Chapter 9- Equivalent Exchange
Collapse Arc - part 1.
Warnings: This is mostly for the ffnet people where there are no such things as tags to warn people of triggers, but this chapter contains mentions/instances of: death/dying, cancer, premature birth and families falling apart. It also shows different stages of mourning and how loss can affect people in different ways, some way more extreme than others.
Yes. We hate ourselves too. But this had to be done. No matter how much we kept trying to put it off and stall.
Ready your tissues and something fluffy and happy to read after this, because if you are anything like us while writing this, there will be crying!
Good luck!
-NordicTwin and Counting-Sinful-Stars.
Cancer.
The word repeats over and over in her mind, running rampant until it is all she hears, all she knows.
Cancer.
She has cancer.
How had she not- how could it-?
She'd just thought the fatigue and the aching in her body were caused by the developing pregnancy. Thought that everything was going to be fine - she just needed some medicine.
Everything was fine that morning.
Now here she is, seated on a bench in a park by the hospital, unable to even move.
Someone is going to die.
Such was the ultimatum given to her by the doctor. Or the prediction. The treatment that can save her will hurt her baby… with high probability of killing it before it even left her.
The doctor recommended she induce a miscarriage and try again once she was better. But…
She thinks of Youko's excitement. How much more alive she seems, now that there's a new sibling on the way. How loving and protecting she already is. She thinks of how Solomon proudly boasts to anybody who'll listen how he's going to be a grandfather again, and how Yakumo has been making an effort to be more home these days, preparing himself for fatherhood again.
Most of all, she thinks of the precious little life already growing inside of her. Of all the dreams she's already had. Of how much she already loves this unborn child.
"Was there ever really a choice?" She thinks, heartbroken and destroyed.
Tears fall freely from her eyes, soaking into her skirt. She doesn't even bother to hide them, despite the fact that she's making a scene in public. This place is close to a hospital - people will just have to bear it.
She feels selfish. So incredibly selfish. To let her children grow up without a mother…
But they'll be fine. They'll have Yakumo and Solomon and Marie and Anzu and all of the others.
They'll take care of them. They'll look out for them all. They will hurt for some time… she worries the most about how Youko is going to cope, but her girl is strong. She's smart. She's brave. And she knows that Youko and everyone will make sure the baby will grow up loved and never not know who she is.
She will be okay without her.
They will be okay without her.
They have to be.
Youko is 4 years old when her baby brother is born. (The pure relief she feels at knowing she hadn't taken his life is overwhelming.)
Mutou Yugi.
Her new, precious baby brother.
Her heart is ready to burst at the news.
He's so tiny and fragile. Born premature by a few months, but he's strong and healthy.
It's a happy, joy filled day when he's born. Their whole family is there, both blood and adopted. They've got such a large and happy family.
It had been a day like any other. A lazy Sunday, as rare as that is in the Mutou home. She had been practicing her violin, very careful to not make any hideous scratching noises. Grandpa had been reading something… an anthology of some sort. And her father and mother had been on the couch, him rubbing her feet gently to ease the swelling.
Then, out of the blue, her mom's eyes had just widened and she'd whispered: "It's time".
They hadn't needed any clarification as to what "time" she was referring to.
Youko had gleefully whooped and carefully put her violin away before rushing to grab the prepacked bags and all the things they had prepared just for this moment.
Grandpa has laughed joyfully and gotten up to make the needed phone calls and then helped get her and everything ready to go while her father helped her mom up.
"It's too early!" Yume moans in agony, her voice frantic. "Two months at most. Yakumo, what if something is wrong with my baby?!"
Youko freezes when she realizes her mom is right, that it is too early for the baby to come. Worry and fear start to blossom in her chest. "They'll be alright though, won't they grandpa?" She asks desperately, turning towards the man. "The doctors, the medicine we have today, there's no worry right?"
Grandpa pats her head calmly. "Easy now, both of you. Everything's going to be fine. You'll see, the little one is probably just determined to be older than the next Bakura child or eager to enjoy the summer with its Nee-chan," he ends on a merry laugh.
That calms both Mutou women down. (Well, one woman and one girl).
It's a flurry of chaos after that.
Almost everyone is there by the time they reach the hospital. Even Sally Wheeler had showed up with her own massive stomach and an eager Joey, though Sally herself leaves rather quickly after gifting Yume with a small bundle of daisies, once again putting Joey in their care for the remainder of the day.
The only ones missing are Osamu (who's on another business trip), Mr. Taylor, and Mrs. Gardner. The latter two who are simply finishing up work and then heading over as soon as they can.
After the initial chaos, though… things calm down a bit. Grandpa takes them to the nearby park for a bit of a break, if only for a short bit since Youko is determined to be just outside the door when her new sibling is brought into the world. The others understand. They want to be there, too.
"Are you excited?" Hinata asks her when they're alone for a moment.
