Name: ABSOLUTION
Author: Sdfreeze
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
This story was last published on 6/20/10.
There are 24 chapters in this story.
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Chapter: 10
BELLA
I finally unpacked my clothes from the trip and put them in the wash. My parents cooked the fish Jake brought them, but I remained up in my room. I waited for it to grow late and made sure Jake was gone and my parents were in bed before heading to my car to call Edward.
I sat in the darkness of my driveway feeling like a teenager when I would come home past curfew. I was trying to be very quiet although my body was shaking badly. I finally dialed the number and took a deep breath.
He answered on the second ring and I could hear his own voice shaking, "Bella?" he said.
"Yeah, it's me," was the only thing I could think of to say.
He choked up and caused my own tears to begin falling. "I can't believe you're alive," he said in a whisper.
"I should have known the blood wouldn't have been yours," I whispered back.
"Some of it was," he chuckled and the sound was like music.
We sat quietly and he finally said, "Bella, you came back…."
"You needed a nurse, Edward," I said bluntly refusing to admit I was coming back for him.
"I needed you," he said harshly.
"Well, that's all behind us now," I pointed out.
"You're kidding, right?" he said with an appalled voice.
"No, and I'm pretty sure the gorgeous blonde would agree."
"She means nothing," he said with rage.
"Did you tell her that when you fucking proposed," I yelled at him, wanting to show him how much I had truly changed and also wanting to lash out for replacing me in his heart for a bit.
"What are you doing, Bella?" he asked, speaking softly again.
"I called to tell you what happened. I nursed the man until his fever rose and then convinced them to take us to the clinic. I gave him aspirin and packed him in ice for the fever and they left. I took Lulu to the city and gave her to the priest. You're all caught up now," I said angrily.
EDWARD
I could hear the anger in her voice. She had changed, she was bitter and disillusioned. I knew what that had felt like for me and I wanted to show her love. I forced myself to forget about Jake right now and concentrate on helping Bella love herself again.
"Can you come to the city next weekend?" I asked her.
"For what?" she asked quickly.
"For me, can you come so we can talk face to face, just you and I."
She didn't answer and I was terrified she was going to hang up on me so I added, "I'll tell you the truth about the piercing, if you come."
She laughed loudly and it sent tears spilling from my eyes. My arms were aching from the pain of hearing her laugh and not being able to hug her tightly. I could picture it in my mind, the way her mouth would open and her head would fall back as her chest moved up and down.
"I wish you were just down the hallway," I said with a sigh.
"I wish I was, too," she said softly causing my heart to leap into my throat.
"I can be there in four hours," I offered and completely willing to make the drive just to hold her in my arms.
"No, I have Tuesday and Wednesday off, can I come then or will you be working?"
"I'll work it out, just come, okay?" I pleaded and felt relief when she agreed.
BELLA
I don't know how I ever thought I would be able to turn away from him. Just hearing his voice left me breathless. I tried to convince myself we were connected because we shared a traumatic experience, but I was wrong. I loved Edward, I just didn't know if he could love the person I was now.
My vows meant nothing to me and I didn't care if God loved me or not. It was only important for Edward to love me. He was my religion now and I would worship him the best way I could.
"I have some news for you," I said as my mouth formed into a smile.
"Good new?" he asked.
"Well, that depends," I giggled. "Jessica is living in Forks again."
"Oh, I see, I get it now," he laughed, making me laugh too. "The rebels released you because you are meaner than they are."
"I told her how you talked about her often, reminiscing about past conversations with her, dreaming of her in the shower…."
"It was you I thought about in the shower, and I apologize by the way," he said and I gasped loudly.
"You had erotic thoughts about a nun?"
"Often," he said without remorse and I laughed even harder.
"And I thought your attention to hygiene was because you were a physician," I teased him. I was trying to laugh it all off, but the thought of Edward imagining me in the shower left my heart racing and my body crying for him.
"My attention to hygiene was because I was a man," he corrected me.
