Not In A Million Years

Chapter 10

I shivered as Bulma spread cold gel over my bare stomach muscles. I was half-sitting on another of her stupid white medical tables, but this time I wasn't alone with her. Kakarot sat rather awkwardly in a chair in the corner. He'd demanded that Bulma perform an ultrasound at once, as soon as he'd teleported me back to Capsule Corp. Anyone else would have said he was concerned, but I saw nothing but irritation at the woman's insufficient methods. I sighed as the woman withdrew for a moment. I hated that Kakarot was so angry all the time; most of the time his anger didn't even seem to be directed at me, but at the world, or at random passerby, or even at himself.

What had happened in his life to make him so coarse? What had gone wrong to upset that gentle, happy character I'd known before? Surely all that hostility couldn't have stemmed from me being pregnant, could it?

I flinched as the woman touched something metal to the gel-slicked skin of my belly. It was almost like one of the scanners I'd seen used at the human supermarkets. I glanced at the woman, then at the screen she'd set up a few feet away from me, a surge of unease meandering through me.

"Watch the screen," she said gently.

I inclined my head in a short nod, still uneasy about the whole thing. I was aware that Kakarot had stood and was lingering nearby; I could literally feel his eyes on me.

I held my breath as the monitor flickered and an image appeared on the screen. I tilted my head in confusion; it was just a blur of gray and black shadows, it looked like an abstract painting.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" I muttered.

"Look," Bulma said patiently, gesturing with a finger at the screen, "This is a picture of the inside of you," she pointed at the upper part of the image, "See? There's the bottom of your ribs, and I assume that… below that is the womb."

I furrowed my eyebrows; Kakarot had used that word too. I wasn't entirely sure if I understood it, only the context in which it had been used. Stupid human language is so limited.

"It's strange," Bulma went on, almost to herself, "It's not like any other projections I've seen. I guess that's to be expected, but…" she bit her lip thoughtfully, "It just seems to be organized differently or something."

"Well obviously, woman, I'm Saiyan," I grumbled.

"No, that's not it." she said distractedly, "I think it's because you're male. What I don't understand is how it's possible. There doesn't seem to be a uterus, something like it, yes, but… what's supporting the embryo?"

I rolled my eyes, the woman never explained the constant changes in her vocabulary and definitions, but I had a basic idea what she meant.

"Doesn't need it," I almost didn't hear Kakarot speak; I turned and looked at him. He was watching the screen with rapt, if rigid, attention.

"What?" Bulma asked, "What do you mean, Goku?"

"Vegeta's right," he nodded at me without meeting my eye, "It's probably different because he's Saiyan; a Saiyan embryo can most likely survive on different circumstances than a human one."

That was probably the longest sentence he'd spoken in over five hours.

"Maybe you're right," Bulma muttered, seeming startled by Kakarot's insight, like I'd been, "But something's been confusing me since day one of this whole thing: how was it even possible for him to conceive in the first place?"

They both looked at me expectantly.

"Why are you looking at me?" I snapped, "I have no idea."

Utter silence fell and I looked back at the screen.

"What is that?" I asked eventually, pointing at a certain portion of the image.

Bulma's blue eyes drifted down to me.

"That's the baby," she said, "Or… what will become the baby."

I tensed and looked back at the monitor. So, this is my child. It didn't look particularly like a child at all; more like a little blob in the corner of the screen. But yes, I could make out what could have been a head, a leg, the beginning of a tail or spine…. With a little imagination, that is.

I reached out and placed a hand on the screen, over the little blob in the corner. There was something about seeing it, for the first time, putting an image to what I was told and what I knew deep down, that struck me like a punch. The wobbly embryo was quivering ever so slightly, as though cold or afraid, though I knew that wasn't the case.

I promise, I'll protect you, I thought with conviction, curling the outstretched hand into a fist and bringing it back to my lap.

"Can you…" I cleared my throat and started again, "Can you tell me more?"

I wanted to ask a million questions. Was it a boy or a girl? Was it healthy? Was anything wrong? Was I doing anything wrong to affect it? …But I held my tongue.