Youko just grins in complete glee. "Of course! It's not every day you become a Nee-sama. I just can't wait! Oh Hinata, I never thought I'd get to become a sister and an aunt one day".
Hinata smiles broadly at her and gives her a tight hug. "Well you do now. Just wait a little longer Youko."
A little longer turns out to be 4 hours. But when they're done, her new baby brother is there and everyone is crowded into the tiny room to see their newest family member.
He's in an incubator when they first see him. A tiny, pink thing with a generous pile of startling red on top of his head
"Why's he in the box?" Joey asks as the children are all held up by the adults to see him better.
"It's an incubator Jo, it's like for the chickens at the farm. It keeps him warm and lets the doctors monitor him. He came early so they want to make sure he's healthy." Youko explains before the doctor or anyone else can answer.
The doctor blinks in surprise. Then he laughs. "You've got a clever girl, Mutou-san," he says to her mother. "There could be a bright future in medicine in store for this little one".
He then pats her head, and she fights the urge to shake him off. Her mother just smiles warmly.
"She is… I'm so proud of her. Her and all of her little friends, too. They'll be so good to Yugi-chan and protect him".
Protect…
Yes. She'll protect him.
"I'll be the best Nee-chan in the world!" She declares proudly.
Even if Hinata (exaggeratedly) argues that title clearly belongs to Amane already and will later be her title instead, it doesn't change Youko's determination.
She is Mutou Youko, big sister of Mutou Yugi.
And she will protect him.
It's July 7th and Shizukana has a feeling this day is going to be her last amongst the living.
She hadn't wanted it to end like this. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
But it was. It is.
Her, alone, in a hospital room, save for the nurse sitting at her side, clutching a dark-haired baby against her chest.
She wishes Kaname was with her, but he has taken Seto off to eat, then they'll be back. (None of his relatives had the time to watch their eldest child).
She hopes they'll be back soon.
Shizukana doesn't really know the details of her condition. Hadn't had the strength to listen when they were told to her. She just knows that she's running on borrowed time. Time that soon has to be paid back.
She holds the child in her arms closer, but she doesn't cry. Won't cry. It'd disturb him, and he looks so peaceful in his sleep.
Her little Mokuba.
It's funny… she'd always thought she'd live her life and die with no regrets. But now that her life is suddenly cut so short… she finds that the regrets far outnumber anything else.
Abandoning her family in favor of Kaname's is, by far, the biggest one.
Giving up who she was, her dreams and passion is the next one.
Let it be known that she doesn't regret her children. She could never do that. After knowing little Mokuba for just a sparse few hours she already loves him so much that it hurts. And Seto who is already so smart. Her little genius who has shown her nothing but devotion.
But she regrets what she had to do to get them. And that stings, because it feels a lot like regretting them as well.
Her breathing slows, breath by breath. She's tired.
She misses Yume….
"Sister… I'm so sorry. Please. Please forgive me," she whispers into Mokuba's little tuft of hair, taking in the feel of it, the feel of him.
She wonders what her niece or nephew is like. Wonders what her brother-in-law does…..so many regrets. So much missed. So much lost.
It's not fair. Can't she please try again? Just a little more time?
Just… a little… more…
She closes her eyes.
Just a….short nap. She'll be up in time to see Seto again and see his reaction to his new baby brother.
To tell him she loves him. That she didn't want to… go…
There's a frantic beeping somewhere. Someone is shouting and the warmth against her chest is removed.
Why…?
It's cold…
She's so… tired…
.
.
.
I'm sorry.
.
.
.
I love you.
.
.
.
"Mommy?!"
Initial complications aside, Yugi is a perfectly healthy baby, and Youko is thrilled on the day she gets him home.
She uses every opportunity to hold and care for him that she can, even going as far as to not let her father or grandpa do anything. Luckily they find it adorable and sweet. And since Yugi is a newborn and she's only four, her mama is always around too. So she gets to spend even more time with her, and that makes it all the better.
She feels so happy. So protective. So safe and loved. And she wants to make sure that Yugi feels that same love. One similar to the love she felt after she'd screamed her lungs out and destroyed her vocal chords, but better, because there's not the same kind of worry attached to the love given to her.
Of course there's worry in their lives since he was born too early… but Yugi develops nicely and is healthy as can be. That's what the doctors and nurses tell them, anyways.
Youko chooses wisely to ignore the heavy weight of destiny that lies upon his tiny, almost non-existent shoulders.
Of course… then she goes and gets sick again.
It really isn't as bad as it could be, but it's enough to knock her (and Hinata, who is somehow always sick at the same time) out for a week or so, which she spends in the Taylor home. (Marie has become a little… paranoid, when it comes to viruses and bacteria right before coming giving birth, so they're taken in by Suzuki).
Youko is sad to be away from her baby brother, but… she acknowledges that it's probably for the best for all of the involved. And her mama is never alone. She's got Grandpa and her father to help her.
