IX.

July 2010

I had settled down to a quiet and muggy summer in New Orleans. Ahmed stayed in New Orleans for a week in late May, after the end of the semester at NYU. He was staying on at NYU for at least another year and there was talk of a more permanent position. We had lots of fun, but the first day he was there I made Eric keep his promise to unglamour him. Actually, the afternoon he arrived I told Ahmed about what Eric had done and that he'd undo it. To my amazement, Ahmed said,

"Oh, that? Yeah, I realized about thatafter you told me about the blood thing, but you know, he was really right and you should be telling him the stuff you were telling me. You know that, right?"

Yeah, he knew he'd been glamoured. The problem was the Eric was so damn devious, he'd even managed to glamour Ahmed in a way that made it seem reasonable to have been glamoured. Rocks, and bricks in the walls. Indeed. If I hadn't been so annoyed still over what he'd done, I guess I would have been filled with admiration at how incredibly clever Eric was. To be pulling the wool over the eyes of someone as booksmart and educated as Ahmed was no mean feat. Eric however, was Eric.

Anyway, after Eric released Ahmed from any suggestions whatsoever (I insisted that I had to be present when he did so because I want to know exactly what he was telling him), I was finally relaxed about Ahmed's stay. He was going to visit his father in Jeddah in June, and steeling himself for the annual round of twenty questions from the family. But in general, he was at a happy point in his life. He was really enjoying teaching, living in New York, and he was seeing someone he cared about. I was happy for him. Like me, he'd just seen Alla in the late Spring, visited with her family, and found that she was doing better, just as I thought she was. It was a relief to both of us. I was hoping to visit her at home in the fall. Plus we were planning another, longer, trip to Pakistan and possibly Afghanistan in the winter, after Christmas. I wanted to keep an eye on all my 'projects', including the restart of some of the microfinance stuff that had been sidelined by the earthquake. In the meantime, closer to home, I was involved in a variety of projects in rural areas in the Appalachias and Ozarks. I would make short trips with Jamie to see the actual work coming out of my contributions. Ahmed had gotten interested in my various literacy projects in the US as well, and went with me to see a project in a rural area in Arkansas which focused on teaching adults to read in the privacy of their homes. He ended up contributing to the program. It was the first time that he had made contributions for anything within the US. We had a great visit. Eric said that Ahmed was as annoying as ever, though.

My life had settled into a smooth flow in the spring. Once or twice a month Eric and I went to some social event and we tried not to get shot at, not to get too offended, and to be as pleasant as possible about being on display. I still wasn't liking it one bit. Eric, from what the others said, seemed to enjoy things more because of having me with him for the events. I was starting to come to the conclusion that what Cadel had told me that night at Amelia's house was true. Eric really enjoyed companionship. Sometimes I tried to reconcile the bad boy image I had in my mind from the days when I'd first met him back in Shreveport with the man I presently lived with. Where was that man who had been so aggressively flirtatious? The guy who once told me he didn't care why I had sex with him, as long as I did? He'd certainly changed his tune about that one within the past year or so. But Pam had told me long ago that Eric had turned her because he was lonely. For all Eric's confidence, even arrogance, and his ladies man reputation, I could now really see that side of him. He really did get lonely. And he genuinely appeared to like having a partner or companion. When I was away and would call him several times a night, or we'd exchange funny emails and text messages, I could tell within just a few nights that he'd really miss me. We'd talk sometimes just before dawn until he was out cold. Of course, when I was away from him, no matter how busy I was, I missed him terribly. It left me kind of amazed though, that he might feel the same way about me.

On the work front, Amelia and I did mostly local work, within Louisiana, after Tunica. For my own private work, in early May I went to Chicago to interview suspects for the Illinois State Attorney's office for an organized crime case involving the Russian mob. I was disguised for the interviews, wearing a short dark haired wig, brown contact lenses and clothes that disguised my figure a bit. The SA was pretty cautious about anyone that I interviewed being able to track me down. I didn't tell Eric, or really anyone, about their concerns. It weighed on me though, and I was spending time wrestling with whether or not I should continue to work for their investigation when they called me again. It was frustrating that most of the work I did with my telepathy, outside of that for Eric, seemed to put me at risk again and again. I was very mindful of that brief conversation with Bert, about what it felt like to be relatively immortal and to love a human. I didn't want to be the 'callous, hurtful, and disregarding your risked affection human'. I wanted to be the 'I revere your love and trust human'. I wasn't always successful in conveying the message but I was really trying to improve myself.

Hunter came to stay with us the last day of June. He was staying for almost three weeks while Remy vacationed with 'friends', which Hunter glumly said meant 'a lady'. In January, Eric had finally pressed me into at least nodding in agreement that Hunter was 'like me' but I wouldn't say anything more on the subject at all. I guess he could tell from my response that I really didn't want to talk about it and for once he didn't press me into talking. He seemed to understand that Hunter was off limits.

Hunter was very, very happy to spend the time with me. He was excited to really spend time with vampires. He knew his mom had become a vampire. He got to see where she had lived, though it had been totally remodeled, and got to see photos of her that Amelia had. He was very curious about vampires and about why Hadley had wanted to become one. It was kind of awkward to explain about Sophie-Anne, but since he could read our minds, it wasn't exactly like we could give him the Disney version. He seemed fine with his mom having been with a woman and said that he could tell I had really liked Sophie-Anne, even though he could also see that she had hurt his mom's feelings. When I really thought about talking about this stuff with a nine year old because he could read your mind anyway, I kind of felt for Remy. It had to be really hard to have a regular relationship life with a telepathic child. At least my grandmother had been older, widowed, and had not had such concerns. Remy was just five years older than I was, though.