"It's kind of hard to tell at this early stage," Bulma said slowly, watching me as if sensing my agitation, "But other than a few unexplained things, everything seems normal enough."

I breathed a small sigh of relief. Then I felt Kakarot's burning gaze on me again and I whipped around to look at him.

"Do you have to do that?" I growled sharply.

He blinked slowly, "Do what?"

I swallowed my frustrated retorts and snapped, "Glare at me all the time! I didn't do anything, okay?"

He almost looked apologetic for a moment, "…It's nothing."

I crossed my arms over my bare chest, irritated.

Bulma looked at me, then at Kakarot, then back.

"Why do you guys keep arguing?"

"Ask him," I muttered, "I have absolutely no idea why he's so angry."

Kakarot remained silent for a moment, his dark bangs shadowing his face so I couldn't see his expression.

"I don't have to tell you anything." he said bluntly, "I don't answer to either of you."

"Goku, really, what's wrong?" Bulma shut off the monitor and handed me a shirt. I sat up straight, grimacing at the greasy feeling of the gel smeared on my stomach. I pulled the shirt on anyway, avoiding Kakarot's eyes pointedly.

"Nothing," Kakarot gritted out.

"Oh, sure, I'll believe that," Bulma said sarcastically; then she stared him down intensely. "I've known you longer than anyone, Goku. I can tell when you're hiding something."

"Yeah, but I don't have to tell you everything," Kakarot growled.

"You can tell me about this!"

"It's not important, and it's none of your business anyway!"

"Is it mine?" I broke in suddenly. Both sets of narrowed eyes snapped to me.

I felt self-conscious, "Is it… is it my business?"

"No," Kakarot snapped, "What goes on in my life is no one's business but mine."

"But you're taking it out on us," Bulma pointed out heatedly.

"It's not a big deal." Kakarot said forcefully, averting his gaze.

"Stop this, Kakarot, your arguments are getting you nowhere," I growled, "It'll save a lot of trouble to just spill it."

"No." Kakarot said firmly.

"Come on," Bulma pleaded, "This isn't like you, you're frustrated and angry and sad right now."

I glanced at her, wondering at the third word she used. Nothing I'd seen of Kakarot had been sad at all; he'd just been a twisted ball of negative ki for almost two months, maybe longer.

The woman's words seemed to slap Kakarot in the face and he winced; but he still didn't give an inch.

His coal eyes met mine, and I saw an almost inconceivable depth of furor in them, like he was feeling a million trillion things inside that were just tearing him up. Fury, terror, desperation, pain…

"Just drop it," his gaze lifted and so did the moment of connection.

I dropped my eyes to my own hands in my lap, confused and dying to know what had made Kakarot so conflicted.

He left, his footsteps quick and sure, but his ki a rollercoaster of emotion that I didn't even try to decipher. I looked up to watch him go, knowing as well as he did that he was retreating, fleeing that which he couldn't face.

Bulma was quiet for a moment. It took me a second to realize she was mute out of shock.

"Go after him," she ordered me.

"What?" I shot back, "Why?"

"Because. You care about him. He needs you." she said cogently.

"He doesn't need me," I muttered, "He can take care of himself."

"Physically, yes, no one's stronger," Bulma nodded, "But his mind is like a child's, however more intelligent he's become lately. He has a hard time pulling himself together when he's mad and –"

"And he blows things up," I interrupted knowingly, "Woman, that's not a Kakarot thing; that's a Saiyan thing."

"And you're the only other Saiyan left, so… Go. After. Him." She commanded.

Well, it was hard to argue with that.

X

I flew for hours, searching out Kakarot's ki. It was extremely high and still very negative, so I should have found him in a matter of minutes. But he kept moving. With his Instant Transmission technique, he could teleport anywhere. So I ended up chasing him all over the godsdamned planet.

Finally I had to stop in the middle of a rocky clearing. My ki was wavering again and my breath was coming in sharp, ragged gasps. I was drenched in sweat and shivering slightly. Idiot woman, making me exert myself after the other day when I passed out. I realized she didn't know about that episode; no one but Kakarot, his woman, and I knew about that.

