More Than A Feeling PT 2
Chapter Ten
ELIZA'S POV
I've never felt as scared as I did when I was lying on that bed and waiting to find out the fate of our baby. Arizona did a damn good job at reassuring me, but I could see the fear in her eyes. I could see just how scared she was but she tried not to show it. I appreciate her keeping me calm, but I'm worried about her. Why? Because she has been a nervous wreck since our scare two weeks ago. She won't leave my side. I've managed to sneak away for a shower while she's napping, but this isn't healthy. I don't know if she is refusing to leave home because of the accusation I made or because she's just scared but it's driving me insane. My wife…she is driving me crazy. I love her concern and I love having her here but I need five minutes alone. I need five minutes to just sit and be with my thoughts. She's been using the excuse that she has to rest but her knee is recovering extremely well. She isn't even using the brace anymore. I want to talk it out with her but I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to approach it without hurting her feelings.
I even resorted to calling Barbara. I called her and begged her to take her daughter off my hands. She knows I love Arizona more than anything in this world but she explained exactly how she can be. She also denied my request and told me it would pass. That was a week ago. That was a week ago and I'm still hiding in the bathroom at any given opportunity. Dropping the towel from my body, I pull my hair up into a messy bun and slip on some comfortable clothes. I've been resting as much as possible since I returned from the hospital a couple of weeks ago. Not because I'm scared something is wrong, but because Arizona will not allow me to do a single thing. If I suggest dinner, she is off the couch and preparing it before I've had the chance to even process the fact that she isn't sitting beside me anymore. If I offer to go to the store, she pulls on her shoes and comes with me. I know she means well and I know I couldn't ever do this without her, but I'm really ready to blow. I'm ready to break down at any moment and I don't know what the outcome of that behavior will be.
"ELIZA?" The sound of my wife's voice piercing through the door between us, I look up to the ceiling and pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Yeah?"
"Is everything okay?" She asks, her voice filled with concern. "Why is the door locked?"
"I was showering…" I clear my throat and open the door. "I'm fine."
"You shouldn't lock the door." She shakes her head. "You could fall or faint and I would be stuck out here."
"That isn't going to happen." I give her a knowing look. "I'm good, Arizona." Stepping out of the bathroom, I approach the closet and drag a hoodie from the pile I shoved in there earlier.
"You know…I could've fixed you a bath up." She follows behind me. "You should've woke me."
"I just wanted to take a quick shower." I give her a sad smile and pull my hoodie over my body. "And you were sleeping."
"Just…wake me next time, okay?" My wife gives me a knowing look and takes my hand in her own. "I need to know where you are…"
"Why?" I furrow my brow. "I'm hardly going to run away." God, I wish I could right now. Just for ten minutes. Hide somewhere…
"Yeah, that isn't funny." She drops down on the edge of the bed. "I just need to know you're safe."
"I'm more than safe, Arizona." I stand in front of her and she glances up at me. "Whether I'm here alone or with you…I'm super safe."
"Teddy called me…"
"Yeah?" I smile. "How is she?"
"She's in town." Arizona shrugs. "Asked me to meet her for drinks but I declined." She shakes her head. "I have things to do here."
"Like what?" I raise an eyebrow. "Name one thing that cannot possibly wait?"
"You." She gives me an incredulous look. "I have to be here in case you need me."
"Arizona." I breathe out. "Please, for the love of freaking god…meet Teddy. Spend the evening with her. Have fun."
"Why?" She furrows her brow. "I can see Teddy anytime."
"No, you cant." I disagree. "She is barely around lately and you should see how she is doing." I really need my wife to take Teddy up on her offer. If she doesn't leave this house soon and leave me here alone, I'm not sure we will ever separate again. "Call her, Arizona." I pull her up to her feet. "Go and enjoy a night with her."
"No." She disagrees, her gaze dropping. "Something might happen."
"Nothing is going to happen." I dip my head to meet her gaze. "You know nothing is going to happen."
"You cant be sure of that." She gives me a knowing look. "You cant say if I walk out of the door, something isn't going to happen."
"I can." I give her a sad smile. "I can because I'm feeling good, Arizona. Really good."
"No." She breathes out and stands. "It's just better if I'm here."
"Please…I need you to leave the house for a few hours." Recognising the pleading in my voice, she is about to step around me but stops. "Please, Arizona?"
"W-Why do you want me out of here?" Her voice breaks. "I'm trying to be here and whatever you need but today you have barely spent any time with me."
"Honestly?" I sigh. "I need some time alone." I grip her wrist as she tries to leave. "Hey…don't do that."