"How long would it take you to get here?" I asked and was seriously considering meeting him halfway, but important matters, like needing my legs waxed and buying new underwear entered my mind. "I'm only kidding, I will be there in two days. Let me give you my email and you can send me directions."
EDWARD
Two days sounded like torture and as she gave me her email I felt my hands shaking again. I wanted to keep her on the phone for two solid days. I wanted to hear her every breath, and listen to her every word, until I could hold her. But I had patients tomorrow and she did, too.
"I'm counting the minutes," I told her truthfully and she sighed into the phone giving my body a definite reaction.
"I'll dream of you tonight," she said and I could hear her tears breaking through.
"I used to pray for you to show up in my dreams, now it just won't be enough," I admitted and knew how hard the next two nights would be.
"You don't need to pray ever again, I'm here now," she said and I felt a bit sick inside. I was reminded yet again, she was hurting badly.
"Goodnight, love."
"Ninakupenda," she responded and I gasped loudly. I could hear her light laughter for just a moment and the phone went dead.
I looked up at the clock on the wall to see it was close to midnight. I removed my jeans and stayed in my old bed, in my parent's house. I couldn't stomach the thought of returning to my apartment. I had two days to end everything with Tanya and bring Bella into my life and into my family.
I knew I had a hard day ahead of me tomorrow, but I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
I heard my father up and could smell the coffee brewing, so I climbed out of bed and headed down stairs. My dad looked me in just my boxers and t-shirt and frowned. "Did you have a fight with Tanya?" he asked.
"No, but I will be ending our relationship today," I said as I poured a cup of coffee.
"What's going on?" he asked with the sound of disappointment.
"I went to Forks yesterday to tell the Swan's how their daughter died. It turned out she wasn't dead," I said with a huge smile and shook my head back and forth.
"The nun?" he asked.
"The ex-nun," I corrected.
"Can you be an ex-nun?" he asked with confusion.
I laughed loudly and pointed at him, "It isn't like losing your virginity, you can chose to practice or not. She chose not to continue."
"Out of guilt?" he asked and I knew where he was headed with the conversation so I had to fill him in on a few things.
"I sent her away, because I had fallen in love with her. She left and then decided she wanted me instead of her life as a nun. She chose before all this happened to us."
"Edward, I want you to really think about what you are doing. Tanya has been very good to you over the years," he tried to point out.
"I know, and I have been very rotten to her over the years. I've cheated on her numerous times and I'm only with her now because she had all my stuff. That isn't a relationship and I need to set things right. I walked back into my selfish life so easily, and I want the pattern to end. I feel strong enough to end it now that Bella is alive."
"I hope you know what you're doing son," he said with concern and headed off to get dressed.
Of course I knew what I was doing, I was making my life free for Bella and I to be together. God gave her back and I would treasure his gift.
I headed home to get dressed and when I opened the door Tanya was sitting there with red swollen eyes. She looked at me and said angrily, "You never came home."
"I stayed at my folks," I admitted and felt badly for not informing her I wouldn't return. But it was a great way to begin the difficult conversation we had coming. "I talked with Bella last night, she's coming on Tuesday. I'm sorry Tanya, but I love her."
"No," she said emphatically. "You are not doing this to me again. I will ruin you, Edward."
"You want me to stay, knowing I love another woman?" I asked her as gently as possible.
"You are always getting your head turned by other women. You won't stay with her, either."
"I've changed," I said and let my eyes drop knowing she would lash out at that declaration.
"Over night?" she laughed. "Or do you consider your mumblings to God your big prophetic change? You are still an ass, Edward. You are selfish, and cruel, and when you grow tired of this small town girl, you will be off to the next new thing."
"You can keep the apartment, but I want my things," I said to end the discussion.
"Your things?"
"My furniture, my art work, my office," I clarified.
"The only thing that belongs to you in this apartment is my heart. I paid off your debts when you ran off to play George of the Jungle."
"Tell me what I owe you," I offered.
"You owe me a ring, you owe me a wedding, you owe me your fucking future, Edward Cullen," she screamed loudly.
