the flames and the shadows. The creatures and their clawed hands. Their hollow eyes and soundless screams.
I try to fight it, to fight them, but it's too much.
The last thing I see is Masen's dangerous smile as the room fades and I'm falling.
I curl into a tight ball on the floor, clutching at my chest as silent tears fall down my cheeks.
I feel so out of control, so lost. Nothing makes sense and everything hurts. My heart, my head. My soul.
I failed Charlie. I failed myself. All I think―all I see―is what I've done. What I've caused.
I lay and let it all consume me. My hate for Masen, my love for Charlie. The hurt and anger for all I've done. All I've let Masen do to me. I've tried to be strong, to hold it in, to let it fester and pray it goes away, but my control slips.
It knocks me on my ass and grips at my skin.
I'm sorry, I think as Charlie's bloodied body plays over and over in my mind. I grab at the soft floor and for a moment I wonder if it will swallow me. If it will take me away and punish me for everything.
"And let you be so lucky?" Masen's voice surrounds me, but I refuse to move, to acknowledge him. It touches my flesh, wrapping itself around every nerve.
It's too smooth. Too cocky.
"You've been in here for hours." His finger slides up my leg, tracing patterns in my calf. "Sleeping and moaning about how cruel I am."
"Please just go." I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep.
"And let you wallow in self pity?" His palm is on my thigh and I want to scream, but I can't move. "I missed you. Did you not miss me?"
"Masen I'm exhausted," I sigh, but I know he's smiling down at me. He enjoys my discomfort, my pain. It's so evident when he looks at me. That cold stare I mistook for something more.
"Whose fault is that?" He rubs up and down my leg and the tingle that follows makes me hate him even more. "Never bring a knife to gun fight, Bella. You'll always lose."
I concentrate on the wall in front of me. I remember the white, the lines, the harsh bright light that reflects against it. I don't stop. I only stare.
I don't think about Masen. I let my mind block him. I think about my mom. Her smiling face as I draw her a picture. The way she smelled. Her voice when she sang me to sleep. And then I see him. Standing in the yard and pushing me on my swing. How gentle he was, how soft his voice sounded in my ear before I would drift off to sleep. His promises of protected and his eyes.
"You're going to ignore me?" I laugh silently at the pout in his voice. "You'll regret that."
"Masen…" I start but a shiver runs down my spine and I feel his hot breath on my neck.
"I promise you, Bella." He brushes the hair off my neck and his lips press against my skin. A shock runs through my blood and slams into my heart.
"Don't." I roll away from him and turn, looking right into his green eyes. "Stop touching me. I don't know what you're doing when you touch me, but stop."
His eyes narrow and he smiles. "It's happening already then."
"Do you see what you're doing to me? Do you want me broken?" I ignore him, tired of his games. Tired of being confused and feeling used.
"Yes," he says. "You're gorgeous when you break."
I let the tears fall so he can see. I want him to know he's done this. That he's shattered my mind and hardened my heart. That I'm human.
"I know what you are. I created you." He moves to touch my face, but I slap his hand away.
"I said don't."
"And yet your body craves it." He rocks on his heels and sits against the corner of the small room. "Did you know if I was to touch any other human they would die? My touch is lethal to them. But with you...it burns your skin and opens you up to me. I take a little piece of you each time we touch, but you take a piece of me as well, Bella. Remember that."
"I don't want you."
"You will."
I take him in for a moment. He's dressed in black from head to toe, just like always, but against the white he looks so much more evil. Sinister.
His hair is mess and his tattoos peek from every opening of his shirt. They look so incredible against his skin and I wonder what he looked like before them. If he would be just as appealing.
Would I want him just as bad?
He looks like the devil. Like the demon I know he is. Silver tongued and charming.
He's a beautiful monster that haunts me. He's sin and sweet. Smoke and leather. And I die a little inside just taking him in.
"Give in to me, Bella. Let me be yours," he says, but his lips don't move. "Stop fighting me."
"No." I shake my head but, I can't stop looking at him. It's mesmerizing, the way he looks at me. The possessiveness behind those green eyes. He terrifies me, yet he's right.
I crave him.
