Hey, you haven't read it,
And the joke's outdated,
But I wrote a chapter,
So review it maybe?
When Loki created the new portal he confidently told Nico that the trip out would be far more comfortable than the previous one.
"Think of the way here being a climb up," he said. "The way back is a slide down. Much easier."
Nico should have guessed from the expression on Ayra's face that he was lying.
It would be cruel, however, to expect him to have known the extent of the lie.
As the last rune is placed in the glowing structure around him, her and Fenrir, he has time to think this isn't so bad before his brain promptly melts into a puddle and falls out of his ear.
This isn't sliding down, this is being dragged down. He can feel his body contorting in strange ways as a rainbow of light and sound swirls languidly around him. It's as different and as similar to the other trip as it can be, both at the same time.
It's also worse. He tries to form a coherent thought and ends up with harglfarglehpatzzzzuzzzz. He wonders if this is the mythological equivalent of a bad acid trip, then realises he can't be wondering that because all he can think are nonsense words; and anyway, he can clearly see the last vestiges of his mind on the nonexistent floor next to him, groaning, curled into a ball.
Oh wait, is that Ayra? Yes, it's Ayra. Never mind.
Just when he might be getting used to it, something utterly impossible happens.
Out of the aether and into the portal steps Eric.
He looks around for a second and frowns. "Bloody Hel, must've taken a wrong turn," he mutters. He shoots an apologetic nod to Nico and promptly steps out again.
What the–
Slam. He hits the ground with approximately five billion times the force than he did on Asgard, rolls for a while then stands up and collapses again. His brain climbs into his ear and ekes out a pathway to his head, which is rather painful.
"Ow," he groans, "hrnnnnng."
He hasn't closed his eyes at all, so at least he can see that they have appeared to landed at the correct spot. Also that Fenrir is standing over him, looking completely unaffected by the journey.
Brain firmly in place, (although still making itself comfortable), he loops his arms around the wolf's neck and uses the support to stand up once more. The forest splits in three, but comes back together after he gives it a stern mental talking to.
He spots Ayra lying face down next to them. He pokes her on the back with more force than he means to apply. "Wake up," he says, rather unintelligibly. "Wake up."
"I can't," she replies, her voice muffled since it is directed at the dirt rather than to him. "I think I'm dead."
"Oh. I'm sorry for your loss," okay, so he's still not completely lucid. "I shall inform the decea– decea– deceased's family immediately."
"Tell them that I am very bloody handsome. No, wait..."
Unable to stand any longer but too stubborn to sit down, Nico opts instead for draping himself over Fenrir. "Comfy," he murmurs, even though it's not.
Ayra pulls herself to a sitting position. "Last time," she says, "I had to run because of the monsters. But we're good, because you have your badass sword."
"You shouldn't say badass, it sounds wrong. And anyway, I don't have my sword. It's in my cabin."
"Oh," she copies his position, lying on Fenrir's back stomach down, facing the opposite direction so neither of them can see the other. "That's a shame."
Perhaps you two could find a different wolf to lie on, sir.
Nico pats him on the head. "Good boy."
"Hey, wait," Ayra slides down back onto the ground. "What will we do with him when we're at camp?"
I will stay in the woods, Fenrir answers. Perhaps you should begin to make your way back, sir.
"You're right," this time, as he stands, the forest does not split in three. The stern mental talking to must've worked. "Come on, Ayra'"
He helps her up. The Fen-dweller melts into the trees without a goodbye.
She stretches out her arms and yawns as if she has just woken up from a deep sleep. "So, are we shadow travelling there?"
"I think I need the walk."
"Fine with me."
They follow the vague trail that some enterprising demigod had created long ago; after five minutes they've both gained full lucidity.
"I feel like someone's been pounding my head with a mallet," he says to her.
"It's worse if you know how bad it's going to be," she rubs her temples. "That's why they tend to lie to first-timers."
"Worse than that?"
"Worse than that," she sighs. "You know what I miss most about living in Asgard?"
"What?"
"Not having to constantly wear orange."
That makes him laugh. "It's so not your colour," he teases.
"Well excuse me, Sir Pale-Skin Brown-Hair Brown-Eyes. You can wear anything."
"Even yellow?"
"...Not yellow."
