30 Kisses, 30 Ways: Shinji and Asuka
Themes: K#14 (Radio-cassette player), W#05 (Books)
Title: The End of an Eros.
A.N.: I shall use this space to cover my own ass: If you somehow recognize anything here, they're not mine. I'm attempting to get out of this writers block, so I'm gonna take 2 challenges at once: 30 kisses and 30 ways in one story. Hope you like. I'll update with another one ch— wait… I've said that for ten straight times with this.
Well, you know the drill.
During instrumentality an infinite number of worlds were created; from the Edo period to the end of the millennium. All of them different, all of them unique.
But all those worlds have one unifying rule in common; in every single one we met, and invariably, we fall in love. And sometimes we hurt each other.
And we connect to each other deeply.
Worlds made with both you and me in the center.
That's the single, unifying rule. (Retake 04)
It was in the quiet of the night that Shinji began his little ritual.
He got up from his bed, which was nothing more than a glorified futon on the floor, and went towards the door that lead up to the attic. The wood creaked softly as he opened the door, and the sweet smell of scented burnt wax assaulted his senses.
He threaded softly through the "room", nearing the opened window that overlooked the city to his right, before he looked across to her office and smiled, remembering that the time was coming and that soon he would have to go for his last mandatory sessions.
But tonight he felt that familiar tingle he always felt just when it was about to happen; it had been close to a month, and he was still unsure any of them had been accepted. The night was calm, not a single gust of wind was blowing which signified he had to begin.
Now was the moment he always feared.
He had to see.
He had to know if they had been accepted.
A faint light illuminated the small altar he had and across and below, above and on the sides, a multitude of small candles laid and most of them, save for two, had long been snuffed as the wax pooling to varying degrees on the tables and counters where they were could attest.
He disrobed, the pale moonlight seeping in, the silvery white bouncing off from his hair as he picked up and held two bottles of liquid high against the pale light before he began mixing them in a small shallow bowl. He placed the offering of wine and sake mixed with other things down, dipping his finger in the mixture, drawing thin lines with his fingers across his cheeks and forehead.
The liquid began to slowly roll down his skin, feeling like blood seeping from a cut, thick and viscous and coagulated before he began to utter a quick prayer, the same prayer he had recited ninety-seven other times, eyes closed and lips moving silently against the night. He kept repeating the lines over and over: a soft plea, a silent shout, an emotionless scream echoing without sound against the vastness of the night.
He opened his eyes and saw one of the candles flicker, before it was snuffed.
He got up and walked back to his room, kneeling next to where his things lay strewn around on the floor, pawning in the darkness for his wallet, and when he found it, he closed his eyes, anticipation bottling in his throat before he took out a small, worn out but carefully folded patch of paper.
With trembling fingers he began to unfold it, and then, right before his eyes, the number "98" written on it began to shimmer, to shift and become absorbed before it began to reform in the middle, becoming a "99" only his eyes could see.
It was only then that a smile appeared in his lips.
Ninety-nine.
Just one more before Hyaku…
Hyaku…
He repeated the word several times, rolling it in his tongue, feeling the way the back of his throat stuck to the roof of his mouth to make the first syllable, while his breath stuck to his teeth to say the last part
One more… just one more and he would be free, free of this mortal coil, free of this world.
Just one more before he could collect his prize.
"So, now you'll die."
She stared down the barrel of the gun, trying not to show any fear.
It wasn't working.
The gunshot never sounded like a bang; it never sounded like any of the onomatopoeia she had read anywhere. It sounded deafening, like a loud thunder clap; expanding relentlessly within the confines of Kaname's ears and head, echoing against her body and she clutched her chest, so sure of feeling the numbness and the pain associated with getting hit by a bullet there, before she opened her eyes and saw Sousuke in front of her.
And Leonard falling against the ground.
"S—" She began to whisper, before she noticed it.
He was falling as well.
Slowly he was falling and she suddenly realized what it was that people meant by when they said "legs wouldn't hold anymore."
He simply slumped against the wall, feeling as his knees buckled underneath his weight, sinking into the floor ever so slowly, as a dark streak was left against the bricks of the wall.
It was raining.
Actually, it was pouring. It was almost as if the sky themselves were crying their heart out. Wave after wave of rain, drenching them both, making their clothes stick to their body and intermixing with the tears in her eyes.
Through his hazy vision, he saw as she ran towards him, still dressed in her high school uniform, not caring if the whiteness of her shirt got smeared by his—
"You idiot, what do you think you're doing?"
He turned to look at her, and he wondered again how someone so small could look so imposing with her hands on her hips, and looking at him with so much anger.
And he never feared for his life.
"I-it's not like th—"
"Shut up." She said softly, but with enough command to make the body guard instantly close his mouth.
He tried to say something, but instead, his body was wrecked by his coughing, making him spit out blood from his mouth, mixing with the immaculate white shirt he was wearing, also wet with the water form the rain and the blood oozing from his chest.
"You are an idiot."
He looked at her with one eye half closed, still slumped against the wall. The harshness in her voice, the hardness in her chocolate colored eyes melted away as tears began to well, though he could be mistaken since it was raining and he was feeling like he was slipping into unconsciousness with every passing moment he was here.
"Why did you have to do it? Why?"
"You shouldn't have done that… you shouldn't—" Kaname kept saying as her small, lithe body began breaking into tiny sobs.
Sousuke simply grabbed onto her hand, pressing his calloused fingers against her soft delicate ones, making her look at him through the tears in her eyes.
"I told you," He said roughly under his breath, forcing her to look into his dull grey eyes. "I would protect you… always."
Around them, red light began to flash as the police and the EMT's began to swarm on the area, as orders and counter orders were shouted in indistinct fashion, making the whole scene feel like a pandemonium, but in the midst of it all, in the center of it all, she could only see his dull grey eyes, could only feel his calloused hands against her own soft fingers, could only hear his ragged voice; small and hushed and whispered against her.