It had been a challenge to decide how to work things out for his visit. He was only nine years old and I couldn't see leaving him on his own in some corner of the third floor with no easy access to an adult he felt knew and trusted. Plus, he was in a building with many vampires and he was just a little boy. I thought it would be scary for him to be on his own, no matter how curious or interested he was in vampires. And frankly, I was a little apprehensive. Not that I thought anyone would dare treat a child visiting me like snack food, but… still. I was just apprehensive about having him on his own.

I ended up deciding that he should sleep on the daybed in my rooms. Eric was not exactly thrilled. First, it was a big security thing for him. To have another person in our rooms at all was a very big deal to him, let alone another human, even a child. He'd gone from decades of having no one other than Pam have access to where he slept to having me sleep next to him and now a child only two rooms and two doors away. I put a scanner lock on the door to enter the bedroom. Hunter wasn't allowed to touch any of Eric's stuff in the library. I put an extra computer, and a TV over in my dayroom. I got a Wii. He had the dayroom, my home office, a bathroom, the kitchen, and we would go out during the day. We spent time together playing in the mornings and afternoons and he came to work with me. He really liked Bert and Jamie a lot.

Another big issue was precisely that daytime schedule. Of course, Hunter was awake during the daytime and that meant that I had to be awake during a good fraction of the daytime, so that meant that I had to get more sleep at night. I tried to sleep while Eric worked and then I'd wake up when he came back to the rooms around 4 am. I got another couple of hours of sleep after dawn but was usually up making breakfast for Hunter by around 9 am. And then there was the privacy issue. It wasn't like Eric and I could be frolicking all over our rooms the way Eric usually liked to be. It was funny how lack of availability suddenly made a dining table or kitchen counters seem alluring. Even Eric's upstairs desk suddenly looked more attractive. His second floor office was a possibility, but not one I was fond of, however. He'd yet to get me to agree to that one. Clearly, if Hunter was going to end up living with us, as he envisioned, it was going to take some serious strategizing, I thought to myself.

The most dramatic thing that came about because of Hunter's visit and my altered sleeping schedule was that Eric finally got a first hand look at my nightmares. He was simply aghast. I awoke at around 2 am the night after my birthday, crying out, in Eric's arms and with Hunter staring at me worriedly from the open doorway. My cries had awakened him two rooms away and alerted Eric on the floor below. Since I normally had these dreams during the day, when all the vampires on the third floor were effectively dead to the world, I really didn't quite have a good sense of how bad they looked to the outside world. I'd lived alone before and when staying with Alla or Ahmed had seldom slept well enough to really dream. When Amelia and I would go away, I usually didn't get much sleep either. So I only knew how they felt, not how it looked to everyone else. I knew sometimes I cried out in some of the torture dreams because sometimes I'd awaken with the clear sense that I had been screaming or crying out in my sleep. It was unfortunate that the nightmare that jolted Eric out of his office one floor below was precisely one of the now fairly rare Neave and Lochlan dreams that segued into a dream where Eric and a very ill Bill were having their hands amputated at Felipe's command. In the dream with Neave and Lochlan, Eric was there instead of my grandfather. But then, just as in life, both of them were punished for helping me. The part with Eric and Bill was what really got me crying, and crying out. I was very plugged into this particular bad dream and Eric had a hard waking me.

When I did start to become alert, I found I was in Eric's arms, his hand firmly holding my face. He'd even turned the light on the nightstand on.

"Sookie. Sookie, wake up," his voice had seemed to be far away and then gradually, it was closer, louder. "Wake up."

I suddenly snapped awake and took in the scene- his serious and troubled face, Hunter in the doorway looking scared and this odd sound of Eric's voice echoing in my mind. Even Rosie was sitting there looking at me.

"I'm awake," I said firmly. "I'm awake. It's fine." I started to rise but Eric restrained me, staring down at me with those laser blue eyes.

"This is not fine. This is worse than you told me it was. You were screaming and I couldn't wake you." He shook his head and then glanced over at Hunter and said, "Go back to bed. Sookie will be fine."

Hunter stood rooted in the doorway staring at me.

I knew you had bad dreams. I didn't really understand. He's right. You should let him fix it.

Go to bed Hunter. I'll be fine. There's nothing to fix. Go to bed.

He ignored Eric, and me, and walked into the room and, after stroking Rosie, he squeezed right next to me, climbing on the bedframe to give me a hug. Eric looked a little annoyed but didn't say anything. I brushed my fingers through Hunter's hair and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.

"Go back to bed, I'm really fine," I said softly to him.

Hunter looked me right in the eyes, jutted out his lower lip in a pout and shook his head.

"Now whenever you say you're fine I'll wonder if you really aren't okay."

Eric raised his eyebrows at that comment. From the mouth of babes… Hunter quietly padded off, back to the dayroom and Rosie jumped down and went after him.

I tried to get up again, but Eric held onto me.

"Not so fast. Are they all this bad? And don't even bother lying to me."

I stiffened and glared at him.

"I don't lie to you, Eric."

"Telling me you're fine and that they aren't so bad was a flat out lie. It's not fine, you are not fine and this isn't just like having an occasional bad night's sleep with you being haunted by troubling thoughts. These are night terrors. I could hardly even wake you." He paused a minute and then said, "Would you please let me glamour you? So your memories are less intense, or…"

I tried again to pull away from him.

"No, absolutely NO. And don't you dare try to go all vampire voice on me, either."

