The trio had settled for the afternoon. Gil was stretched out on his couch, reading an entomology journal. Jenny had borrowed his laptop to answer some e-mails and take care of some business with her stores. Hank was sleeping on the floor with Thomas propped against him, using the dog as a pillow. Thomas was flipping through one of Gil's insect guide books, studying the pictures and occasionally asking his father "what's this bug?" Gil had just answered the latest query but instead of returning to his journal, his eyes gazed out over his glasses at his son, simply watching.
Thomas was counting legs on each creature and quietly classifying between "spider" and "bug" in his soft, barely audible voice. Briefly, Gil wondered where he'd learned that spiders have eight legs while insects have six, but it was only the briefest of thoughts. Otherwise his mind was blank, his consciousness preoccupied and unable to think. So caught in the moment, Gil was mesmerized and content to simply watch. Slowly he became aware of someone watching him and reluctantly, he shifted his gaze from Thomas to Jenny, who was peering out over the screen of the laptop, watching him watch their son. Their eyes met, his becoming moist, as the two connected over emotions for which he had no name. He felt bound to her uniquely, through their son, loved and loving because of the life they had created, albeit accidentally, but still…they had made this little creature together. Pride mingled between them but something greater than pride, since Gil considered pride to be a selfish thing and what he felt had nothing to do with self. And commitment…yes, Gil discerned commitment there too because deep within he knew that he was forever bound to these two, no matter what happened between Jenny and him. And it was then that he knew with certainty; he wanted this…this life…with Jenny and Thomas. Love could grow between them and he could have the happiness that had eluded him for so long; science would not win this time.
Then Thomas was at his side, showing him another picture and asking about the bug in it. Gil answered his latest query, expecting Thomas to settle back on the floor with Hank, but instead, the boy climbed onto the couch with him, kneeing him in the stomach as the small body crawled across, settling between the man and the back of the couch. Wiggling into place, Thomas forced his way into the space between Gil's body and his arm, resting his head on Gil's shoulder. Befuddled at first, Gil accepted the boy's presence so close to him as he basked in the wonder of the moment.
Again, his eyes sought Jenny's, who were still watching with understanding. "They do that you know," she said softly. His expression encouraged her to continue. "Children…there is no worry about yesterday for them… and no tomorrow; they force us to live in the moment…right now, this moment."
He understood. Two days ago, he wouldn't have but right now, in this moment, he understood. And he decided that moments like this one were what he wanted the rest of his life to be about…moments with Thomas…and with Jenny.
That evening the three of them were in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Actually, Gil and Jenny were preparing dinner; Thomas was contributing to the mess. As he worked with Jenny on the casserole, Gil couldn't stop smiling. This was fun, this was …happy and consequently, he moved around the kitchen with a silly smile plastered to his face.
Later, Jenny offered to clean up after dinner if Gil would help Thomas with his bath and bedtime. Jenny was finished in the kitchen long before Gil was finished with Thomas, but he didn't mind. In fact, he was rather happy to find her lounging on the couch after he had finished Thomas' bedtime story. "Is he asleep?" she asked as he appeared.
"Almost," Gila answered quietly, more interested her outstretched form than the scene he had left in the bedroom.
She bolted down the steps to kiss her son good night, leaving a grinning man behind. She'll be back, he told himself. And then I'll have her to myself for awhile.
Gil was replacing his insect guide to the shelf when she returned. She stood behind him, perusing the titles on his shelf. "Looking for a good mystery?" she asked.
"I have one playing out for me right here," he smirked.
Then her eyes settled on a larger volume and as her hand reached for it, she asked, "what's this?"
Gil blanched as he saw what she was pulling from the shelf. "Ah… a picture album…" His comfort level was dropping rapidly.
"Oh really"…she said, sadism lacing her voice. "Hmmm…" she purred as she settled on the couch with the book. Flipping it open, she saw a picture that had to be of his parents. She heard his groan as he settled next to her. "Do we have to do this?" he asked.
Glancing up, she smiled. "Yes. I need to know where Thomas came from…"
Gil's bright blue eyes suddenly darkened as he contemplated the answer to that question. Looking toward her abdomen, his mood shifted as his blood pressure went into high gear.
"As I recall," he said as his hand went to her belly, "…he came from…."
She giggled…she actually giggled; the sound filled him with euphoria. He liked the sound of her giggle. Her hand covered his but she still managed to turn the page in the book, her eyes settling on a picture of him when he was about Thomas' age. "Wow," she said, awestruck. "He really does look like a carbon copy of you…"
Looking at the old photo, he silently conceded the fact. "I just hope he doesn't get the premature grey like I did. Seems like I've been grey forever."
She tilted her head, to see his grey better and smiled. "I thought the grey tints were very sexy when I first saw you in San Antonio," she admitted. "It just seemed to be right for you."
He smirked. "Yeah, tints…not the all out effect that I seem to be cursed with now."
Her expression changed, sadness covering her face. "It's not the grey hair that worries me now; it is the grey that colors your face, your expression… the defeat in your eyes Gil. What happened to take away the vivacity that I saw in San Antonio?"
He sighed sadly. "Well, I told you about Sara…and about Warrick. But it was starting even before all of that. Jim was almost killed and I had to make the heavy decisions about his treatment. And Catherine and her daughter…they were kidnapped by someone seeking revenge on her father. But even before that, I was burning out. I took a break…taught a 4 week class at Williams College; revisited the land of Thoreau and gave myself a chance to recharge. I came back feeling good about things…and about Sara. The time away brought my feelings about her into focus for me. But it wasn't long before things began to fall apart again. I've been slowly crumbling inside since. A few weeks ago, I handed in my resignation. I'll leave CSI soon. There are a couple of case files that need concluding and then I'm out."
