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10. A Night In The Woods: Beware Of Zombie Rapists!
"Get out get out get out get out! Go go go go go go!"
I was getting pushed towards the window and distracted by the haze of hysteria in the atmosphere, barely managing not to fall over my own feet.
"Talk to you soon," I gasped out.
"Of course!" She answered absent-mindedly, eyes darting around the room ensuring nothing was too askew.
"See you soon?"
"As soon as humanly possible, Tristan." Her eyes bore into the door of her room as her hands insistently pressed against me but she managed a quick, indulgent smile my way.
I yanked at the window and Rory threw herself towards her radio. I was halfway out of her house with the off beat warbling of some chick singer chasing my ears when Rory whispered anxiously for me to wait.
I almost slammed my jaw into her window sill trying to comply. "Ror, you're the one rushing me out-"
Her fingertips brushing the back of my neck, Rory repeated, "Wait." And with a bright grin, she pressed her lips wetly against mine enthusiastically.
"Mm. Good bye to you too." I smiled.
"I'll call you tonight." She promised, remembering the gravity of the situation as she glanced at her door again. I understood that I was expected to continue my task of falling out the window so I finished jumping out- but I couldn't help myself; I leaned in and kissed her again.
She laughed and returned the kiss briefly, "You have to go!"
"Damn you're gorgeous when you're like this."
Muttering under her breath, she chuckled again and gave in to giving me another kiss.
"Kid, I'm home…"
"Shoot!" She choked as I swore shit. Flinging her arms out, Rory shoved me backwards, shut the window, and jumped out of my view.
I landed somewhat painfully on my back against solid ground but had the sense to scoot up and crawl away from the view of the window. I didn't pay much attention to the vague conversation from Rory's bedroom, only noting that Rory managed to camouflage her breathlessness well.
Taking a deep gulp of air, I tried to hide between bushes and other obstructions as I ran as fast as I could out of the Danger Zone trifecta of Rory's mom and the two gossiping neighbours that Rory had warned me about. Once I was semi-sure I was out of their line of vision, I slowed my speed, straightened my clothes and slipped easily back to calm normalcy as I walked the rest of the block to my car. See, Rory hadn't wanted to take chances and was sure that someone would notice if I kept parking my car in front of her house. My suggestion of using different cars each time we went out resulted in a glare.
I couldn't say that was my first time fleeing from a parental entering a girl's bedroom, but even so the panic that always floated with me in such events was mixed with sincere amusement. And then I wondered if she would want me to actually meet her mother at some point. The prospect worried me- most of the time I've met parents, it's been accidental. To have a planned meeting would spell out more seriousness than I really had ever expected. But that was a problem for another day.
Anyways, I was keen on meeting the infamous Lorelai Gilmore. She was exactly the kind of chick I fantasized over- a rich bad ass rebel child who gave a huge fuck you to all of the Hartford elite and went it alone, sacrificing all her birthright money and prestige and throwing her silver platter right back at her parents. She sounded completely kick ass. Not to mention, of course, the fact that she single handedly produced the most interesting, stimulating, amazing daughter in the state.
Of course, seeing as though I'm kind of the embodiment of the stuck-up rich boy, I'm not sure Lorelai would dig me. Considering all the effort she put into protecting Rory from all of that, I wondered if she would really appreciate me dancing with her in all my Dugrey-glory. I'm pretty fucking charming, if I do say so myself, but from what I've heard about her through the Hartford elite, I'm sensing a prejudice in her that'll be hard to beat.
Not that it really matters, I guess. I mean, Rory's close to her mom and her opinion matters to her and all that, but it's not like I'm planning on marrying the girl.
The fact that I was thinking about this at all disturbed me. I shouldn't have spared a thought for the opinion of the parents of whomever I was currently entangled with. I wasn't in a serious relationship and I was dead set on keeping it that way. I refused to let myself turn into a stepford boyfriend. Fuck, I didn't want to be a boyfriend at all.
-
Later that night, I found myself with Rory again. I tended to do this- every time I finally got a girl I was really set on getting with, I lost myself in a sex-induced haze with them, falling away from the rest of the world. For, you know, the two weeks or so it'd take for me to get bored of them. But I had wanted Rory with a craving that I had felt from the tips of my fingers to the tip of…well, my dick. It didn't surprise me that I had lost myself in her.
