I know the last two chapters have been a trial, so I thought I'd put some humor in to make it lighter. I can only stand tragedy for so long before my heart starts aching.

Chapter 9: I'll Be Your Guide

Phineas-Mongolian Border with China

I went upstairs to check on Penelope. She had been put to bed rest ever since yesterday's tragedy. It was hard to look at her anymore. Ever since Perry left, her expression was one that was so empty that it was hard to believe there had once been a person behind it. We had put her in the most comfortable bed in the house... and the one next to the window with the best view of the horizon.

When I got upstairs, I noticed her looking out of it, her face listless as if she had lost the will to live. Her condition didn't stop at her emotional turmoil though; it was true that the old wound was coming back. I went to her bedside and looked at it. The whole area around the scar was red. It was only a matter of time before the skin broke and she was bleeding again.

"Are you okay, Penelope?" I asked. I knew it was a stupid question, but I was asking to be nice.

"It hurts... a lot," she replied. I frowned at this and felt bad. She turned to me and said, "There is good news though."

"Oh?"

"I have had a vision that someone will come and help us."

"Who might that be?"

Penelope looked behind me and said, "Him."

I looked behind me and saw a man that looked vaguely familiar. "Hello, you probably do not remember me, I am Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I cannot explain why I am here other than the fact that I had the strangest feeling that something was very wrong," the man said.

"Oh, I remember you, you were in the hospital that one time. You were Penelope's former owner," I said in realization.

"Roommate. The word is roommate. No one owns me except my Perry," said Penelope from the bed, sighing deeply.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to her side and said, "Wow, you're in rough shape."

"Yeah, what else is new?" Penelope asked, gagging.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked sad and asked, "Why isn't Perry here with you?"

"He's gone rogue."

The man pulled back and was seized with a fit of laughter. He laughed so hard he began crying. Then, he looked at Penelope and noticed her expression. "You're... you're not joking." It was more of a statement than a question. In response, Penelope turned her head to the side and started crying. "Oh, don't cry, Penelope, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Heinz." She sniffed a few times, but the tears were still flowing.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked as if he had made a decision as he said, "Penelope, if there's one thing I know about Perry the Platypus is that he doesn't leave his family in their time of need. He just needs to be reminded of that." He began walking to the door.

"Dr. Doofenshmirtz, how can you hope to find him? He could be anywhere!" I said.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked at Penelope a moment before saying, "Yes, he could be... but something tells me he won't be hard to find."

"It is obvious the spirits want Perry and I to be together. Even though I can no longer be the one to draw him back, I know that the one I send in my place will be able to. That person I choose to be you, Dr. Doofenshmirtz. You've known Perry for a very long time... and I know the remnant inside of him that remembers good will remember you too. Be careful," said Penelope.

"Hey, for true love, I'd do anything to bring it back together, even if it means I have to do the Humiliating Dance of Contrition to get there. The... the old version, not the newer one that's all cool and everything..." Dr. Doofenshmirtz rambled.

"Go!" Penelope ordered.

"Okay, I'm gone!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz left the room and my hope grew. I heard Penelope groan from the bed and I went back over to her side.

"He's coming for me, Phineas... I know he is," said Penelope. Optimist though I was, I didn't have the optimism to believe Perry would make it back in time, especially since Penelope wasn't getting any better... only much worse.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz-China

It was a good thing the one-time horseback riding lessons still stuck out in my memory. It was a failed date, don't ask. Let's just say I wound up with a horseshoe around my neck, a couple of bruised ribs, and a bruised heart. I sighed. Why don't I have as much luck with women as Perry does? He gets his childhood sweetheart and what do I get? Nothing! Absolutely nothing for my efforts! Although... they weren't all bad. I shook my head. Back to the task at hand. According to the information I received from multiple villagers, I should be gaining on them by now... this reminds me of back home in Drusselstein... Oh, Heinz, you dumpkof! You're supposed to be focused on finding... "Perry the Platypus!" I exclaimed.

Sure enough, he was on his horse. He seemed to be waiting for someone. I had a hood over my face so that no one would recognize me until the right time, so I went over to Perry the Platypus and decided that it would be a good idea to make that time soon. He noticed me coming and said, "The High Emperor said someone would be coming who would want to see me. He said that the man would have a foreign accent and ramble on about ridiculous things." It was a good thing I had a translator device in my ear so that I could understand him and he me. I only spoke a few languages and none of them were Asian in origin.

"What?! Perry the Platypus, it's me!" I uncovered my hood. "Heinz Doofenshmirtz, your nemesis! Don't you remember anything?!"

He squinted at me as if sizing me up. "My nemesis?"

"Yes! I'm your ultimate nemesis! Well, maybe not ultimate, there might be some people I don't know about, but I was the first!"

"How is it that I haven't managed to defeat you then? Besides the fact, an enemy of Master Perry is typically a lot bigger than you, shrimp."

"Now, wait just a minute, Perry the Platypus. I was sent here by someone who cares about you very much and wants you back in her life so badly that it's killing her to be apart from you!"

"Oh, you must be talking about that witch with her bastard children. She disgusts me!"

