Chapter 10
It was Wednesday night, and Erik felt that the entire day had been a complete waste. He detested days like these.. I have not composed a single piece, nor have I received an email. Instead, throughout the course of the day, he'd eaten one small meal and sat on an arm chair in his den mulling over his sad life. In fact, he was still sitting in the same position thinking.
Nadir has certainly kept his word. I have not seen or spoken to him in over a day, he thought bitterly, though he knew not why he felt bitter about it. It was regretful to even acknowledge it, but Erik couldn't help but think that it would sometimes be nice to have company. Really, he was lonely… lonelier than he would ever admit. He truly only had Nadir in his life.. Christine was a mere fragment of the Internet, although to Erik, she was becoming much more than that.
If he thought about what little purpose there was to his existence too much longer, though, he would fall into a depression so deep that he would never reemerge. He abruptly stood from his seat and headed towards the computer room. What was I thinking sitting there for hours on end? An email might have been sent long ago while I was wasting time.
He sat gracefully on his computer chair the way a pianist would sit on a piano bench before beginning to play. Then, he logged onto his Pen-a-Pal account and breathed a sigh of relief. There was an email.
It seemed his entire life was reliant upon these emails. Erik distantly wondered if that was a good or bad thing…
Dear Erik,
Thank you for revealing a little about yourself. You already told me some of what I read back when we first began emailing, but I did not know about your family. I think it's good that you have Nadir. His name doesn't sound American. Where is he from, if you don't mind me asking? How did you meet him?
Erik couldn't bear to read more. She was wishing for him to reveal more and more about himself, and if he answered her questions and continued doing so, problems would arise. 'How did you meet him?' Even that small question was one he couldn't answer. In fact, it had taken himself years to gather the truth of it. Nadir hadn't wished to relay the horrors.
Erik could recall the day when Nadir had finally told the story. He was but ten years of age.
"You were an infant, barely eight months old, when I found you," Nadir said. He couldn't deny Erik any longer. The boy wanted to know, so he would know.
"What do you mean, 'found me'?" Erik asked with deep interest. It was the most interest he had ever conveyed, outside of music, of course.
Nadir sat at the kitchen table and looked at Erik who was standing with his arms crossed in a guarded way. He was always like that. "Well.." he hesitated.
"Tell me," Erik demanded.
He surrendered to the tone of his voice and slowly began. "It was a rainy night, and I had business to attend to in the city. I was walking on a sidewalk past buildings and alleys when I heard a baby crying. The sound of it overpowered the sound of the rain. I slowed my pace to try to find where the sound was coming from. It came from one of the alleys where a group of people were standing in a circle, obviously surrounding something. And that something was you."
"Go on," Erik whispered. He was beginning to realize something bad was about to be said.
"Erik," Nadir muttered with weak protest.
"I want to hear everything. Go on," he repeated firmly.
"I hid behind a building and tried to listen to what they were saying over the sound of your crying. Almost immediately, I could tell it was a gang. They were talking about what they were going to do with you. One explained how somebody had left you there to die. Another said he had a knife to do it. And somebody else mentioned putting you on display to earn money. There was even someone who suggested raising you to become one of them, saying that you would scare away anyone you came in contact with. I, of course, was confused. How could a baby cause fear?" Nadir was telling the whole story, leaving nothing out and refraining from sugar-coating any of it. Erik wanted the truth, and he was getting it.
There was a pause in which Erik didn't say anything, so Nadir continued, "I listened as they talked it over until, eventually, the one with the knife talked the others into doing things his way. I couldn't have that, so I did the only thing I could. I walked into the alley and told them not to hurt you."
"How could that possibly work against a person with a knife?" Erik asked in confusion.
"Well, Erik, I didn't just use my voice to get through to them. I also had a weapon. I had a gun."
"You?" Erik asked in disbelief. "Carrying a gun?" It was very unlike the man.
"Yes, well, I was a very paranoid person back then. Going into that part of the city at night was a bit dangerous." He wasn't going to elaborate on that matter. "Anyway, so I threatened them with the gun and they backed away. Actually, they ran away. When they were gone, I walked forward to where you lay. You were on the bare ground without any clothing, and you were crying." A pained look entered his eyes. "I could never leave you," he said softly.
Erik wasn't liking the pitying look Nadir was giving him, so he turned his face away. "Yes, well, you're a good person. Good people feel like they must do good things."
"Erik, this has nothing to do with feeling obligated," Nadir interjected.
"Yes, yes, you want me here," Erik cut in sarcastically. "And yet, I will never know why." His eyes turned cold. "It sounds like you disrupted fate that night. I should have died." He clenched his fists to keep under control and began to walk away. "You should have let me die."
Right before Erik could leave the room, Nadir objected, "I did not disrupt fate that night… It was fate that led me to you."