He gnashed his jaw and looked down at me coldly.

"We already know going all vampire voice doesn't work. Don't be evasive. Answer my question. Are they all this bad?"

"No. I guess…" I tried to remember what I had been dreaming. Neave biting my breast. Lochlan slowly slicing that strip of skin off my thigh with his sharp blade and his look of pleasure as I screamed. Eric and Bill's hands turning to ash and their losing so much blood from the wounds. I shivered involuntarily. Well, still, I'd had worse dreams in the past, much worse by far. There was no rape by the fairies. Eric didn't die. I didn't see Claudine die with her unborn child right in front of me. No this was just... typical. I sighed.

"Um… I've had worse. But not in a while. Some aren't this bad. The other ones..." I didn't want to talk about the other ones. Those were even harder on my in some ways because they made me feel worse about myself. "Before you get all worked up, I honestly am not having them as much as I used to. I keep telling you that, telling Ahmed that, and no one seems to believe me. The first few years were really bad. I can openly admit it. I was often afraid to fall asleep. But I am getting better and no one, no one, is going to mess with my memories or my mind in order to fix what really happened to me. So you had just damn well better get that into your head. Spinning a bunch of stories about what happened to me is not going to work for me, Eric. You're not fixing anything because there is nothing to 'fix'. It's my life and it all really happened."

"I can make the memories less intense. I can make it so you have less anxiety. Or maybe just so that you don't have the nightmares themselves but still have your memories as they are," he said firmly.

"And that is going to make me safer and happier how? I am the way I am. These experiences made me who I am and taught me to fight to be safe and to survive, which you keep telling me is so important and so right and good. You knew when you got me to come back that I was like this. I told you the first night I stayed with you here that I had these nightmares. You're the one with the problem because my reactions to what happened to me make you uncomfortable. Maybe this is still all bound up in your guilt that you couldn't rescue me. But I'm fine the way I am. And you're not getting any invitation to start messing around in my head, fixing me up to your specifications."

His eyes widened and flared up into an angry red glow. He literally tossed me away from him, into the center of the bed. He got off the bed and stood looking at me. His eyes narrowed as he glared down at me and he paused for a full minute before replying with bared teeth.

"I am not trying to help you for my own satisfaction or to relieve myself of any guilt or discomfort I feel in seeing you suffer from something that I could help alleviate. Sometimes you are so fucking distrustful of me that I wonder that you even sleep in my bed. It's insulting."

He turned on his heel and stamped out of the room. I was surprised that the door from the library to the hall even stayed on its hinges since he slammed it so hard as he left.

I burst into tears.

Two days later we were still barely talking. We'd had arguments in the past but this one was very different. Eric would talk to me but was just very distant, almost cold. He was friendly with Hunter and would even play with him a bit when he first rose. They built a house of cards on my kitchen table with two decks of cards. Rosie demolished it and they just laughed and started all over. Eric taught him how to play chess and mentioned the idea of going bowling on Sunday evening.

Meanwhile, Eric wouldn't even get close to me in bed and drank True Blood. I would wait in bed at sunset and he'd wake, get up without even touching me, take a shower and get dressed and go see Hunter. Finally, on the third evening when he rose, showered and silently started getting dressed, I broke down and asked him if he wanted blood. He turned and looked at me soberly.

"Are we apologizing?" he asked quietly. "Because if not, I'm not interested." As he spoke his face softened slightly.

I bit my lip. I couldn't very well apologize for not wanting him to mess with my memories. I'd have to be careful how I phrased what I was sorry about.

"I'm sorry that what I said upset you so much. The way I said it… I was…"

He waited, looking at me rather darkly.

I winced looking at his expression. He was not going to make it easy.

"The way I said 'no, thank you' was not nice. But I didn't intend it to be insulting. I'm sorry if you took it that way. I was very upset."

That was about the best I could manage at the moment.

He sat down near the foot of the bed, a good distance away from where I was sitting. He looked away for a moment and then looked back at me. He had the most peculiar, strained expression on his face. He nodded, as if to himself. I felt like he was still deliberately being remote as he spoke.

"I do feel guilty," he finally said quietly. "I feel guilty that the fairies got you, that I couldn't rescue you and that even though you survived… that so much of you survived still never fails to amaze me… they damaged you. Damage that neither I, nor your grandfather, could heal at the time or even now, it seems. Damage that you seem to think you need hang onto in order to survive or… whatever it is that you think you need from those memories in order to be you. I do feel guilty."

He rose again from the bed. And then turned back to look at me and continued,

"But the guilt is nothing compared to how it feels to think that you still don't trust me. You trust me to keep you safe, physically. You trust me with your body, for sex, to feed from you. But not with your mind, and sometimes I think, barely with your heart. You didn't trust me enough to tell me about Hunter. I had to pretty much force you to tell me. You didn't trust me enough to tell me how bad your dreams really were, didn't even want me to know about them at all. You didn't trust me enough to just ask me about the conversation I had with Andor about turning you instead of reading pieces of it from my mind and still being fearful of him for many months afterwards." He paused again and then looked at me with softly glowing eyes. "I'm sorry I got so angry when you were already upset. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm not sorry that I don't like your distrust. I find it intolerable. Painful, even."

"Eric that's ridiculous. I do trust you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't trust you. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't trust you. And I certainly wouldn't have Hunter here if I didn't trust you."

"Really? Well, a lot of your behavior speaks to the contrary. It is ironic that in a thousand years you are basically the first human I have trusted completely. I sleep at your side feeling completely at ease. Even now, when we argue. Even when we argue for days. I trust you and yet you do not really fully trust me. No matter what you say, you don't. I resent it. I hate it," he said bitterly, looking away from me.

