Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, obviously. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
A/N: So, yes, this is a little late, isn't it? :P Or a lot late. I know I promsied daily updates, but I failed miserably at that. It doesn't mean I'll keep you hanging for a whole other month, but this was also a little longer than it will normally take. Please keep in mind that my schedule is CRAZY, and sometimes I just can't get on the computer and update, but I try! Anyway, I hope you don't hold it against me, haha. I really do care about my readers, and it means so much to me that you're sticking with me!
Anyway, go ahead and read. I've got less rambling than usual, actually, hehe.
Change was inevitable in life, but more and more I was finding that I resented it. I liked feeling a sense of stability, and I had always been that way. I didn't like when things were altered, whether for better or for worse. I had trouble adapting on more than one account, actually. When I moved to Forks from the sunny and hot Arizona, for instance, I had instantly hated it. I hadn't opened up well to the other students in my class, and the only reason I had not been friendless throughout my late elementary days was because of Alice, who was the only one who saw me through. I hated the rain, and I longed for the sun. I didn't like feeling cold in the winters, and I longed for the heat. The predictable weather was tiring, and all I had wanted was to see my mother every day like I had before.
After a while, though, it became the opposite. I got used to seeing my father everyday, and the rain became the norm. I liked sitting in it after a while, and to a certain extent, it even became calming. When I laid down at night, the rain no longer kept me up, but put me to sleep. I could close my eyes and hear the rain gently tapping my window, and it always worked perfectly. I had never liked the rain before, but it was a constant, and it was what I had grown accustomed to. I knew well enough now that moving back to sunny Arizona now would make me uncomfortable -- if even only for a little while -- and that made me wonder. How much of this discomfort was from my own fears, and not from the events going on around me?
All the same, it did not seem as if a normal person would not feel the same way I did. I had been told this much by those around me, and to a point, it was beginning to irritate me. It did not help that I was being told I was abnormally good at keeping myself together, nor that I was a brave girl to put myself in the middle of this. I knew that, to a point, it was correct. Many people I knew would not put themselves in the middle of this chaos, this family that was struggling. In their own ways, they all had their own problems, problems that it was not my job to fix. I did not have to help them, but I knew I had to try anyway, even if none of it was my business. It did not make me self-sacrificing, nor did it make me selfless. It was just what I needed to do to keep myself sane, at this point.
Alice had been my best friend in elementary, middle school, and throughout high school. She had been there every time that I had needed her without fail, seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I could trust her with any secret (besides the one that included her brother, which I had fought to keep from her at all costs), tell her anything, count on her to make me feel better, lean on her when I wasn't strong enough, and count on her to be there. Alice was always there. She was always with me, constantly by my side. We were the dynamic duo, even though we were nothing alike. Alice loved to shop and party, and I found that I enjoyed nothing more than a good book and a comfortable chair. Somehow, though, we had worked together. We had made it through.
It seemed impossible that every day there was a wedge driving us farther apart, making it hard to see what we had been beforehand. Every day we talked less, even though it was killing me not to open my mouth and start the conversation. When I tried, it died off seconds later when all I was able to give were one word replies to her dead, detached remarks. I could see her changing, altering, and after a while, she wasn't my best friend anymore. She did not smile the way I was used to, she did not laugh. She had no desire to do the things she had once loved, and everyday she talked less. Every day she was changing, and I wasn't sure I could take it. There was one thing that was keeping me sane now, one thing I had, as of late, never expected.
Edward and I spoke everyday, but never in person. We did not talk on the phone, we did not meet. Sometimes we would come across each other when I was around the house, but there was nothing but a friendly smile on his part. I never knew how to react. Unfortunately, though, I needed him. I needed him more than I needed everyone else, because he was the one who understand. I had told him everything and anything. When I needed advice that Alice could not give me, I always went to him, before I had even truly known him. He knew everything about me, even the tiny, insignificant little things, and I knew everything about him. We knew each other's fears, our limits, our hopes. We knew each other's likes, dislikes, pet peeves… favorite color, favorite food, favorite band, favorite song, all down to the tiny detail of which hand we held our knife in. We knew everything, and he was the only one who could help me.
We went under the pretense that we were just online friends talking, and while we called each other by name, it did not seem like it. This was not the robotic Edward I had been met with as of late, after all. This was a different man. This was a wonderful, talented, hilarious man, and the one I had fallen in love with. Without even thinking I was falling all over again, and it hardly took anytime at all. Without even trying he was winning back my trust, making me believe every word that he said. It was not to say that I had forgiven him, but it also did not mean that I never would. He was trying, and I could see that. He was trying to change, and though I wasn't sure if he could, I wasn't going to put it against him.
