It's cold here. Really cold. So cold that if these people here believed in Santa Claus, this is where his workshop would be. So cold that Vaike has actually put on some clothes. So cold that there should be a huge-ass wall here keeping out wildlings and White Walkers. So cold that I'm starting to worry that the flame in my hand is going to freeze.

The whole "keeping the flame in my hand" caught Miriel's attention, so I had to cough up how I did it in a pretty un-epic way. Ah well, nobody knows about the whole combining elements together, so I still have that secret for now.

"Brr! L-L-Lucas! I'm f-f-freebing! C-c-couldja share the fire?" Lissa begs me.

Through chattering teeth, I mutter the fire spell again, making the flame in my hand bigger. I haven't really mastered the whole "reciting in head" thing yet for fire, and the cold doesn't exactly help me with that anyway. A few more people in our unbelievably small gang crowd around me.

"So this is the fortress?" Robin asks as it comes into view.

No, somebody just decided to dump a pile of bricks here in a perfectly organized fashion. What do you think it is?!

Okay, I'm the first to admit it – this cold has not put me in a good mood.

"Yes, the Longfort. It stretched along the border of Ylisse and Regna Ferox," Chrom explains. Hm, maybe it is keeping out the wildlings.

"The khans that rule Ferox have grown quite wary of foreigners. Still, don't mistake a lack of hospitality for open hostility," Freddy starts. "This simply calls for a bit of diplomacy."

"Negotiation's not my strong suit, but I'll do my best. Remember everyone, your actions here reflect back upon Ylisse." Duly noted.

We're really close to the Fortress, now. I take a look back. I can't find Sumia anywhere. I want to see her get here before she miraculously rescues Chrom.

"Trouble in the wind, milord: the Feroxi guard are mobilizing," Freddy informs Chrom.

"What?! Why?"

"Who can say? But they look ready to let fly at a moment's notice. We'd best prepare for combat, just to be safe. Perhaps we ought pool our supplies and select which Shepherds to deploy? Loath I am to trust him, Robin might offer some valuable insight in this…"

"Indeed, he IS out tactician, after all. So, Robin? What do you suggest?"

Vaike cuts in before Robin can even begin to determine who will be prepared. "What?! You ain't holding any of us back! We all wanna fight for you, Chrom!"

Robin shakes his head. "We do not want to appear any more hostile than necessary towards these Feroxi warriors. I will only select a few of you to prepare for battle. The rest of you will stay back."

Sully groans. "All right, but at the first sign of trouble, don't expect any of us to just sit back and watch!"

I can't help but enjoy the fact that this world is starting to make much more sense than the game.

Robin nods. "That being said, if the need for battle should arise, I am loath to slaughter innocent men…"

Chrom smiles. "We could bring out our practice weapons. They won't kill, but they certainly will be able to knock out these men."

"What?!" I can't help blurt out. "Are you insane?! Practice weapons against the real, pointy deal?! We'll be slaughtered! Robin, you can't agree with this! You're job is to not get us killed!"

Robin seems to side with Chrom. "We'll do that. Let's just hope we don't have to come to steel…"

I roll my eyes. "I don't think 'come to steel' is the correct term in this situation…"

"Halt! Who goes there?!" the moron up in the wall cries. Gods (I am shamefully getting used to these people's slang) I hate her... This is going to be a pain. I wonder what her name is… Meh, I don't care – either way, I'm gonna have fun beating the crap out of her!

"In the name of House Ylisse, I seek audience with the khans!" Chrom replies. He's got a good set of lungs on him… How people were able to have these long-distance pre-battle quotes always interested me.

"Not another step, my bold lad! I've lancers at the ready!"

I turn to Vaike. Both he and I were told to stand next to each other in case of battle – Virion is staying behind, since arrows that can knock out people who are not wearing helmets are pretty hard to come by. Miriel's still here, but my and her magic is limited to only using the occasional wind spell, given that there is really no such thing as practice magic. "How much do you wanna bet that we'll have to beat up these guys?"

"You're on! 50 gold coins sound good to you?" Vaike replies, smiling like a lunatic.

I grin. "It's a deal." I know it's cheating, since I've already know what's going to happen in the future, but I like to try to make the most out of a bad situation.

"Hold, milady! We are not your enemy!" Freddy yells. "Exalt Emmeryn herself sent us to discuss matters of mutual interest!"

"My only interest is keeping you out of Regna Ferox, brigands!" the woman replies.

"B-brigand? Now see here-"

"You think you are the first 'Ylisseans' to try to cross this border? I have the authority to fell such imposters where they stand."

"How dare you! You are in the presence of Prince Chrom, the exalt's own blood!"

