Authors note: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.
Authors note 2: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)
x-0-x And that was the way of it for the next few weeks as we headed rapidly into winter and towards December. We'd spend our time with our respective friends. I wasn't happy with the Lee sitch, but what else could I do? Sophie wanted to keep him and her family out of things as much as possible and I was a love struck idiot. I'd pretty well have done anything for her. He thought we'd just made friends, not that that stopped him still making snide digs over food going missing. (Funnily enough none of mine had, but some of Soph's, Katy's and Ches's had and he'd taken great delight in pointing the finger at me.) Evenings not spent studying alone, with friends or at the bars were spent snuggled up together. Normally with kissing. The kissing was good. Big fan of the kissing. We'd not gone any further yet. Not for want of wanting to or trying to every now and then on my part. Which had led to rows and slapped hands. Me sulking at Ry's or Ben's, taking my frustrations out in a run or swim or going to get drunk, and her... I dunno, whatever it was she'd do. Cry on Katy's shoulder I guess. I'd tried not to think of her crying on Lee's shoulder. I knew they'd been friends for years. She'd told me all about it one afternoon when we'd snuck off class together and ended up going for a picnic; just some 'us' time in the late afternoon. Their families seemed to expect them to just naturally be together, as did Lee, even though she'd told him he was just a friend and she'd 'sorta known' she'd liked girls for a while, but had never told anyone about it. Sprawled out on the grass, with Soph's head resting on my shoulder and simply just being together, laughing and talking and yes, kissing. God, I could never get enough of those magic lips of hers. Katy, wise thing that she was, was right. I'd have to take thing slowly with her. Dammit I didn't want to. I wanted to go at 100 miles per hour. Which lead to the arguments and break ups literally every week. Although the best thing about arguing was the heated make up sessions. The library had become our personal oasis, our secret place to meet in the middle of the day. Normally to make up. The routine would always be the same. We'd argue about going too far, or sometimes Lee interfering and me biting at his nasty little comments, go to our separate rooms and then miraculously bump into each other in the most secluded part of the library. (Yes, sometimes with a kick up the arse from Katy or my mates.) Sometimes there'd be sweet kisses, soft words and gentleness, sometimes there's still be anger left over whatever had caused us to row in the first place and I'd find myself with my back slammed into the bookshelves and hard lips attacking my neck and face until both of us were breathing heavily. Foreheads resting together. I was convinced if I didn't explode in need of wanting to just touch this woman's skin in some way, ANYWAY. But I'd look in her eyes every now and again and see a mixture of fear and confusion and lower the intensity. Knowing she was terrified. "So far in the closet she was in Narnia" Ryan had said one time during an off day when I'd forgotten myself and got my hands under her jumper and headed quite happily for her breasts. She'd even gone home to see her family, leaving me in an even fouler mood. I'd sat up at that from where I'd been lying on the floor in his room, listening to music and ignoring my phone bleating at me that I had texts and missed calls. "Fuck off Ry, she's just scared." had been my standard response. I'd glared at him, knowing what was coming from the other room occupant any minute. "There's nothing wrong with waiting for sex before marriage." Yup, there it was, Ben's regular reply. "...or commitment of course. Just be patient Sian." I grumbled slightly, knowing weirdly they were both right. Ben, I'd found out early in our friendship, had a girlfriend back home. Both were religious and planned to stay virgins until they got married... which... I had to agree with Ryan here... was fucking weird. But still, that was his beliefs and he was so accepting and supportive of me, who was I to complain? Then there was his best mate since they were kids. I had to laugh to myself, they were so mismatched, Ry would shag any woman who had a pulse. We'd make three odd house mates next year. The monk, the slut and the nun-but not by choice. Picking up my phone off the floor as it buzzed again, Ben looked at it for a minute and then handed it to me. "You have missed calls and texts Sian." Wiggling the phone under my nose, I snatched it out of his grasp, grumbling again. "Check them, you know you want to. She's scared, remember how you felt." Sighing at his typical bloody wisdom as he nudged me, I opened the inbox on my phone, reading the ever more pitiful texts and feeling like a shit. Opening the last few I caught my breath slightly, dammit, I could never stay angry with her, reading the most recent one, I sighed even more. "Sian, please, talk to me. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm a tease. I'm not. I'm just scared. Scared of a lot of things but I do know I like you so much and I think I've screwed it up :(" Sitting staring at the text for a minute, I pondered a reply. We'd been 'seeing' each other for a good few weeks. Turning my phone over in my hand, did I WANT to carry on? Intent on my thoughts I was startled by the soft calling of my name from over the side of the bed as Ryan peered at me. "Sian, just text her and tell her you forgive her or you're sorry." He shrugged. "Whichever one it's going to be." I looked up as he peeked over the side of the bed. "We all know you're going to do one of them and not call it off." I blinked. "He's right babe." I turned and looked at Ben, getting double teamed by them. "You two actually belong together. Well, you seem to be. Give her time. She'll get more comfortable with things." I blinked again, and asked the lads if I was so predictable. Not really shocked when I was told that yeah, I was. Eventually giving into their easy banter at taking the piss out of me and Sophie. I hit the reply button. "Hey Soph. I'm sorry too. You've messed nothing up. I'll call you later? Miss you Xx" "RIGHT" I jumped at Ben's loud shout. "Now Sian's sent a kiss and make up text lets go out and get wasted." And with that, we'd grabbed some food and then I'd been dragged out to Revs, our usual table and our usual drinking night out. Ry copping off, me running out of the bar to talk to Soph, being drunk enough to not really understand her "I'll see you soon babe" and returning to knowing smiles and good natured name calling from Ryan and Ben, and Ben getting so drunk we'd have to help him to bed. Walking back to Cartmel, me and Ryan with our arms round each other giggling at how someone Ben's size could not hold his ale. Giving Ry a peck on the cheek for being sweet enough to walk me back and then staggering up the stairs to my floor and room to find a very welcome sight at the top of the stairs. Sophie. Sitting there like she belonged there. I'd taken a few wobbly steps backwards in surprise, squinting looking up at her, that gorgeous huge smile spreading widely across her face as she realised I was slightly the worse for wear for my night out. Managing the stairs (just) I slumped on the step next to her, resting my head on her shoulder. "Hey" She laughed, "told you I'd see you soon." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I couldn't stay home any longer, they were driving me mad, me mam and dad pulling me in opposite directions. "I came back here. I feel safe with you Sian. And... I'm sorry." I lifted my head up off her shoulder, and planted a drunk kiss on her cheek. "S'ok, I was being a selfish dickhead." I managed to get to my feet, and stretched my right hand down. "Come on." Sophie smiled, placed her hand in mine and let me drag her to her feet. Placing her arms around my neck, she placed a gentle kiss on my lips as I used all my skills to just stay upright, taking a firm grip on her waist. "Can I stay with you tonight?" I backed off slightly, not really too sure what she meant. I mean I WANTED to sleep with her, but now I realised I'd been a bit of a tit pushing her too far, and really..."not THAT way, I just..." oh, she'd not finished, "I just want to feel safe. Held." Blushing, she looked down at the floor. Smiling, my drunken thoughts sort of relieved cause I was drunk and I so did not want our first time to involve me being drunk; I managed to open my door and made to drag Soph in, frowning at her resistance. Now what? Smiling, she pointed at her room. "I'll just get changed." The smile widened. "And so should you." Ah! Nodding my agreement, I managed to organise myself by the time the light knock came on my door, outright grinning at the sight of Sophie in her pyjamas. We'd never slept in the same bed properly. Well, all night at least, so I was happy we'd made a break through. "I'm staying here over Christmas with you." My eyes opened wide. "Me mam started about lesbians yesterday. I can't take it any more. If its not that its me dad being a bastard." She burrowed further into my embrace and I tightened my arms around her. "Is it ok if I stay with you?" I smiled and kissed her head. "Perfect Soph, we'll have a great time together." Feeling her relax against me, I let the drink help me drift off to sleep. Dreaming of our first Christmas together.
Settling into the narrow bed, wrapping my arms around her, I felt beyond happy, ecstatic, you name it. Sophie let out a happy sigh and snuggled in. Feeling the pull of drunken sleep I was just drifting off when she spoke.