"Do what?" She scoffs.
"Don't walk away from me." I tighten my grip. "You need some space, too."
"Actually, I don't." She gives me a look laced with disappointment. "I don't because I don't need to be away from you. I don't need space for anything."
"Maybe not." I shrug. "But you hovering and following me everywhere is driving me insane."
"Wow…" She laughs. "Thanks." Shrugging my grip off of her, she disappears out of our bedroom and heads down the staircase. "Good to know you want me around…" Great! I knew this would happen. "I'll sit outback." She spits. "Get out of your way."
"Or you could just meet Teddy," I say, my voice calm. "You know, live a little."
"Don't Eliza." She holds up her hand. "Don't try and make this something funny because it's really not."
"Arizona…" I close my eyes and sigh. "You know I want you here and you know I love you…but one night with your friend isn't going to hurt."
"And what will you do?" She raises her eyebrow.
"Nothing." I shrug. "I'll just catch some tv and relax."
"And I can't be here for that?" Her voice breaks. "Why? Why don't you want me around?"
"Of course, you can be here for it." I furrow my brow. "Stop thinking too much into this…"
"Hard not to when your wife doesn't want you at home."
"You know that's not what I want." I take her hand in my own. "Couple of hours, okay?" I suggest. "Catch up with Teddy and when you come home, we will relax together and watch a movie. Snacks, too."
"Why can't we just do that now?" She asks. I know she thinks this is something more than it is, but that really isn't the case. Not at all. "Why can't we just lie down together and you let me hold you?"
"Because you are going to go stir crazy if you don't get out and experience society soon." I give her a small genuine smile. "Go and have a beer. I'll be on the other end of the phone if you need to check in. You know I will."
"I'm scared to leave you, Eliza." Her shoulders slump. "But I'll go." She nods. "If you don't want me here, I'll go."
"Please, don't take this the wrong way," I beg. "I just think you need to get outside for a little while is all." I press a kiss to her lips. "You know I love you and I appreciate everything you have done for me lately…I'm okay, though."
"Yeah." She gives me a small smile. "Yeah, you are."
"I love you, okay?" I give my wife a knowing look but she slumps her shoulders and walks away from me.
"I love you, too."
ARIZONA'S POV
Stepping inside my bar, it feels kinda weird being here. I'm so used to spending most of my time here that since I've taken a few weeks away, I'm not sure I recognize the place. This was once my baby. It was once my life. That all changed when Eliza came into my life and I wouldn't ever want it to go back that way. Yes, I love this place, but I love my wife more. I love her so much more than any business or bar. I hope she knows that, too. Honestly, I felt a little hurt when I was leaving home just thirty minutes ago, but now I kinda get it. I understand why she doesn't want me around every minute of the day. How we haven't fallen out during these past two weeks I'll never know. I've been too full on. I haven't given her a moment to breathe. To be alone. I've just been there following behind her every move. Her every step. I'm just scared, but I understand now that it's become too much for her. I understand that she needs a little time to herself and she hasn't had that opportunity since the scare we had a couple of weeks ago.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change the fact that I've spent every waking minute with her…but maybe I could've done things a little differently. I mean, just a few days ago, she took a bath and I was standing there with a towel to wrap around her before she had even sat down in the tub. Who does that? Seriously? I know I mean well and I know I'm just trying to help, but I feel like I'm losing my mind during this pregnancy. I feel like at any moment, it could all fall apart around me and if it does, I'm not sure I'll survive it. If that happens, I'm not sure I'll ever come back from it. I'd like to believe I could and I'd like to believe that I could be what Eliza needed, but I don't think I'm that strong. I don't think I could watch her suffer and cry herself to sleep every night.
I know things are good and I know Eliza is doing so much better than she was, but I'm still waiting for it to unravel. I'm still waiting for her to walk out of that bathroom like she did two weeks ago and for my life to pass me by in slow motion. It was the most terrifying time of my life and I honestly don't know how I kept it together. Because I had to…for my wife. I had to be the supportive one regardless of what we knew walking out of that hospital room. Thankfully, it all turned out okay, but it's only left me feeling like I should be by her side more. Its only left me feeling like everything isn't okay, even though deep down I know it is. Great, even.
Approaching the bar, Andrew heads my way and gives me a full smile. "Good to see you, Zo."
"Yeah, you too."
"Kinda sucks just calling you and not seeing you around here anymore…"
"Yeah, well I'm hoping that will all change soon."
"You coming back?" De Luca's eyes brighten. "Eliza is doing okay?"