"You know that, correct?"
She didn't have to look back at him, instead, she simply smiled.
"I know, and I'll wait for you." Kaname whispered back.
"For years?"
"Even hundreds of years…"
Anything more they could have said, was cut short as with quick efficiency the paramedics came and began to try and keep him alive, while they covered her with a soft blanket to give her shivering form some warmth. With practiced ease, they strapped Sousuke to the stretch bed, while they began to shout for 10 cc of this, and 4 pints of that.
It all became a distant drone as she kept his eyes within hers.
And as the ambulance rode away, anyone watching would have seen how she never released his hand.
"And Cut!"
Everyone turned to looked at the director who had a self-satisfying smile in his face before he uttered the words everyone had been waiting to hear.
"Print." Junpei Manaka said as everyone around him cheered, signaling the end of the filming. Immediately news reporters covering this story began to swarm around the writer/producer and the director.
"Miss Tojo, how does it feel to be able to end the filming of the latest saga of the Full Metal Panic franchise, FMP: Continuing on my own (With or without you)?"
"Is it true that stars Kaname Chidori and Sousuke Sagara are engaged?"
"Is this a case of life imitates art?"
All around questions were shouted, while those who were asked did their best to answer without the aid of their publicist.
And behind the barricade and lines of police and rented security, Asuka Langley Sohryu and Shinji Ikari looked at it all with mixed faces.
"Finally they're done." The redhead said after a brief moment before they began to walk towards the building adjacent to the on location set.
"C'mon Asuka." Shinji was smiling at the image of Kaname and Sousuke walking away from the prongs of reporter still hand in hand, as if they had never heard the word "cut" from the director. "It wasn't that bad."
"Please." Asuka grumbled as she took a sip from her coffee cup to guard herself against the freezing cold, more biting thanks to the rain that had began to fall suddenly. "You were having the time of your life and looking forward for all the movie crew to go to the bar."
"W-well not re—"
"C'mon admit it; big tips, cute girls, bigger tips…" Asuka said as she turned to Shinji and frowned noticing he was once again simply wearing a coat but no scarf or something to cover his head.
"I've told you going out like that is just asking to get pneumonia." Asuka said as she took her own scarf and tied it around Shinji's throat. "Drink up."
Shinji kept quiet but drank from his own coffee. "Thank for the coffee."
"Don't mention it, like I said, it's just to celebrate this damn movie is finally over, now I can continue working in peace."
"Well, I'm sure gonna miss all this."
"C'mon." Asuka said as she began to walk towards the building where the filming crew was beginning to wrap everything up. "Who would miss all the people simply standing here, snooping around and hoping to get an autograph to sell over at e-bay or something?"
Shinji smiled a small smile behind her, finally aware of how she reacted, of how important it was for Asuka to show inner strength and live up to the standards over anything else.
"Sometimes I don't know if you're incredibly cynic or just simply jaded." Shinji said as he followed Asuka through the mass of people.
Asuka simply shrugged at it. "People like to live in a dream world, but some of us actually understand the concept of real life."
Shinji caught the jive and smiled good-naturedly at the redhead.
"C'mon, you say it like it's a bad thing… besides, it's not like all I do is stare at those two…" Shinji continued quietly. "Although I did bring them together, you know."
Asuka frowned when Shinji said that, and quickly turned around to face him.
"Shinji, we need to get this straight." Shinji stopped when he registered the tone of her voice, and noticed how she lost all previous warmth and replaced it with the could countenance that mean the doctor was, very much, in.
"I thought we had made enough progress about this." Asuka said as she took a deep breath before motioning towards Shinji. "Shinji, you need to understand and accept the fact that you are not Cupid."
Shinji sighed at that; it had become something of a recurring theme; he would get the couples together, unlikely couples, or two people everyone else could see miles away belonged together.
And every time Asuka would pick at his ways and method, and every time they would always end up like this.
"Explain to me then how all of these…" Shinji paused, fumbling for a mundane word to use. "These situations… these things always happen when I'm around?"
"Shinji." It had always amazed Shinji how Asuka's tone had no nonsense written all over it and how she was able to pull all of it on his name alone: It was hard, and direct and unyielding. It gave no quarter and offered no respite and it almost, almost made it seem as if any minute now she would call him an idiot.
"We've been though this for a long time; you're not cupid, you just happen to have an inordinate amount of luck.."
"Luck about what?"
Asuka sighed.
"Look, Shinji; we've been over this already."
"Yes. And I would have thought after seeing m—" Shinji began, looking down.
"That's the thing Shinji, I don't think you understand."
Shinji stopped talking and looked to see Asuka pinching the bridge of her nose. "You know, from time to time, I forget that you're a mental patient. Then you do something that brings it all back into focus."
"I know, and I am so close and then we will both be free of each other." Shinji said pleasantly, even if the smile did not reach his eyes. "Then you can go your own way and I can go my own wa—"
"You're not listening, Shinji." Asuka interrupted him, making him close his mouth. "Look, I can't do this, not anymore… your observation period ended with the last session. I have your review pending, and I have to submit my report today before 6:00 P.M."
"So what's the problem then?" Shinji asked cautiously.
"The problem is every time I think we are making progress you pull this crap." Asuka said firmly. "The problem is every time I think I have made a breakthrough with you, you fall back again!"
Shinji looked at her before she pushed him to the wall, pressing his shoulders with her hands to prevent him form escaping.
"The problem is I don't know if you're crazy, or just some con artist! The problem is you seem lucid enough before you start saying you are the God of Love!" He stared at her with wide eyes. Never before had he seen Asuka so angry, so hurt, so tired of it.
