Lycan Ianto

Chapter 10

A/N: This chapter is mainly dealing with Ianto's despondency; I hope that I have conveyed this sorrow that Ianto experiences well enough.

Sunday morning

Stretching out Ianto felt the unfamiliar roughness of his bedding; slowly his mind registered the forest floor laying underneath him. As the slow realisation of his predicament registered in the deep recesses of his brain Ianto's eyes widen as he takes in his surroundings. Leaves and broken twigs intertwined with blood and bits of fur and bones. Looking down at his self he saw what was left of the clothing that he managed to put on before he left his apartment as the pain and changes were taking hold. The tshirt and trackpants were ripped, dirty and bloody. Upset as he realised that he was the reason why they were in this state, he had tore them trying to get them on and he hunted and ate something in the woods. Looking closely at the remains of his 'meal' he comes to the conclusion that it was small animals that he ingested and not a person. Even though the relief it was not a human being that he hunted down to satisfy his hunger of meat the thought of eating the flesh of the woodland creatures got he gagging however as much as he wanted to throw up the 'food' that he consumed hours ago his stomach was not going to allow him to give up the flesh that his body was craving.

Pushing himself away from the scene he howled at the injustice of what had happened to him. Hugging his legs into his body and he rocked himself until he got his emotions under control for several minutes . Noting for the first time that his mouth and most of his face is covered in blood he tries desperately to wipe away the dried blood, the blood of the animals that he tore into, he spits into a part of his shredded tshirt to wash away the congealed blood.

Slowly he stands up on human legs, for yet again he has changed into the form that he is used to, his human form at some stage throughout the early morning and walks out cautiously out of the woods, his bare feet not used to the rough ground as well as not wanting to alert any person walking through the woods. It is still early in the morning, too early for picnickers to be out on a Sunday morning and he slowly makes his way to his apartment, his head bowed down in abject misery of what he has done over the past few hours.

Reaching his apartment block he looks around furtively, notes that there is no one around and climbs up the stairs to his unit. His door is still slightly ajar, thanking the gods that he lives in a better part of town to find that his apartment hasn't been ransacked; he walks in slumping to the floor as soon he closes the door behind him. Some minutes pass before he acknowledges that he needs to bathe.

Stripping the shredded clothes and throwing them in the bin in his bathroom he turns on the shower and steps in letting the water wash over him. Scrubbing at his body he winces as the cuts and scratches on his arms and legs as they sting and tingle. Trying to ignore the pain of cleaning the dirt in the deeper cuts he goes over the events of the night before and the morning and he allows himself to cry for the first time and it is many minutes before he realises that the water has gone cold in his grief.

With a towel wrapped around his waist Ianto dejectedly slumps towards his bed and seeing the torn sheets a fresh wave of regret envelopes him and he sinks to the bedroom floor. Several moments pass before Ianto wonders where Jack is and why he wasn't here and partly glad that he wasn't. Looking around for his mobile phone, he remembering that he flung it across the room in his frustration of not being able to press the buttons on his phone when the change was happening. Finding the phone he silently thanks Jack that he insisted that they all have mobile phones that can withstand the ravages of their high risk jobs and his mobile phone is mainly intact. Picking it up and sliding it open he notes that Jack left him a message to say that he would see him for Sunday dinner, rift permitting and that he should sleep in and rest up for the day.

Despondently Ianto removes the sheets off the bed, he throws these as well in the garbage with the torn clothing that he came home in. Taking out fresh sheets he remakes his bed trying desperately to not think about what he has done, the events running constantly in his memories. Going back into the bathroom he grabs the basic first aid kit and sterilises the wounds on his legs and arms, covering up the more deeper ones with gauze and tape.

After putting on some jeans and a tshirt he sits on his newly made bed trying to figure out what to do next, how he will tell Jack and the team, what does he tell him?

He tried to make sense of what had happened to him, could he really have metamorphosed into some sort of animal, an animal that freely killed and ate the prey that he hunted down. He painfully remembers the transformation in the early hours of the morning after Jack had left but couldn't recall the change back into human form. He concludes that it must have happened whilst he was asleep after eating all his hunted prey. The thought brought another wave of shame and sadness that he had killed the innocent wild life creatures.

What does this mean for Ianto, a Torchwood operative? Knowing that Torchwood deals with the strange and unusual, he knew that Torchwood could come up with a solution, he wasn't too sure if this was something he wanted them to know at this moment, not until he could come to grips with his new change to him. Deciding that he would tell Jack when he comes for dinner later that day Ianto resigns himself to getting on with the day.

Sighing he bundles up the torn bedding and clothing into a large garbage bag he walks down to the large bin that all the apartment dwellers use and disposes of the offending articles. Trying to keep his mind thinking of other things Ianto spends the day cleaning, it's what Ianto does when he is troubled so by the end of the day Ianto the apartment is the cleanest its ever been.

Early evening and his mobile rings, its Jack, explaining that he's sorry but he wouldn't able to make it for dinner, he's expected to be around to discuss budgets with the executive of the crown who would be calling at some stage during the night on the Torchwood private phone and invites Ianto over instead to the Hub. Not wanting to be alone Ianto agrees and heads off to the Hub bringing with him chinese takeaway for them both.

twtwtwtwtwtwtw

Monday

Thankfully the night spent with Jack at the Hub was uneventful, well in Ianto's eyes compared to last night, diner and sex, so the usual, Jack had his phone call and it wasn't too painful but most importantly Ianto stayed human. Actually he noted that his stomach wasn't churning and grumbling like it had been for the last few days, he was able to eat his normal type of food, vegetarian without craving meat.