"Ha! Yes indeed – and I'm the queen of Valm! You do realize that impersonating royalty is a capital offense, yes? Mmm… Then perhaps we should settle this the Feroxi way. You claim to be the prince of Ylisse? Then prove it on the battlefield!"

"Rgh…" Chrom cringes. "Emmeryn won't like this at all… Please milady! If you'd just listen–"

"Now look here, you screwed up moron!" I scream at the wall. "This man has the freaking brand of the exalt, right there on his arm, as well as Falchion itself in his hand! What do we need to do: LIGHT THEM ON FIRE FOR YOU?! Besides! HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW WITH BLUE FREAKING HAIR?!"

I honestly don't know what I was hoping to accomplish with that. I suppose, at the very least, it'll make this woman feel like more of an idiot when this is over.

"I've heard quite enough! Attack!"

Really? I lay out all the evidence that this moron should need, and she still won't listen to reason. Oh, look, they're throwing lances at Chrom now. Just great. And where's Sumia? Nowhere to be – HOLY SHIT! That was fast! Man, she really knows how to ride that pegasus…

I see Sumia attempt to fly her Pegasus over the wall, but the knights about to throw lances at her deters her, so she flies back down to the ground.

"All right – that's it!" Robin yells. "ATTACK!"

This is going to be good…

I run towards the eastern entrance of the wall, which is, in other words, the entrance on the opposite side of Kellam. I see Chrom running over in that direction, no doubt about to have the recruitment conversation with him, which in retrospect doesn't really make sense, since he's technically already been recruited.

I run at a soldier, ready to cut him open. Then, I remember that I'm using a practice sword. Shit. This is going to be tough. Still, it'll be worth it if I get to beat some sense into that moron of a knight up there…

Still, I suppose a small part of me is a tiny bit grateful. I don't feel entirely ready to begin ending people's lives yet.

But I don't want other people ending my life, either.

I dodge a lance and knock it out of a soldier's hands. I then hit him in the stomach with the hilt of my sword, and then hit him on the head, knocking him out.

I look up, and see Vaike and Stahl fighting some of the other soldiers. I run towards them.

"Hey, Vaike! You owe me 50 gold!"

"Shut up!"

I parry a blow as best as I can with a fake weapon, and take down a mercenary. "Honestly, what did you expect with that hotheaded moron up there?" I reply, grinning.

"Yeah, well she may be a hotheaded moron, but she's going to be tough to take down!" Stahl yells while knocking an archer on the head.

I blast wind at a soldier who was running at Vaike, and let him knock the guy out. That appears to be the last of them. I wonder if the more enemies rule still applies in Ferox.

Stahl runs around the corner towards the entrance. "The door's locked!" he yells.

I turn back to Vaike, "None of those guys dropped a key, did they?"

Vaike snorts. "Of course not. I mean, come on, these guys might be stupid, but they're not that stupid!"

Of course. In this world, people seem to have brains. I turn back to the entrance, raising my hand.

"Stahl, you may want to step back."

I'm not sure what the soldiers on the other side were expecting to happen, but, evidently, a door being blown off its hinges was somehow not on that list. The door nearly crushes a fighter, who is stunned enough for me to just blast him away with some wind magic.

A mercenary starts running at me. I send a quick, weak amount of wind at him, fazing him a tiny bit, and then give him a good knock on the head.

Stahl and Vaike have now squeezed through that tiny entrance, and are helping me take these guys down. I think I see the moron in the distance, but I don't see Chrom or any of the others coming from the other entrance. Evidently, Miriel either hasn't thought of blasting away the door, or she is simply convinced that she can't.

I start running at Moron– yes, that's her name now – taking down anybody who gets in my way. There are definitely more enemies here than in the game, so that answers my previous question on this matter.

Finally, I'm at striking distance with Moron – I'm using that name as often as I can. "Hey there, you little moron!" I yell at her.

I take a look at her weapon. It's a javelin. If I remember correctly, she has a short spear on lunatic mode, so that's a bit of a relief.

"How dare you?!" she cries at me.

"How dare me?!" I scream at her. "You're the one attacking innocent people with no reason whatsoever!"

"Enough! Let our battle sound out the truth of your swords!"

She then lunges at me, and I jump out of the way. I take a stab at her, but she easily blocks it. I try to take advantage of the fact that she can't move well in that huge suit of armour, and start running circles around her, throwing slashes at her whenever I can. Before long, I begin to tire myself out, so I just decide to lunge at her.

This is definitely not one of my smartest ideas. She easily blocks my sword, and shoves me flat on my back. She walks over me, and raises her javelin, getting ready to impale me. I roll out of the just in time, just like in pretty much every single medieval movie.

I jump up, while slashing upwards to cover my ascent.

Holy shit, that's high! I knew I was good at high jump at school, but man! That is high! Well, I shouldn't be too surprised, since I did also gain awesome fighting abili – CONCENTRATE YOU MORON!