"The problem is that I have to make a choice, and I have to decide if I should tell the board if you're cured, or if you should be institutionalized…" She said as she turned, showing him her back, her voice once again becoming nothing more than a lulling hush.
"The problem is that right now, I'm leaning towards the last one… and it's a problem for me because I—" She trailed off, not knowing how to finish her line of thought.
Shinji stood there dumbfounded, he opened his mouth on reflex, before he frowned, deciding not to say another word. Shinji simply turned around and exited Asuka's office, not caring to hear the redhead's next words, as Asuka sighed again, still with her back to him.
"You know what, fine. Fine. Fine!" Asuka said as she got up. "You want to ignore the fact that you have been charged to my care? Fine!"
"You want the courts to find out and re-institutionalize you? Fine!" She continued, screaming after him as he kept on walking. "If you want to sit in a padded room and watch the world series on an imaginary TV, then really, why should I care? Huh?!"
The sound of her door closing made he turn around, and Asuka simply let out a tired breath as she saw Shinji leave through the glass door, before she turned, looking at the folder on her desk with Shinji's name on it.
"Idiot." Asuka mumbled, taking out her notes and making herself comfortable for what seemed to be a long night. The redhead pulled a small cassette player form her desk, placing it next to her books puting an audio cassette inside of it, pressing "play".
click
This medical journal will entail the progression of the patient assigned to me by court order mandate No. SH-002; this will also serve as my own recommendation for the review board in how to better treat the patient.
A preliminary report of the patient has yield the fact that the main reason of affliction seems to be social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia.
It is a well known fact that a diagnosis of this type within psychiatry and other mental health professions refers to excessive long-lasting social anxiety causing relatively extreme distress and impaired ability to function in at least some areas of daily life. The diagnosis can be of a specific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalized disorder.
Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, and chronic fear of being judged by others and of potentially being embarrassed or humiliated by their own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny by others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, considerable difficulty can be encountered overcoming it.
The interesting aspect about this case happens to be that the subject has been categorized by Dr. Akagi as being "Love-shy", in accordance to Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin's book and how he describes a specific type of severe chronic shyness.
According to his definition, published in Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatments (1987), love-shy people find it difficult to be assertive in informal situations involving potential romantic or sexual partners; under the same tenure, some can express this feeling of inadequacy by overcompensate this feeling of non-assertiveness by being overtly aggressive.
Dr. Gilmartin researched this phenomenon exclusively, concluding that—
click
A low humming followed by a buzzing sound made Asuka stop the recording, looking down at her mobile phone vibrating with life as the screen lit up in color, making the small red little thing seem more lively.
Staring at the screen, Asuka sighed when she saw who was calling, and after a minute or two of hesitation, she answered the phone curtly.
"Yes, Dr."
"Asuka, how are you?"
Asuka sighed, noticing that she was making small talk, and for her to do so was always a sing of something bad, so she decided to cut to the chase.
"I'm actually finishing my report on my patient for the oversight committee, ma'am."
"How good and efficient, just like your mother." Asuka could almost hear the smirk on the other side of the line playing over her lips. "We will be expecting your report today at 5 sharp. Be prompt."
Asuka was just taking the phone form her ear when she heard her last words.
"I'm proud of you, Asuka."
Asuka stared at the screen where the name blinked in and out of existence, signaling the call had been terminated. She held the phone for another moment before clicking the recorder back to life, taking a look at her notes, frowning as her eyes landed on the clock next to her.
2.34 P.M.
Sighing, she turned to the notes in front of her, wondering again how it had all come to this.
"I'm telling you, I'm the God of love…"
Kaji simply smirked down at Shinji, noticing how he was much closer to falling from the stool he was sitting than to making any sense.
"Sure you are kid… thanks to you, me and Misato got past our differences and managed to start again." Kaji said as he handed Shinji another crate to be put on the freezer.
"That's because you were nothing more than a horny man-whore."
Kaji and Shinji turned to look at Misato who had finished signing for the rest of the stock before tearing into a new Y'bisu pack ad taking out one of the beers to sample it.
"Hey! Don't do that!" Kaji said from behind the counter. "We still need to do a final count for tonight's pa—"
The unmistakable sound of the pressured contents of the beer bottle being released and drank made him stop in mid sentence as he saw Misato take one long gulp, before he shook his head, shrugged his shoulders and smiled.
"Hm… nice light taste with a hint of orange on it…" Misato said thoughtfully before taking one of the tall beer glasses Kaji had been wiping and pouring the rest of the beer there.
"Now I know they're trying to market it to the young and hip crowd."
"That means you'll drink it?" Kaji said as he walked behind her to inspect the rest of the beers and beverages.
"No way… I'm a one beer kind of gal." Misato made a face. "Besides it's too light for my taste." She walked back to the bar and sat in a fluid motion that made her seem even younger than her real age, something that was a well guarded secret along with her weight and three sizes.
"So, what's on your mind kid? You look even downer than usual."
Shinji was about to tell her when Kaji interrupted.
"The kid's going on about how he got those two movie stars together and no one is giving him credit."
"N-no, I mean… it's not li—"
"Aww c'mon Shinji." Misato said teasingly. "Everyone here knows we have our own little cupid; too bad you didn't want to use that cupid idea for last Valentine's."
"Or in Halloween, or in White day, or in Tanabata… I think Misato simply wants to see you semi nude and running around showing your cra—"
Kaji's remark was silenced by Misato throwing him a wet wash towel to his face.
"Sh-shut up, you! Those were simply sales strategies!"
"Yeah, yeah… same like putting on that tiger striped bikini and trying to make this a cosplay bar."
"Well, it was better than that idea of making Wednesdays "Casino" nights and you dressing up as James Bo—"
"Well it was better than you…"
Shinji sighed, as he watched the on-again/off-again couple begin their usual bantering routine, before letting a small smile play on his lips.
