Author's Note: This chapter was dedicated to the strange cat woman Sasuke meets after leaving Orochimaru IN THE ACTUAL SERIES. So far, "Elder Cat" has appeared in manga chapter 354. Just incase you want to see how wacky she is. I really was confused when Sasuke came to visit her so I tried to figure out why he'd know who she was.
Chapter Ten: How to be a Super Cool Ninja!: The Training Begins!
Orochimaru was looking over Sasuke's progress report over and over. Sasuke, who was in the living room, which seems to be the typical setting in this story as you might see, was knocking over a tower of Transformers. The note attacted to his report read,
Dear Parents of Sasuke What's-His-Name,
We believe Sasuke has high potential and should start immediant physical training as soon as possible.
Mrs. First Grade Teacher
Orochimaru was stunned. He had had doubts on Sasuke's intellect ever since Kabuto first said, "He's a prodigy!" in the first chapter. Now he knew…
"Sasuke sweetheart…" He said quietly to get his attention. Kabuto also looked up. "We have your progress report."
"Don't tell me MY son failed!" Kabuto said angrily. "I don't let failures live in our lair and ride MY secret elevator!"
"No, it's not that." Orochimaru said, and sighed heavily. "They said I should begin training you, Sasuke."
Sasuke looked up. This was what he had been waiting for. The moment of truth…
"And you and I will be leaving for about a month to begin your ninja training…"
"Thank-you!" Sasuke suddenly cried and embraced Orochimaru happily. "I've waited forever to hear you say that!"
Unsure about their son's unusual and sudden display of affection, Kabuto and Orochimaru edged away a little. Sasuke stopped hugging Orochimaru and looked up, beaming.
"I love you guys."
Orochimaru and Kabuto leaped back in astonoshment. "He's ill." Kabuto muttered. "He needs to get out of the lair for a while."
"I agree." Orochimaru whispered back as Sasuke continued to smile oddly. " I think I know just the place… The place were I shall train our son into…a GOD!"
And so Orochimaru and Sasuke went on a little adventure leaving Kabuto alone to cry himself to sleep in his loneliness and watch old reruns of Dora the Explorer. They faced frightening cattle and unspeakable finger puppets and even almost sold their souls to Barney and his army of children Hordes through a game of Candyland. Finally, they had reached their destination…
"Is this is?" Sasuke said excitedly in front of the large building, almost dancing out of his clothes in excitement. (But mind you fan girls, he didn't…)
Orochimaru, who was still slightly creeped out by Sasuke's overly happy expressions, nodded. "Let me handle this, honey." He flicked on a pair of sun glasses. "I know what I'm doing." The two walked up towards the large metal doors. Two human guards sat happily out front, or as Sasuke discovered, two human looking robotic robots. Nothing out of the ordinary there.
Orochimaru tapped lightly on the door. He nodded to Sasuke, who was sweating like a pig in extreme excitement. "It is time." Orochimaru muttered, and opened the door…
Cats. That's what they saw, kitty cats. Kitty cats of all shapes and sizes and colors and religious backrounds all together working for a common cause. Except, we don't really know what they were doing.
"Are there any human workers?" Sasuke muttered.
"Nope. Just kitties." Orochumaru sighed. A small cat nearby hissed visously, and he added, "I mean ninja kitties." The cats went back to their work.
"Ninja kitties…?" Sasuke groaned, his excitement fadeing. "Why cats? Why ninja cats! I don't understand!"
"Come on, I'll let you meet…her." Orochimaru begand to walk forward.
"Her?" Sasuke asked following. "Who's her?" Orochimaru was silent, and something said he didn't really want to go see whoever she was.
………………………………………………………………………………………
At the end of the long walk down a dark hallway was a door. The door was painted red. The door was painted red with kitty stickers alllll over the front. Sasuke heard Orochimaru gulp.
"I'd have to say Meow Mix is so much better than Yummy Yummy," the cat leading them said. "But you know, everyone loves catnip. What a buzz!" She laughed in an overly cute giggle.
The door creaked open slightly as the approched and a steamy smoke escaped from it. A blueish light leaked out with the smoke. The three stopped in front of it.
"Enjoy!" the ninja kitty smirked and dashed away. Orochimaru waited till she left until he stretched a fake grin on his face. He opened the door wider.
"Hello?" he called cheerfully. "It's only me, Orochimaru…and my son! Sasuke! He came with me!"
The room was so smoke-filled it was almost impossible to see, but a figure on the other side seated on the ground motioned them to enter.
"Hello!" Orochimaru sighed. "We just dropped in to say ''ello!'."" He laughed nervously.
"Who is he?" a heavy voice shouted from the smoke. The two sat down.
"My son, Sasuke." Orochimaru said. "See, he even looks like me."
The smoke suddenly seemed to clear within seconds and a fat woman with kitty whiskers painted on her face surrounded by cats looked at them.
"I am Elder Cat!" she boomed. "And these are my kitties!" She smiled happily and hugged the nearest and fattest cat she could reach. This woman even wore a velvet cat ear headband.
Sasuke twitched alittle. A crazy cat lady? Like the one he used to live by in Konoha that appeared on his doorstep daily demanding his milk carton? Creepy. He know understood why Orochimaru looked nervous.
"Actually," Orochimaru began. "We'd like to use this base as a training area for Sasuke. He needs to start trainging soon."
Suddenly "Elder Cat" looked at Sasuke. "Sasuke…Uchiha?" she began. Sasuke nodded. "I remember you and Itachi when you were young!" Sasuke twitched at the sound of his name, but looked at her closely.
"How did you know me?"