"So you would throw away the perfect girl and the most beautiful children for the sake of fighting for a useless cause?"

"Useless! That's slanderous! I ought to have you brought before the High Emperor!"

"But you won't, Perry the Platypus, because the Perry the Platypus I know wouldn't be doing this. He wouldn't want to kill anyone. He wouldn't walk into a battle for a tyrant like 'the High Emperor.' He would fight evil and stand up against injustice! The Perry the Platypus I know is a suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury! He is loved by his family and respected by his co-workers... and most of all... he is appreciated by his nemesis. What the Perry the Platypus I know does is he doesn't quit, he doesn't hesitate, he's always fearless, and always puts his family first. Your family needs that Perry the Platypus now before it's too late." I took a deep breath to recover from my rant. Perry looked thoughtful a moment, and for a moment, I thought I had him. Then, he had to go and knock me off of my horse into the mud.

It had just started to rain and as we rolled around in the mud, me resisting and him trying to hit me, we got really dirty. Lightning struck and I noticed Perry shake every time the sound reverberated in the distance. "I'm going to make you pay," said Perry.

"Come on, Perry the Platypus, you've got to remember!" My strength was failing me and I was reminded, after so many months not fighting him, of how strong he was for someone his size. "I don't know what will get you to remember... but I do know one thing..." I positioned myself so that he was on top and we were near a horse. "You don't want to startle a horse from behind!"

"Huh?" By the time he looked back to see his problem, he already had a horseshoe in his face. He flew off of me and landed on the ground nearby. I took out my phone and added a point to my side of the chart... I was up to four points now.

I gave a fist pump and said, "Yes!"

Perry-In the Mind's Eye

I struggled against the sticky substance that had been holding me back and finally managed to get free. 'Master Perry' was going to become a thing of the past. I looked around the poorly lit place and tried to find him in the semi-darkness.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Goody-Good come to sabotage my chances at control again," said 'Master Perry.'

"You may have had control of my body, but you never had control of my heart," I said.

"Oh, how sweet. I suppose you intend on fighting me, defeating me, and going back to your Lady Love?"

"Well... yeah."

"Listen, you've got nothing! Besides, it's only a matter of hours before your little Sheila loses her faith in you forever." He laughed maniacally and I lunged at him. He caught both of my fists in his hands and it was amazing how evenly matched we were... but that was going to change. "Face it, platypus, without power, you have nothing!" He shoved at me, but I was barely put off-balance.

"Wrong! I have everything so long as I have my family. They are a cause worth fighting for... something you wouldn't understand." I punched him in the eye, finally, but he just laughed at me as if it tickled.

"What did she ever get you? You were getting along just fine without her all those years. It was the best years of our lives!"

"No, I only thought they were the best years of my life. When I met Penelope, I felt something I had never felt before, a power much more powerful than money or authority."

"What power is greater than the fear inspired by me into others?" He all of a sudden got big and black and he looked like an old nightmare come back to haunt me, but I wasn't afraid.

"The greatest power in all the universe is the power of true love!" My body grew and I noticed I was emitting light and getting white. 'Master Perry' screamed. The light coming from me was too much for his darkness to handle. He left the body and I knew I had won.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz-China

I noticed a black fluid come out of Perry's ears and I wondered what it was. I went closer to examine it, but immediately regretted it. "Ew! Gross! It smells like compost!" I exclaimed, covering my nose.

Perry coughed and slowly opened his eyes. He groaned and said, in English, "Let's not do that again."

I gasped, "Perry the Platypus! You're back!"

"Yeah, I'm back..." He stood up, rather shakily, and continued, "... I guess sometimes a good kick in the head is just what is needed. I also learned that I do not want to deal with 'Master Perry' ever again. That's number two on my list of things I never want to do again... a very close second." He wobbled a little, so I caught him.

"What's number one, then?" I asked.

"Do you really have to ask?" He looked at me with one of those 'looks' and I realized I had overstepped. He groaned again and rubbed his head. He pulled off his fedora (which he somehow still had with him this whole time) and pulled out a silver watch. "I thought this might have survived. Penelope..." He caressed the small pocket watch before jumping in his place, as if remembering something. "We have to go! We have very little time left!" He ran to his horse and boarded it in one vault.

"How do you know?" I asked, getting on my horse as well.

He gave a soft smile and replied, "Because I can feel it in my heart." He smiled some more before getting back to business. "Now, come on, we have a damsel in distress in need of saving and I think I'm just the knight in shining armor to do it." He whooped aloud and raised his hat, which caused the horse to back up on two legs in shock. The horse turned around to face the path toward Mongolia and Perry cracked the reins and yelled, "Hyah!" The horse galloped off into the distance and I got my horse going until I was right by his side. He whooped again and gave a big grin, "It's good to be back!"

Let your conscience be your guide. I was so happy writing the last part of the chapter. It's all like "VICTORY!" Perry's back and heading off into the distance to save his true love! Will he make it in time? Will Penelope be saved? Will everyone get home in time for pie? I WANTS VERY MUCH TO SAY "YES" TO ALL OF THE ABOVE! :D Please keep reading and reviewing. The next chapter I foresee to be epic!