I was waiting outside for Emmett like I always did after school, leaning against the wall, when I saw what would change everything all over again. It didn't seem like much, for it was something everyone in the school had probably seen more than once, but it caught my attention. I knew the voices shouting at each other, and immediately I was filled with curiosity I couldn't contain. What were they doing here? My bag was on the ground as I bent to pick it up, and I didn't really mean to eavesdrop. It wasn't really my fault Jasper and Rosalie Hale had decided to park where I was standing, and it also wasn't my fault that they hadn't noticed I was standing there. I stood there quietly as they screamed at each other, and I wondered if they cared -- if they noticed I was watching, would they stop?
"I'm not cheating on her!" Jasper was screaming, obviously trying to keep his voice hushed. His words sent a shock through me and all I could do was stare, recalling Alice's words. "He's do detached… it's like something's changed." I knew it wasn't any of my business, and I also knew that I shouldn't put my head where it didn't belong, but to some extent, it was my business. Alice was my best friend, and we had always been there for each other. No matter what, I wasn't going to stop now.
"Like hell you're not!" Rosalie was screaming back, but I could not see her. Her angry voice pierced through me as I listened, and for a moment, I wondered why she even bothered to care. She had never liked Alice -- she was always Edward's annoying kid brother, and she had made it perfectly clear now that she despised Edward for doing what no other opinion-less, salivating boyfriend was able to -- and I along with her. Now, though, it seemed like she was utmost importance. "Are you pretending like it's not happening, then? You meet her every damn day Jasper, it's not like I can't see it! It's not like she's not always by the house, or calling your phone!"
That had me pressing against the wall, straining to hear more. Is this what had changed Jasper, then? Instantly I was filled with anger, but I knew better than to make myself known. If I needed to, I'd just need to corner him later and get the real answers out of him, because I knew there had to be something I wasn't getting. Jasper, even through all of this, loved Alice, and I knew he wouldn't do this to her. I was praying he wouldn't do this to her.
"Yeah, I do! Maria's been my friend for a long time, it's not like it's a damn crime to see her! It's not like I'm ready for any of this!" he shouted back, the anger apparent in his own voice. There was a dramatic, exaggerated sigh, and then he was speaking again, fast, as if he was rushing to get it all out. "Rosalie, I asked you to drive me here so I could talk to Bella and straighten things out, and if you don't like it, then why the hell did you even come?"
"I came to get you to get your priorities straight!" Rosalie was screaming back, and I wasn't even sure if I reacted then. I was against the wall, completely immobile, waiting to think, waiting to feel. It never happened. I was left standing there, trying to sort through everything. Jasper had wanted to talk to me? Did it ever occur to him he could speak directly to Alice? It finally clicked that all those nights Alice waited for Jasper to show and hadn't -- all those nights she had given the excuse of work, family, and perfectly good, justifiable excuses -- he had been with Maria. Finally, everything made sense to me. "You're going to be a father, Jasper! A father! I'm not sure if you realize how big that is, but --"
"I never asked for it! I tried to deal with it, and I can't!" he was shouting back immediately, cutting her off and rushing all over again. I was physically shaking with my anger, wanting nothing more than to make him see what he was doing. Not only was he hurting himself, but he was hurting Alice. Alice, my best friend, who never deserved any of this. All of the sudden, I was sick to the very pit of my stomach. "I can't be a father, Rose. I'm not old enough to be a father, even! Alice and I had this fantasy… this fantasy that we'd be able to do it, somehow. We'd get this pretty little house in the middle of nowhere and we'd make it work, but it's not going to be like that, Rose. I can't be that person. I wasn't ready for it when Maria asked, and I'm not ready for it now."
"Well isn't that just too damn bad!" I heard the last scream as I began walking away, forcing the tears back with everything I could. "You should have thought about that before you forgot the protection, you asshole!"
When I found Emmett, he suggested that we go get ice cream on the way home, and after a few tries, he gave up trying to persuade me. I wasn't budging. He asked if I wanted to go right home, but I told him no to that, too. I knew what I wanted. I knew who I wanted. When we pulled up to the Cullen house, all I could do was thank him, smile even though I wanted to cry, hug him, and then run into the house. I saw Esme's confused face when I ran straight past the living room where Alice was waiting and up the stairs, knowing exactly where I needed to be.