Much to her annoyance, though, it's during this one week of illness in July that little Serenity Wheeler is born. Joey visits them on their sick beds (futons in the Taylor guestroom) and proudly tells of how cute she is and how small her hands are and how much noise she makes, but it's okay, because he loves her SO MUCH! He also brings news of Yugi, just for Youko (see, this is why he's her best friend after Hinata, he's a gem, a pure angel walking on Earth, precious cinnamon roll) though he has a terrible habit of claiming that Serenity is cuter than her sweet Yugi-chan. The audacity! The nerve!
"At least Yu-chan doesn't cry at all," she manages to quip through her sore throat.
Hinata coughs out that they're both going to end up wrong, anyways, because her baby sibling is going to be the absolute cutest out of all of them!
Youko (weakly) smacks Hinata's face with the edge of her blanket for that comment.
It devolves from there as they fall into harmless bickering of whose sibling is the cutest. Tristan falls victim to them later on when all three turn to him and demand who he thinks is the cutest baby sibling. He ruins the argument by declaring Hinata to be the cutest one, since he's only met Yugi twice and he'd been sleeping both times, he's yet to meet Serenity and Hinata's younger sibling wasn't even born yet - but, he argued, since Hinata herself is a younger sibling and he knows her well, he felt safe in saying that she was the cutest.
Youko finds herself beaten by kid-logic.
She decides to take a nap out of pure frustration.
She also decides that she's not letting Hinata or Tristan live this down. Ever.
A week later finds Youko back in the safety of her grandpa's, mother's and baby brother's company and everything is as usual, despite her having missed an entire week of watching Yugi grow.
She can't help the snicker that escapes her when she spots the vague beginnings of his oh so iconic starfish hair.
"Yu-chan is gonna look like Grandpa and papa!" She declares with a bright grin.
Oh her poor precious brother...Better him than her though. She's seen the genderbend fanart of him and the Pharaoh and all the different hairstyle possibilities for them. She got very lucky with her hairstyle, even if she's still getting the multicoloring. (At least the black and red are blended nicely into each other and not quite as purple-ish as Yugi's current tuft looks).
Her mother, though… her mother looks more tired than the last time she saw her.
Youko knows taking care of a newborn baby is a hassle. She knows it's difficult. But… most of the time Yugi is quiet as a mouse, only crying when he absolutely has to. He's barely more than a month old, and he's already so expressive.
Surely a week without Youko's "assistance" (she can't do much when she's still so tiny) couldn't have done such a number on her? But when Youko asks, Yume just smiles and tells her not to worry and that she'll be fine.
"It's just this sore back, you know, my little sunshine?" She says with a smile. "Yugi's such an eager eater, and he loves to lay in my arms. It's harsh on mama's back".
Youko frowns, she's not versed enough and knows women are all different in their experiences, so her mom could be telling the truth, but this nagging little voice is telling her she's lying. Her mama must be not getting enough sleep since she left, she'll have to fix that and help as much as she can.
And so she does. By being the one to check on Yugi at night, to feed and change him. When he's fussy she sings to him, tells him stories and of the things she and the others have done. And when after a few days of this, her mother looks more rested and better, she feels relieved.
(Grandpa helps her, of course. He didn't even try to scold her when he caught her that first night, he just gently instructs her on what to do and heats the formula for her).
She takes to reading and talking to Yugi as much as she can, even explaining what she's doing when she's helping out around the house. Little tutorials on how to sweep and how to fluff a pillow. Things like that.
Yugi himself is just a delightful baby to be around. When he's not asleep, he's just calmly looking around. Even if Youko's pretty sure he can't see things clearly, yet, she wants to believe that he's following the movements of whomever is closest to him. He doesn't cry much - unless things are too hectic around him, he mostly just whimpers a little.
He's also good for business. Grandpa takes up the same thing he did with her (or so she is told) and brings him down to the shop whenever he's the one watching him. They see an increase in purchases, and many people stop by simply to say hello to Yugi.
Her baby brother couldn't possibly get even cuter.
Then September rolls around and Ryouichi "Ryou" Bakura is born, and all cuteness is tripled because they bring all of the new babies together - even Serenity Wheeler (much to the chagrin of both Marie and Sally, but they can't judge the children based on the parents - that'd be cruel).
Everyone is excited for the babies.
The older kids argue good naturedly about who is the best older sibling or whose sibling is the cutest.
Life is good.
They're all happy and healthy. The babies are all here now, everything is perfect.
Youko and Yugi Mutou are 4 ¾ years and 3 months old when their mother dies on a cold September afternoon.
They hadn't even known she was sick until it was too late. She had just… gone to sleep, taking a nap with Youko in her arms and Yugi in the crib next to them. They had been planning dinner, talking of things they would do with Yugi in the future. They had started getting sleepy, Yume had asked Youko to sing her and Yugi a song. They had sung together until Yume had fallen asleep, Youko shortly thereafter.