The only thing that was worrying was the nightmares that Ianto experienced throughout the night, Jack was there for most of them holding Ianto and soothing him off to sleep again, thinking that it was the usual Torchwood type of nightmares. By the time that Ianto fully woke up to start the day he had a haunted look in his eyes from the nightmares that repeated the events of his transformation, hunting and worst of all eating the flesh of the woodland creatures. Jack had asked about his nightmares but Ianto just couldn't bring himself to mention the content of his nightmares to him still very ashamed about what he had done.

Making the coffees for the team Ianto tried to focus on his work and not the images in his mind which wouldn't leave him. He was concentrating so hard on the task that he didn't even know that Jack was standing beside him until he wrapped his arms around his waist. Jumping slightly, Ianto squealed and Jack laughed hearing Ianto make the unusual sound.

"Jack not here" Ianto admonished.

"And why not?"

"You don't want to freak out the new girl"

"Gwen? Gwen's okay" Jack said as he nuzzled into Ianto's neck.

Giving in, Ianto let his head fall back and rested it on Jack's shoulder feeling safe in the arms of his lover. He should tell Jack, he would understand, he would not make Ianto feel bad, if anything Jack would tell him that everything was okay, he should tell Jack, "Jack?"

"Hmmm, yes" Jack smiled into Ianto's neck as he nipped along his pulsating vein. Ianto almost lost his focus at that point but scrambling to focus his mind on what he wanted to say and not that his lover was exciting him only 10 feet away from his work colleagues.

"Jack, umm, I….last night…..no, hrum, ..Jack, I w.."

"Rift alert" Tosh shouted out gaining the attention of her team friends, "out near the docks"

Jack pulled away reluctantly from Ianto, smiling he said hopefully, "Coffee to go?"

Stuttering Ianto answers, "Um, huh? Um yeah" and he turn away to finish making the coffees and to pull down the travel mugs for the team. Jack quickly kisses the back of his head making Ianto jump at the suddenness and unexpected kiss, normally Ianto wouldn't be this skittish but with his nerves frayed from the recent events in his life and lack of deep sleep he is a little anxious and uneasy.

Jack, Gwen and Owen went out while Tosh and Ianto stayed behind to man the computer read outs and relay any important information. Tosh sat by her computer while Ianto stood at the bank of computers reading out the coordinates to the team as they jumped into the SUV.

"Ianto?" Tosh spoke suddenly. Ianto jumped not expecting conversation; Tosh noticed that Ianto looked a little spooked.

"Hey sorry Ianto, didn't mean to startle you"

Shaking himself of his awful memories, "No, no you didn't startle me"

"Oh okay" not quite believing him, he seemed a bit more nervous and jumpy, "could you set up a perimeter search on the nearby suburb, I'm going to check the rift residual energy, I want to see if this rift is like the others out in the park with the mutilated bodies.

"Sure, sure no problems" Ianto said quickly, "you think that there is a connection? Are they safe?"

"Yeah just doing some cross referencing" Tosh said reassuringly.

"Tosh? Do you…do you think that the mutilated bodies could be done by a person, a human?" Ianto asked with caution.

"Huh…no, no way, that level of mutilation could not have been done by a human, the teeth marks, the ripping of the flesh, no way" Tosh said convincingly.

"Yeah, yes….that's what I thought" Ianto said worryingly. But what if it was a human who turned into an animal? Ianto thought, 'What if it was something like what he turned into 2 nights before, what if he could do that'. Visions of whatever he had turned into biting and ripping into a person invaded his mind, "Need to go to the bathroom….excuse me" Ianto blurted out as he rushed to the toilets.

Surprised by Ianto's sudden departure Tosh mumbled, "Oh okay" and quickly looked at a quickly retreating Ianto.

Standing at the wash basin, his hands holding onto the rim as he stared into the mirror, staring at himself, trying to see the animal that he turned into the night before. His eyes stared back at him, no inkling of what he had done 2 nights ago. "Get a grip man!" Ianto admonished himself, breathing heavily as he tried to control his emotions. After several more minutes Ianto was able to steady himself and return back to Tosh.

"You okay?" Tosh asked looking at Ianto's ashen face when he returned.

"Fine, just fine" Ianto said putting on a brave face.

The rest of the day passed in pretty much the same wayas every other day, Owen was insulting, Gwen did some research as she familiarised herself in the Torchwood systems, Jack signed paperwork and took calls from UNIT, Tosh refined her rift locator and Ianto went about his work in his quietly efficient manner as well delivering the caffeine hits on cue. On the surface no one noticed that Ianto was miles away in his thoughts, worry eating away at him. Jack did notice that he was a bit more jumpier than usual but put it down to him trying to keep a professional demeanour around the team and especially around the new girl as he put it and the lack of sleep. Actually Jack thought that maybe he would lay off the sex for tonight so Ianto could get a full night sleep.

The night passed uneventfully and for that Ianto was grateful, he even started to believe that he just dreamed what had happened to him, okay it was a very vivid dream, he was just fooling himself, he knew that, but for tonight he enjoyed the normalcy of life, even Torchwood life.