"I'm your grandma!"
"No you aren't!"
"Yes, that may be true. But I was a friend to your mother."
"No you weren't!"
"Yes… that's true."
"Then how do you know me?"
"In due time." She muttered. She turned back to Orochimaru. "I'll permit you to train in the back rooms. My granddaughter will lead to to your rooms were you will stay. Oh, granddaughter-whom-I-forgot-her-name! Get over here!"
A blonde girl dashed out from another room. She was around Sasuke age.
"Yes, granny?" she said, she took beginning to drool over Sasuke's amazing hair and looks.
"Take these guys to their rooms." Elder Cat shouted. "And get my…you-know-what catnip…"
"Yes…granny…" she muttered. "Come on, I'll show you the training ground."
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The training grounds were nothing more that a room of cat-climbers and cat scratchers. Some string with toys attatched to the ceiling hung above and made walking though the room difficult. Finally they found a spot in the back with none of these things and normal human training stuff.
"Have fun." The girl said and walked off, pulling her axe out to cut her way out of the string.
"Well son," Orochimaru began. "We made it. Let's start that training!" Sasuke beamed with happiness.
"I want you to start off with one push-up." He said. Sasuke nearly flung himslef to the floor and did a one-handed-one-fingered push-up.
"Very good." Orochimaru sighed. "Now…"
"I don't want to stop you," Sasuke suddenly said. "But let's get to the hard stuff. I'm ready."
"Ah!" Orchimaru grinned. "Good, good. I like you enthousiasm! Alright then…lets see… Ah! I know! Take this bell from me!" He dangled a be in Sasuke's face.
Sasuke knew it. Just like Kakashi's bell test, only Orochimaru would try harder. What great training!
"Okay, ready?" Orochmaru asked. Sasuke nodded. First he's simply reach out and attempt to grab it, then go all out. He knew it.
"Ready…set…go!" Sasuke flung his hand out to grab it. He suddenly felt cold metal in his fist. Orochimaru had not even attampted to move his hand away. Sasuke already had the bell.
"What?" he began, but Orochimaru's cheering cut him off.
"Good job son!" he shreiked. "Awsome!"
"No, can we move on. I mean like, to killing people with a sword kinda stuff?" Sasuke asked desparetly.
"Oh, son!" Orochimaru laughed. "You're too young for that! Now let's try hitting a target with a kunai!" Sasuke barely heard him; he was in shock.
Orochimaru moved a target fove inches from Sasuke's standing point. "Go ahead!" he giggled. "Get a bulls-eye. If you can't, that's okay! I'll still love you!" Sasuke merely put his hand up and stabbed the bullseye.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" Orochimaru screamed. "You did it!" he yawned. "Well, you must be tired. Let's quite for today."
"We didn't do anything!" Sasuke cried.
"You need to rest!"
"I'm not tired!"
"REST!"
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The next few days were the same. No progress and no hope for happiness. Just meaningless first grade training. Sasuke only became exhausted by begging for harder traing, and he had no luck. Dispair filled our sad little hero. And to make matters worse, the cats were beginning to make Sasuke sneeze. And they stared at him everyday. It frightened him greatly.
And as the four weeks of countless pointlessness, Sasuke's anger began to surface. He became more iritable than normal, and slightly more emo.
But nothing could stop that unexpected anger that came on that one fateful day…
It began like anyother. Sasuke got up dressed, refused to eat with the "family" and ate half a poptart cause Orochimaru would not give him all of it on account his diet. Sasuke appatheticly walked out towards training to wait for Orochimaru like always. Once he got there, the daily training began.
Sasuke was busy lifting 0.2 pound weights while Orochimaru played Gonna Fly Now.
And that was were Sasuke snapped.
He suddenly hurled the weights at Orochimaru with all his might, then grabbed the nearest kitty and shoved it onto his sexy hair like a kitty hat. He visously tore through the room with a look of bloodthirst, knocking down cat scraters and string and breaking windows.
And as luck would have it, nameless girl and Elder Cat walked in.
"Holy bananas, Batman!" Elder Cat shreiked. "What is going on!?"
"Uhhhhh…" Orochimaru said nervously. "…training?" Sasuke roared…yes, he roared.
"I!...I!..." Orochimaru began, and then the back wall exploded. Sasuke somehow had placed bombs along it.
This part of our story ends with Elder Cat sueing them for one million dollars in damage of the wall and cat things and the two leaving quickly like illegal aliens to the border. Still, Sasuke managed to make friends with pretty much every ninja kitty, even the one used as a hat.
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"I guess we'll just train you here." Orochimaru sighed as the returned to the living room of solitude. "Honey! We're home! What'er you doing?"
"Watching Rachel Ray." Kabuto sighed. "How was it?"
"Chaotic." His wife replied. "Go rest up, son."
"I'm not…"
"REST!"
And they all lived happily ever after…
Catch the rest of the Sasuke Story SOON! (HIATUS TIME!)
Author's Notes: And now you ask, what do you mean by Hiatus Time? 'Kay, guys, I'm gonna take a short break on my updates. This story is almost done, but I still have three chapters to write. Like the Naruto episodes catching up to the chapters, these updates go faster than I can write a chapter. Therefore, just like the series has it's filler arc, I will have something like that.
It won't be all terrible. I have small one-shots I am thinking of uploading in the absence and a Halloween Special of this story. Still, I probebly won't update another chapter until I've at least written two more chapters.
This is also the best place to stop for a moment. When the chapters pick up again, it's gonna be DIFFERENT. You'll see…
The story is half done and the second half will be up sometime soon (I hope).