He had brought them both together… that much was true. It had been tricky given Misato's thoughts on Kaji sleeping around, but anyone could see that Misato really did care and love the man, even if she sometimes cover up those feelings with rudeness or name calling.
And as always, once the discussion was starting to get heated, Kaji would then silence Misato the only way he knew was a sure-fire way to do it.
Shinji smiled as he saw how, once they were done, and Kaji would continue taking stock for tonight's party, Misato would look at him and smile a soft, small smile, before turning away, sticking her tongue out at him or Kaji whenever they caught her.
Yeah, it did bring a smile to his face.
But also a pang of… something.
Somehow, every smile and every giggle seemed…
Kaji and Misato blinked from their bantering-evolved-into-necking session when Shinji simply picked up his jacket and made his way to the door.
"Hey, Shinji, where the hell are you going?" Misato asked to his back. "We're having last minute preparations here for the wrap up pa—"
"I'll be back in a while, just need to think."
And just like that, for the second time today, Shinji walked way, and when he heard the latch of the door licking shut, he somehow felt like a part of his life was being closed as well.
"Dr. Sohryu."
Asuka looked up from her feet, staring at the attendant. The girl simply motioned to the great oak doors.
"They're waiting for you."
Slowly, Asuka rose, checked her dress and coat, picked up her briefcase, and walked towards the door.
Shinji was used to walking aimlessly.
He had done it or at least it felt like he had done that so long ago. Sometimes it felt like he had been here before, but every now and then it felt like he was nothing but a scared little boy wandering without a reason through the city; he could really remember the first time he had done so, how he had ended in a corner somewhere, but this time it was different.
Now it felt different somehow.
He reached the park and simply sat down, and proceeded to simply… be there, sitting in the bench, witnessing as people walked by, watching as they went around on their normal, every day life, and thinking…
Had he become so used to being them, had he really lost track of who he was?
He got up, suddenly feeling sick, ready to begin pacing or to simply walk away again, but as he took some steps, he felt that feeling again in the pit of his stomach before he sat down again.
If he had to be honest with himself, he was tired, tired of all this, tired of people not believing him, tired of her always saying that his job was nothing more than a simple coincidence.
So what if he had no bow and arrow, and not much of a personality?
He was who he was, and that was the simple truth.
But…
Every time he stopped, he could see them, he could feel them, smell them all; it had been hard at first, understanding why he had been cast away, understanding that it had been his pride, his hubris what had been his down fall in the beginning.
"One hundred couples" had been something burned into his mind when he woke up that time, like a goal or something with structure and purpose for him to attain.
And yet…
He remembered how he had been standing in the same corner, hounding the pedestrians with the promise of getting them a chance at true love, and how the shout men from the local soap houses and cosplay cafes had began to shout at him to leave, how even while he had tried to explain why he was doing what he had been doing, one of them came at him and in the scuffle that broke afterwards, how that person had ended with a broken nose and a concussion.
He remembered how the police officers nearby had arrested him. Making him march to the local station and the crazy look they gave him when they asked him to state his full name please.
He remembered how she…
Shinji frowned.
It had taken him weeks to finally convince her that he wasn't crazy.
Well, ok, so maybe he had to lie a bit and play the game to be let out, but it was the only way out if he wanted to complete his mission, and he wasn't going to be able to do it while inside a hospital forced to wear a bathrobe all day.
"She's right you know? You really do whine a lot."
Shinji blinked wearily, the voice ringing in his ears as pleasantly as the sound of a nearby river would sound to a thirsty man. When he focused his eyes, he saw her next to him; her presence and warm smile seemed to make her skin glow against the setting sun.
"Mother?"
"How are you?" She answered simply, before she sat next to him, without waiting for an invitation, the folds of her long coat brushing against the cobblestones of the park.
"He's doing fine, obviously."
Shinji turned around and looked in front of him, before his face turned into a frown.
Standing in front of him, cut against the yellow-orange light of the dying day was a man of imposing height, looking down at him; his face was obscured by the blinding light, but Shinji instantly felt his name within the confines of his mind.
"Father."
"Indeed." He said simply staring down at him.
"What do you want?"
He simply smirked, a cruel grimace that in him seemed like a rictus on his face.
"We simply came to see you, see how your mission is coming." His mother said instantly, appeasing Shinji, while simultaneously shooting his father a glare, making the older man look away before walking a few steps away, giving them a bit of privacy.
"You have to forgive him, you know how he is."
Shinji simple let out a huff before he turned around.
"I…"
"We've been watching you from afar." She continued, modulating her voice to a soothing calm tone, as she placed her hand on his arm, and gave him a look full of love and warmth.
"I have told your father several times to allow you the use of your powers when you were obviously struggling."
"Why?"
"Well…" She stopped for a bit, looking away as if she were thinking of the best way to explain before smiling wistfully while brushing a strand of chestnut colored hair. "Mothers are like that… We're ready to come forth and cast a loving embrace and protective hand to guard our children from any harm."
Shinji simply stared at her from the corner of his eyes, not saying a word.
"And what did father say."
"You know your father." She simply shrugged, turning to look at the aforementioned father, who was trying hard not to make it look like he was hanging on to her every word, the devotion from him towards her as palpable and obvious it sometimes seemed to Shinji like there was some sort of thread connecting them both undeniably in every way, in every aspect, like the duality of the sun and the moon, of male and female, of heaven and earth.
"He believes a child's worth should be proved by their own self… that way, any kind of prize they get or ask for will be justly awarded to them and them alone…"
"Is that why you came here?" Shinji asked quietly, his voice no higher than a whisper. "To try and justify what you did?"
"No. We came here to see you." His mother said simply. "I came to let you know I will be expecting you back soon."