"Don't come back, Masen. Don't come near me again. I only hurt people when you do. Leave me alone." The lies are sour on my tongue. How could I want a monster? Why?
"You want me angry don't you?" My stomach tightens at the intensity of his eyes as they darken on me.
I say nothing, afraid I might break. I let the anger consume me once more. I let it boil and rise.
"Go away." I say the words slowly, letting them drip with the madness that I feel.
Masen shifts, crossing his legs. I sit up, ready for another fight.
"I can be everything you need. Everything you want." He leans forward and I see the cruelty in his eyes. "I can also be your worst nightmare. You want to play games? Let's play."
I move to hit him again, but the door to my room opens and Masen growls.
"Isabella." Carlisle's green eyes meet mine and I feel like I can breathe again.
Carlisle stands in the opening and I smile when I look back at Masen. I don't care if it hurts him. I want it to. I want him to see he doesn't control me, that my defiance by associating with Carlisle is just the beginning.
"Come on. We should talk."
"Bella." Masen growls next to me, but I ignore him and take Carlisle's outstretched hand.
The shock that runs up my arm at his touch is alarming, but I say nothing. When I look back Masen is standing there, his eyes deadly and his fists clenched.
"This isn't over." His eyes dark, his face twisted with unrestrained anger as he fades into a dark smoke that seeps into the walls.
"How are you feeling?" Carlisle sits across from me. Glasses on his face and clipboard in his hand. "You were in that room for a very long time."
"Was I?" It only felt like minutes with Masen.
"Close to forty-eight hours."
I rock back in my seat, shocked. Whatever they gave me, knocked me out hard.
"You have court in a few weeks. We need to prepare for that." He opens a folder and I want so badly to look inside.
I suck in a breath, afraid. "Am I going to be charged with murder?"
"You think Charlie's dead? Where did you get that idea?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and choke back the bile that threatens to rise. It's then that I notice Masen. He waves at me as he moves away from the wall and between us.
"I just want to know."
"No, but there is the likelihood you will be here much longer than I believe you should be." His eyes are serious and I feel a tightening in my chest.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I don't think you're crazy, Isabella."
I laugh at him and squirm in my seat. "You're the only person who doesn't think that."
"I'll prove it. Give me time." His words sounds so sincere and his soft green eyes make me relax just a little.
I stare at him, unsure of what he's getting at. What he wants with me. Masen's words ring in my head, but I ignore them, wanting to hear Carlisle out. Wanting to trust someone. To believe not everyone is out to hurt me.
"Has anyone actually told you how your father is doing?"
I look straight ahead, as if I can see through Masen. "What?"
Masen shifts, turning away from me and I know he's watching Carlisle. His anger sends a perverse happiness through me. I know I've hit a button, that I've found what he hates. Screw him if he thinks he's the only one that can play games.
"Have you heard anything about his condition?"
"No. Alice says I have no right to that information and Angela doesn't know much else," I tell him.
"Alice can be a bit of a…"
"A bitch?" I ask, a small grin twisting my lips. I see Masen's back tense as he walks to the window and looks out.
"May I ask you some questions? I want to to help you, and I know I can, but I need to get to know you."
"Okay…"
"I promise when this is all over, I'll sit right here and we'll find out about Charlie together, okay?"
He asks about my childhood. About my time with Charlie and school. He wants to know about my mother. What I remember, what my favorite things about her were.
I give him short answers. I don't feel like talking, not really. I'd like to do nothing more than go back to my room and lay in the broken mess.
Instead, I keep my eyes on him, studying him, trying to figure out why Masen doesn't like him. What he ever could have done to him.
I remember the way his arms felt closing around me. How he made the shadows go away and how his lips felt on my temple. I remember thinking how much he looked like Masen. How he looked at me like Masen. So different from how he looks at me now.
Like he cares.
"You think I'm cruel?" I hear Masen whisper behind me and the smell of leather and smoke surrounds me. "Who do you think taught me?"
I ignore him, focusing solely on Carlisle's questions. I tell him about the birds, about my father.