My knees were shaking with fatigue, and I let myself sit down. I stayed that way, my head between my bent knees, my chest heaving for air against my chin.

I groaned weakly as my ki dropped lower. My energy was fading fast and the shivering just increased with every passing minute. I tried to stand, but I felt like I was made of lead; I couldn't move. I shook my head quickly, flecking the ground with sweat as I struggled to keep my vision steady. I stared at my quivering hands, and they flickered in and out of focus.

Not again, I prayed, I doubt Kakarot will save my ass a second time.

I knew I should have tried to move, but I just felt tired, and a lovely, warm lull was settling over my mind. Why not rest, just for a moment? My eyes started to drift closed and the weightless warmth enveloped my body.

"Snap out of it, Vegeta!" someone shouted, but the voice seemed far away, incoherent and blurry.

The warm lull that had embraced me started to drain, and I made a frail sound of protest as cold, shivering reality slammed back down.

I opened my eyes hazily. Everything was a wash of color; I couldn't make out anything in particular. I let my eyelids flutter closed again, trying to summon that carefree lull.

"Vegeta!" the same blurry voice intoned harshly. I grumbled a vague protest and tried to shove whoever it was away.

I registered a resounding crack and a stab of pain slashing across my face.

My eyes snapped open. Twin black pools stared at me; it took me a moment to realize they were eyes. Kakarot's eyes. Everything was still fuzzy, but I could see his hand, raised and poised to slap me again.

"Snap out of it," Kakarot repeated in a snarl; then his voice took on an intense, empathetic tone, "I'm going to give you some of my ki so you can stand. Can you focus on me long enough to take it or do I have to hit you again?"

I blinked hard several times, trying to clear my vision, but I just… couldn't see straight.

Then a gentle flood of heat and energy started filling me, beginning in my stomach region. Unlike the lull from before, it didn't beckon me to sleep and give up; it was powerful, fierce and passionate. Like Kakarot. Or Kakarot as I knew him; back when he was the sole hope of the universe, and he would do anything to protect those he cared about.

I took a moment to savor the essence of Kakarot's ki flowing through me; then I made use of the energy and stood up unstably. I was still shivering and aching, but at least I could trust myself not to collapse.

I was aware that Kakarot had stood straight and was looking at me. It wasn't the glare he'd given me before, or the innocent, friendly gaze that defined him. It was almost like he was looking through me, or that he was seeing something he didn't understand.

I found my voice, but it was dry and shaky, "T-thanks,"

He sighed, "Anytime."

A rather awkward silence fell and we just watched each other.

I knew he was probably still angry, and I wasn't sure if he was any closer to explaining why. I wished I could find the courage to ask, but I was afraid he'd leave again.

"You… you shouldn't fly off alone like that," he said eventually.

"You did," I pointed out.

"That's different," he snapped, "You're…" he swallowed.

"You think because I'm pregnant I can't take care of myself?"

"I… Yes, actually," he said in a rush, "Look, you almost got yourself killed just now!"

"I didn't –" I began.

"Vegeta, when I got to you, your ki was almost gone. If you weren't about to die, then the baby certainly was."

I opened my mouth to reply, searching frantically for the tiny ki inside me. I closed my eyes and exhaled with relief when I found it.

"Why did you come after me?" I asked after a while.

"I could ask you the same thing," Kakarot said breezily.

"You could have let me die and been done with it," I pressed, ignoring his remark, "No more commitment, no more conflict."

He stared at me for a long time. For a moment I wondered if he was considering what I'd said and was thinking of how best to get rid of me.

Then he gave a heavy sigh and shook his head from side to side slowly.

"If you died, none of that would go away." He murmured, "If anything, it might get worse."

"Why?" I asked, crossing my fingers behind my back for luck. It was a human custom, but I needed all the luck I could get, hoping for him to respond honestly.

"Because." He said bluntly. I waited for him to evaluate, but he said nothing else.

I cursed mentally. Now I'd have to ask him again. Crafty bastard, I thought in frustration, when did he get so good at running away?