Youko had awoken to find herself in her grandfather's arms, sitting in his favorite armchair, looking at the rain falling outside. Her brother is bundled up in a little basket on the couch.
She'd been confused at first. Hadn't she just been with her mama? And why did her grandpa look so sad? What were those noises? It sounded a lot like an am… bu…
"Where's mommy?"
Her grandfather just looks at her with the saddest expression she's ever seen, even when she was still so angry and screaming.
"Youko… do you know what cancer is?"
Her blood goes cold in her veins. She can't breathe. Can't move. But she has to. She must-
"No…..no…...NO!" She starts shrieking and crying. Screaming. She flails and struggles against his hold on her.
Grandpa's arms wrap around her and hold her close to his chest, shielding her from the bright colours of the paramedics' suits. But she can still hear, can still glimpse, the gurney that leaves her home. That takes away the one who made it a home.
She shrieks loudly, hysterically. Screaming, wailing and crying to the gods.
"They can't do this!"
"How dare they!?"
"This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"No! No! No! Not again! Please don't take them away from me again!"
"She was supposed to live! Don't take her away from me! Don't take her from us!"
It takes hours before she tires herself, before she calms down. And it's only because Yugi wakes and needs to be fed and changed. She clutches him like a lifeline, refusing to let anyone near him.
The only one to have known in their family aside from Yume herself had been Grandpa who'd found her crying over Yugi's crib when Youko had been sick and had gotten her to tell him what was wrong. So when he'd found her "sleeping" with the children, pale and cold, he had known and called the emergency room.
He had sworn to secrecy about her condition. He later tells her that it pained him to do so every day, still does, but he did not have it in himself to deny a dying woman her final, selfish wish.
She doesn't say anything in response.
Yakumo arrives late in the night on that same day, having rushed home from a business trip in Hokkaido the second he got the news. He holds Youko close and cries and cries and cries.
She does not respond. Just holds him tightly and rubs soothing circles on his shoulders.
She is cold. Numb.
As dead as her mother, as both of her mothers.
Not long after in that late evening, Solomon makes the calls to the rest of their family, and within the hour they've all gathered in the house.
The kids are still so young that they don't quite understand that Aunt Yume is fully gone yet. The adults all hold each other and cry though. Hinata moves to sit next to Youko, taking her hand into hers and holding it tightly. She doesn't say anything, just offers silent comfort and support.
Youko is just as silent. The only thing that reveals that she's even registered anything is a lone, solitary tear running down her face.
She will not cry. No more tears, she vows to herself.
On the day of the funeral, it's bright and sunny. Youko hates it. Curses the gods because this isn't right. It should be raining. No, they shouldn't even be there, Yume should be alive. Her mother should be there. She was supposed to live! She clutches Yugi close as they all stand there. She registers nothing but the pain she feels and her baby brother's heartbeat.
Marie and all the other moms had tried to take him home, to care for him, but she had refused. Glaring and snarling at any who tried to come take him from her, even grandpa and Hinata were not spared.
"He's mine! Nobody will take him from me, nobody will hurt him!" She hisses in her mind, in a language that is foreign to her in both this life and the next.
Inside of her, something is released. Something grows. She just doesn't know it yet.
"Ours," it whispers in her mind, even as she remains silent and cold to the world.
Oh, they try to speak to her. Try to get her to speak. To do something that isn't just autopilot. Anything.
The only ones who don't and are just there for her are Joey and Hinata, and surprisingly, Yakumo.
Eventually they are the only ones who she lets hold or care for Yugi. When she needs to eat, sleep, bathe, or use the restroom.
Aside from maybe grandpa, but she's iffy about him, even weeks later.
She feels hurt and betrayed. She understands why he did what he did, and she forgives him mostly. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Hinata approaches her one day, almost two months after her mother's funeral, while she's just… sitting on the floor, watching Yugi as he's asleep in a little make-shift crib that has been set up so she can watch him everywhere. Looks at her with an expression that is carefully neutral and guarded.
"I know you're in pain. I know your grief. But this has to stop, Youko," she says calmly. "Please, don't shut us all out. Don't make the same mistake I did back then."
She turns around to look out of the window. On the lawn beneath them their friends have gathered.
"We may not be hurting as much as you are, but we are hurting, please don't push us away. Please, mourn with us. We want to be there for you, please let us…."
"This wasn't supposed to happen." Youko finally whispers, voice rough from disuse. "She was supposed to live."
"We can't know that for sure," Hinata whispers back. "We can't know if she got sick and lived in that world, when we weren't there."
"She should have told us…..I should have spent more time with her…...Let her spend more time with Yugi….."
There is no response to that from her best friend. It's not meant to judge. There are just no words left.
Later on, her grandpa finds her in that same spot Hinata left her and sighs.
"Youko-chan…" he says, his voice broken and heavy with sadness.
