A/N: Oh gosh, this was a much longer wait...Sorry. I'll try and make it longer.
"Do you know what the cause of death is, Doctor?"
Anthea couldn't handle the stress of losing her daughter. She's really dead, Anthea thought. After everything she's survived, she's finally dead. Anthea couldn't make sense of it...Oh shit...What if someone did this to her?
"A second attempt-overdose. We're not sure how she managed it. I'm sorry for your loss."
Of all times to overdose, Elizabeth. Just when your life started to be fucking on-track...Just when I thought things would be simpler...
"May I come in, Anthea?"
Anthea nodded without turning. Emily entered the room and stared at Effy's body. It had always been skinny, and pale, too, but not like this. She was pure white, just skin and bones, completely still in the bed. Her hospital gown still hung on her limply, and her eyes were open. They stared at the ceiling intensely, as if staring hard enough would drill a hole straight through the concrete into heaven.
They didn't blink like Anthea's did as they tried to stop tears. They didn't blink like Emily's did, reeling in shock.
Emily looked at her and wondered if this was karma. She hated herself for pushing Effy closer to suicide, but she had been in pain. Maybe pain blocks out our other emotions, she thought. Maybe pain makes us do things that we regret. Maybe I missed Naomi enough to fuck up the future.
She knew it was stupid to blame herself. No-one could take the blame for someone else's suicide...But she felt as if she worsened Effy's headspace. She seemed so fine, though...So strong, a business woman...I was so sure she'd gotten her shit together...
Emily had to admit that Effy looked content. It wasn't as if her facial expression was changing, but she had a slight smile-a knowing smile, a smile that saw the good and evil in everything around it, but didn't waste its knowledge on forming words. Shit, thought Emily, even when she's dead she knows everything.
Emily kept looking at Effy, and the more she looked, the less it was Effy, and the more it was a body. It was the same feeling she'd had when she saw Naomi for the last time. At first, it was no different to the same person asleep. Then, slowly, she came to the realisation that all that was in front of her was a body that used to have a person inside it. There wasn't anything else it was going to do, except start to smell and decay. It was the single most painful feeling she'd ever felt in her life when Naomi died, and now, she was sitting there, looking at another corpse.
Fuck the pain of childbirth, she thought. I'd rather have fucking octuplets than lose someone I love.
"It's pretty shit, isn't it?"
Emily smiled at Anthea's question. "Yeah. It is."
They heard another person enter the room. "Oh. It's you."
Cook wasn't expecting a hero's welcome, but he didn't give a shit. He knew why he was there, and he knew what he wanted.
"I need to see her. One last time. Closure, like."
He looked at her body. It had a familiarity to it, he knew every limb and every curve in front of him. There wasn't the same blood flowing through them, and if he touched her, he swore he'd break her.
She was like a glass that was already cracked. She wasn't alive, but she existed, and that hurt his heart even more than if she had hated him while still breathing.
"I love her."
"So did Freddie."
Cook was taken aback by Anthea's comment. He tried not to think about how his best friend died. He knew, of course, that he was dead. He thought about Freddie every day...But Freddie died trying to protect Effy.
He would've wanted me to take over, Cook thought. I fucked up the one thing Freddie needed from me.
He turned, and left, without saying anything else. The pit in his stomach felt like it was eating his soul.
"Fuck it. Fuck everything. Fuck them all, right, Freds? I let you down. I fucked it up. I'm fucking sorry, mate, but there's nothing I can do now."