I wanted to thank everyone for all their well wishes for me and my husband. I really appreciate everyone being patient with me. It's been hard to concentrate lately and I've been working on these 2 chapters for a few weeks. All your wonderful reviews have kept be going. I hope you guys enjoy the next 2 chapters and I hope they were worth the wait. You guys are the best!

Hey stranger when may I call you my own?
I know I don't know you, but there's somewhere I've seen you before
Whatever your name is, whatever you do
This living between us I'm willing to lose
Just call me if ever our paths may collide
I want you to hold me under these darkening skies
Whoever you love now, whoever you kiss
The ones in-between us I'm willing to miss

-Peter Bradley Adams

Chapter 10

4 years ago - Barry's Journal Entry

I proposed to Iris today. I'm not sure why I did, it just seemed like the natural progression of our relationship. She said yes, of course, and I should be ecstatic about it, but I just feel empty. She has been talking about getting married lately, maybe that's why I proposed, but I just keep thinking, that her career as a journalist is starting to take off and maybe marriage isn't the right thing for her right now. She spends a lot of time away in Central City and that makes me apprehensive. I don't know if I trust her yet. I don't know if I trust myself. For a while, when we got back together, I thought things would go back to the way they were, like when we were in high school, but we were just kids then and things change, people change…I've changed. I still love Iris, I know I always will. She was there for me when you died, and I can't image what a wreck I would have been without her. I just don't know if I love her the same way I used to.

We made love tonight, and it felt like an act of necessity…not love. I feel a disconnect when we have sex. Almost like we're both somewhere else. Like our hearts aren't in it. I don't know. It sounds stupid now that I'm writing it down. Maybe it's just me, because I'm sitting here in bed with her naked body lying next to me, listening to her breathing, but all I can think about is Caitlin. My ghost. I often picture her face. Her sad brown eyes, revealing an inner pain that I wanted to take away. That I needed to take away. The feel of her body next to mine. The taste of her sweet lips. The catch of her breath as we made love. The beating of her heart against mine. That one night we spent together means more to me than all the nights I have since spent with Iris. And it's crazy, I know that. To feel this way about someone I barely knew. Someone who, for a while, I didn't even know her name.

Before I found out who she was, I used to look for her everywhere. I would catch a glimpse of someone with her similar body frame, or similar hair color and hope that it was her. I wished that every turn down a grocery store aisle would put me face to face with her. I used to imagine walking into a coffee shop and see her sitting there, alone, and I would walk up to her and say, "Hey Stranger." And she would smile at me and I would sit down, and we would talk until the place closed. But it never happened. And I would still give up everything just to hold her again.

I still remember when I found out who she was finally. I went over to Carla's for dinner about a year ago to kind of celebrate our arrangement with her land. I was in the living room waiting for her to come out of the kitchen when I noticed she had a lot of photos of her family on the main wall leading into the dining room. That's when I saw my ghost. I knew immediately it was her. A vice gripped my heart and I couldn't breathe.

It was a wedding photo. She was young. Younger than when we met. She wore a simple white wedding gown. I'm not sure about the fabric (because I am a guy), but it had off-the-shoulder swag sleeves, and a flowing skirt with a short veil that was attached to a pearl headband. She was simply breathtaking. "Who's this?" I asked shakily, pointing to the photo as Carla entered the room. She wore a proud motherly smile and said, "That's my daughter, Caitlin."

Caitlin. I said her name a thousand times in my head. My hand unconsciously reached out and touched her face in the picture. The world faded away and all I could see was her face. My ghost had a name…Caitlin.

"She got married right out of high school." Carla went on when I didn't say anything. "I was not happy about it, but I have never been able to talk her out of an idea once she gets it in her head." She paused for a moment waiting for me to say something, but I just kept staring at that picture. "I'm a grandma, if you can believe it. They have a baby and he's going to be a year old soon. They tried for several years with no luck, and then just when they were about to lose hope, boom, she's pregnant." She watched me for several minutes, probably thinking what a weirdo I was for obsessing over this picture. "Do you know her?" she asked finally.

I wasn't sure what to say. Yes, I know her, we spent the night together once a lifetime ago. I didn't think that would go over too well so I said, "She looks familiar, but I'm not sure where I've seen her."

"Well," she thought for a moment. "You two are close in age. Maybe you went to the same school." She walked over to another picture on the wall and I tore myself away from the wedding photo to look at the other one. I saw the familiar school colors as Caitlin wore a red cap and gown with a goldenrod stole, holding a sign that said, "Go Crows".

"That's it." I managed to say. "We went to the same high school."

"Well that's wonderful." She said clapping her hands together. "You guys will have to have a sort of school reunion when you meet."

"That would be nice." I said through clenched teeth. That would be a wonderfully awkward reunion.

"Go Crow's!" she said jokingly with her fist in the air. I laughed uncomfortably at her joke.

"Dinners ready." She said changing the subject. She smiled coyly and guided me to a chair in the dining room. I forced myself to eat, even though my stomach was turning. I didn't want to upset my host or make her suspicious with my strange behavior. I tried to make polite conversation, but a spark of anger flashed through me. I kept thinking, why would she sleep with me when she was married? Did they separate for a short time? Was she mad at him? Was she trying to get back at him for something? And they have a child. I felt used. Like I was a pawn in some sick game she was playing.

After dinner I apologized for being poor dinner company and excused myself early. As I headed for the front door, I gazed at the wedding photo again and all my anger melted away. I couldn't be angry with her. She was hurting that night just as much as I was. She had been crying, I'm certain of it. It wasn't a game. She did use me, but in a way, I used her too. She needed me that night, just as much as I needed her. But now, I'm sure, I'm nothing but a faded memory to her.

So, I will marry Iris because she loves me, and I think we could be happy together. I'm sure over time I will love Iris the same again, but I will always hold a small piece of my heart for Caitlin.