She looks at him. Sees the bags under his eyes, the deep sadness that does not belong in eyes that usually sparkle with happiness and mirth. He sits himself on the couch in front, sighing heavily. "...Hinata said you spoke a little, earlier…..".
She doesn't want to respond. She really doesn't, but… she's tired. So very tired.
She nods.
He sighs again, the sound carrying a note of relief.
"...I'm sorry jiji." She whispers softly. "I didn't want to hurt you….but you hurt me too."
He holds his arms out towards her, not saying anything. It's an offer. An invitation.
She takes it.
She scrambles into his arms and collapses there, clinging tightly to him, and then she cries. She cries and cries and cries until her body feels both light and heavy and her cheeks hurt and there's snot and other gunk all over her Grandpa's shirt. When she's done, she registers the damp spot on her hair from where his own tears have fallen.
No words are needed after that, and all she really wants is a nap. It feels like she hasn't slept properly in ages.
But then Solomon speaks, and her ears lock onto the sound of his voice like a lifeline, because she has a feeling it's important if it'll make him disturb their moment of reconciliation.
"I intended for you to get this when you were older…" he tells her, taking a deep breath. "But you've always been a special child, Little Sun, and these times are special."
Something cold and smooth is pushed into her hands, and her eyes crack open to look at whatever she's been given.
It's the puzzle box.
It's the Millennium Puzzle box.
"This is my apology for hurting you. And my gift to you, so you may have something to focus on when the pain is too much." He says softly but firmly, "I had a sudden and heavy feeling that you needed this now instead of later. So please, take what is rightfully yours, my Little Sun. And please, forgive your old and foolish grandfather for hurting you."
She stares, shocked. Because she's 4, not 8. She's getting the puzzle four years earlier than Canon Yugi….
She gingerly takes the box into her hands, and promptly starts to cry again. Because she is suddenly washed over with a feeling of completion, of safety and of protection.
She clutches the box to her chest, curling around it as to let no one take it away from her. He's in there. Her partner, her other half is in there, sleeping. He's so close.
She silently vows to save him from the darkness as soon as she can.
It's with that vow in her heart that she falls asleep in her grandpa's arms, finally feeling safe and like she can start healing again.
She wakes on the couch to the sound of heavy rain and frantic whispers and cutting words.
"...keep…. Down…. Youko…. sleeping…."
"How could… selfish…. Think of… Yume would not… do you even care?!"
"I care…! ….too much… I loved…. I have to..."
"What's going on?" She thinks groggily, rubbing her eyes with one hand while clutching the puzzle box with the other.
"If you cared one bit you wouldn't be standing in front of me with your bags packed, trying to sneak out of that door."
She's suddenly wide awake, her body locks up and it's like when Grandpa told her her mother had died all over again.
No breath, no movements, no thoughts.
But she listens.
By god, does she listen.
"Please, father… I can't stay here. I can't do this anymore. I look everywhere and all I see are ghosts."
"And so your natural choice is to abandon your family, abandon your children?!"
"I'm not-! Okay, maybe, but they have you! They have all of our friends and you to look out for them. There's no need for me. It took me four years to know my own daughter!"
Youko silently gets up and walks towards the door where their voices are.
Her heart is racing, it aches.
She doesn't know how much more sorrow she can take.
"And you're just going to throw that all away?! After all you've done to get to know her now?" Grandpa snarls, actually snarls, at Yakumo. "I did not raise a coward or a quitter Yakumo."
"You barely even raised me until I was 10, father!"
"And I spend every day regretting it and trying to make up for it!"
The tension between them is so thick that it could be cut with a chainsaw. Her father is on the doorsteps, two duffel bags at his feet and a hand on the doorknob.
They don't even notice her standing there.
She can't take it anymore and steps forwards, fire in her veins and ice on her tongue. She's done being cold. That is Hinata's thing in the end. She is the sun, all heat and flame.
"If you leave…..don't you dare come back you spineless coward." She snarls ferociously.
Both men's heads snap to stare at her, shock covering their faces as their anger fades.
She must be a sight to see. A small child with dark bags under her eyes, limp hair, face twisted in anger, clutching a golden box, and fiery, burning eyes.
"Youko-chan…" her father whispers.
"Don't you fucking dare Yakumo, "she cuts him off. "You have no right. Not anymore. Grab your things and leave. Don't look back, don't come back."
Something in her snaps when he doesn't.
"GO!" She all but roars. "Run like the coward you are! Scatter like the leaves on the wind and crumble when all of their life is gone! May you never find any joy and peace wherever you go!"
The puzzle glows faintly and pulses with power. The eye of Horus appears on her forehead slightly. Not that she knows any of this.
Solomon steps in front of her, the only one to notice, and calmly says: "I think, Yakumo, that you may as well stop by the Gardner law-firm tomorrow and get the papers done. And then never try to contact my children again."
And just like that… Yakumo is gone. The door is left open, sending in a steady stream of cold air, but she doesn't care. Not even when she steps around her grandfather to stand in the doorway, staring blankly after him.