"If I am so horrible, why would you want me to stay?" I asked her feeling the weight of her words.
"Because no matter how big of a jerk you are, I love you, Edward. I love you with all my heart and if you will just give me a chance and commit to me, I know I could make you happy," she begged. "Don't destroy this girl with your games of catch and release. Stay for once and let me love you."
BELLA
As the night wore on I became more and more excited to see Edward. I wanted to tell him how much I had cried over his supposed death. I wanted him to know how hard I fought to keep Lulu alive, for him. I wanted most of all, to feel his kisses and give in to my desire for him.
I spent the entire morning getting my nails done, my legs waxed and purchasing a new outfit complete with matching panties. The sales woman gave me a disgusted huff and I simply said, "Relax, your husband won't be seeing them."
I went to work with a whole new attitude. I was kinder to the patients and more tolerant of the doctors. The hours which usually dragged slowly, flew by with anticipation. When I left work at ten that night Jake was waiting for me.
"I have my car," I pointed out.
"I know, I wanted to bring you flowers," he said and kissed my cheek as he held out a bouquet of roses.
"What are these for?" I asked him cautiously.
"I wanted to say thank you for the great weekend," he said to remind me I had been intimate with him again.
I took a step back, so I would be out of his arms and shook my head. "Jake, I know we talked about marriage, but things are different now."
"One day made everything different?" he asked angrily.
"Yes, he's alive, that makes all the difference in the world," I pointed out.
"I loved you when this entire town turned on you. I loved you after you ran off and broke my heart. And when I loved you this weekend you loved me back, I could feel it," he said with such pain in his eyes it pushed me into tears.
I cried with such an ache in my body. Jake was such a good man, but I wanted Edward. I wanted to run away again, pack my stuff and go to Seattle where I could hide with Edward. But I was older now and realized maybe running was all I was capable of. I ran from Jake and then from God, could I really stay with Edward? I was so confused.
"Thank you for the flowers, Jake," I said and leaned in to kiss him. He pulled me into his arms and I felt consumed by his large frame.
I climbed in my car and kissed him one more time. "Goodnight," I said softly and he winked at me.
I drove home feeling like I wanted to vomit. I saw the lights were on at Jessica's place and pulled into her driveway. I saw her peek out the curtains and opened my car door so the light would show her it was only me.
She opened the door with a big smile and pulled me into her house. "I can't believe you finally showed up here. I thought you were trying to ignore me or something."
"You could have come by my place," I pointed out.
"No way, I don't want people talking about me," she laughed and made me laugh too. We sat on her couch and I listened for thirty minutes about her life when she finally asked me about mine.
"Jess, do you remember the hair guy from college?" I asked her and she rolled her eyes.
"Best lay ever," she teased but it made me cringe.
"What was he really like? Looking back years later, if you had to assess his character what would you say?
"Okay, he was hot, he was knowledgeable, so that means he got around…a lot. He was a bit of a thrill seeker, probably into new things all the time. Oh yeah, and totally incapable of a committed relationship. He had a girlfriend when I was seeing him," she admitted.
"Really, are you sure?"
"Yeah, some rich bitch studying to be a doctor."
"Tanya?" I asked with a soft voice.
"Yeah, that was it, why?"
"If I had a choice between Edward and Jake, who should I pick?" I asked outright knowing Jessica would speak the absolute truth about both men.
"I've never had sex with Jake, so I can't compare there, but for a relationship I would say Jake, just because he is trustworthy. Edward would cheat on you often. Maybe you could marry Jake and just date Edward," she laughed and I wanted to slap her.
I turned the conversation back to her and spend twenty minutes more at her house until I pointed out the time and let her get to bed. I left her house wondering if going to Seattle was the best thing to do or not. I looked at the flowers on the floor of my car and began to cry.
EDWARD
I never sent my directions to her e-mail address.
BELLA
I never opened my e-mail to see if he sent directions.
Surrogate a/n...would love to hear what you thought of this story. Reviews are love...and I'm sure that Sandi would like to see some!