Author's Note: Inspired by the episode "Love, Wisconsin Style" (4.27).
Hyde was certainly glad that Fez was so willing to put dead fish in Kelso's van without question. He wasn't about to explain to Fez his real motivation behind making Kelso miserable.
"Look man, there it is." Hyde pointed out Kelso's van. It was in the corner of the lot behind The Hub. Hyde and Fez had quietly followed Jackie and Kelso out here from the Forman's house in the hopes of hiding the fish while the two of them went back to do their stupid make-up ritual in The Hub.
"Perfect," Fez said as the two of them knelt down beside the tire with the lose hubcap.
Hyde finished prying off the cap and let Fez do all the fish handling. "Right in here." He held out the hubcap to Fez.
Just as Fez was about to drop the first fish in, they heard the door to The Hub slam closed, followed by the sound of someone running in their direction. Hyde gestured for Fez to hide the fish just as Jackie came rearing around their side of the van, clapping and jumping excitedly.
"Michael and I are getting married!"
Hyde felt his heart drop from his chest into his gut and it took him a moment to recover before he could even speak. "Yeah we heard," he tried with false enthusiasm. "That's why we're decorating the van."
Jackie's smile slowly faded as she took in the sight of the two of them hovering over Kelso's tire, Fez with a fish carcass hanging between his fingers.
"But…but not with fish," Fez lied.
Hyde brought a fist to Fez's arm to let him know how stupid he was for even mentioning the fish. Fez let out a yelp of pain, shooting Hyde a look of disdain, but thankfully Jackie had lost interest in them and was turning away. Hyde pointed to the hubcap and Fez began filling it once again.
But after a moment, Hyde lifted his head back in Jackie's direction. Her reflective red bomber jacket shone under the pallid street lamp, and she was skipping further and further away, her arms swaying back and forth.
"Here man, you finish." Hyde passed Fez the hubcap. "I'm going to go make sure Kelso is still in The Hub."
Without waiting for Fez's response, Hyde was on his feet towards the door of The Hub, which he shoved open with more force than he realized he probably should have. Kelso was sitting at a table by himself, chewing the top of his plastic drink straw.
"Kelso," he said monotonously.
He immediately looked up, and Hyde couldn't help but think of Pavlov's dog. Kelso rushed over to him.
"Hyde, man. I need your help. Jackie wants to get married," he whispered anxiously.
Hyde looked up at Kelso who was now wide-eyed and pale with fear as he brought the straw back between his lips.
"I know. Jackie just told me."
"No, Hyde I don't think you get it," Kelso said impatiently. He looked as though he was contemplating something in his head. He sighed. "Look, I'm going to tell you something but…but you better not tell anybody."
Hyde said nothing. He wasn't about to make Kelso any promises.
Taking Hyde's silence as confirmation, Kelso lowered his voice. "I can't marry Jackie. Because she's not, well…Jackie's not my soulmate." He paused. "My clock is still…ticking."
Hyde silently mulled this over. All these years he thought that maybe Kelso was just dumb enough to think that Jackie was his soulmate because she had 'said so'. But now he had just confirmed that all these years he had been stringing an unknowing Jackie along, until it got to the point where she thought the two of them were actually going to get married.
Hyde was rightfully livid.
"One day she came up to me and said we were soulmates, and I thought she was really hot so I just went along with it." Kelso's voice rose an octave. "And all of a sudden, things just got out of control. Hyde, I don't know what do to do."
Hyde took a step back from Kelso. He had to get out of there soon or he was going to beat Kelso to a pulp. "There's only one thing to do, man." He swung open the door.
"What's that?" Kelso leaned forward, eagerly waiting for Hyde's advice, but Hyde knew it wasn't going to be what he wanted to hear.
"Tell her the truth."