She cupped his face with both hands, and drew his eyes into her own, blue reflecting against blue, like a mirror image down to the same delicate features on their faces.
"You have done a fine job so far." She continued, looking at all the couples walking by. clearly enjoying the multitude of people there, all with their own thoughts, ideas, feelings; all individuals, but strangely connected.
"It has always marveled me how this could be, how such a feeling can… become."
The faces of the young couples were open, all showing their feelings for the night; but it wasn't only the couples; there were several men and women alone, and the owners of the small cafes and restaurants were beginning to put out the tables on the sidewalks, waiting anxiously for the young couples and lovers to come and have something to eat.
"You see how they all interact?" She questioned in a cheerful manner. "This is the magic behind it all, the reason for us being here. It's not only a spur of the moment thing, but something for which we lay the foundations."
She motioned towards a young couple sharing a cup of coffee, and already Shinji could see a thin red shimmering tendril emanating from them both growing redder, firmer, stronger.
"They've known each other since grade school." She began simply, closing her eyes, humming a mellow tune, almost as if she was harmonizing her words with their thoughts.
"She has been the one always pushing him to do better, and although he might be a bit of a dumb insensitive person, he really has a warm gentle heart." She turned to Shinji, her eyes sparkling as she spoke.
"Do you think they are meant to be?"
Shinji spared them a glance. The girl was now talking about something, her freckled cheeks flushed with excitement, while the tall boy was simply staring at her in awe, his slouched posture as casual as his ensemble of track suit and running shoes, almost as if he had just gotten out of the gym and rushed to be with her, the southern wind flowing behind him.
But Shinji could see it in his eyes; that look of utter adoration, how he was hanging from every word she was saying almost as if his very soul was being feed by the sound of his voice.
"Yes. It's obvious he's in love with her, and she is also with him."
She smiled at Shinji and nodded. "You are so close, Eros… You are so close to proving us that you still exist here. Don't lose faith, don't despair, believe in you as others believe in you."
She rose then, bending her waist to still keep Shinji's eyes on herself, before she leaned forward and kissed his forehead softly, delicately.
"You felt so sure of yourself and your craft, that you needed to be taught a lesson, boy." His father's voice boomed, making Shinji realize he was standing next to him, still staring out at the horizon, into the ever encompassing night.
"One hundred couples without the use of your bow and arrows, without the use of your charisma and beauty. A challenge fit for the God of love."
Shinji looked at his father with awe; the light turning into darkness, the day becoming dusk, clearly outlining his tall form, the short beard and hair, the glasses obscuring his eyes, giving off the glare of the fire that raged within him, fire that could be destructive, that could be war, that could forge arms and arrows as well as treasures and jewels.
He stared until he could no longer stare, and then looked down at his feet.
"You are close to completing this challenge on my terms, boy. Finish it, and then return to your mother's side."
"It's not much of a challenge now." Shinji said simply. "I only need one more."
"You never learn, do you?" He said as he turned to Shinji, blinding him with the light coming form his glasses. "The reason you were sent here is because of your pride."
"Pride… you always say that." Shinji said in a low voice. "What do you mean pride? I've jumped through hoops to be able to get here… I've done what you wanted so fa—"
"And you still haven't learned the point of this." His reply was so swift and cutting, almost like a battle forged sword cutting at tender young flesh.
"I've learned that I am good at what I do!" Shinji said fiercely, clutching the arm rest of the bench until his knuckles grew white.
"I've learned that you can take my arrow and bow, my personality and charisma, but I'd still be able to pull it off!"
"Really? So confident in just one more couple? So you finally remember why you started all this?" His tone was… cryptic… like someone talking of a cooking recipe that bequeathed a great mystery and family tradition, or like a scientist of older times guarding a secret to a neophyte who was still too wet behind the ears to understand.
It made Shinji stare at him again, long and hard and trying look through all the haze in his mind, only to find it impossible and for him to once again look to his feet, subdued.
"I've done it so far... besides, I could probably do it in one night, if I wanted to."
"Very well, I accept that." And with that, His father turned around, the wind billowing against his coat, making it look almost like a black cape with red undertones on it.
"Part of your punishment here on Earth was to find out about mortality, and to remember why you embarked on trying to mend one hundred broken hearts."
He stopped mid stride, turning around, eyeless eyes glaring at him, mouth shrouded by the shadows of his own face. "Remember… mortals die. You have until tonight. Fail, and you will never leave. You will become a mortal, and you will die."
The words died in an echo in his ears, making Shinji open his eyes, noticing he had been asleep the whole time on the bench.
He got up and decided to quiet the voices raging within.
He had to make them believe in him, again… and there was only one way to do it.
But as Shinji walked back to the bar, a thought occurred to him: if he wasn't who he thought he was, then… who was he?
"He's a delusional man."
The muttering on the room felt oppressing, the small mumbled words, the whispered words...
"I know that." Asuka answered back, alone in the room, facing the other woman's back as she poured herself a glass of water.
"Do you…?" She let out a hum, and Asuka simply kept repeating to herself to calm down, calm down, calm down. "So you accept the fact that his delusion that he is in fact Cupid, the Roman god of love, remains fixed, and that he was released because according to the reports which you filed, he'd overcome his delusional state?"
Asuka opened her mouth to refute it, when she realized she had nothing to fall back on.
"Asuka, I have the obligation of letting you know that the committee found your case review unsatisfactory." She took a drink and sat in front of her, taking her glasses and brushing her short reddish-brown colored hair.
"I know that bu—"
"All evidence points toward a degenerative schizophrenia. I am telling you this, not as your supervisor, and not as a member of the review committee." She said as she leaned towards Asuka, placing a comforting hand on her arm.
"I'm telling you this as your mother as well." She leaned back, shooting Asuka a long, hard look. "Now as my daughter, I want you to be honest with me."
