I Broke It

I went home to change out of my stupid monkey suit before heading over and spending two hours with Nessie at my mom's place. I changed and went back downstairs. The doorbell rang. How strange, I wasn't expecting anyone. I went to the door and opened it. There was a woman in a suit. She smiled warmly at me.

"Mr. Edward Cullen?"

I did not like where this was going.

"Yes?"

"I'm Stacy Jones from children services. I understand you have a four-year-old little girl."

I definitely didn't like where this was going. Luckily I found my voice.

"What about Renesmee?"

I felt my heart just bang repeatedly to where my chest ached. The woman's smile faded.

"I am sorry to say this, but your daughter has been requested to be taken out of your custody."

I felt my face freeze, my heart started to rip slowly. I wasn't aware I was breathing heavy.

"Why? She's in good—"

"You have two jobs, am I correct?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Look, Mr. Cullen, I know it's difficult, but you're struggling, and we can't let your daughter be in possible harms way."

"You can't…take her…away.

She couldn't! So what if I was struggling? She can't take my little girl away from me! This is what I've feared for so long. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

"We can, we have a job to do. Tomorrow morning I'll be here to pick up Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Don't try and fight with us, sir. We're doing what's best for your little girl."

I couldn't find my voice. I was speechless and in shock. The woman left and I slowly closed the door behind me before pressing my back against the door and falling to the ground. I cried, and cried until I couldn't breathe right. My wet face was buried in my hands, my fingers were clutching at my skull. My heart was gone—literary, if felt like a gaping hole. I was going to loose my little girl, the one that's been keeping me going. She's going to leave me, just like her mother did. They both are now gone! Now, I'm just a broken and pitiful idiot.

***

I couldn't believe I remained stable enough to drive to my moms, but I did. Once I knocked on the door I saw Nessie smiling at me.

"Daddy!"

I bent down and allowed her to run in my arms. This will be the last time I'll probably ever feel her little arms around my neck. I wanted to cry again, but I managed to hold it in until my mom noticed something wasn't right with me.

"Um, Nessie, why don't you go and play with Rosalie? I want to talk to your dad."

Nessie luckily didn't look at me, she looked up at my mom.

"Okay!"

She raced up the stairs. I stayed put on the front porch. My arms felt so heavy and empty. I couldn't help myself I bent over and balled again while my fingers were back to clutching my scalp. I heard the door close and hands on my shoulders.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

I didn't mean to scare mom, I knew from her voice she was terrified. I couldn't even look up, but I managed to answer.

"I…I'm…a…a…bad…father!"

"Edward! Don't ever speak like that! You are--!"

"They're taking her away, mom! They're taking her away from me!"

I shot my head up; my vision was so blurry I couldn't see anything. I felt mom pull me in an embrace. I clutched her waist. I was so broken! I wanted to just crawl in a hole and never come out. There's no reason for me to keep going anymore. I lost my wife, and now I've lost my little girl.

"Edward, they can't take her."

Mom's voice was cracked.

"They can…they said…that…since I'm…strug-gling…that…s-she's…in h-harms way."

I felt my mom's embrace tighten. How was I going to tell her? How was I going to tell Nessie she's going to be taken away? Should I be honest and tell her I'm a fucked up parent and she's being taken away? Why does everything in my life have to end so horrible? I thought I was done with this pain! Obviously I wasn't even passed the starting line.

***

I couldn't go to work like this, mom called me off. She was so worried about me. Once dad got home he was so angry that children services were taking Nessie away. I don't know how, but I got home with Nessie, but I knew I had to tell her. I couldn't wait until last minute. Once I tucked her in I was going to tell her then, but I chickened out. I did the original Nessie routine, a routine I'll miss. I just stayed in her doorway just watching her; tears silently fell down my face. I thought I was done crying, but obviously I wasn't. I knew that tomorrow is when they'll really come down, right when…Nessie is taken.

The next day came too soon. I wished for more time! I didn't realize I had fallen asleep in the hallway until Nessie woke me up and I saw I was lying on the hallway floor. I got dressed, but not in my uniform, in casual wear. I got Nessie ready, and the doorbell was heard. My now gaping hole where my heart used to be was sucking my insides in to where I was aching. Nessie smiled completely oblivious.

"Who's that, Daddy?"

I took her hand and led her downstairs to the door. I released her hand and bent down to her level. Her smile faded.

"Daddy?"

I looked at her, my vision was starting to blur, but I fought my tears.

"Nessie, Daddy broke his promise."

She looked at me in horror.

"No, no, Daddy, please! Don't leave me!"

Tears were coming down her little cheeks as she cried out. I opened the door reluctantly and there was the woman. She looked and smiled gently at Nessie.

"Hi, Renesmee—"

"Daddy, no!"

She ran pass the woman and clutched her little arms around my leg. I couldn't fight them any longer, my tears were pouring down.

"Please, don't leave me, Daddy! Don't leave me like Mommy did!"

I felt my knees buckle before they kissed the ground. Nessie quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. I wrapped mine around her waist and held her tightly to my chest.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so, so sorry!"

"I promised I wouldn't leave you! I can't leave you, Daddy! I love you!"

Those words just made me tighten my hug. I cried in her little neck as she cried in my shoulder.

I felt a sudden pull and Nessie begging.

"No! No! Daddy!"

I wanted so badly to reach for her little hand, but my arms were numb. The woman picked up Nessie and closed the front door. I still heard my little girl's cries along with a car door shutting and then speeding off. I stayed there on the floor with tears rolling down. My reason for living was now my reason for wishing I were dead.