Her father is dead, and the man walking down the street is a stranger to her.
It's quiet. Even as the rain falls down in thick sheets, washing away everything she's ever known, it's quiet.
Grandpa gently pulls her back and closes the door. He looks at her.
"I'm sorry jiji." She whispers, afraid to be any louder. She knows he must be hurting so much, his wife long gone, his beloved daughter-in-law also dead, and now his own son, the last thing of his wife, has abandoned him.
"...go and sleep, Youko," he sighs deeply. "We can talk about all- all of this, in the morning. And where you learned such a crude word, young lady."
His hand runs through her hair once, gently ruffling up her bangs.
She smiles sheepishly up at him before giving him a tight hug, (well. As tight as she can with one arm). "But, Yugi. I need to-..."
"Sleep. You need to sleep, little sunshine. I can take care of baby Yugi tonight. Now go, off to bed with you." He orders firmly.
Well… she can't go against an order like that.
And her body feels oddly heavy, too, even though it's also like it's brimming with energy.
And… her heart hurts. There's such a stinging and burning behind her eyes…
Oh…
She runs off to her room. Even though it's generally discouraged in the house, she runs as fast as her tiny legs can carry her, slam the door behind her and dives for her bed before the tears can get a chance to fall.
She screams.
"IT'S. NOT. FAIR!"
She doesn't know how long she cries. It could be hours, it could be weeks. There is no longer a concept such as time, there is only the darkness of her room and never ending misery.
In a matter of a a few months she's both gained and lost everything. Or so it feels.
She and her baby brother live, but her mother is gone, never to return, and her father is a stranger to her heart.
It hurts.
It hurts so much.
She's lost almost everything all over again. But this time she lives to mourn and move on, while they are the ones dead and to be forgotten.
It's not fair.
Why?
Why!?
Why did she have to suffer so much!?
How could the gods do this to her!?
What did she do to deserve such a thing happening?!
She can't breathe.
Everything is swimming.
She feels her rage building. Feels the tears spilling down her cheeks.
She clutches the puzzle box to her chest tightly, clinging to it like a lifeline.
IT'S NOT FAIR!
She wants to- she feels like she could-
TEAR EVERYTHING APART. SINK INTO THE DARKNESS. CRUSH EVERYTHING THAT STANDS IN HER WAY.
She screams in sadness, pain, and rage.
Everything explodes.
Then, from one moment to the next, there is a bright flash, and suddenly she finds herself lifted into arms that are both cold and warm and which smell… odd. Like something spicy and exotic, dust and earth baked dry in the sun, something cold and strange.
"Young Mistress, you must not give in to the Darkness!" Someone says. The voice is unknown. Deep and commanding, while remaining respectful. Almost like an older brother.
Still, this is a stranger, and so she fights. She hisses and claws at what is keeping her still, but the arms hold her more tightly than steel would.
"You must calm yourself, Young Mistress!" The voice demands harshly. "Don't let Darkness into your heart - push it into your hands!"
"Let me go!" She sobs, curling around the puzzle box in her arms. It's suddenly pulses and a calmness washes over her. Like a soft blanket.
There's another voice then. Soft and gentle, similar in tone to how Amane speaks to Hinata. A woman.
"Easy there, Young Mistress. Take a deep breath. Can you be a good girl and breathe for me?"
She gasps, hiccups.
"I'm NOT A CHILD!" She snarls, still sobbing, "let me go! Put me down!"
"With all due respect, Young Mistress, we know that, but well… your body is kind of that of a little kid right now," the woman says, and then there's a soft hand against her cheek. "My, she's a small one, isn't she Master Mahad?"
"Mahad?" She thinks through her rage, confusion sneaking through the cracks in her defenses. "Wait a second…"
The man huffs. "Small, but not weak, I'll give her that," his arms loosen around her slightly, but she's still being carried, held against his chest like a small child, a broad hand running gently up and down her back.
She relaxes, because she knows him. Not personally, but she knows him. Knows he will protect her and keep her safe.
She whimpers and curls into his hold, grasping onto him tightly with her free arm.
"Easy now, Young Mistress," the woman says again, and Youko finally opens her eyes to see purple and blue and pink through her watery eyes.
Dark Magician Girl… no… Mana, smiles at her, looking like all is right in the world when it's clearly not.
"You gave us quite a scare there, Young Mistress," she says cheerfully. "That could've gone really wrong, you know. It's good that Master Mahad got to you so quickly".
Her breathing slows. Evens out.
She's so… so tired.
But she's got so many questions.
She's so scared. She hurts.
Why does she have to lose so much?
Mana's hand lands on her hair, gently running through sweaty bangs and carefully healing up the sore skin under her eyes. "It's going to be okay, Young Mistress. We're here, now. Just sleep".