"Well, you know, I'm doing the best I can, Eric. It's not like you haven't given me reason at times to wonder about trusting you, okay? You're not exactly the most upfront person, even if you are very careful never to lie. And I'm not saying that I think I'm so much better that you, either. But I do trust you and I'm trying to do the best I can here." I felt my eyes well up with tears. "I really am trying so hard…" I gasped while still looking him in the eye. "I'm trying so hard and sometimes I think you just don't see it. I changed so much of my life, my hopes and myself to be here with you but I can't change my mind, my memories, on top of all that. I can't and it would be wrong of you to suggest that I even should."

He stood there just looking at me with cold eyes as I spoke. I looked away. I felt this awful tightness inside. I just ached inside. I felt totally disconnected from him, in a way disconnected from everything. I'd taken sleeping pills for the past two nights and I hated the way they made me feel. It was as if I was seeing the world through a fog. But the real problem was how distant I felt from Eric. He hadn't even so much as touched me for almost three days. He was so angry, so hurt by me and that was all he was letting me feel from him. And I hadn't intended to hurt him. As usual. Even I was tired of hearing that one. My lip trembled. I wanted to say more but I couldn't even speak.

Finally he sighed and walked around to my side of the bed. He pulled me closer to the edge of the bed and kissed me. Then he sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I felt a massive amount of tension just seem to drain away from him. And I felt like I could breathe easier again. I climbed over onto his lap and rested my head on his bare shoulder.

"I could make it better, Sookie," he said softly, rubbing his face in my hair. "But you won't trust me to do it in a way that would be what you could live with. And I don't understand why you won't. You did once before and I did nothing to harm you, when I had far less attachment to you."

I sat up and looked into his eyes and said what I'd thought of over the past few days.

"Well, who made it all better for you, Eric? Hmm? You've had all kinds of terrible things happen to you from the moment you were made vampire. And even before, with your first wife's death. Who made it better for you? Who glamoured you into forgetting your orphaned children? Who made you forget Appius Livius Ocella and what he did to you, and to Andor and so many others? Or what he made you do to each other for his amusement? Who made you forget what Felipe did to you, because of me?"

He suddenly looked ashen as he gazed down at me.

"I am not human. I am vampire."

"What!? What kind of a bullshit answer is that Eric? You're not going to tell me that you have fewer feelings than I do. You're just not, okay? Because I can tell you right now that my conclusion after living here for ten months is that the problem is that vampires feel too much for too long and have to shut it away and filter it out so they don't go nuts. You tell yourselves all kinds of lies to make your existence even bearable. Sometimes I think all the violence is because vampires shut so much away they forget to feel anything at all other than the most extreme things like anger and hatred. But it's all still in there. All your senses, all so heightened. The first person who ever taught me how to filter out other people and not be affected by them was a vampire. Bill showed me how to make life more bearable. Well why would a vampire even need to learn how to shut other people out unless they felt everything. 'You're vampire' is your reason why no one needs to take care of you or heal you emotionally or psychologically? Right. Great theory. Unfortunately, I'm not buying it."

I looked at him shaking my head in disbelief. He didn't respond. So I continued.

"Well, I'm not going to insult you by saying you're lying to me. But at the very least you're lying to yourself. If you can survive what happened to you, why can't I do the same? If you got to, or had to, work it out your way and on your own, why can't you let me work it out on my own? I admit that sometimes I avoid dealing with things. But when I have to, I do deal with them. So just cut me more slack, Eric. I am trying, as hard as I can, to make this work. I really am. Stop blaming me for things I couldn't help, that happened to me and changed me and made me behave in ways that drive me, and you, nuts at times. We can't fake who I am. If we did, it wouldn't be me anymore. And really, you don't want a 'me' who hasn't lived through all of those things, living here in this compound with you, like some naïve creature who doesn't know what fairies or other supes or humans are really capable of. You really don't. So stop kidding yourself or trying to 'fix' me. Remember that I'm the person who drove a car over someone for you. Who came and slapped you awake in a building that would have crumbled around you and gravely damaged or killed you. I would think you'd want me to be as I am because I know all these things and feel them keenly. Because you know what I'm willing to do to keep you and those around you safe. I'm awake when you aren't and having me able to sense danger instead of being lulled into some beautiful idyllic fantasy life will help keep you safe, as well as keeping me safe. Because what I know is vital, to my welfare and yours. You always say that there's a price? Well, this is my price that I have to pay. If I never sleep easy again, it's still worth it to know what I know. Because it's our reality."

He was very still. He just stared at me without speaking. It felt like minutes passed with both of us just locked into silence as my words sank in. Finally I said,

"Speak, Eric. You're the fan of talking it out." I twisted around in his lap straddling his legs, so that I could look at him practically at eye level. "So, talk to me," I said, shaking his shoulders.

For once it was Eric closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I don't want to lull you into an idyllic frame of mind, Sookie. I would never do such a thing. I only wanted to alleviate what you go through with your memories, your dreams. To lessen their effect on you. Because I can. I want you to let me do something that I can do to help you. To help you now. It could be as simple as making you see things as if they were at a distance, or not feel the pain. Because you were feeling the pain of what happened to you. There has to be some way to remedy this."

"I don't need you to. I don't want you to. I want to stay just as I am."

He lowered his head for a minute and rubbed his cheek against mine. With a heavy sigh he asked,

"Would you let Pam do it?"

