Time heals wounds (but leaves scars)
An Interlude in Azula Major
Azula walks past corridors of marble pillars and statues of Ai Ku's Medical Sanctuary to reach the Meditation Garden. A wooden bridge sits across the little stream that cuts through the lush greenery. Sitting on that bridge, a lone figure gazes at the water, shoulders hunched and feet dangling over the edge.
His gray-streaked hair is haphazardly pulled back into a messy topknot- on top of which his gold crown rests crookedly- and the dark lines under his eyes are so pronounced, they seem etched into his skin.
Looks like he still hasn't recovered from his trip to the South Pole.
There was once a time when Azula would have delighted in seeing her brother in such a state of exhaustion and misery. Now, all it does is trouble her. Oh, how things change.
But as they say, the more things change-
"You look like shit."
- the more they stay the same.
Zuko shoots her a look, gold eyes glinting, before he catches sight of the packet of unauthorized fireflakes she's brought along. (Such a stupid rule, really- as if not consuming these spicy delicious snacks would prevent a mental breakdown. It just makes her grumpy.)
"Where'd you get those?"
She hands him the open packet, and Zuko takes a handful of salty flakes. The familiar action makes her smile; he never could resist them. "Izumi brought them over a few days ago." She grins as he raises his eyebrows.
"She came over for a visit?"
"Don't sound so surprised. First of all, I'm a bad-ass aunt, okay?" She whacks Zuko on the arm when he lets out a gently derisive snort. "And second of all..." she takes a seat next to her brother, letting her feet swing above the stream, "of course she visits me from time to time. She's her father's daughter."
She sneaks a side glance at the Firelord, and gives his shoulder a nudge when he doesn't reply. "I mean that in the best way, Zuzu." She can't pinpoint the exact time the nickname went from mocking to affectionate, but she's glad it did.
Azula eyes the crown on his head, a crown she used to think belonged to her. It feels like a lifetime ago, now. She lets herself smile.
Oh, Agni. It's taken her years to recognize this feeling and even longer to admit it to herself, but shit, she's proud. Proud and yes, maybe a little awed, but also envious.
Of the way he's led his nation towards a time of peace despite multiple staged coups and assassination attempts; despite the constant backlash from both his government and people, unhappy with a leader who dares help the Avatar and the Water Tribe peasants to the detriment of his kind; who they'd deemed a traitor to the Crown. (She would know- she'd been one of the most vocal dissidents, after all.)
Of the way he's built his family; raising a smart, ambitious, good young lady fit to be the future Firelord.
Of the way he's taken the life she'd planned for herself and made it his own, something she had initially deeply resented, but that later morphed into a sort of grudging respect.
Because Azula sees, now, what her brother has become. In spite of an absent mother. In spite of a manipulative, cruel sister; of their abusive father- she sees that now, too.
The lies, the false praise, the calculating remarks. Her eyes quickly travel across Zuko's face as he keeps his gaze focused on the water, and flicker to the royal robes that cover his torso. She flinches. The scars.
Or maybe it's shaped them both, to be who they are today. Maybe it's made them stronger. (She doesn't really believe that, not anymore. Pain and fear should never be used as tools to shape one's children. It's a lesson she- no, they- have learnt the hard way.)
Azula pulls in one knee and tucks it under her chin. "I'm proud of you, Zuko." She's never said it out loud before. It's a strange feeling, but not entirely unwelcome.
Zuko's reaction, however, is unexpected. He starts laughing- a soft chuckle that bubbles from his chest into a sound that's both deprecating and desperate.
"You would be proud of me in this situation." His expression is one of hollow mirth. "Years spent trying to do the right thing, making up for our past mistakes. Wanting to be honorable. And then I just-" He cuts himself off, pressing his lips into a thin line.
Azula frowns, unsure of where he's going with this. Then- oh. Of course. "What happened with the waterbender?"
"Her name's Katara." She sees it, the way her name slips from his lips without him even realizing it. A Water Tribe name said with such reverence by a Fire Lord- it's jarring, and he isn't even aware. His expression shifts when he catches on to her question, and he glances at her sharply. "How did you-"
Azula shrugs. "Honor. South Pole." She may not get along with people, but she knows them. And she knows him, best of all. "Don't forget, I've witnessed first hand the stupid, reckless things you do when she's involved."
Her fingertips tingle at the memory. A sudden yearning for that overwhelming surge of power takes her by surprise, and she clenches her fist.
She doesn't miss old Azula, not really, but sometimes she wishes she were...more, somehow. She gives herself a mental shake. That's enough.
"Huh, you know, I used to think you'd end up with her. The Firelord and his Water Tribe wife. After all, you'd already betrayed the Fire Nation in so many other ways, what was one more?" Her previous train of thought has put her in a foul mood, and her teasing remark comes out more scathing than intended.
Zuko's face is a blank mask, with only his gold eyes flashing with hurt at her words- but it's enough for Azula. Her fingers dig into her palms. It comes so easily to her, causing her brother pain- and she hates it.
Sorry, Zuko. She means those words, somewhere deep inside. But she's never been able to say them out loud- Agni knows how hard she's tried. They taste foreign on her tongue, a tangy mix of regret and shame, and she swallows them back down. Like she always does.
He knows, she tells herself. Her fingers hesitantly brush the crook of his elbow, a pale substitute of an apology. Zuko looks down, and doesn't pull away. She tightens her grip. He knows.
There's a list of things Azula should probably talk to her brother about- mostly warnings about dallying with the Avatar's wife- but she won't. Not when the tense curve of his shoulders and the tightness around his eyes scream that those are things he's all too aware of.
Instead, she leans against Zuko's shoulder and asks him just what is it that makes the waterbender special. Azula watches the lines on his face soften as he talks about a defiant, brave girl with a heart big enough to forgive an angry prince, who sees the best in him when he just can't. Gold irises spark to life as he describes a fierce, blinding light who refuses to let darkness take over her, who just gives and gives and never wants to take.
His voice cracks a little, and so does his sadness- giving way to specks of wistful wonder for this woman Azula doesn't really know, but who seems to get her brother in a way no one ever has.
Azula's gone through her fair share of healing, these past years.
Whether this Katara plays a role in it or not, she thinks maybe it's time for Zuko's scars to heal soon, too.