He sees the entrance to the camp in the distance. "I might–"
They freeze. Half-Blood Hill has been bordered by a huge mass demigods, all kitted out in full battle armour. They mill about and chat nervously to each other. Included in the crowd are Percy, Annabeth and Chiron, the latter who is vainly trying to form some order in the rankings.
"Chiron's a centaur?" says Ayra, taking a step forwards.
"Something's wrong," Nico puts his arm out to stop her from advancing further. "This isn't normal."
Percy barks a command and the noise comes to a gradual halt. He starts talking to the others; he's too far away for them to be able to fully interpret it.
"What is he saying?"
"Something about... A possibility of... Shit," his expression becomes one of shock. "He's talking about us."
"What?"
"We need to get closer."
They creep forwards as silently as possible. Percy's voice is more intelligible.
"There's a lot we don't know," the son of Poseidon says. "We negotiate before we fight. We have no idea what sort of powers Ayra has, and we don't know whether Nico is innocent or not. Don't rush into this blindly."
"Crap!" she hisses. "Why–"
Nico's face goes pale. "Eric. Hades must have been keeping tabs on the Norse souls and put two and two together when we summoned him."
"They know who I am."
"The gods do," he sounds apologetic. "I have no idea what they've told the campers, though."
"Probably that we want to overthrow Hades for our own selfish reasons," she says, distressed. "You know what this means, right? They want us both dead. The gods are on a mission to kill us... We need to go back to Asgard. It's the first place they'll look, but we should to talk to the General. We have to warn him."
"Well, we could go somewhere hidden so you can lay the runes. But there's one problem."
"What's that?"
"My sword is in my cabin."
"Your sword," she replies, exasperated. "Just shadow travel there and back."
"But if I do that I won't have enough juice to take us to the place where you can make the portal. And there's no way we can walk there. The gods will get a lock on our position and we'll be killed by before we reach it."
"So leave your sword."
"But it's not just a sword! It strengthens my connection with Hades and allows me to raise undead soldiers. It could save our lives."
"Are you honestly suggesting," she says, "that we fend off all of the demigods at the entrance and probably dozens more inside, just to retrieve your sword from your cabin? Are you insane?"
He gives the army a considering look. "If we get closer I could probably shadow travel to the cabin and fight my way out of it. Then I would still probably be able to poof us away from here."
"Fight your way out of it. Listen, you're powerful, but you can't win against so many attackers all at once. And anyway, if we get any closer they'll see us."
"You forget," he smiles. "We have the wolf."
It only takes a few minutes of whisper-shouting into the trees before Fenrir arrives. Then Nico explains his plan.
"I've given Wolfy-boy permission to bypass the camp defences, so we don't have worry about that," he says, when he is finished.
It would not matter anyway. They are built to stop monsters of Olympian origin. It is nothing to me.
"Okay then. Ayra, remember, you have to be convincing. Everything will be ruined if you aren't. We can handle a few dozen demigods, not hundreds."
"My father is the best liar in the world," she replies. "I don't think I'll have any trouble."
Percy's speech is broken off by the gasps of his army. He turns around to see two figures break through the cover of the forest and stop around thirty meters away.
"Halt!" he cries, as some of the demigods begin to move forwards.
It is Nico and Ayra. Nico has a strange symbol drawn on his head with some kind of purple ink. His face is completely motionless, as if in a trance.
"Nico di Angelo and Ayra Sorensen!" calls Chiron. "Give yourself up now, and we don't need to fight!"
"Silly little Olympian!" she shouts back, voice thick with derision. "You think that puny army can stop me? I've come here to teach you a lesson!"
"How could you possibly defeat all of us?" asks Percy. "Come on, you don't need to do this!"
"You don't know of my power?" she laughs. "Let me give you a demonstration!"
They watch in horror as she turns to Nico. She raises her hand; in between her fingers glows a strange, silver light.
Before Percy can command the archers to shoot the light zooms out of her hand and hits the son of Hades on the temple.
On impact it flashes like fireworks, and the demigods have to shield their eyes from the glare. When it dies down Nico is gone.
"Move one inch," she warns, "and I'll do the same to all of you. I swear it on the river Styx."
Nico arrives in his cabin, wiping the berry juice off of his forehead. Worked like a charm. A simple matter of coordinating shadow travel with the harmless light rune and suddenly he is dead and Ayra is a dangerous threat.