But… she doesn't want to. She has to- she needs to-
"They're gone." She whimpers, "it hurts so much. It's not fair. Why did they do this?"
Mana hums low in her throat, her eyes soft. "I wish I knew, Young Mistress. My grumpy Master here can probably tell you later, but… you need to sleep first, okay?"
It's a bit of a staring competition between them. Youko's too stubborn to fall asleep when two so important people are right in front of her.
The spirit sighs. "Fine, then… I guess I'll have to sing you a lullaby. Will you sleep then?"
"No".
That gets a laugh out of Mana. Youko pouts. She is trying to be serious, here!
And so Mana sings. And as much as Youko hates it… it works.
"Wandering child of the earth. Do you know just how much you're worth? You have walked this path since your birth. You were destined for more~"
Her eyes get heavy.
"Don't…. don't leave me… please." She begs tiredly, clutching at Mahad and the puzzle box.
"I won't," is the short answer she gets. "You will never be alone again, Young Mistress, I will personally see to it. And so will he. Now… sleep. Tomorrow is another day, you'll see".
She curls into his embrace and sighs, closing her eyes, "Promise?" She asks.
Before she slips into sleep, she hears his warm voice responds.
"I promise my Queen."
Mana smiles sadly at the sight of Youko sleeping in Mahad's arms.
She grins cheekily at him when their eyes meet though. "Not get involved huh? Not reveal ourselves for several years yet hmm?"
His face turns red. "Oh, quiet, you!" He hisses. "You should respect your master!"
"Uh huh, I'll try to Master." She says sassily.
He huffs, turning his face away from her. "She was going to hurt herself! Clearly she's more powerful than we expected."
Mana doesn't respond verbally. She just smiles happily and turns her attention on their Young Mistress. "Such a cute child! She'd have fit right in with the Master back then, don't you think?"
"They would have caused such chaos together." Mahad says with weary amusement. "I would have had to keep them in line."
"And she would have pulled you into it with her puppy eyes." Mana answers with a smirk.
A blush stains his cheeks and he looks away with a huff. He doesn't deny it.
She gently strokes Youko's head, only to pull back suddenly with a gasp when the puzzle box pulses and glows with an intense power.
Both Magicians gasp and then smile. Tears well in Mana's eyes.
Finally...
.
.
.
Somewhere, in a cold, dark place, a light suddenly shines.
It wakens him.
A/N: Please don't kill us. This hurt us just as much to write as it did for you to read.
Yes. Killing the mom off is a bit cliche. But there's a reason for this chapter title. In canon, all we know is that she had Yugi. For all we know she could have gotten sick and got the treatment for it and lived. But because in this, Youko was born first and pushed Yugi's birth back, it affected that. Equivalent exchange. Youko and Yugi's lives for Yume's. And yes, her choice was selfish but she's only human. And while most would choose the get treatment and lose the baby, I know many woman who would forgo treatment to have the baby and let it live. And so, while it pained us to do it, Yume had to die.
Now I don't know about any of you, but when I saw what Canon Mama Mutou looked like I immediately thought that she looked like Seto. In an eerie kind of way. So I thought (and shared with Nordic) that what if Yugi and the Kaiba brothers are cousins through their mothers? After all, Atem and Set(h) are back in Ancient Egypt so wouldn't that be a big possibility? And thus, Shizukana was born. And died shortly thereafter.
(As our lovely beta Moirei pointed out, we made a few accidental parallels and things that fit so well. Like both the moms dying with a child in their arms, for one. See if you can spot any other things!)
Of course, with all of this angst and pain, we need fluff to help balance it out. And nothing is more fluffy than a baby and baby feels. So we made sure to try and give you a decent amount.
*gasps* what's this!? Grandpa gave Youko the puzzle box early!? YES. (Nordic and I have been absolutely gleeful with this and Mana and Mahad appearing.) As stated before, there will be massive ripple effects from the girls being born. And how they act. Grandpa knows Youko is very smart and special, and with magical (and godly) influence, he knows she would need the puzzle sooner. But just because she has it now, doesn't quite mean she will solve it earlier. (She may but….¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
Oh. And yes. For those of you who weren't sure or didn't even think of it. It's always been the plan for Youko to receive the puzzle instead of Yugi.
Ngl, Yakumo leaving was just as painful as Yume's death. But we have nothing on Canon Papa Mutou. We don't know if he died or just left them. We didn't want to just kill everyone off (we're not Game of Thrones thank you very much.) if they weren't needed or anything. But yeah, Yakumo left. The pain of his wife's death plus the lack of real solid and strong bonds and connections with others made it the option for him in his mind. It hurts more because he started to actually bond and get to know Youko. And for poor Youko, whose magic had awakened a few months previously, and whom had the puzzle, and was very emotional, well…..unknowingly placing a somewhat benign curse on Yakumo was easy to do. At least it wasn't something worse.