"And you don't remember anything until you turned on the light?" He takes off his glasses and sits back in his chair. Everything about Carlisle is comfortable. How he moves, the way his hands fold in his lap. He looks so relaxed being in a room with a girl that has been deemed crazy.
"Angela was knocking on the door, and then I was covered in blood. I don't know what happened," I say, but I think I might.
"Does that happened to you often? Not remembering things or waking up in strange places?"
"A few times when I was younger I would wake up outside, or in my closet. Angela said she could hear me screaming those nights, but I don't remember why," I lie.
I remember eyes. Bright white and green. I remember black wings and a soft smile.
Mostly I remember my mother.
"And Angela is a good friend?" His pen hits the paper and I wonder what he's writing. If he thinks I'm just as insane as the others. If he's right.
"Yes." At least she was. Too many people have too many secrets now. None of them are real. Not even her. She's not even the person I believed her to be.
"But you've denied her visits?"
"I have my reasons." I think about her journal and even though I want answers, I don't think I can look at her right now.
I try to relax again as he takes more notes, but Masen's presence has me on edge.
"You were screaming in your room when Emmett found you," he says and I blanch.
"I don't know what came over me." I look down at my lap, trying not to let the anger in, but I hear Masen laugh behind me.
"Understandable. You've been through a lot. You aren't the first to break." The word break makes me grit my teeth. "You were saying a name. Do you remember?"
"No." I close my eyes and remember what it felt like to hit Masen. How much power I felt running through me then. How I wish I could have hurt him.
"Are you sure?" He raises a single eyebrow and I know he sees the lie.
"No."
"You're safe here, Isabella. Anything you say is private. Just between us. You can trust me." He leans closer and his eyes pin me. "I promise."
"Don't." Masen's boots drag the ground as he moves closer, but I sit straighter.
"I don't want to see him anymore." The words spill out and my heart pounds.
"See who?"
I say nothing, feeling very unsure of everything all of the sudden.
"Remember when I said I would believe you?" I nod. "I mean that. I will do everything in my power to help you. Will you let me?"
I chew on the inside of my cheek and study him. Carlisle doesn't look like a doctor. He looks like a God. Powerful and strong. He doesn't look like he belongs here at all. Or that I should trust him, but I do.
Even though everything about him screams threat, screams don't. I feel drawn to him. His smooth words and his calming smile.
His eyes aren't as harsh as Masen's, but they are his. That jade green that makes my stomach twist and flip. Even the tiny glimpse of black ink I see at his collar is just like Masen's.
"Is he here right now?" Carlisle breaks me from my musings.
"Yes." I feel Masen's fingers dig into my skin, but I don't move. I let the pain keep me grounded. I let it throb and I take away his power.
"He can't hurt you here. I'll protect you."
"But can you see him?" I try not to get my hopes up, but I want so badly for someone else to see him. To prove he's real.
"I'm sorry. I can't." Carlisle looks away and I want to scream.
"He's playing with you, Bella." Masen hisses in my ear.
"But I do believe you," he says and moves closer to me. "Let me prove it."
Carlisle is so close, closer than I want, but something about him makes me inch forward. It makes me want to talk. To tell him the things I hide. To show him. To force him to see and prove I'm not what he thinks.
"I just want you to make him go away. I want to be normal again," I tell him and wipe at my cheeks, trying to hide my tears. "Please."
"You'll beg him? Him?" Masen laughs and moves around me, blocking Carlisle. "You have no idea the type of monster you're about to unleash, Bella. Ignore me all you want, but you'll wish for the things I used to do to you if keep this up."
"Let's make that call and then I'll do everything in my power to help you get rid of him." Carlisle moves around his desk and I listen as he talks to nurses and doctors.
I smile and tears spill over my face as he tells me Charlie is alive. He's alive and Masen lied. His heart still beats and once again Masen played me.
Masen turns and his eyes bore into me. He seems thoughtful and angry at the same time. Like he's trying to solve some puzzle, or unlock more secrets. Like he knows what I'm about to do.
I allow myself to glance at him for just a moment. I want his reaction. I want his pain.
"Thank you." I stand and do something I know I'll regret.
I hug Carlisle.
Welp.
Let me know what you think? Want to murder Masen now, or Bella?