"You're like a drug." Rory said, surprisingly voicing my thoughts.
I glanced at her while signalling to turn, feeling the corner of my lip twitch up. "If you call me heroin, I'd be more creeped out than flattered."
"Did you just make a Twilight reference?" Her nose scrunched up disapprovingly and I laughed.
"You try being a Sex God without researching shit like that."
"I'm being serious. We've seen each other so much in the last while and somehow, I still want more of it. It's weird."
"It's my semen. It's addictive." I smiled cheerfully. I chuckled at her expression as I pulled over against a nearby curb.
"Sometimes I wonder if you could possibly be more vulgar. And then you prove that there is no rock bottom with you." Rory blanched. She looked around, following my lead in getting out of the car. "What are we doing?"
"I have decreed that tonight shall be hot dog and movie marathon night." I reached for my wallet. "I am a hobo now, after all."
She smiled and put her hand over my wallet-holding hand. "Well, I've always believed in helping out the poverty stricken." Rory dug some change out of her purse and turned to the hot dog vendor beside us. "Two, please. With the works."
"I'd bitch about how I'm far too chivalrous to let a lady pay, but that'd be an outright lie." I grinned, blithely accepting the hot dog she offered me.
"Hey, since I'm shelling out big bucks on this date, I expect you to put out, mister." She wagged her finger at me. Loving the way her eyes danced as she looked at me, I lightly bit the wagging finger.
"Anything for you, baby." The way her eyes suddenly darkened at my words made me rather confident that I was turning her on a little. I kissed her forehead. "Come on, back in the chariot."
We discussed movie choices as we ate, until I parked in the middle of a deserted clearing. She rolled her eyes and rambled about how much gas we just wasted since I insisted on driving pretty far out. I was adamant that the atmosphere be just so.
"Don't we have to stop at a rental store first?"
"Woman, I'm not made of money!" I admonished teasingly. "C'mon." I beckoned her to follow me as I opened the trunk of my SUV. She gasped. I had filled said trunk earlier with every movie I owned that I had enjoyed- in other words, my trunk was like a video store in and of itself. "Ladies choice."
Rory sifted through the pile and held up two movies expectantly. I raised my eyebrows. "Silly, silly Gilmore. Did you think this'd be a normal, short date?"
"I hardly think four hours is short, Tristan."
"Baby, I distinctly remember us talking about having an all night movie marathon. Four hours ain't all night." I bent over my movie collection and snapped up two more.
"You're insane."
"Aren't you used to my antics yet?"
She shook her head playfully, "No, idiot. You're insane if you think we're spending all night only watching YOUR favourite movies. I demand we see at least three of mine as well."
"Rory, we drove all the way out here and you're suggesting we go all the way back?"
"Hey, you should've warned me about this first." She walked back to the passenger's seat. I followed her, honestly blown away that she wanted me to drive all the way back to Stars Hollow.
"Rory, I was kidding about the hobo thing but only a little; it'd cost me like $80 more in gas to-" I shut up when I saw the movies in her hands. "…How the hell did you know to bring those?"
"I always carry Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with me for emergency movie nights. And I stuffed these two in your car after you first told me you hadn't seen them yet." She grinned.
"You're insane." I shook my head, laughing.
We retrieved the blankets and pillows I had also stuffed in the trunk earlier and laid them out on the grass. I set up the lap top and pulled Rory against me. She nestled in front of me and I took the opportunity to rest my chin on her shoulder and kiss her neck.
She squeezed my hand and we turned on movie #1- the obligatory Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
As the movie started, Rory smiled into my chest, "You know, this place is kind of beautiful." I smiled. I was awesome. This was one of my never-fail spots to get a particularly difficult girl to give up her virginity to me. It was a huge cleared grassy area in the middle of a forest. If you wandered a few feet into said forest, you'd find a gorgeous pond and at the edge of the forest there was a waterfall and an honest-to-God castle. You just don't get more fairytale perfect than that. It's also a hell of a long way out, so a girl is not only seduced by the area but delighted you cared enough to travel so far for the perfect place. It's never failed me.
"I'm glad you like it."
"How'd you find this place?"
"Just stumbled upon it. I love going on random adventures, what can I say."
"Thanks for showing it to me."
I only felt a little guilty that I had actually shown this place to at least a dozen girls before her.
