Chapter 10

Cutter relaxed back into his bed, panting hard and irregularly, struggling to bring his pounding heart rate back to normal. Jenny lay down next to him, pulling the duvet up to her chest, and automatically, he opened his arm to allow her to settle closer into him. As she did so, he stroked her hair back and planted a clumsy kiss on her forehead, tasting the faint salty resonance of sweat there that he knew also adorned his own brow. They lay there a while in a comfortable silence whilst they came down from their shared high. Cutter traced lazy circles on the smooth skin of her arm, and she responded by running her hand up and down his chest lightly.

It was Cutter who spoke first once he had successfully fought against the first waves of exhaustion.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything," he said tentatively, his voice still uneven. "But what on earth brought this on? I thought I had been assured that nothing like this would ever happen again?" he added with a smile, echoing her words from earlier that day.

She sighed slightly and turned on her side towards him, tucking her arm under her head to prop herself up. "Well," she began slowly, giving off a certain air of reluctance to say what was on her mind. "I . . . I found . . ." she hesitated for a second, her eyes seemingly unable to hold his gaze. " . . . I found some lipstick on Mark's collar today. And I just snapped. I can't believe he's been cheating on me this whole time - "

Cutter sat up abruptly, indignity shooting through him like a lightning bolt. He turned to look at her over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes. "So that's what I am to you? Revenge?"

She sat up herself, holding the sheet firmly up to her chest. "No," she protested immediately, her expression looking pained. "That's not it at all."

"Well it certainly sounded that way - "

"It's just that . . ." she interrupted, running one hand back through her ruffled hair. "Well, I thought that if Mark's not denying himself someone what he wants, why should I?"

Heart softening slightly at the implied compliment there, he turned to face her properly. "Why are you still with him?" he asked, watching as her expression contorted.

"It's complicated," she replied evasively, her voice cool.

"But it's obvious that neither of you are happy - ?"

"Oh, and what would you know about it?" she snapped out of the blue, holding the sheet closer to herself. "You don't know me. And you certainly don't know Mark - "

"I know that people who love each other don't jump into bed with others at the first sign of trouble."

"And what would you have me do then?" she exclaimed angrily. "Leave him? Leave the man I've been with for three years for you? For someone who only wants me because I look like their old girlfriend?"

Cutter opened his mouth to reply, but he closed it again immediately when words failed him. She was right of course – he couldn't expect her to break off her engagement when he wasn't certain if his feelings for her were independent from his feelings for Claudia. It wasn't fair to her, nor to Claudia's memory.

"See - I thought not," she continued, clearly reading everything in his silence. "Why can't we just keep things the way they are?"

He snapped his head up immediately. "What?" he gaped, unable to hide his surprise at her words. "You – you want us to carry on?"

"Well, why not?" she shrugged as though they were discussing something as normal as the weather, and not the prospect of their continuing adultery.

"Because - because you're engaged to another man!" Cutter exclaimed, half-laughing in aspiration.

"Well that didn't seem to be an issue a moment ago!" she pointed out hotly, folding her arms tightly.

"That's – that's beside the point," he stammered, feeling completely and utterly blindsided. "I can't keep sleeping with another man's woman. Then I'd be no better than Stephen. You're well aware of what he and Helen did to me."

"That was different," she replied immediately, shaking her head.

"How?" he challenged her.

"Because I'm not married to Mark," she answered confidently. "And Stephen was supposed to be your friend. I can't remember the last time you and Mark went to the match together."

"You're splitting hairs here - "

"No, I'm not," she cut him off, her voice brittle. "I'm stating the truth. But if you don't want me - "

"I didn't say that, did I?" he said through gritted teeth, not liking his words being twisted against him.

"Could have fooled me," she snapped as she got out of bed. "It sounds to me like you wish this to be a one off," she added coldly as she began to dress.

"I – I don't," he replied reluctantly, although one hundred per cent truthfully. "But I don't think that I have the stomach to have an affair. It's just not who I am."

"Well you wouldn't be the one having an affair would you?" she retorted as she pulled on her blouse. "It'd be me who'd have to do all of the lying and the sneaking around."

"And you think you can do that?" he questioned.

She finished buttoning herself up and sighed, her hands on her hips. "If he can do it, so can I. And this way we all get what we want. Mark would get me off his back, and for a few fleeting moments, you could pretend to have your precious Claudia back."

He froze for a moment, wondering if she was testing him with her last statement; unsure of whether or not she wanted him to deny the fact that being with her gave him the briefest glimpse into what he could have had if the world had not gone askew, and if Claudia had never been wiped from existence.

"Well be sure to tell me when you've made up your mind," she continued before he could say a word as she zipped up the back of her skirt. "I'll see you at work." She reached down and picked up her long since discarded bag, and as she did so, her eyes seemed to be drawn to something on his bedside table.

"Oh and by the way," she added, reaching forward and planting an unexpected kiss on his lips. "Happy Birthday," she stated with a wink as she straightened up, and without further word, turned and sauntered out of the room.

Bemused, he glanced around at the alarm clock next to him, and with surprise, he noticed that it was quarter past midnight. Yes, he was now another year older, but by the way his stomach was squirming with unwanted excitement at the prospect of many such encounters with Jenny Lewis, he was not much wiser.