Erik stopped walking and closed his eyes, his fists unclenching. He sighed, turned towards Nadir, and looked into his caring eyes. He could never understand. Neither of them could ever understand the other's perspective. After a moment, he looked down and shook his head. Then, he turned and quickly left the room.
Throughout the years, Erik's mind had brought up the memory many times. With each time, his emotions took different turns. In the past, he would have wanted revenge against the gang of people who had wanted to do away with him, and he would have plotted out ways to get that revenge for hours, maybe days. Now, however, the memory only brought about sadness and self-loathing. Why did she have to bring it back to the surface?
Sighing forlornly, Erik stood and dragged himself to his music room. A sad, slow, mournful song was being composed in his mind as he walked, and he wanted to write it down.
Nadir wanted to give Erik his space, as he'd demanded, but giving him too much time to himself wasn't right. Neither of them had any true friends besides each other, but at least Nadir got to see and associate with other humans. Erik was never given that opportunity.
He knew Erik, too. He knew he was lonely and sad, and Nadir could barely stand to think of the man he considered to be his son living life day in and day out like that. That's why he crept towards the computer room to check on him, just to say 'hello', if nothing else.
When he peeked inside, however, no one was there. He frowned but assumed Erik was in the music room, although he couldn't hear the piano. Perhaps he was composing! The thought thrilled him. Nadir was about to leave to find him, but the computer caught his attention. It seemed Erik had forgotten to close out of the program he was obsessed with. He stepped further into the room. It looked like there was an email on the screen. The sound of the piano playing reached his ears, so that meant Erik was thoroughly immersed in his music.
It was so tempting. He wanted to finally see firsthand what Erik was spending so much of his time doing. Nadir recalled Erik telling him that he had discovered a website called Pen-a-Pal and was corresponding with a girl. He supposed this email was either a message from the girl or an email he was composing to send to her.
The piano was still playing in the background, so Nadir hesitantly sat down on Erik's computer chair. He closed his eyes and inwardly cursed himself for what he was about to do. Invading his friend's privacy was very wrong, but his curiosity was continuing to grow. With one last inward curse, he opened his eyes and read the email.
Dear Erik,
Thank you for revealing a little about yourself. You already told me some of what I read back when we first began emailing, but I did not know about your family. I think it's good that you have Nadir. His name doesn't sound American. Where is he from, if you don't mind me asking? How did you meet him? You can tell me at any time if you don't want to answer my questions. I'm just curious.
Here's an update on my life. My mom and I aren't fighting anymore. It turns out that Jeremy isn't a bad guy. He and my mom ate dinner with Brian and me tonight, and we all got along really well. I guess I misjudged the situation. Of course, I still don't know him too well, but my mom says that they are going to pay more attention to Brian and me. I will get to know him that way. I want to thank you for all of the advice you've given me about this. You really have helped me.
Another update is that I got a new job. I have been working at a restaurant called Ruby Tuesday for the past two years. I was never really happy there, so Brian convinced me to apply for a job at the Macaroni Grill. I was hired today. I start working on Saturday night. It's going to be a job that involves singing. I thought you might like to hear that. I'm really excited about it.
Before our last two emails, you asked if you could hear me sing a song that isn't so sad. Well, I'm attaching a recording of me singing my favorite song by Noah Wellington called, The Angel. Actually, I want to ask a favor of you. I know I messed up when singing this song, but I'm just not sure how. It must sound silly that I don't know. It's just strange. You are very knowledgeable when it comes to music, so I want to ask if you will tell me what you think I'm doing wrong. It would be nice to have a sort of voice teacher. Please know that I will understand if you don't want to do this.
I eagerly await your reply,
Christine
Nadir made sure he could still hear the piano playing before reading through the email again. Then, he stood and made sure everything was exactly as he'd found it before leaving the room. His hand rubbed his chin in thought as he walked to the kitchen. It seems that Erik and this Christine have gotten to know each other fairly well. I must admit, this is good for him. He needs a friend, and the fact that she likes music is bound to be the main reason he is so obsessed. She knows of Noah Wellington and sings his music, too. How peculiar… Yes, his music is some of the most famous in the world, but most of it is classical. She has more in common with him than I thought. This is outstanding.
One other thing was rolling through his mind. If only they could meet.. I wonder where she lives…
Erik returned to his computer about an hour later with a new frame of mind. No longer was he sad. He'd just composed a masterpiece! The song was poignant and hauntingly beautiful. It was meant to be sung by a soprano, and he knew just who he wanted to sing it… Christine.
He stared at the email that was still up on the screen and wondered how in god's name he had been able to walk away from it earlier. Eagerly, he read the rest of its contents.