Several hours later, we're halfway through Twenty Eight Days Later with both sets of our eyes drooping as twilight crept up on us.
We hadn't spoken much in the past two hours due to fatigue (hey, I had thought enough ahead to bring coffee but who knew a thermos wouldn't keep coffee hot if you drank it nine hours after its original brewing?).
As sluggish as I was, part way through the zombie flick I heard a noise that was most definitely not part of the movie. It sounded like rustling. At this point, I'd like to remind you all that I was running on no sleep and was in the middle of a rather good horror movie. It's not my fault I got nervous. You know, for Rory's sake.
I was creeped out so I whispered to Rory, "Shit. What was that?" She didn't answer so I gently shook her. "Rory. Something's out there."
She shifted in my arms. "What?"
"I heard something." I felt her stiffen.
After a moment of not moving, she whispered back, "I hear it too."
"We're gonna die!" I looked around nervously, kicking myself for choosing this spot now. We were in a field that had trees surrounding it on all sides. I chose a clearing in the middle of a frickin forest in the middle of bumfuck, nowhere. And now some crazy axe-murdering rapist zombie was going to beat us to death and eat us.
"Let's get back to the car." She must be pretty freaked.
"With our luck, it'll be IN the car!" I wasn't panicking. I wasn't.
"Tristan, calm down."
"Baby don't get hysterical."
"Tristan, seriously, calm down."
"I'm calm! We're just about to get zombie-raped, but I'm fine."
"You're squishing my hand, Tris."
I looked down and, embarrassed, let go of the hand in which I had been gripping.
She slipped her hand back into mine, "It's probably just a squirrel-"
What sounded like grunting came from somewhere to the side of us. "-or a dog…"
A garbled screech erupted and it was definitely getting closer to us.
"…or it really is a walking corpse and we're about to die." Rory swallowed, shrinking into me.
"Okay, here's the plan- when we see whatever it is, I'll throw shit at it and tackle it, while you- here, take my keys- run for the car. I'll try to throw it front of the car, and you hit it if you can. If you can't, just fucking drive like hell, I'll try to divert it with something else. If there's just one, do a wide loop, I'll catch up with you; if there are more, don't try to get them- they'll swarm the car and you'll be screwed."
A moment of silence passed and then Rory suddenly called out, "Who's there?"
"Are you fucking crazy?" I hoarsely rasped at her, whipping around and straining my eyes and ears in an attempt to gauge if there was more than one –thing- out there.
Another angry-sounding hiss came out of the trees.
"Who are you?" Rory was not to be deterred.
Finally, a figure came into focus. "WHO AM I? You're trespassing on my land you goddamned teenagers! MY LAND!"
A haggard looking middle-aged man wearing a trench coat and pyjama bottoms came lumbering into view. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU KIDS ARE DOING? It's four o'clock in the bleeding morning and you're parked in the middle of my several acre estate!"
I was so relieved that it wasn't a killer that I laughed. Which was definitely not the thing to do.
"You think this is funny, you little white-collared punk?"
I controlled myself and managed a respectful, chagrined tone. "I'm sorry sir. I was sure this area was deserted. I didn't know this was anywhere near a residential area."
"It isn't! That's the whole reason I moved out here! I chose the most desolute piece of shit land in the state to get away from you goddamn intrusive good-for-nothing morons!"
"Oh my God- do you live in the castle?" I was shocked. Dude, I've fucked girls up against that thing. In broad daylight.
"Why in God's name are you in the middle of nowhere having a-" He squinted at the blanket and pillows- "…picnic for anyways? Is there nowhere else you filthy cockroaches can find to-" Fearing that I'd burst into hysterical laughter if I heard this hillbilly say 'fornicate' or something similar, I cut him off.
"We were just watching movies, sir. Wanted someplace secluded, away from the city. We'll leave now. So sorry to have bothered you at all. Won't trespass again." I nudged Rory and we both hastened to gather our crap and throw it haphazardly into the car.
"You bet your ass you won't come again. I finally caught you! You're the disgusting slime who comes here periodically in the middle of the night, leaving your used condoms for me wake up to, aren't you?"
"Um…" I cleared my throat and avoided eye contact.
"I see you here again, I'll break your knee caps. You get me?"
