Zombie-in-laws
"Hello there dear readers. Yes, it's me Kami. To answer the questions that are undoubtedly on your mind as you begin this chapter, now the story isn't starting just yet. I just figured I'd save the author a bit of trouble and inform you all of a few changes in the story's layout plan.
"First and foremost, while it had been planned, the long awaited brawl between Blondie and Douchebag will not be seen in this fic; you shall have to use your imaginations r write your own version of how it happened, though Mrotrax will drop hints of how the fight progressed throughout the next few chapters. He sends apologizes, his thanks and a box of assorted virtual cookies.
"With that said, sit back and relax as this fic's TRUE craziness finally begins: Comedy, parodies, references, over the top violence and baby-making you'll actually get to read is a coming! Read, review, ad enjoy!"
Chapter 10: Proposals and Kami's Plans unfold
Three months had passed since Toneri's plans had been averted. The Narusaku and Sasuhina couples were heralded as heroes for their efforts, along with a reluctant Shikamaru, who wanted an average career, and Sai. Obito had returned to prison, but now in a much comfier cell and with a shaved sentence of 30 years instead of life.
Speaking of which, the scarred mastermind was currently reading a letter he'd received two days ago. It was a single phrase:
Thank you.
And under that word, was a crude yet crude dawing of the Uzumaki family as stick figures…along with himself standing next to little Naruko. Everyone had smiles and was holding hands.
Obito just smiled as he looked at the crude drawing, fall back into sleep.
A week after the moon mission, there had been the moment everyone had been waiting for; the duel between Naruto and Sasuke for the title of the 7th Hokage. It had been broadcast all over the elemental nations and every person Naruto had helped on his missions was there, cheering him on and sharing his stories.
And the battle didn't disappoint at all.
XXXX
Which brings us to the Uzumaki clan complex on a bright Saturday morning.
"Um…you okay there, teme?"
Naruto looked at his brother in all but blood struggling to walk and sit for some odd reason. Naruko was playing with her toys and watching Nincompoop Ninja reruns while Kushina made same tea for the two young men and Minato was finishing his paper.
"Naruto, I thought we talked about that…" The former 4th Hokage said without even glancing up from his paper. "Think about your sister."
"Sorry, dad, force of habit." He turned to the Last Uchiha. "What's up? You're practically waddling like…"
"Pengu!" Naruko babbled, laughing at Sasuke, who merely smirked at the little girl.
"I still can't feel anything…." Sasuke whimpered as he sat down on the couch, wincing as he did so. "Ow…."
"…Mood swings, huh?" Kushina mused as she placed tea down.
Minato shivered at the memories of his wife when she was in the mood-swing stages of pregnancy; beautiful as always….but terrifying.
"So, what's the story?" Naruto asked. "I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I honestly can't imagine Hinata being scary."
Sasuke cringed as he recalled the latest episode….
Two days ago….
"WHERE THE $%# ARE MY CHOCOLATE COVERED TOMATOES?!"
The entire Hyuuga complex cringed and whimpered in fear of their heiress.
"Coming, Hina-hime!" The last Uchiha shouted as he rushed the concoction to the mother of his child. He placed down a tray of tea and the snack she requested. "There, just how you like it."
"Thank you, Sasuke-kun." Hinata smiled, pecking his cheek and taking a bite of the snack. "THIS IS BITTER! I WANTED MILK CHOCOLATE, NOT DARK!"
"We're out, make due." Sasuke said, only realizing what he said when his beloved's eyes glowed as she activated her byakugan and readied her hands into a fist with was soon coated with chakra.
"No, wait! Hinata, I'm sorry; No please hime, not that! ANYTHING BUT…!"
"SHOJYUKEN!"
Sasuke let out a hilarious scream as he was sent flying through the roof of the Hyuuga compound, over the clouds and right in front of the sun…clutching what made him a man
"…She punched me in dick…." Sasuke whimpered in a chipmunk like voice as he began to fall down. "…Why? Why would she punch me in the dick?"
