Akatsuki Fundraising Idea #10

"Hidan, hurry up. These rituals of yours take far too long." Kakuzu growled, scanning the area around the battle zone, while Hidan lay on the ground, in his circle, making blood angels.

"Fuck off. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it right. Jashin demands it."

"You are an idiot, yeah!"

Hidan propped himself up on his elbows as the other members of Akatsuki entered the newly enlarged clearing.

"Tobi, bring the bucket."

"Yes, Mr Zetsu, sir." Tobi scurried across the ground, swinging a small lidded bucket from one hand. He reached the deceased body of Hidan's latest opponent and knelt down. "Uh, Mr Zetsu, I don't have any ice, sir."

"Kisame!" Kakuzu hollered.

"Alright, alright!" Came Kisame's yelled reply, from a distance. There was a muffled thump and a thin wail that was cut off abruptly, then Kisame stalked through the trees and across the clearing. "What do you want now?"

"Ice?" Tobi asked tremulously, holding out his bucket.

Kisame's eyebrows shot up.

"What do I look like? A snowman? I don't make ice! You made me finish up my first battle in a very long time, just so you could stupidly ask me to make ice? Do you know how often Itachi lets me fight? Do you?" Kisame stood threateningly over the cowering, masked man. When no answer was forthcoming, Kisame turned and stormed away, still muttering.

"We're wasting time. The organs won't stay fresh for much longer." Zetsu said ominously.

The plant man crouched down beside the body and inspected the wounds. Then he stood up and walked over to Kakuzu. The two talked quietly for a moment, then in more heated tones. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, Zetsu replied quietly once more and Kakuzu growled.

His left hand shot out and gripped Hidan's throat, raising him off the stake he'd impaled himself on to end the ritual and suspended him in the air. Hidan was yelling and hurling abuse, but Kakuzu was in no mood for him, squeezing until all noise was gone.

"We told you." He growled. "We all told you! Several times! Do NOT puncture the internal organs!"

Deidara grinned, Tobi quivered and Zetsu watched patiently as Hidan's legs swung in the air, his hands wrapped around Kakuzu's semi-detached wrist in an effort to pry him off.

"You psychotic, religious arsehole! You've completely ruined them AGAIN!"

Selling Hidan's sacrificial victim's organs on the black market: Fail!