I'm really hating my brain, right now. Thanks to it, I nearly got impaled again, while it was distracting me.

I duck under another one of her attempts to take my head off, and try to hit her in the face. She hits my sword with her javelin, and my practice sword goes flying out of my hand and into the wall, where it shatters.

DAMMIT, ROBIN! IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS, I AM NEVER LISTENING TO YOU AGAIN!

Moron shoves me into the wall, and I duck before I can have a javelin put through my head.

Once again, I am in a near-death situation, wherein nobody appears to be trying to help me. Damn it, how can Vaike and Stahl be taking this long?!

Once again, I'm running circles around moron, while she blindly slashes at wherever she thinks I am. Heh, this is sort of like that second episode of the Last Airbender, isn't it? You know, with Aang and Zuko? Damn, that was a good show when I was younger… When I get back, I should really – CON. CEN. TRATE. DAMN IT.

I leap away from Moron, and then blast some wind at her. She easily blocks it with her shield. Okay, so wind magic seems to be out of the picture, and I don't have any weapons to fight with. Shit.

Sorry Robin, but your rule sucks. I'm going to use some magic, even if it kills this moron!

Er… If you do kill her, then there is next to no chance Chrom will be able to negotiate with the khans!

Fine, I won't kill her. But I am going to inflict a lot of pain.

I recite the fire spell, and heat up my right hand. I leap at her, duck under her javelin, and then press my flaming hand on her arm. She screams, and tries to kick at me. I easily dodge, and then punch her in the nose.

I step back, grinning. Moron's nose is bleeding, and she looks really pissed.

I spread my arms wide, and taunt her, "Come on, darling! I don't even have a weapon, and I've caused more blood than you have!"

Now she's even more pissed. Good. She lunges at me, I dodge, heat up my hand, press it on her arm again, and then give her a taste of my left hook.

This is awesome. Now she has a bloody nose, and a black eye.

I point at her, "I think that look suits you better!"

I thought we'd agreed – NO MORE DANTE!

She slashes at me. I burn her arm, and hit her in the face a third time.

"Oh, you're so much better when you're angry!"

She tries to cut me. I dodge. I have a quick last-second near-death idea. This time, I don't burn her arm. I simply set fire to both of my palms, press them against her armour, and let the fire explode. "Lights out," I say before she gets sent flying into the wall. I really hope she heard that, because it will only humiliate her more when she comes to.

Er… If she comes to.

I'm pretty sure she's just knocked out. But, just to be sure, I run up to her, and check.

Yup. She's still alive. I throw away her javelin, just in case she wakes up and gets any clever ideas.

I take a good look at Vaike and Stahl. They're still fighting a few more enemies towards the west entrance, which Chrom and gang have still not gotten through. Ah, well. If they weren't I'd be pretty pissed, since I could've used their help when fighting moron. At least they were busy, and had an excuse.

Let's see… Throw a lightning bolt here and there… Let Stahl finish off that guy, aaaanndd… There we go!

The two of them turn to me as I walk towards them.

"Well," I say, turning around to see the unconscious moron. "That was fun."

Chrom and the rest of the gang are still not here. We walk through the empty doorway, in hopes of finding them. They're right around the corner.

"Is it over?" Chrom asks.

I smile smugly, and say, "Yup. I took down that moron!"

"How'd you get in?" Robin asks.

"Through the front door," Vaike answers, pointing at the door that I blasted off of its hinges.

"What were you guys doing? You missed all the fun!" I cut in.

"Well, we spent a few minutes trying to find a way to get through that door," Chrom says sheepishly, "and then we decided to check on you guys to see if you had any ideas. It seems that you did."

"Right, well, the moron is over this way!" I say, beginning to lead them through the doorway.

"Do you need to call her a moron so often?" Robin asks, frowning at me.

I turn to him. "Yes, Robin. Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because," I explain. "She's a moron."

When moron comes to, she's not happy. That's probably because the first thing she sees is me leaning over, yelling "Rise and shine, Moron!"

She jerks up, glaring at me. She then turns to Chrom. "A thousand apologies, Prince Chrom. I truly took you for brigand impostors."

"Don't jump to conclusions next time, Moron," I say. Moron glares at me again, and turns back to Chrom.

"But no frauds could ever wage a battle as you just have! I will send word of your arrival to the capital and escort you there personally."

"That would be most appreciated, thank you," Chrom says before I can make a comment.

"Amazing. Her whole demeanor changed," Robin observes.

"In Ferox, strength speaks louder than words," Freddy points out. "I should have known better than to overestimate the value of diplomacy here…"

"So can we get going, Chrom?" Lissa asks.

"Yes, it's not getting any warmer."

AN: Er... Happy Halloween?