"She's doing great." I give him a thankful smile. Everyone knows about our pregnancy now and honestly, it feels better not keeping it from people. I had no choice but to tell my staff, especially when I decided I wasn't coming to the bar for the foreseeable. Thankfully, I trust them to look after this place and yeah…they've done exactly that. That just leaves me with one person to tell. My best friend. Teddy.
"You just going to stand talking all night or do I get a hug?" That familiar voice causing a smile to curl on my mouth, I turn to find my best friend standing before me.
"So good to see you…" I pull her into a hug. "You get here with no troubles?"
"Don't I always?" She raises an eyebrow. "Where is that gorgeous wife of yours?"
"She's at home." I shrug. "Let me get us some drinks and I'll tell you all about it, okay?"
"Sure thing." Teddy nods. "Everything is okay though, right?"
"It is now, yeah." I give her a sad smile. "Grab a seat." Heading behind the bar and grabbing a bottle of jack, I take two glasses from their place on the shelf and head out towards my best friend. I don't know how she will react when she knows I'm going to become a mom, but I hope it's not how she reacted last time when I didn't tell her about the attack.
"So?" She gives me a full smile as I drop down beside her. "I wanna know everything…"
"Where to start." I breathe out. "Well…In some five and a half months, I'm going to become a mom."
"Stop fucking with me." She laughs. Her jaw dropping when she studies my face and finds no signs of dishonesty, she shakes herself from her disbelief. "R-Really? Wow…"
"Yeah, really." I smile. "I only told my mom and Tim like a week or so ago and then some stuff happened so I didn't manage to call, I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it." She waves off my apology. "You have a pregnant wife to take care of, Zo."
"Yeah…" I shift a little in my seat.
"How is she?" Teddy sits forward, taking my hand in her own. "I'm so happy for you guys."
"We had a scare," I admit. "Two weeks ago…"
"But everything is okay?" I can see that worry in my best friends eyes but she is kinda like me. Worries for nothing.
"Yeah." I nod. "Eliza is doing great and so is our baby boy."
"You're having a boy?" Her voice breaks. "Zo, I don't even know what to say to you."
"Don't cry…" I hold up my hand. "You'll start me off and I've done enough crying to last a lifetime since it happened."
"You know if you need to talk this all out you can call me." Teddy gives me a knowing look and I nod in agreement, sipping my jack. "It's what I'm here for…"
"I know." I squeeze her hand tight. "And I appreciate that."
"Something is going on…" She narrows her eyes. "Something isn't right."
"Everything is okay now, I promise."
"But it wasn't and it wasn't because of the baby." She raises her eyebrow. "I know you, Zo."
"Just…it doesn't really matter now."
"Like hell, it doesn't." She scoffs. "What happened?"
"She thought I was cheating on her." I drop my gaze. "And I know, I know you're about to freak because it's not the first time she's accused me, but her body is going crazy right now. Hormones and whatever else."
"Hey, you guys are married now." She leans in and lowers her voice. "It isn't as simple as me having an opinion anymore. This is between you guys."
"Exactly." I nod, wiping my sweaty palms down my thighs. "So, it doesn't require a discussion."
"And that is fine by me." Teddy agrees. "But you know where I am if you need to vent, okay?"
"You would be the first person I'd call." I give her a full smile. "How long do I have you for?"
"Well, I was hoping to crash with you guys for the weekend but I can grab a hotel, it's no problem."
"You can stay with us." I knock back my drink and pour another. "That's no problem."
"No." Teddy shakes her head. "You guys have stuff going on and I wouldn't do that."
"You're family…" I state. "And family don't take fucking hotel rooms when we have two spares at home."
"At least check with Eliza first?"
"Sure." Pulling my cell from my pocket, my heart sinks into my stomach when I find a message sitting in my inbox from my wife.
About to relax. Enjoy your freedom…soon you will have none. I love you. E x
You are my freedom, and I love you too. Would it be okay if Teddy crashed for the weekend? Zo x
Of course. Will give you something to focus on other than me. E x
I'll be home in a couple of hours. Zo x
Take all the time you need. Me and Baby Robbins ain't going anywhere. E x
Locking my cell and setting it down on the table between Teddy and I, she watches my interaction with my wife and I look up to find her smiling. "You two may have had issues but I know everything is okay now…"
"Huh?"
"I can tell by that smile on your face." She rolls her eyes playfully. "It's enough to make me fucking throw up."
"Good to have you in town, Ted's." I raise my glass. "Good to have you in town."
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.