"Good night, mister." Rory weakly murmured as we drove the hell out of there.
When we were way out of eyeshot of crazy castle man, Rory looked at me and raised her eyebrows. "Some rapist zombie, huh?"
We both exploded into laughter.
"You were so scared." Rory teased me.
"Scared for you, my pet." I scoffed.
She rolled her eyes and I laughed again. That died when she voiced her next sentence. "So… is everything you do with me a re-run of something you've done for like fifty billion girls before me?"
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. "Rory, of course not." I looked at her and saw that she was definitely not laughing any more.
"That guy said-"
"It's a nice area. Even though it is pretty damn isolated, I'm not the only guy that knows about it. It looks like a sweet place to do the deed, I'm sure lots of teenagers have found it." I am bull shitting through my teeth. No one else has any fucking idea this place exists. I chose this place specifically because it was my little secret weapon.
"So you didn't just try to pass off your favourite slut sex spot to me as a romantic night out?"
"I promise you, that's not what I did at all." I wasn't lying. It wasn't my favourite slut sex spot. The sluts I can fuck anywhere.
She brightened as she bought my words. I breathed a silent sigh of relief and took her hand to kiss it. "Did you have fun while it lasted?"
"Hey, it's not every day a boy tells you to run for the car while they take on a zombie for you." Rory smiled at me.
I winced. "Can we not tell anybody about that?"
"It was one of the sweetest things anyone's said to me." She grinned. "'Save yourself, Rory! I'll be okay!'"
"I'm embarrassed enough as it is about getting nervous, okay?"
"You weren't nervous. You were scared out of your mind." She chuckled. "And that's why it was so sweet. You genuinely thought we were gonna get hurt and your first thought was to protect me. You actually would put me ahead of yourself."
Hey, if this was making her like me more, power to psycho hermit guy. "You know I'd throw myself in front of rabid murderous corpses for you any day, baby. I'd never let anything happen to you."
She smiled at me again in a way that was almost adoring and instead of feeling smug, or smothered, I found myself smiling at her in the same way.
"Rory, I'm shit tired. I can't drive anymore. Figure we're far enough away from crazy man?"
"He wasn't crazy, you were on his property, you hooligan." She said jokingly. "And I can drive if you want."
"No." I answered too quickly. She frowned. "I'm sorry, Ror, I'm just really fond of my car. I love this car."
"You don't trust me?" She was miffed.
"That isn't it at all. Mary, no one but me has ever been behind the wheel of this baby."
"But it isn't even the nicest of your cars."
"It's actually the least high end of them. But it was my first car ever. I don't trust my own father with it." I explained. "I'd let you drive any of my other cars… Well, maybe not the 'stang."
"I'll never understand what the deal is with guys and cars." Rory sighed.
"It's a milestone! It represents the first taste of independence I ever had. I've worked on this baby myself."
"Really?"
"…well, okay, so I watched the guys at the shop work on it and I change its oil. But I'm trying to say don't take it personally. Besides, you've got to be as exhausted as I am anyways."
"It's not that big of a deal." Rory shrugged, smiling. "I'm not mad, Mr-explanation."
I returned her shrug. "Sorry. I can have a rambling habit when it comes to my cars. But pulling over? Yes?"
"Sure."
We had exited the forest. I pulled up to the side of the high way, half on the grass and half on the concrete, and turned the car off. "Come on." I smiled at Rory, opening my door. We climbed into the backseat and I grabbed the blankets and pillows we had used earlier. "Let's crash."
As tired as I was, I still couldn't help but take my shirt off. She looked at me like I had three heads. "It's more comfortable." I said innocently. I was smirking on the inside when she rested her head on my chest, watching with pleasure as her fingers traced my stomach muscles. I'm a whore. A temptress whore. And I'm far too tired to care that I just referred to myself as a temptress.
Falling asleep shirtless next to your… next to a girl… was a pretty decent method of vastly improving your chances of getting morning sex. That's all I'm saying.
"G'night."
"It's morning, you half-naked man-slut." Rory grinned sleepily.
"You know you love me."
She moved her head to kiss me lingeringly and I let my hand caress her waist and the skin under her shirt.
"Good night." She lifted her arms up and soon I wasn't the only shirtless one in the car. I smirked as the possibility of morning sex clearly jumped up several hours. Like I said, the spot works every time.