He then made impact with the ground, creating a mushroom cloud of smoke.
Present day
Naruto and Kushina burst out laughing, falling to the floor and slamming their fists in exasperation. Naruko soon joined her mother and brother in the laughter.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Sasuke growled before taking a sip of tea and calming down. "Now, is there a particular reason you asked me to come over so early in the day?"
The Uzumakis stopped laughing, wiping the tears from their faces.
"Well, I'm about to make a major change in my life, and as my best friend/surrogate brother, I figured you should be the first to know."
"You're going to ask Sakura to marry you, aren't you?"
"Oh come on!" Kushina pouted. "We had a small metaphor filled speech prepared and everything. Sides, how'd you…?"
"It was either that, or having something to do with Naruko or ramen."
Upon looking back, family realized it was true.
"Now Sas, I know what you're thinking: Am I really ready for this huge change in my life?"
"Actually, I'm glad you're finally doing this." Sasuke smiled. "And I know I'm not the only one…"
"I know I have my whole life ahead of me and Sakura and I have only been dating for two full years, but then again there were all the missions we went on, both with and without you…"
Minato ad Naruko giggled at that.
"….I've made up my mind and I'm sticking to it."
"No surprise there."
"Why can't you be happy for me like a real best friend? I know you're about to become a dad, but be a pal and give me support!"
"I just said I supported you!" Sasuke said, then seeing the eyes of his best friend's family. "…You're all just trolling me, aren't you?"
The Uzumakis all smiled toothily.
"Just making sure you're paying attention." Naruto smirked. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a date to prep for. Sasuke, as your soon to be boss and Hokage, this is your first mission; you can't let anyone find out before I purpose."
"And if I refuse or fail?" Sasuke asked.
"I'll show everyone those yaoi 'you-know-whats' (shudder) involving us and a closet."
"YOU SAID WE WERE NEVER TO SPEAK OF THOSE AGAIN!" The Last Uchiha growled.
But by the time he'd finished, Naruto was already gone, having teleported to his room to find his 'date' attire and something very special he'd been carrying for a few months. Sasuke had then huffed, finished his tea and waddled back to the Hyuuga compound, hoping for the best.
Little did anyone know, though they suspected; Kami had overheard the whole thing.
"Oh, with those stakes he's got me silenced." Kami smiled, then turning to the reader. "Or does he?"
She then left the room and leapt into the sky, pulling out a gold and white cellphone with wings on it and pressing the numeral for 1.
"Gabriel, it's me."
"Milady?" a voice on the other end asked. "Milady, is that you? Oh, praise your name! We've been trying to contact you for heavenly days! Are you…"
"Not just yet."
She could hear whimpering on the other side.
"Remember we discussed about the chosen one?"
"…which one, milady?" Gabriel asked honestly. "We've helped many chosen ones."
"The one whose universe I'm in. He made his Big Bad give up his plan without even fighting him, then got some therapeutic revenge when the apparent baddie kidnapped his love-interest? The blonde demon host?"
"Ah yes, of course."
"Well, you know what to do."
"Milady, I feel the urge to remind you what we're doing will no doubt of dire consquences on the mutli-verse itself
"Gabe, I'm Kami. I do as I please and can fix everything with an afterthought. You know that"
"And what if Lucifer uses this to his advantage?"
"We'll deal with it as it comes. Now, hop to it."
A sigh escaped her right hand.
"Yes, mam. Quick question, though."
"Nobody from a Mon-verse, they won't last 10 seconds, and as for the princesses, maybe that redhead with the bow or the ice queen."
"Understood. And…"
"No religious figures. The author's already expecting to go to hell for his portrayal of yours truly and prides himself on being appreciative/ understanding of other religons. He will not offend any religious group if he can help it."
"We'll get started immediately."
"Immediately? Gabe, I want this done yesterday! Is that understood?"
"….Yes, milady."