He grabs his sword and shoves a couple of t-shirts, some toiletries and a pair of jeans into a backpack. Then he sits and waits.
Thirty seconds later he hears a howl outside.
Outside of the door are five winded, unconscious demigods and Fenrir. He hops on the enormous wolf's back. "Remember, no killing."
I know, sir.
As they charge towards the exit the demigods instructed to watch the camp run away, terrified. A few braver ones attempt an attack and are immediately batted away by an enormous paw or a wall of black stone rising from the earth.
Honestly, the two are having the time of their lives. Nico whoops with laughter every time his ride jumps over an obstacle, and Fenrir is having just as much fun being in the thick of a semi-battle. He especially enjoys the shrieks of the Aphrodite kids when he sticks his head through their cabin window and snarls.
"Hear that?" cries Ayra, referring to the shrieks emanating from the camp. The Olympians in front of her look terrified. They think their hands are tied. They think that if they move to help I'll destroy them all.
She decides to chant for effect. "My sailor went to sea sea sea," she says in Old Norse, realising that none of them will be able to tell what she's talking about. The campers gasp. "To see what he could see see see. But all that he could see see see was the bottom of the big blue sea sea sea!"
"Please!" shouts Percy, "don't do this!"
"Crab cake!" she replies in Old Norse once more, trying very had not to laugh. "Trousers! I like shellfish, I do I do I do!"
"Whatever spell you're casting, just–"
"Silly Susie sells sarongs," it lost its alliterative appeal when it was in a different language. Never mind. "Silly Susie sings sad songs."
"Why–"
She sees a great white beast with a rider charging up a hill behind them. "Oh, you Olympians," she says in English. "You were even easier to trick than I thought you'd be."
Percy has time to say "What?" before Fenrir leaps over him and the campers, his rider clinging desperately onto the wolf's neck.
The archers start firing but the Fen-dweller is too fast. He dodges the arrows with ease, and they reach Ayra and the cover of the forest within seconds. Nico pulls her up next to him. "How'd it go?" he asks, as the army, out of projectiles, begin to charge towards them.
"Well. I think Percy and I really clicked."
"Good for you."
Then they disappear.
They arrive on a pebble beach. The temperature is pleasant, hot with a cool breeze. The air smells like the sea.
"Where are we?" she asks, sitting up, disorientated by the shadow travel.
"A beach."
"Well, obviously,"
Fenrir throws himself in the sea happily, splashing her in the process. She scowls.
Nico shrugs. "When I first learnt to shadow travel, I stumbled across this place by accident. It's always deserted, and I assume it's not too far away, since I only just feel ready to collapse," he lies down. "Wake me up when you're ready."
Ayra rolls her eyes and sets to work.
Fenrir swims further out. He dives and snatches a crab as a snack. He climbs onto a far-out rock, shakes himself, then jumps in again.
Then, suddenly, HUNGRY!
Hello, brother, the wolf replies to Jormungand. It has been many years since we last talked.
I AM VERY HUNGRY!
I am aware.
FOOD! the snake cries. BRING ME A SAILOR! BRING ME A VIKING SEA CAPTAIN AND HIS CREW! BRING. ME. FOOD!
I am afraid I cannot.
THEN BRING ME SOMEONE WHO CAN!
You are held by binding runes, brother. No one can feed you but the person who placed them.
BRING HIM TO ME! BRING ME MY CAPTOR LAIDEN WITH FISH! I SHALL EAT HIM AND THE OFFERING HE CARRIES!
Your captor, growls Fenrir, is a god, and our father. I cannot retrieve him for you. I grow weary of this.
He starts to swim back to shore.
WAIT!
He stops.
WHAT OF OUR SISTER?
She wishes for her place in Hel, as she always does.
TELL HER TO BRING ME SOMETHING TO EAT!
Goodbye, brother.
His paws touch the pebbles of the beach and he sees that the daughter of Loki has completed her portal and is shaking the King of Ghosts awake.
As the world melts around them Fenrir can't help feeling some compassion for his sibling. Before I go, I'll bring you something to satiate your hunger. I swear it.
All thoughts of this nature leave his mind when they arrive. Asgard is the same as always; twittering birds, infuriating grasshoppers.
But in front of them, Valhalla has been burnt to the ground.