Christine woke up to her 8:00 am alarm the following morning. She knocked it off her bedside table, and it crashed to the ground nearly breaking in the process. Oh, man.. She moaned and reached down to pick it up off the floor before getting out of bed. Why, oh why must I go to work at 10:00 am? And to a job I'm about to quit, too! She was about to stomp off towards the kitchen when a certain something completely sidetracked her mind.
The Internet was 'calling her name', and she ran to sit in front of the computer. Christine logged onto her Pen-a-Pal account and smiled when she saw that an email was waiting in her Inbox.
Dear Christine,
Allow me to congratulate you on your new job. I am sure you will be wonderful. I certainly am glad to hear that you will be able to sing. I have never visited the restaurant, but it sounds like the ideal workplace for you.
It is good to hear that things have worked out with your mother. It pleases me to know that you can have both a mother and a fatherly figure in your life now. I hope everything continues to run smoothly.
I would be honored to become your voice teacher, Christine. I am sure you cannot even begin to imagine how thrilled I am to be able to do this for such a fine vocalist. Through our correspondence, I have gathered that you are a modest person, which is a rare quality to possess in today's world. That is why I feel I must tell you repeatedly that you have an extraordinary gift. Someday, I feel that you will stun the world.
I know of the song you sang. It is a favorite of mine, as well. Now, before I begin, I must know if you have researched the piece. You must understand the music before you can sing it. By 'understand', I do not merely mean reading the text and knowing the words. You must grasp the message, the feelings, and the emotions. I believe you mastered all three of those in the previous two recordings you sent me. With this piece, however, you are right. It is missing something. You sing it beautifully, there's no doubt of that, but it seems like you are not able to relate to what you are supposed to be telling the listener. It sounds like your heart is not in it. Somehow, you are able to relate incredibly well to melancholy songs. If you could find the music in this song, you could conquer it, as well. My suggestion would be to research the piece in a quiet place and reflect on its meaning. Try to find the hidden message, for it is there. Then, close your eyes and think of a moment when you were really, truly happy. Reflect on exactly what you were feeling in that moment. Also, I find it helpful to think of someone when you sing, someone you love, trust, and perhaps look up to.
For now, this is as helpful as I can be. Once you feel you can sing the piece better than before, I hope you will send me another recording of it.
Until next time,
Erik
Christine was in awe. If what he was telling her to do didn't work, then she didn't know what would. It's true, she hadn't researched the piece before singing it. Even if she had, though, she doubted it would have worked. Something still would have been missing. Thanks to Erik's advice, though, she felt inspired. I'll master it, and it'll all be thanks to him.
Noticing the clock on the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen, Christine gasped and hurriedly logged off of Pen-a-Pal while inwardly promising to email him back after work. She ran to her closet to get her uniform and quickly put it on before going to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
It was while pulling her hair back that she came up with an answer to one of Erik's suggestions. In the past, Christine wouldn't have had the slightest idea who she could sing for. There hadn't been one person who could relate to that side of her so well. Now, there was a person. A man named Erik, or so he claimed to be. That was the trouble with communicating via email. Nothing was ever truly known. She couldn't see him or hear him. But she trusted him, and she looked up to him, which were two of the three qualities the person she sang for needed to possess. Love, though? Well, it wasn't even in the picture. Christine would have to see him, hear him, and know him before she could ever begin to even think of feeling that.
It was going on 6:00 am when Erik finally finished writing his email to Christine. He clicked the 'Send Now' button and sat back in his seat with a sigh. Nearly seven hours had been spent working on her email. If she only knew what she did to him…
Everything in his bleak life seemed to fall apart right before he opened an email from Christine. It happened every time. But, after reading an email from her, everything seemed to come together again, but in a new light. That happened every time, too. She was the angel in the song she had sung. Erik hadn't known until now. The song was titled The Angel, it was about an angel, and Christine was the angel. He knew now. Everything seemed clearer.
It had taken a long time for him to come up with how to help her voice. If only she could stand in front of him.. then, there wouldn't be a problem. He could fix everything, and she would be perfect. The problem remained, though. But not for much longer…
Erik had taken into account every part of her email, including the third paragraph, the part where she explained her new job. At first, when reading that she had stated the exact location of her workplace, he had wanted to scold her. It was never wise to give out such information to a stranger. Yes, he might be trustworthy, but she did not know that.
After thinking past his wanting to protect her against giving out information to strangers, Erik began to recognize the significance of the information she had given him. She, too, lived in Richmond, Virginia, and he now knew that she was working at the Macaroni Grill in Richmond, Virginia. There was only one restaurant with that name, and he knew exactly where it was. Christine had also given out one other helpful piece of information. She was working there this Saturday night.
Perhaps he was one of the very people he was warning Christine against telling this kind of information to… Erik didn't mind, though. He wanted to meet her, that much was certain. Of course, though, he couldn't actually 'meet' her, but he could very well 'see' her. And he would. He would visit the Macaroni Grill on Saturday night, and he would see her for the first time.