"Asuka." Kyoko said somberly and with reluctance, waiting. "Are you having an affair with Shinji Ikari?"
"Mom!" Asuka said angrily. "How can you—"
"I know." Kyoko said quickly, cutting her daughter's rant. "But there have been allegations made to the effect that you may be having..." Kyoko paused, thinking for a moment before her professional side took over. "Inappropriate relations with him."
Asuka couldn't believe what she was hearing, she simply stared at her mother's face, feeling as if her professional life was crumbling around her like a castle made out of sand just when the high tide came in.
"Listen, you are a grown up, and I can't tell you what to do." Kyoko said after a beat, letting the graveness of the accusation sink in Asuka's mind. "But if I where you, I wouldn't be talking or seeing a man who is the reason why I am being investigated for improper conduct."
Asuka looked down, looking like a chastised child.
"I wouldn't want to lose my career, and your final review is inconclusive, asking for more time to have him under observation is like admitting you are."
"I will not lose my career over him."
"Good." Kyoko agreed, as she placed the file Asuka had presented on the table, and on top of it, the small cassette player kept the file folder closed. "Because any way you see it right now, with this report, that's exactly what you're doing… you are throwing away your career."
"There is nothing going on between u—"
Kyoko got up and walked next to Asuka, kneeling next to her, cupping her chin and forcing her to look up.
"Asuka, listen…" Kyoko began, and her tone became softer, mellower; like the untouched grass after a soft summer rain, lulling and refreshing, yet feeling like someone had wrapped a warm blanket around her cold shoulders.
"Can you honestly tell me he is getting better? Can you honestly tell me you have seen improvements?"
"What is the alternative then?" Asuka asked angrily. "We're talking about putting him on a drug that will fundamentally change his personality."
She slammed her hands on the glass table. "Do you understand that? It's who he is!"
Kyoko in contrast remained calm, and collected, staring down her daughter with sharp, razor-like eyes. "We're also talking about your reputation. Your career."
Asuka and Kyoko stared at each other for a beat, a moment, a glimpse of time before Kyoko continued in the same cold clinical way she used when dissecting to Shinji that one time ago the reasons why love and romance were dead.
"There is no shame in feeling love, but there is great shame in losing all of what you've worked for, all of what you have gotten so far for a simple romp in the sack."
Asuka glared at Kyoko but said nothing, instead, she simply got up and walked away, leaving behind the file.
Kyoko simply sat down, and sighed.
The clock kept ticking away.
Shinji stared at the bottle of alcohol with intensity, sitting in the dining table of his apartment almost as if he was forcing it with his mind to finish itself, or rather, what was left of it.
The whole room was dark, the night already present and the curtains drawn. The only sound in the apartment was the tick-tock of the clock going on and on, making the fleeting seconds turns into decaying minutes, corpses of the moment that had just passed by, that would never come back, that will keep on going on and forth.
Shinji sighed, noticing he was, indeed, quite drunk.
And the clock kept ticking away.
After a moment of contemplation, he extracted a phone from within his clothes and began to punch in the numbers before the phone began to light up with movement and sound and life.
Ring.
He raised the bottle to his lips, closing his eyes and taking a deep drink.
Ring.
He looked blearily at the bottle, leaning back on the chair, holding it up to gauge the color of the liquid against the pale light of the candles.
Ri—
"Yes?"
Shinji smiled to himself, hearing her voice on the other line. "Hey, Dr. Sohryu,"
"Who- Shinji... What do you want?" Asuka answered, and even through the distorted voice over the aerial telephone signals, Shinji could feel the tiredness on her voice, and for a moment he felt bad, terrible… he felt filled with remorse for what he was about to say and do.
But just as easily as it came, he forgot about it as well.
"I just thought you should know…"
He stopped, closing his eyes, focusing, concentrating on what he wanted to say, thinking of the words to express the feeling of rage and anger and despair within his very fiber, his very soul.
"Shinji I re—"
"I'm planning a breakthrough." Shinji said quickly, interrupting Asuka and pressing his advantage more and more.
"I have found a lovely young lady with whom I feel a deep emotional connection." Shinji said, smiling pleasantly at the bottle of wine in his hand.
"So… what? Are you calling me to let me know? I th—"
"No… but I thought this would be something you needed to know. Set your mind at ease on a number of issues." He said as he took another drink from the bottle. "I'm thinking of my good ol' pal Ba—"
"Shinji… you're not making any sense…"
"…thinking maybe he was rightfully named the liberator…"
"What do you me—"
"I mean that it's time for me to shuffle away form this mortal coil, one way or another…it also means you are today's big winner."
"Listen, Shinji, I've had a rough day today and I re—"
"Rough day? Let me tell you about rough days…" Shinji said, chuckling, taking another drink. "I am this close to actually getting a get out of jail free card." Shinji said, as he got up, separating his thumb and forefinger by a mere inch, even if Asuka couldn't see the action.
"I mean, everything was going according to what I have planned so far…" He paused as he heard the rumbling of the rain as it started to fall in the city. "But it's true what they say… the best laid plans..."
Shinji too another drink, feeling the familiar warmth of the wine coursing through his veins... waiting and noticing as it permeated, expecting for the cells to give way and cancel out the day.
"So you see… I'm at my rope's end here… every time I tried setting someone up to finally leave, Eris seemed to have a yang for my choices." Shinji said as he scanned the streets below from his window.
"I mean, there was this waitress, cute as a button, looked like a doll, and just as she was walking to a customer I pointed out, she slips and crashes all of the drinks on him." He paused for a moment, taking another drink.
"There was also a couple of kids; one was going on and on about how he liked to build domes in the sand box and the girl would come and stomp on it… and since there wasn't any rules about ages, I figured schoolyard romance so I tried to steer them in the right direction…"
He took another pause, waiting for Asuka to jump at him, to say something.
