Theo made sure that he beat himself home from Draco's house that morning. He'd given him about an hour's time to contemplate. He hid behind a bush much like he'd done at Luna's waiting for his miserable past self to appear after being kicked out of the Malfoys'. Cold sweat broke out over his forehead at the thought of all the idiotic things that he'd done both in the past and as an observer.
Luna had been right. Looking back only made it hurt more. He leaned against the wall of the house and resisted the urge to beat his head against it. She was always right. It was maddening the way she was always right.
He missed her. He needed someone to be right, because he couldn't trust himself. Perhaps that was what had killed everything they'd had. He loved her, but he needed her more. She didn't like to be needed very much. No. He shook his head. She didn't like to be used.
He wondered if he'd changed anything by kissing Luna. He wondered if he was still coming home from Draco's with a hangover right now or if he was out with Luna, because by some miracle that one 'I love you' had changed everything. He decided that if it had, it could only change things for the better and he wouldn't worry over it.
But he soon found that he was wrong. He heard a loud crack and he peered through the leaves of the bush to see himself brush himself off and go up the stairs to his house.
He was amazed at the change that had come over this Theo compared to all the other ones he'd seen that day. His hair was all over the place, his eyes were red and haunted looking, and he had clearly lost a lot of weight. The stained clothes hung off his thin frame and he looked weak.
He looked down at himself and though cleaner, he realized just how thin he'd become, how the lack of sleep and food and taken its toll.
He felt tears form behind his eyes. That 'I love you' hadn't meant a thing. And that one small fact justified everything he was about to do.
He waited a few moments before opening the front door so that he could give himself time to make it to the bathroom. He didn't think he could go through with this if he rushed. He would be patient. He would measure his time the way he'd calculated the turns of the time turner. At this thought he took the chain with the little hourglass from around his neck and gripped it in his fist. His wand was shaking in the other. This is the moment that all the others were leading up to. This was the reason for all of it.
It was so strange, approaching himself. There were two of him. Existing at the same time. It was the most bizarre thing he'd ever seen. He'd been watching himself all day, but this time it was his present self. Or it was about to be in a few minutes.
The Theo in the bathroom was still wretching into the toilet. He decided it would be best to wait until he was finished. It was only polite.
He heard the water running in the sink. Only a few seconds now and he would see himself. What would he do?
The hand with his wand in it was shaking harder than ever. He tried to take deep breaths and calm himself and estimated the time it would take for the Theo in the bathroom to come out. He began to count.
Ten…nine…eight…
He could do this.
seven…six…five…
This was the plan all along.
four….three…
Here he comes…
two…one
Bloodshot eyes met bloodshot eyes. They both stood a moment transfixed.
Then Past-Theo raised his hands palms outward in submission. He nodded toward the wand in his still shaking hand.
"Go ahead," he said. "Do it."
So he did.
Theo slowly raised his wand. It felt so heavy, like it was made of lead.
The tears streamed down both of their faces. They were tears of sadness, but mostly they were tears of sweet relief.
"I'm sorry," Theo said.
The man across from him shook his head. "Don't be."
That was all the permission Theo needed. He closed his eyes and focused on the moments he'd just relived; the moments that brought him here, looking at the pathetic, broken Theodore Nott standing in front of him. And with a last burst of energy, he aimed his wand purposefully at him and screamed.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"