Jenny studied his expression intensely before responding. "You're sure this is what you want? I mean, it has been your life …"
Gil nodded. "Yes, I want my life to be about the living, not the dead. And now…I want a large part of it to be about Thomas." He watched as concern filled her face. Something about his declaration was bothering her and it made him nervous. What if she didn't want him mixing in Thomas' life so much? But she had seemed agreeable earlier…
"It's just a huge thing for you to commit to in a very short time, Gil. It concerns me. It is such a drastic change for you. And what else will you do? What about a job? A new career?"
"I haven't decided about a new job yet. I've had a few offers to teach and offers from some journals to write periodically. Part of me wants to go back to the rainforest and explore insect life there. Part of me wants to do research. Sometimes I think of retiring completely. But my feelings about Thomas are very clear to me. You managed the drastic change…committing to him above everything else. I think I'm capable of the same commitment."
Jenny smiled weakly. "I had nine months to adjust to the idea. You just found out about him and you are ready to make big changes for him…"
"My life is changing anyway. Jenny, I want this…I want to put Thomas at the center of my life…Thomas and…" Suddenly he was afraid to continue, afraid to say what he was thinking, feeling. He sighed, his eyes focusing on her reaction to him, hoping.
She seemed to concede. Softly she muttered, "We'll see how it goes." Then she turned her attention back to the book. Turning another page, she smiled at a picture of Gil as a young boy with his father, holding up a fish. The caption read "Big Catch" and both Grissoms were smiling. Jenny smiled and glanced at Gil as he looked at the picture. "That was the first fish I ever caught," he told her. "Dad used to take me fishing with him. After he died, it was years before I went fishing again. That's one of the things I hope to have more time for now that I won't be consumed by my job."
"Fishing?" She looked at him disbelieving.
"Yeah, you have something against fishing?"
"No, not really. I mean, it's not my thing, but I see where others enjoy it. I just don't see you as a fisherman." Her expression was light, almost laughing at him.
"I want to try fly fishing. I've never done that but it seems…interesting." He had a far away look on his face and Jenny felt like mentally he was already thigh deep in some stream, casting his line.
"I'm sure you will be good at it," she smiled. He looked at her quizzically. "I imagine you are good at anything that you set your mind to."
His eyes clouded as sadness cast a shadow over him. "Not relationships, apparently," he said quietly.
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. You have two people who are apparently great friends…Captain Brass and your friend Catherine. They both seem to be heavily invested in your friendship. I'm sure there are others too. And you are developing a relationship with Thomas…"
"And with you?" He looked scared as he asked, she thought.
"…And with me. Although, I can't say where it is going right now but…there is something there."
Gil took a deep breath, realizing that he had been holding his breath for her response. He wanted to say more, do more, but his natural reticence took over so he just sat there staring at her, feeling a little foolish.
Her attention turned back to the album. She flipped through a few more pages until she came on a picture of him all bundled up for winter weather and a snowball in his hand. He was laughing at whoever took the picture. As she looked closer, she realized the picture was taken in a park, filled with snow. There were children in the shot behind him on sleds. Apparently, he had been engaged in a snowball fight since there were signs of splattered snow on his coat. She smiled as she looked up at him. "This wasn't here?"
He grinned as he looked down to see the picture. "No," he chuckled. "That was when I was working in Minneapolis. Two of my friends and I spent our lunch break at a park nearby and a snowball fight broke out. Hmmm," he mused. "I had forgotten that day."
"You looked…happy."
He tilted his head as he looked again at the picture. "I was. I was working for one of the leading forensic specialists in the country, with some great people. There was enough crime to keep things interesting but not so much that it ate at you. And…well, it just wasn't as weird as some of the things that I've had to deal with here. I was younger and I suppose a bit more…optimistic."
"Any romantic interests there?" she asked, jokingly.
"Actually there was a girl I dated for awhile but it never really went anywhere."
"No chemistry?"
"Too much chemistry and little else."
"Ah, so you were a player back then?"
She was openly mocking him now and he was enjoying it. His blue eyes began to sparkle as he contemplated the answer to her question. "I was waiting for the right woman," he replied, matching her tone.
"And now…are you still waiting?"
He looked stunned and then his expression changed to confusion. His brows knitted as he tried to decipher her intent. And then the crinkle around his eyes began to lessen and a more relaxed expression settled over his face. "I thought Sara was the one, but…well, obviously not. Otherwise I would have gone after her when she left the first time."
"So, you're still waiting?"
"Who says there is a 'right woman' for me? Maybe I'm meant to be alone."
Jenny looked at him seriously. He didn't seem to be sad or angry as he made his statement. If anything, he seemed a little…lighthearted. "Maybe," she conceded. "Or maybe somebody needs to come along and give you a good swift kick in the pants…"
His eyebrows shot up and then he began to chuckle. "Maybe," he said. "Or maybe I just need to trust my instincts for a change and not over think it."
"And what are your instincts telling you now, Gil?"
"Now…" he said as his finger traced a line along her cheek. "Right now?" His eyes seemed to be taking in the tiniest details of her face as she nodded. "Right now…just this," he said as he leaned in and kissed her.
THECOUNTDOWNISGETTINGSHORTERANDGRISSOMISLEAVINGANDITREALLYSUCKS!
So, what do you think about this one? Please, please use the little button. I'm already depressed about what is about to happen with our guy on the small screen. I need a fanfic uplift. Of course, if Gil Grissom were to move to my little corner of the country, it wouldn't be so depressing, lol.