But, again, only silence.
"So instead, the kid ended up in a fight against the little girl, and their mothers are gonna sue each other for damages."
"Obviously not a way to start on the path of true love…" The irony in Asuka's answer was as physical as the railing of the window Shinji was grasping now.
"Oh, well, then I shouldn't be too worried about it, Miss Relationship Expert…" Shinji said in a somber tone. "After all, you and your mother might be right… Cupid has been replaced by cards and chocolates… real love has been replaced by chat rooms and onanism"
He paused to get some air, before continuing, not caring about why Asuka kept quiet. "So, a full three hours of personal bliss, freeing one from one's normal self, by madness, ecstasy, or wine and I should be cured, right?"
"I don't know, Shinji. You tell me." Asuka said simply, her tone betraying the fact that she really could care less.
"That's right." Shinji nodded, pausing for a second or two. "No more immortality, no more scores, no more true love, no more Cupid." Beneath him, people came and go. Singles becoming couples, then couples becoming groups. Young and old and children all hurrying, scurrying going to restaurants and cafes and karaoke bars.
"End of delusion and all thanks to you. So, I thought I should call and say congratulations." He said simply, walking back to the inside of the apartment and taking the phone from his ear, ready to end the call when Asuka's voice made him stop.
"Shinji… are you home?"
"Why do you a—" Shinji answered when a knock on the door interrupted him, making his way to it and opening said door to reveal Dr. Asuka Langley Sohryu on the other side, drenched from head to toe and dripping rain water on the hallway and staring at him with an expression of anger on her face as she slowly ended the call.
She hiccuped, brushing the back of her hand over her already reddened eyes, leaning against the frame of the door slowly.
Shinji noticed the smell of alcohol coming from her; her face clothes, small splashes of dark on her pristine white shirt, almost as if she had too much to dri— "Thanks to you I lost my job."
"Wh-what?"
"I lost my job!" Asuka shouted, rushing past a still drunk Shinji. "I was supposed to go there and tell them you were crazy! That you were a danger to society! That you were better off being chemically castrated, having a lobotomy… anything but being left to wander out in the open!"
Shinji simply stared at her as Asuka felt the range and anger slowly leaving her body, her breathing coming out in jagged, shallow pants.
"A-Asuka I didn't kn—"
"Shut it." Asuka simply said as she walked out, toweling her hair. "I was this close of coming and telling you to go to hell, I came to the bar and looked for you. And Misato said you were gone."
Shinji stared dumbly at her. "And you were worried?"
"Of course I was worried you idiot! I'm still in charge of you, even if I have lost my job, I'm still legally in charge of you!" She grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and began to shake him as much as she could.
"Do you have any idea of what is that? Do you even care of something other than your grand plan? I still don't know how I haven't been able to get through with you! A number of people have benefited from my advice, you know." Asuka said, looking almost like a little girl pouting, the only thing missing was her stomping her foot.
"Will I ever be something more than a thesis statement for you?"
"Well, you know what? that's funny, because the thousands of people who read my books and my column think so." Asuka said as she staggered towards Shinji. "The people who pay me to counsel them think so, and you know who else thinks so? The people who put me in charge of saying if you are or aren't crazy."
"So you think I'm crazy?"
"It doesn't matter what I think or don't think…" Asuka answered, turning her back on him. "As of 6.00 p.m. today, I am no longer associated with the Health and Welfare Ministry."
"But then why did you came here?"
"Because until the clock hits midnight today, in about 10 more minutes…" Asuka said simply, shrugging. "I am still legally bound to you. And even if I lost my job, I will not be sent to jail in case you decide to do something stupid and kill yourself. Besides… all this time I've wanted to ask you…"
"Ask me..?"
"Why do you do it?"
"What?"
"This…" She said, gesturing around, yet at nothing at all. "All… this."
"Don't you ever notice it?" Shinji said simply. "Don't you crave the attention?"
"Attention…" Asuka repeated, obviously not following. Asuka began to look at Shinji, finally noticing something. He got up, stumbling, his legs feeling like lead but his hand still clutching the bottle as if his life depended on it.
"Everyday we pass a thousand people on the street, right?" There was a quiet desperation in his voice, something palpable, something that could be tasted, like a bitter sticky substance coating his soul. "Any one of them could be our one, but we're too preoccupied to notice. We don't see one another. That's your thousand people out there. Every one of them… but none of them are willing to take the plunge… not even me…"
"Tell me, why are you doing this because you believe that for each couple you match up, you will win a… what? A mark? A tally? A bead?"
"N-no…"
"And when you get a hundred of them, you will magically transport back to Olympus to resume your life of leisure."
"No… I mean… I- I have absolutely no reason to be here. I ju—"
"So that's it?" She asked. "It that what this is all about?"
"N-no, I mean—"
"Some kind of challenge? A phallic argument over seeing who is the alpha male? Do you have issues with you father? Were you abused as a child?" Asuka asked each question, punctuating by poking Shinji in the chest.
"Then tell me why!" Asuka asked sharply.
"I don't know All right!" Shinji shouted, looking at her. "I don't know! All I know is that…"
"What!?"
"It's broken." Shinji said suddenly, staring at her with a different face, almost as if enlighten had reached him by chance.
"What?"
"It's broken." Shinji said looking at everything with a new light. "My heart was broken."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I wasn't able to take the pain." Shinji said a his eyes kept looking around, not focusing on anything, almost as if the words were coming by themselves. "I had to heal my heart. I had to heal all the broken hearts…"
"I don't—" Asuka began before she licked her lips, trying to learn more, trying to understand more. "Maybe you're here because you are the end of Eros himself, the embodiment of the idea of how love is blind, and now you have noticed that love isn't blind…"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that maybe… you loved someone and you weren't loved back, and maybe that was because you weren't meant to be, and you have to accept that not every love story has a happy ending." Asuka said softly. "And this is for you to simply move forward and forget all of this."