"Kakarot, tell me what's wrong with you," I said beseechingly, "I've been completely honest with you this entire time, can't you return the favor?"

He shifted his weight a little. For a wild second, I thought he'd flee again and I'd have to risk losing my ki again chasing him down. He didn't move, however, he just dropped his gaze to the ground and studied his boots.

"I… I've been so confused, Vegeta." he said quietly. There was more emotion in that short sentence than in every word he'd spoken to me over the course of two months. He glanced up at me quickly before looking back down.

"I… t-thought I was mad… at you, but… really I was just…" he broke off, grinding his teeth together. He reminded me a lot of myself a while back. That seemed like years ago.

"You were just…?" I prompted. I was so close; if he would just finish his sentence I'd know why he was so angry before.

He fidgeted, his eyes darting around nervously. I'd never seen him so agitated.

"Kakarot, please –" I began, but I didn't get to finish.

He lunged forward, and I thought he was about to attack me and put an end to this. Instead he gripped my shoulders forcefully and closed his lips over mine.

Now I'd been kissed before; you'd better believe it.

But this. This was something new, something entirely different; it was powerful and passionate and overwhelming. I was almost unaware of anything except the soft, warm lips pressed against mine, the invasive velvet tongue and slick teeth, the sweltering heat of the body so close to me. I wondered if I'd pass out from the sensation alone. I wondered if I'd die from it. I almost wanted to.

It was over in a moment. And as Kakarot receded and backed away a little I just stood there. I was shivering again, but this time from shock and raw desire.

I opened my eyes and dared to look at him. I knew that his eyes would tell me everything, and would determine possibly my entire future. Was he still angry? Ashamed? Guilty? Or did he want more like I did? Had he wanted this all along?

Kakarot stood about two feet away, touching his fingers to his lips as though searching for evidence of the brief kiss, as if he himself couldn't believe it had happened. His eyes were fixed on me, full of slight confusion, indecision and the distinct glint of desire.

Yes! I wanted to punch the air shout triumphantly, but I forced myself to stay still.

"Vegeta, I…." he began, his eyes wide, "…I didn't…"

"It's alright, Kakarot." More than alright, it's a relief I can't voice, I kept the thought to myself.

He didn't reply, he just looked down and wrung his hands.

"I didn't mean to…" he began again, seeming to wrestle within himself, "W-what I mean is… I shouldn't have…"

No, no, please don't…! I thought desperately. So close… I was so fucking close….

"Kakarot," I said pleadingly, "Please tell me you aren't about to leave again,"

"I…" he hesitated, "I don't… I don't know…"

"Please stay," I begged, "I…I think…" I swallowed hard and pressed on, "I think I'm in love with you,"

His gaze shot up to meet mine, his eyes wider than before.

"W-what?" he asked shakily.

I expelled all the air from my lungs slowly. I'd either just solved this entire mess with that confession; or I'd just ruined everything.

"You…you're serious?" he gasped.

I searched my feelings. Maybe it was just hormones, another mood swing… No, it couldn't be. I'd never ever felt the way I was feeling right now.

I took a deep breath and nodded twice.

He looked at me with unreadable eyes.

"I'm sorry…" he said slowly, "I… I don't feel the same…."

"Then why did you kiss me?" I demanded.

"Because…" he stammered for a reply, a reason, in the end he just snapped, "I don't know, Vegeta, I just don't know!"

"All I know is that after you did, all that conflict in your eyes –" I snapped my fingers sharply, "– just disappeared."

He took a step back; a slow retreat, but a retreat nonetheless.

I'd had enough of this. My hand shot out and grabbed his wrist before he could take off.

"Oh, no you don't!" I barked, "Don't you dare!"

His eyes sparked fire but he didn't leave.

"If you don't know what you're feeling, you're going to stay right here until you figure it out," I said harshly, "Then, and only then, I'll let you go."

He knew as well as I did that he could leave anyway. I was weaker than him on the best of days, but I guess he knew that I wouldn't leave him alone until he got this sorted out.

And I hoped he'd sort it out quick, because I wanted to know whether I should kiss him or punch him before I tried either.

TBC