I pulled back from him and looked at him in shock. His eyes were closed and I felt him somehow holding himself a little distant from me. He almost looked as if ready to recoil from being hit.

"No, no I wouldn't let anyone mess with my memories, Eric. This isn't about you. It isn't about trusting you. It's about what makes me, me. And I don't trust Pam more than I trust you. I'm just…" Totally stunned was what I was.

He appeared to sense just how stunned I was and relax slightly. I leaned back against him again.

"You think I want to control you," he murmured softly near my ear. "That I want to control you or change you. And sometimes, I do wish I could make you do things differently. But I'd rather talk to you to make you see things differently and make the decisions on your own. Because then it's really your decision. You think that Pam likes you, accepts you as you are, in a way I do not."

I was silent for a moment, wondering just how much it would have cost him in pride to ask if I'd let Pam do it instead. It was also a measure of how much he must really have wanted me to not suffer from the nightmares.

"Eric, I could never trust Pam more than I trust you. I just… Sometimes I feel like we're speaking to each other in different languages and our meanings, my true meaning is just not conveyed. I will never trust anyone more than I trust you. It simply isn't possible. And you know that I can feel how you mean your offer. I simply can't take it because of me. It's not because of you at all. I just... It's me, okay? Maybe I just can't believe that I can't fix it myself. I don't know. It's not about lack of trust for you, min äskade."

He said nothing and closed his eyes. I stroked his cheek gently. Then I felt a jolting shift in his mood. His eyes flew open and his fangs ran down. He seemed to stiffen slightly but leaned forward and kissed me, then rose holding me with my legs around his hips. He turned and put me back on the bed. He walked away and continued to dress. I was shocked… No snuggling? He didn't even want my blood?

"But I thought we made up? We apologized to each other," I said, shocked.

He nodded but with a frown. Then he held his hand about four feet above the ground and gestured toward the door. Hunter.

Hunter Savoy?!

There was a moment of silence but, sure enough, I'd already locked onto him, right outside the door to the bedroom.

Hunter! What are you doing lurking outside our door?

Um, I got worried because you were upset. And I'm hungry. Can I play with Eric while you make spaghetti? I'd really like spaghetti for dinner.

After he'd finished buttoning his shirt, Eric walked toward the door with an odd look on his face, whipped it open and in a lightning fast movement hoisted Hunter into the air and onto his shoulder. He carried him, pretty much upside down, off to my dayroom while I looked through the doorway after them. I wasn't sure whether he was being playful or cross. He felt like both to me.

There was a shriek and I scooted after them, even though I was just in my nightgown, which was slightly sheer. But Hunter was already laughing. Eric tossed him in the air several times and then put him down. I stood looking at them, my arms crossed across my breasts. He pointed at Hunter and said in a stern voice,

"You stay away from my things, Hunter. And don't lurk around outside our door. You know perfectly well how to get Sookie's attention if you need it. I don't like your sneaking around and it's not smart to sneak around vampires."

His fangs were down and his gaze was intense. Hunter looked a little bit taken aback even though Eric had started out being playful. He silently nodded wide-eyed at Eric.

You better listen to him Hunter, or I won't be able to have you come back and stay in the dayroom. You'd have to stay someplace else, more on your own. Are we clear?

Hunter turned to me and continued nodding.

"I'm going to get dressed," I said. "No more tossing him, okay?" I said to Eric. That got me a frown from him.

It was fun. He's really strong.

I've noticed that, Hunter. Find me the vampire that isn't.

My goodness… I thought to myself as I walked back toward the bedroom. For a minute I'd really been scared. Sometimes, I frankly couldn't even begin to fathom what Remy was thinking leaving his nine year old child with me in a vampire compound.

When I came back over to my rooms I found them playing chess in the kitchen. Eric would let Hunter take back only one move per turn, but he explained to him why his moves were a bad choice. They played three games as I cooked and Hunter was frustrated because he lost each time in fewer than ten moves.

Even if you don't realize it, you're used to playing games against people you can read Hunter. But now you can't read Eric. Unless it's a game of luck, you really have to focus on your own strategy and try to think about what his strategy might be.

Hunter pouted. Eric looked over at me, shrugged and started to get up.

"I want to play one more time," said Hunter stubbornly. "Please, Eric?"

Eric sat back down with a sigh and they reset the board. I was distracted with cooking but then noticed that Hunter's manner was a bit different in this game. First he was playing much more slowly. Suddenly I went slightly cold and felt something almost like pins and needles in my head when I glanced at Hunter. He had his hand hovering over his pieces on the board. I couldn't get a lock on his thoughts. It was like almost he was a void, but not exactly a void like a vampire, either. Then I had this flash of an image like his mind was a movie screen that was blank and gradually came into focus. He saw the chessboard, but it was different. The pieces had moved. I felt a chill run down my spine. His hand came down on a piece and he moved it. Eric, who had been scrolling through things on his phone, looked back at the board and seemed caught off-guard. He made a move, and for a moment or two seemed more attentive to the board and then went back to typing on his phone. I finished the Bolognese sauce and drained the noodles. As I was serving the spaghetti into bowls I had the odd sensation again. Another vision of the chessboard, but with some of the pieces in different positions yet again. I suddenly realized that what I was seeing- what Hunter was seeing- was a future point, further along in the game… because there were fewer pieces on the board. He was looking at a future board. I froze watching them. Hunter hovered for a moment, then made his move. Again, Eric was caught off-guard and this time he gave Hunter an odd look. He made a bold move with his Queen. Now Hunter looked totally exasperated and started thinking in a more agitated fashion. I drew in a sharp breath because as I read Hunter's thoughts, Eric glanced over at me, probingly. I tried to steady myself under his gaze but began to feel agitated myself and, of course, Eric could tell.