So, in Yugioh there is magic. It's not used or mentioned often really. Here it will be. Magic is somewhat sentient in a way. Uh, can't remember what I was going to say or wanted to mention. I can't do much really, it without giving future stuff away. Anyways, we will come back to this and explain more in future chapters.
Omg. Mahad and Mana! Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl! They're here! Nordic and I were giddy when we thought of adding them and then writing them in. They're here. And shall remain. The girls are going to need some serious help for what lies ahead. Not gonna say anymore, don't want to spoil stuff. (This is another topic that we will come back to in later chapters)
Yes. Yami is awake! Kind of. He's in that half awake half asleep state. No longer dormant and sealed but not free yet. (We can't wait to expand on this. But again, something we have to wait in talking about until later on.)
So we've had a lot happen this chapter. Many things. Glad you survived. (If just barely) and we hope you're excited for what we've done. (You don't like the changes or it's not canon like? Tough. Our story, our rules, our choices. Screw the canon rules, we're the authors here.)
Shoutout to all of the people who viewed and all of our current followers and faves and our new followers and favorites (Kaiserin Rose, Shadowcynder1830, iniziodellastella, Schizo the Mentally Disturbed, Tsukiko Kaze, ForgivingLesbian, Dementra, and Velzon) And thanks to Flaremage and TeaK7 for the Kudos!
And EXTRA thank yous to Keiolsha, Contentkarma347, and Flaremage for the reviews! They made us so happy and giddy! (so this chapter is for you guys!)
Please, PLEASE leave us comments and reviews, especially if you have any questions or are confused! We love them so much and are more than happy to explain things to you guys. They give us motivation and such happiness. :3
Thanks again to the amazingly talented and lovely Moirei for Beta-ing for us, as always :)
So yeah. Just a heads up. More pain and suffering next chapter too…...Fear your authors. We love you. (You're gonna love but hate us so much)
We have a love hate relationship with angst. *sobs* we regret it all…..*cackles maniacally* but we love it so much.
(On a side note, we are also trying to figure out how to set up a blog for CitG on Tumblr. We shall keep you posted on it. It'll be a while though because we aren't savvy with it all and need to find someone to help us set everything up.)
That's all for now, so thanks again for reading my duckies and we'll see you all next time on Caught in the Game!
Counting Sinful Stars
A/N: *Deep breath* Okay, before you guys kill us, let me explain: it had to be done.
We know killing off the mom is a bit of a dirty trick, and maybe it's a cheap option for angst, but… there will always be a price for things that happen. (And Mama Mutou is almost non-existent in canon, anyways, both manga and anime…). And then there's Papa Mutou who isn't even mentioned in the series in the first place. So we thought there'd have to be a reason for that. Some sort of rift caused in the family for him to just not be there anymore. Yume became the unfortunate victim of a cruel twist of fate. (And evil authors).
Second, there's the issue of Shizukana. Yes, she's Seto and Mokuba's mother - Yume's twin sister. Both Stars and I like the headcanon that they're related to the Mutous, but life and choices hit them all in the face and they became estranged or lost contact.
Third: Yugi and Ryou. Of course we didn't just write out those two, we're not that cruel. Instead they're the same age as Mokuba and Serenity. (We may have made her a little younger than in canon - we weren't able to find a canon age or birthday). They're so going to be best friends, all of them - Yugi, Ryou, Serenity and Mokuba. I don't know if this counts as a spoiler, but we've even given their group a little name to distinguish them from the main gang: The Domino Quartet! The Domino Q or DQ for short.
And then there's the magic. All of that will be explained in later chapters, but for now, just be aware that we are going to introduce a new concept: Dad!Mahad. He is going to deny everything, but he's going to dad the hell out of Youko and be fiercely protective of her (and the other kids, really, but mostly Youko). And of course… someone isn't as asleep anymore as he used to be. Not unsealed, but not completely dormant, either.
We hope the fluff in this chapter made up for the pain! Trust me, this is possibly one of the most painful things we've ever written, and we've gone DARK places in our side-projects. We've had to write this in bits because it hurt so much.
As Stars has already mentioned, a lot brilliant parallel things in this were coincidental. We're most likely going to do that again! (Nothing is ever truly planned, just remember that).
Finally, this marks the introduction of named arcs. Or at least an attempt to name our arcs. This is the Collapse Arc. Yes, that means more pain is coming your way. Are we sorry? Hmmm…. No. Not really. Do we regret it? *Laughs through tears* Damn straight we do. Oh god it hurts, make it stop. And we're not done yet, nope! Ahahaha… haha… ha…. *dissolving into tears*
The song Mana sings is "Wanderer's Lullaby" by Adrisaurus on YouTube.
Big thanks to all of our new reviewers, favorites, follows and the like! They never fail to make our days :) (Got our first comment on AO3! Woohoo!)
That's it from me. Tune in next time for Chapter 10: Canon Catches Up!
NordicTwin
Edited/Beta by Moirei
Finished & Published August 19, 2017