My Love

Chapter Ten

(A sort of intermittent chapter again)

The darkness of Vlindrel Hall seemed soothing for once. Argis padded bare foot towards the pantry, the breeze of the night coming in through the cracks in the stone. With a certain lonely hunger he filtered through the food searching for something that didn't seem to be there. He wasn't hungry really; he just needed something to do. He felt useless and it was driving him insane.

A few drinks seemed to fill the void, at least for a little while, the company down in the Silver-blood Inn seemed to crawl through his skin, and it was an atmosphere for wallowing in melancholy. But something was always odd, sharing despair was never his way, he was a solitary man and the only way he was going to wallow in misery is if it were him and his tankard of mead.

It wasn't that she was gone; or rather it played only a small part. Argis feared for the worst, feared for the fact that she was hurt or worse and even more so that he was worried of being left alone. At the beginning he had craved the loneliness, a chance to be away from her, but now, he was dependant on her, his own burning star of life support. Now that she gone he felt like a supernova, a dying sun that had lost all its strength to carry on. Being dependant on the Dragonborn was terrifying.

He tossed apples aside finding it difficult to keep his mind focused on the set task, what was he looking for again? He scrunched up his eyes and gritted his teeth, grinding them together in frustration.

"Get a hold of yourself," He grunted, knocking the base of his palm against his temple. He wouldn't let Eve strangle the last essence of being, she had taken so much already and if she had deserted him then Argis needed that final strand. If she was gone then it served as his ongoing purpose, he wouldn't have a duty, he would have failed and what kind of life would he have? What he had known before Eve was nothing compared to what she had shown him.

Dreams of seeing Skyrim had become a reality with her, and although he couldn't stand her presence at first he had grown attached to the stubborn Nord that had far too much to say. Though he didn't know much he trusted that a moment would come when she would reveal all and wouldn't remain this mysterious creature that possessed him and controlled him in no manner that he could comprehend. At first it was just business but something had grown, it was there, always had been and it had taken him years to realise it.

The hum of energy hovering around them, sending jolts of electricity through his bones when they touched, it was there and was hard to deny. Something real existed and he had never wished so hard that the Dragonborn was on the same level as him, would somehow shatter that wall and come to him with answers to unanswered questions.

Where was she born? What was her middle name? What was her favourite colour? Argis had picked up hints, what she liked and what she didn't, that much was obvious but what of the other things? What was her childhood like and how the hell did she end up Thane of Markarth? There was so much he didn't know and needed to know if he was going to give himself up. She had spoken of marriage, but how could he marry a stranger? How could he pledge himself again to a woman that he barely knew? That seemed stupid.

But how could he just walk away? The chemistry drew him to her like wanderer's to distant shores. Life without the Dragonborn was tedious, it didn't make sense. Survival didn't have the edge to it when you weren't running into bandit lairs, slaying dragons and unearthing secrets of the old ones. Perhaps it was claustrophobia, the walls of Vlindrel Hall becoming too suffocating for him to bear, perhaps that was it and that he didn't miss Eve at all. But Argis was never a good liar.

He paced in front of the fire, turning the coals and pacing some more. He stared into the embers, burning his retinas until he was forced to look away. There was a life to the fire but it failed to warm his bones and the cold stone walls. For the first time this place seemed alien, foreign to him and it was disconcerting. Argis turned the coals once more and turned his back on the fire; he snatched up a tankard and drank heavily on the ale, gulping it down like frantic gasps of air. The tankard dropped with a thud and he poured another, drinking it in the same manner. Again and again until the dullness kicked in, where reality didn't seem so sharp and the focus of his eyes blurred.

Argis slumped into one of the chairs, resting his weary head in the palm of his hands. He didn't know what to do with himself, what possibly could there be to take his mind off her? She was a harlot for destroying his composure and poisoning his blood. She lived underneath his skin and there was no damn way he would be able to get rid of it, of her. Gods, he was too far gone to imagine a life without her.

With a sigh he poured another drink, revelling in the way the liquid slipped down his throat and settled in his gut. Drink had always been there, a constant companion. Argis rubbed his temples again and poured another. Thinking only of the first time they had ever made love but was it really making love? On his behalf yes, Argis had already loved Eve for a long time before, but what about her? What did that really mean to her? It broke the ice, or rather opened up possibilities for there to be mistakes. Was that night a mistake? Celebrating the Stormcloak victory, had he possibly taken advantage of her in a drunken state? Divines knew how guilty he felt afterwards, but the guilt wasn't enough to quell the all encumbering inferno that swept over him. To everyone else he was a lost man, a wanderer, but to himself he was a man burning with feverish desire to a woman that he barely even knew. To call it love then was stupid, to call it love now, perhaps that was the biggest mistake of all.

The fire licked the charcoaled stone, flickering as though it had caught a breeze. It crackled and spat, demanding more coals or wood but Argis couldn't move, or rather didn't want to. The alcohol made his brain numb, thinking was difficult, but feeling... Argis knew that the mead made him feel far too much. More and more ale was needed to crush the pain in his chest, just enough so that his body didn't hurt.

Face down, a cool wind swept over him. He grumbled demanding warmth but without the energy to poke the fire. His face against the wooden table he closed his eyes, drinking in the smells of the fruit in the bowls and the smoke of the coals. This was home, nothing else. Loneliness flooded him again and he groaned rolling back in his chair until his spine hit the wood with a thud. He was pathetic, the true definition of it. Thinking of her was painful so why couldn't he stop? Why couldn't he just move on? The heavy knot in his stomach was anchoring him to the spot, chaining him up; so that there was no possible chance he would ever forget. The Dragonborn was a witch.

The fire flickered again, the drone of a door slamming. Argis turned his body, hope rising up into his throat. He stumbled to his feet, not caring for intruders, it had to be her. He listened for every sound, the noise of the fire overpowering and the echo of his breath inside his skull was almost deafening.

Holding his breath he waited, waited for that moment until she appeared in his view, unharmed, smiling, and perfect.

"Eve?" He called out, slurred by the haze of his brain. Was he imagining every footstep? Did he imagine the sounds of a door, was his mind really playing tricks? Did he was to see her that badly that it was possible he was going insane?

He stepped forwards, hands pressed against the cold stone to keep him upright. Eyes followed the camber of the corridor, his heart thudding meticulously in his chest. A shadow crept along the floor, more footsteps, a sigh. A woman's figure fell into view, hands scratching at armour as she peeled away layer after layer. The light struck her face and Argis blinked twice. He was definitely going mad.

"Argis?" Her voice caught him off guard, the sound pleasing to his ears, "Why are you standing there?" The Nord frowned, shaking his head and clearing his throat. Why was she being so normal almost like she hadn't disappeared off the face of Nirn for days?

"Divines- I'm going mad." He slouched, chin slumping against his chest. He drew in a husky breath and stumbled to the chair. Eve watched him, curious and worried.

He looked up and she was still there; a miasma of rosy cheeks and pale skin. Her hair was pulled back, revealing the cotton curve of her neck. She gave him a coy smile, stepping into the warmth, almost timid in her nature. Her fingers grazed the wooden table, her eyes flitting about like it was her first time visiting Vlindrel Hall again. Eve caught his gaze, word slipping easily from her mouth;

"Are you drunk?" Her expression changed, one eyebrow arching.

"By the Gods-" Argis breathed, "You're back." His hands curved into a fist around the tankard as he brought it to his lips and downed the contents, "And you're acting as if you had never left."