Hunter was trying to focus on an image of how the board would look several moves ahead. But every time he moved a piece he was changing that outcome because then Eric would change his plan in response. It was steadily changing the outcomes every time Hunter made a move based on a potential future position instead of what was in front of him at the moment. By seeing the future and acting on it, he changed it, instead of seeing the future and having the benefit of knowing how it would evolve and gauging when it might be best to intervene. He didn't see the real advantage or understand how to better use what he saw.

"You boys need to wrap it up. I need that table for dinner," I said quickly.

Eric shook Hunter's hand and put away the pieces. He rose and put the bowls on the table for me. Then he stood right in front of me and met my eyes. I bit my lip and silently shook my head. I handed him a warm bottle of True Blood and Hunter sat down at the table after putting the game away. Eric stood looking at me for a moment.

What's wrong Aunt Sookie?

Hunter, you had better think twice about pulling that stuff, okay? You're not outsmarting Eric. In fact, I think he's caught on to you.

I shifted my place setting and sat down next to Eric. I had very little appetite. Between being worried about how angry Eric had been with me and worrying about what Eric was figuring out about Hunter and stressing over whether I should just tell Eric, I simply couldn't think about food.

While Hunter chattered about chess and bowling, I sat with my fork just poised over my food and rested my left hand on Eric's thigh. I just tuned out, while pondering what to do. Suddenly I became aware of the fact that it was silent and that Hunter was staring at me.

You're going to tell him?

I don't know. I think he already figured it out something else is going on because of your little stunt, though.

"Eat your salad, Hunter," I said out loud, softly. He made a face at it. He didn't like vegetables very much.

"Are you planning to eat at all?" said Eric, turning to me. He raised an eyebrow as he spoke and I had the feeling that he was really enjoying himself. He already knows there's a lot more to this whole thing, I thought to myself. He just wants to see what, or even whether, I'll tell him. I didn't even need to bother getting into his head to see that.

"I'm just not very hungry right now," I said quietly.

Eric frowned. He despised my skipping meals and had actually commented when Hunter first arrived that he was pleased that I appeared to be eating more with him here.

"Eric, is it true that vampires just don't like garlic and that it can't hurt them?" asked Hunter, curiously. He looked up at Eric with a very earnest expression on his face.

"Looking for ways to fight vampires, Hunter?" said Eric with amusement.

Hunter shook his head 'no' with a very serious expression on his face.

"I'm just curious. When Aunt Sookie visits with me in Red Ditch, she makes garlic bread. But she says she never makes garlic bread here. I thought maybe it was bad for vampires, like stories say. But Pam said that's made up."

Eric nodded and said, "It is bad. It smells bad," with a chuckle. "Holy water doesn't work either. Nor do crosses. It's basically stakes and silver. And maybe fire. Although fire could get anyone, right?"

Hunter had put his fork down while he listened and just nodded, looking very serious.

"Any other questions?"

"Can you really fly? Pam says you can fly."

"Pam was not teasing you," said Eric with a smile. "A pretty rare event in this building."

"Can I see you fly?" Hunter asked even more wide-eyed.

"Not tonight. I would like to talk to Sookie for a while. Can you amuse yourself?"

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit disappointed.

"My love? Since you're not going to eat, let's go talk." He smiled an irritating smile at me.

We walked over toward the other side of our rooms but instead of going to the bedroom, Eric guided me out of the library and across the hall to the sauna room. I was puzzled when he turned the shower on. I sat on the wooden bench across from the sauna.

"Um, you know that's not going to work with Hunter, right?" I asked after a full two minutes of his silently looking at me.

"Really? Oh yes, you mentioned something about that in the winter, didn't you? It's not just nosy nine-year-old ears that he hears with, is it? Well luckily, it also blocks sound a bit more for others around in the building, too."

He looked quite satisfied with himself as he sat down next to me on the bench and put his arm around me. I stiffened wondering what it was he really wanted.

"What is it, Eric? What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about the truth. About Hunter. Which I guess is back to talking about your trusting me."

I looked down and took a deep breath.

"I trust you. I trust you just fine. But, if I talk to you about Hunter, it's between you and me. Only. Not you, me, and Andor. Or you, me and Pam."

"As you wish," he said nodding.

"And I want your word on something. Nothing will happen to Remy Savoy either by your hands, or by anyone you hire or ask a favor from or in any way through you."

"Well, as much as I would be offended by it, I hardly think merely insulting my wife would be a reason to actually kill someone. Perhaps you've been more insulted by Savoy than Jamie led me to believe?" he said with a wry smile.

"Eric, I'm not joking around. I want your word," I said.

"I give you my word. I will not do anything to the little dwarf's father. Though I don't know why you would even be concerned that I might."

I still hesitated.

"He's definitely a telepath? Like you and Barry, right? We already agreed on that," he pressed.

I nodded slightly as I had five months before. Eric leaned closer, in an almost conspiratorial fashion.

"But there's more?" he queried in a seductive tone of voice.

I listened to the sound of the water and stalled.

"You swear to me you won't tell anyone, Eric? Unless it's absolutely dire and the only possible way to help protect him from some greater harm?"

He looked at me darkly and said, "I gave you my word. Why do we keep having this problem with me having to repeat myself? My word is my word."

In spite of his annoyance, I could feel a swell of anticipation from him. The feeling you get when you go on a scavenger hunt and think you found the big prize. I let out a low breath and turned slightly away. Hunter was not a prize to be discovered. He was a child. Maybe a very smart, telepathic and psychic child, but a child.