The sounds of broken notes unmistakable, and yet it confused the hell out of me. Edward was always unnaturally good at holding the tune, and even when he was first trying out the song, it was nothing like this. A note, off-key and out of tune, would sound sporadically every few moments, and for a while, I hesitated with my hand at the doorknob. I could hear his frustrated grunts and sighs every now and then, and I wondered what was bothering him, also wondering if I cared to ask. I wondered if I was ready for this, and I wondered if it was the right thing to do. I wondered why the broken notes seemed to fit my current personality, and then I decided I didn't care. It took more than ten minutes before I finally opened the door, surprised at the sight I found.
Edward was bent over the keys, muttering curses under his breath as he attempted one last night, seemingly unaware that I had stepped through the door. For a while I did not say anything, wondering if I'd catch his attention eventually, but I never did. He'd mumble, attempt, mumble, attempt, but he never seemed to get it right. After a while of the same routine, I finally seemed to find my voice and opened my mouth.
"Edward?" My voice was almost timid as I spoke his name and I found, despite wishing that I didn't, that it still slipped off as sweetly as it always had. There was still the thrill of just being able to say it out loud, and in any other situation, I might have smiled. This time, though, I didn't. This time I wasn't able to, and each passing second had me closer and closer to the edge.
His head immediately snapped up, and he definitely looked surprised. Nonetheless, though, there was a smile that spread across his lips, a reaction I was sure was not voluntary, at just the sight of me, and for a moment or two, it made me want to smile as well. Before I even though I was moving across the room towards him, closing the door behind me, behind me, and walking over to him. When I got close enough, without even thinking I knew, he moved over on the piano bench to allow me to sit, and, after a moment's hesitation, I did.
"I need Keys," It told him honestly, though I did not know what to say. This could not wait until later when I was on the computer, when we always talked, and I didn't want it to. I needed him now, and I needed him, more than just a computer screen, a couple typed words in a window. With that same sad smile he pulled me toward him and put an arm around me, and then I fell apart. I fell apart because of the conversation I had overheard, because I knew Alice had been right. I fell apart because Alice was hurting, and I couldn't fix her. I fell apart because that baby was going to be lost the second it was born, and I didn't know what would happen to him or her. I fell apart because being in his arms felt so right that it hurt, because I wanted nothing more to deny it.
"I'm not ready for…" I managed to get out through my ears, but he hushed me, pulling me closing and stroking his fingers slowly down my back, soothingly, treating me as if I was a breakable china doll. He rocked me gently on the piano bench, and all I could do was sob into his chest as he did so.
"Shh," he whispered softly, his hands never stopping, his body always rocking. "Just let my be your friend, Bella. Let me be your Keys. That's all I want."
And with his arms still wrapped around me he reached over toward the piano, and I laid my head against his chest. His fingers began to move and he made beautiful music, and for the first time in days, I smiled. For the first time in days, it was alright.
A/N: So, what did you think? Personally, I love the end of this chapter. I think it was really needed, and I know a lot of you may not like it. :) It's something that I felt needed to happen, so trust me, alright? Also, someone had mentioned that the angst in the latest chapters are "not realistic and there for the sake of the angst", and I have to say I disagree. Think back to YGL! and the way the characters acted...I didn't change the story in anyway. Edward was always the way he was (maybe a little less extreme, but he also didn't have Carlisle's influence then, and you know some of the reasons why from last chapter). There were plenty of things that Edward did during You Got Love! that made him the same as now -- kissing that girl in the hallway while he was courting Bella, going out with Rosalie even though he couldn't stand her... plenty of things, guys.
Also, as for the Alice/Jasper drama, think about it. Did you expect them to be perfect? No, it doesn't justify what Jasper is doing (which, btw, guys, you don't know the whole story, but I'd love to hear thoughts), but it's something. Teenage couples hardly ever make it out, and it's even less when there's a baby involved. Yes, they should have used protection. But they didn't, and now they've got to deal. Haha, but keep the criticism coming. Tell me what you think. I always love to hear it, trust me.
Anyway, as for the beta situation, I have finally found one! :) As for this chapter, it was edited by my friend because I had absolutely no time to get on and send this to anyone but I needed it done. It was pre-written, so thank her if there's not any grammatical mistakes. If there are, blame me for biting off more than I can chew. :P Things are getting less crazy and I'm sorting things out, so expect more updates, guys! (For all my stories, not just this one.)
Anddd...I think that's about it, or all I have the time to write for you. Review, review, review! I always have time to check them (even if I don't have time to reply, unfortunately), and they never fail to make me smile. You guys are the best!
Always,
Nicky :)