"You think you can get love that way? That you can make love go away? That you can find it through websites and show it with chocolates and flowers and presents and cards?"
"No, I think that there's a huge advantage of getting someone with a like-minded profile."
"For you maybe." Shinji said bitterly. "Your problem is that you stick everyone into these neat little psychological shoe boxes."
"Like what?"
"Needy co-dependant, insensitive aggressor, insecure narcissistic, delusional psychotic…"
"If the shoe box fits…" Asuka smirked at him.
"You know what?" Shinji said as Asuka took the bottle form him and gave it a drink. "You just can't pick a profile and assume that it'll get the job done."
"What do you mean?"
"Th— they're just— they're facts." Shinji simply stared at her, noticing for the first time what could be his salvation. "They have nothing to do with heat or chemistry or the stuff that makes up love."
"Love isn't brains!" Shinji said simply, as he pointed to his temple, almost as if his thumb and forefinger were mimicking a gun. "It doesn't think or rationalize. Love isn't logical, it's not supposed to make sense!"
"Love is supposed to be spontaneous, not clinically proven." Shinji said sitting down dejectedly, looking at the burning candle, at the paper that still showed him a "99" nearby, at the clock ticking away, watching as it was slowly ending.
"Love is supposed to be found by catching someone's attention in a sharp, hard undeniable way! Like walking around and hugging someone you don't know, or telling them to have a nice day… it's little small details that I can't do because I'm not allowed to do so!"
"Love is love…" He said as he pressed his hand against his chest. "It's guts and feelings and gravity and pull… love is blood…" He continued, leaning forward to be eye level with Asuka, his free hand against the edge of the table while the other one clasped his chest. "Blood screaming inside you to work its will."
Shinji staggered in front of her, kneeling while Asuka simply kept that dumb detached look any drunk person has, wondering if this was a dream or if this was a joke, until Shinji started talking again.
"Aren't you tied of it all?" Shinji said fervently almost as if the warmth of the wine on his body had turned into a fire raging within, a fever of epic proportions that felt as though he was going to be eaten alive by the feelings that were crashing and colliding, mixing and becoming one and more and all and nothing at the same time.
Asuka couldn't think straight, couldn't really understand any of it, all she cold do was stare at those blue eyes that seemed right now to hold onto the greatest mysteries of lives long gone, almost as if Shinji had been covering his face all this time, like she had never seen the real him underneath; not the meek and overly apologetic man, but someone who had a calm and focused face, someone who finally knew—
"What I am doing here is finding myself." Shinji said, as if reading her thoughts. "I'm tired of talking."
They stood like that for a moment; Asua opened her mouth, licked her lips, her eyes going from Shinji's serious face t his half closed lips as she leaned in almost at the same time Shinji mirrored her move.
Until a loud thunder clap smashed the silence to non existence, and the lights outside went out with a shower of sparks as something, presumably a transformer from a light post, exploded into the night, plunging the apartment into a darkness so dense the only light was the one form the candle in the middle of the dinning table.
But that was more than enough to have an effect on Asuka, as she got up with a jump, the spell now broken, the trance long gone.
"L-look I just… I really... I need to go home, okay?" Asuka said as she realized in a startled rush of adrenaline the implications of her being drunk and alone with someone who was her patient and—
"I have to go home, that's what I have to do."
"Don't you get tired of it?" Shinji asked, not regarding or not caring fr what Asuka had said, desperate, hungry, prowling.
"Shinji, what do you mean?"
"Don't you get tired of talking and posturing and building walls?"
"I do—"
"Don't you get tired of talking?"
"No, I don't." Asuka said as she held her hand to her head. "Shinji what are yo—"
"Well I do." Shinji simply responded in a calm, subdued voice, echoes of times and waves crashing by, of rivers and honey and epic long wars held in his voice and for a moment Asuka—
"I don't want to talk anymore."
Before she could say anything else, Shinji raised his hands and grabbed her by her biceps, the alcohol and the anger finally breaking the self contained barrier he had been wearing, the depression, the notice, the idea of him becoming a mortal finally mattering to him as little as wasted air.
Before he finally kissed her.
Asuka's eyes were open wide at the shock and surprise before a warm sensation of something familiar, something melting away from within her, like a lead blanket that had been wrapped around her began to slowly slip away.
She staggered back as Shinji kept her face with his, his hands traveling form her arms to her neck to her face cupping lovingly and delicately and fiercely and possessively at the same time, until the wall stopped their retreat. Asuka held up before she slid down the wall, Shinji following suit as he held on top of her, kissing her for all it was worth, for all that could be lost and for all that could be gained.
Mortality for falling in love with a mortal wasn't anymore a fear, nor was it to be held in a fragile container such as this.
Shinji realized the lesson to b learned and so he held onto Asuka, kissing her, as all around him th winds form the storm began to pick up, thunder and lightning showing up as the wind forced open the windows, making the papers inside the room fly in a circular formation.
Shinji caught sight out of the corner of his eyes as the small parchment he had been thumbing changed numbers from a "99" to "100", before it caught the flame of the candle and disintegrated in a flash of light and smoke, not even leaving ashes behind.
And then, the last candle was blown off, and their whole world was plunged into darkness.
AN: Hmm… don't know where this came from. Oh, well, I pledge drunkenness on Shinji's part... really why should Asuka always be the one drunk?
In any event Happy Valentine's days to all. Thanks go to Himonky, Fresh C, and Fraulein Kaname Langley for prereading this. The story is taken form a very good romantic comedy drama series called Cupid (Not mine, but Rob Thomas, Columbia Tri-Star and Mandalay)
Thanks for reading.
EB, out.