Eric gripped my shoulder and pulled me closer.

I glanced up at him, trying to remind myself of how I trusted him so many times myself, with my abilities. His eyes bore into me, searchingly, as I averted my gaze.

"Do you really trust my word or not, Sookie?"

I looked up and met his eyes.

"For myself, yes, Eric. But this isn't about me. I'm trusting you with someone else. And he's just a child."

He continued to stare down at me, but looking colder and more remote. He was getting upset, I could feel it. Apart from all the worries about Hunter, I had this realization that the idea that I might not trust him was truly just intolerable to Eric. I had this flash into his mind and saw… anger. I didn't want to be in there… but I didn't want him to be there either. And I needed him to be someplace else mentally.

"You loved your children, right? You mourned losing them, having them orphaned when you were turned?" I asked quietly.

As he thought about his reply he looked uncomfortable, like he was accessing something very far away, something perhaps even deliberately kept remote.

"Yes," he said finally. "Of course. I was proud of them. I enjoyed them. I… liked them, loved them," he said in a voice drifting to a whisper. He paused again and after half a minute said almost as if puzzled at the self-revelation, "I liked children."

I guess that was going to be about as much as he'd allow himself to feel about something that must have been so painful. I didn't want to make him dwell on his mourning losing his connection to his children, but I needed him to remember what it was like to feel protective of a child.

"You would have protected them from any harm?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"Would you protect a child that was mine? Or for instance, if we had been able to have children… You would protect any child that was ours, or even a child that was just mine? Because you love me?"

He nodded more slowly, "Yes, if any child was important to you, I would protect the child as much as possible."

"Hunter is important," I said looking at him. "To me," I added as an afterthought.

His grip on my shoulder was slightly tighter now. Almost as soon as I had registered the sensation, he seemed to loosen it and then he let go of me entirely. He glanced away from me and said,

"Why is Hunter important, Lover? It is clearly not just that you love the child. What is it?" He turned back to me with his eyes boring back into me.

"He's… psychic. Not just a telepath. He sees… things. He foresees things, and he sees things from the past as well."

There, I'd said it. My heart accelerated a bit.

"He is not reading vampire minds, then?"

I looked puzzled. The chess game… perhaps Eric had thought that Hunter was reading his thoughts?

"No, Eric. In the chess game he was seeing what moves might have been made, before you had made them but not by reading you. I have to think of how to describe it to you. It is odd, very odd, what he was doing. It is very different from the telepathy. But he was not reading your thoughts, if that's what you thought was happening. He was trying to see what moves had been made as if peeking at some future point in the game. Like examining a future point in time and reacting on the basis of what that would be then. I could see his thoughts and images in his mind. There were fewer pieces on the board. He saw a future board. I don't know how else to describe it. In a way he was predicting what you would do, but when he moved as if knowing what you would do, you changed your mind, changed your moves to preserve your advantage. He didn't see the real advantage would be in knowing what you would do and planning around those moves you would make to make his own plan. Or deciding to let it play out for a while and then intervene when the time was right. He doesn't understand what he's doing and how dynamic it is. That if you intervene to change the present, on the basis of what you think the future will be, you're changing that future and need to keep re-envisioning it. He totally doesn't get the fact that if you interfere with the future you can change the future. I mean, he's nine, after all. He doesn't understand the real advantage is being able to see ahead."

"Hmmm. Interesting." Eric was silent for a moment. "Useful. A great skill." He paused again then nodded his head, lost in thought for a moment. "I will tell no one. The fewer people to know, the safer he is, and the more useful his ability is."

I cringed. I didn't want Hunter to be 'useful'. And I didn't think he really quite took what I was saying seriously, either.

"Eric, he's a child. He isn't useful. He isn't a tool. He's just a little boy."

"So this is why you made me promise about the father. You think I would get rid of the father to keep the child? That then I could have another telepath or a even psychic at my side."

I just looked at him. I could totally imagine some vampires doing just that. I was really hopeful that my vampire didn't think that way. I shook my head 'no'.

"No. I'm not saying you'd do that. But I'm saying that a lot of the other vampires I've know surely might consider it. Maybe not you, or Pam but… anyone else? I really don't know. It is a secret that needs to be closely kept Eric. And Hunter isn't useful."

"It is a useful skill, Sookie. But it's in the hands of a child who is too young to use it. It would be very archaic to make use of a child in such a fashion and foolhardy, because he doesn't have any finesse in using it. But more importantly to me, it would be wrong. Just to clarify for you that the moral issues are not lost on me. Since you seem to have concern that I don't have any where children are concerned." He gave me a look that showed his distaste on the issue. "Although, I'm sure that, yes, there are many who would consider it. Including many humans. I don't think you have much to worry about from me, however. While the child is engaging, he's also cutting into our private time when we've been together, really together, for less than a year. Unless he's foreseeing immediate plots against us, I really think I prefer visits, rather than stealing him," he said snidely.

"I didn't think you'd steal him, Eric. Sometimes you really read me wrong. I just don't want anyone else to know, that's all."

"If you didn't think I would steal him why did I have give you my word not to harm the father? What doesn't quite add up with that, I wonder? Is this your new 'trust but verify' policy?" He chuckled at me but didn't really seem annoyed. "And what will my silence cost you, Lover? Hmmm?" he asked playfully. He leaned over and kissed me in a very interested fashion. "You have my word, but what could I get for giving it?" He smiled at me and slowly raised an eyebrow while licking his lips.