XXXX
The couple had enjoyed a lovely candle-lit dinner at a new resteraunt and was sitting on a bench, taking a break
"So…?" Sakura smiled knowingly.
"…Yeah?" Naruto smiled back, nervously.
"Is there another reason you treated me to an expensive meal and listened to my work drama?"
The blonde smiled and scratched the back of his head.
"You know me too well."
"Spend five years on the same team together, it happens." She mused. "And…not to worry you but…I may have heard rumors involving the two of us."
Naruto cringed in fear. Had someone…? No, Sasuke wouldn't have….
Of course.
"Did she actually tell you?"
"Which she?" Sakura smiled. "We actually have more female friends then you realize. And no, Kami didn't tell me anything: It was Ino."
"…That doesn't make me feel any better." Naruto admitted. "What did she imply?"
Sakura, an all-knowing smile on her face, simply said.
"Why don't you do it first, then I'll tell you?"
Letting out a sigh, Naruto got up and stood in front of the love of his life.
"Sakura Haruno, I've loved you since I was 12 years old. These past two years have been the best of my life, and I don't want the feelings we've been sharing to go anytime soon. I know it may be a little early, and if you want to wait I'm okay with that. But…."
He got down on one knee and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box that he let her gaze at.
"I'm….well…."
This was so much easier in his head all of a sudden, he mused. But he steeled his resolve and finally said:
"Sakura Haruno, will you do this loud-mouthed, hypocritical, overpowered human's bullseye…the honour of sharing life?"
Sakura, shock and tears in her eyes, covered her mouth with her hands when she saw the sakura-shaped diamond ring.
"Yes."
"…yes?"
"YES!"
The blonde let out a horay as he slipped the ringer onto her finger, only to be pulled into a passionate kiss.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"And Ino-pig owes me…"
A finger was placed on her lips as Naruto smiled. She smiled back.
"I'll tell you later."
XXXX
"Kami…." Kakashi asked the next morning, the whole village standing beside him. "What…is this?"
He was referring to a massive building that had suddenly appeared in the village square; a large bent in square shape of brownish coloring and a side many mostly of windows.
"Wynn Las Vegas hotel and stadium, complete with gambling halls, 5 star dining, movie and stage theatre, and for blondie and pinkie…the honeymoon suite. Come on in and have a look."
She then pushed the doors open; revealing a lobby fit for emperors with a fountain and fancy chandeliers. Nice music filled the air and angels flew around prepping for the upcoming event.
"Kami, this good and all…." Naruto started.
"You think this is good?" Kami smiled, motioning Tsunade to follow her. "Remember what I said about the gambling halls?"
"That's all you had to say to get me interested." The former fifth Hokage smiled.
"Well then, feast your eyes!"
Betting tables, cards and machines as far as the eye could see.
The fifth Hokage's face had turned into a dopey, happy grin
"Lady Tsunade?" Sakura and Shizune asked.
"Granny?" Naruto and Kushina followed, Naruko babbling along with them.
Tsunade didn't say a word as tears of happiness from the beautiful scene that lay in front of her registered in her brain.
Kami then handed her a black card.
"No limit." She smiled. "Go wild and have fun. And don't worry; I fixed it so you'll win."
"Have fun? I'm never leaving!" Tsunade announced. "SHIZUNE! Prepare the bags!"
Her secretary merely sighed and followed.
"Pray for me."
The two women then wondered off.
"To answer your question," Kami explained. "I teleported this entire building, fully stokced with everything you'd ever need for one single purpose. Blondie and Pinky will be married here in this lap of luxury surrounded by all their friends and family, included the deceased ones, not referring to you Minato and Kushina. I've been planning this since the moment I arrived, so don't even bother trying to stop me."
Under normal circumstances, she may have been met with some reluctance
"Oh and by the way…" Kami smiled. "I invited almost every other chosen one in existence to the wedding."
…..
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"
To be continued….
Next: Dealings of Chosen Ones and the forces of evil