I looked at him flirtatiously. "You tell me?"

"I'm looking forward to later, when the little dwarf is asleep. I've missed waking up and… enjoying your company." He kissed me again and gently traced his finger on my neck and collarbone. Then quietly, after a moment's thought, he asked "What makes you think that his ability is so much broader than yours? What has he seen that convinced you that he is psychic?"

I said quietly,

"He knew I'd been tortured by the fairies, Eric. He saw them, described them to me in detail. He even saw Neave's silver teeth. He knew that our great-grandfather was a fairy too, and that he had killed them with Bill. He knew that I had the nightmares. He knew that my job with the FBI was getting very risky me and warned me to be careful. He knew I would marry you. He's seen so many things that convinced me. I'd be inclined to take anything that he sees quite seriously."

Eric didn't look quite so playful anymore.

"He saw what the fairies did to you? He described this to you?" He actually cringed. The thought of a little boy having a vision of such things was pretty horrible. "How long have you known about this?"

"I've known that he was a telepath since right after the Nevada vamps' takeover. But I found it was more than just that last June, when I first came back to Louisiana to visit you and then went up to visit with him. He knew it was the reason I went away. He understood it, he said. Understood that I had to heal."

Eric nodded, as he seemed lost in thought.

"His father wouldn't try to exploit it, right? That could be quite dangerous."

"No, Remy has really tried to protect him, but it's just very hard to deal with a child like this. It's hard on his personal relationships and hard to parent a child who can read your mind. But he wouldn't go hiring out his services or selling him off to someone if that's what you mean. He really loves Hunter."

"Good. Then the child will be safe."

"We need to help keep him safe, Eric."

"I have given you my word. That is all you need." He rose and pulled me to standing. "Now you can eat, right? No more worries, Lover?" He looked down at me with a smile.

I just nodded. "I have your word. And that's all I need," I reiterated.

"On the positive side of having him here, he certainly has you eating more. That," he said pressing himself firmly against me, "can only be a good thing." Then he kissed me.

He turned off the water in the shower and we walked back across the hall. Hunter was playing with the Wii. He hadn't finished his salad. Eric kissed my forehead and said he was going to check his email then go downstairs. He murmured close to my ear that he would be back upstairs by 4 am. He tousled Hunter's hair as he left the room.

So it's okay, right? I knew it would be okay.

It's okay. I certainly hoped it was. I was pretty sure it was. In the meantime, Hunter needed to come back and finish eating, just like I did. You didn't finish eating.

I'm not eating tomatoes.

Wanna bet? No tomatoes means no dessert. Remember Ruben made you brownies. You can have more chocolate milk to get you through it, okay? At least three.

I bet you're meaner than the vampires. Bet they don't care if I eat tomatoes.

"Yeah, but they also don't have your brownies held hostage, like I do."

Later that night, after an hour in which I was at least not feeling any doubts about whether we'd made up, Eric quietly asked me again.

"You are sure that you will not let me help you with the nightmares?"

I felt an inner twist as I shook my head.

"It's different from Jackson, Eric," I said softly. "It's not the same kind of pain at all. There's really no fixing what they broke in me. I know you really wish that you could help me with it, but I really think it would be a mistake. I think I need all my memories left as they are… to be me."

"What about changing the dreams themselves?"

"How are we gonna do that Eric? Look, I really think this is something that I need to just work out on my own. I appreciate that you want to do something, but I just don't see what we can do to fix something so deep in my mind. It will work out in its own time, I guess. I promise if it gets worse or that I want help that I'll tell you, okay? I promise you. And really, this is so much better compared to what it was a few years back, you really have no idea. I'm fine now. And I feel safer, being with you, than I ever have really in my entire life other than when I was little and with my Grandmother, okay? You have to believe me that I trust you and that I just need to be left to work this out on my own."

He looked at me soberly, sighed heavily, but did not argue.

A day or two later, one afternoon when he was playing on the Wii, Hunter looked at me and said,

"You know the mean vampire? The one you worked for?"

"Yeah," I said, looking up from my laptop.

"She's still angry. I don't like her."

"I don't much like her either, Hunter."

"She does very bad things."

I looked at him oddly but he went back to playing his game.

I mentioned it to Eric and he said that Salome had been sending some of her vampires into Louisiana and having them conduct raids on some of the businesses in Monroe. Maxwell Lee had been getting very frustrated with losses to some of their businesses in Area 5. What an odd thing for Hunter to have seen, I thought to myself. Eric thought it was a little odd too, and spent time looking at Hunter with curiosity at dinner. I thought nothing more of it. We enjoyed the rest of his visit seeing the reopened Ripley's Believe It or Not, the Children's Museum, the Audubon Park and Zoo. He seemed so very happy. I had to say that I really thought in the end that Eric, too, seemed to have enjoyed getting to know Hunter.

On Hunter's last night with us, I went to check on him shortly before dawn and pull the covers over him again. He was a restless sleeper and given to knocking the covers off. When I turned to walk back, I found Eric, in his robe, watching me. His face looked almost old and as I got closer I felt this wave of sorrow from him. When we got into bed, with the lights out and holding my hand in the dark, he said quietly,

"I wonder what became of my children. If they were happy, in spite of losing both parents. If they lived to adulthood, even." He paused in speaking then said, "I am sorry I cannot give you children. It is ironic that now that it is so much safer to have them, I cannot give them." He paused again and finally said, "I liked them. I liked children. I loved my children."

I moved closer and pressed my cheek against his chest. I didn't say anything. There were simply no words I could envision that could assuage such a loss...