Across town, John was with the rest of the guys at Smokey's Bar & Grill.
"The driest martinis in town," Trapper ordered the moment they walked through the door.
Hawkeye was still blindfolded. "What did you guys put on my ankle?" he demanded.
"You'll see," B.J taunted him.
Klinger undid Hawkeye's blindfold, and Hawkeye lifted his leg. Shackled around his ankle was a plastic ball and chain.
"You rats. This is perfect," he said laughing as he sat on a stool and tried to take it off.
"Your table is waiting sir," Klinger said.
Hawkeye looked to where he was pointing to see a massive poker table set up to the side of the pool tables.
"Aw no, no,no, I'm not so sure I wanna play poker with you guys. You guys know all my dirty tricks," Hawkeye said to everyone in general, but sat down at the head anyway.
As they took spots at the table, B.J noticed Trapper shooting a funny look his way. B.J assumed it was becuase of the dirty looks he was trying not to give Trapper.
Daniel brought rounds of beer to the table. They played poker and drank. Between Trapper and BJ, each was playing a game of one up. Who had the bigger bet? Who could do the best bluff?
"A hundred dollars," B.J wagered when it was just him and Trapper at the last round.
"B.J, we set the limit at five," Hawkeye reminded him.
"I'm sure the fantastic Trapper can play like a man," B.J slurred.
"You bet I can, and I ain't scared of you. You know why? My wife'll kill me if I go that high. She's scarier than you are ol' pal," Trapper said as he threw his cards down.
"Trapper, let's play pool," B.J challenged him. The amount of alchol he had consumed clouded his judgement.
"Good idea," Trapper smirked. "I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back."
"Prove it clown," B.J taunted as he grabbed a pole, and stumbled to the poker table, proceeding to try shooting one of the chips.
"B.J, the tables the other way," Toby slurred, just as drunk as the rest of them, laughing hysterically.
"I'm just warming up," B.J excused the error.
Klinger looked at him in concern through his beer goggles. B.J's behavior was reminding him of another night when he was trying to drink away the fact that his little girl called another man "Daddy."
"Beej, maybe we should cool it for the night," Klinger suggested.
"Fat chance," B.J snarled, waving his pool stick around at dangerous angles.
Trapper was feinging steadiness on the other side, trying to prove a worthy competitor to the all too goody two shoes B.J. It was B.J.'s fault they weren't partying with dancers that night, like Trapper had tried to arrange. He ruined Hawkeye, and Trapper hated him for it. He had been counting on this night to take his thoughts off Louise. Instead, he was trying to beat what he understood to be the paragon of family life. They had tried to patch it back together when he came home. He had changed more then he realized in Korea, and Louise had changed too. No matter what it seemed like neither could do right by the other. For Trapper, it wasn't hatred as much as it was jealousy. Trapper stumbled toward the pool table determined to let him have it.
Trapper took the first shot. "What's more wasted - you or that shot?" BJ taunted.
"You're the one who'll be wasted," Trapper retorted as BJ drunkenly aimed for a ball. He swung his stick inadvertantly hitting Trapper.
"Watch where you're sticking that thing," Trapper yelled and hit him back. The other men jumped in to stop the frey. "Will you two stop trying to kill each other?" Hawkeye yelled. Then stormed out.
"You don't smoke," Daniel scolded him as he found his son outside.
"I bummed it off another guy that was out here."
"You know they haven't proven it yet, but I really don't think those things are very healthy," Daniel said.
"Yeah, well, I don't really care right now."
"The limo's on it's way to pick us up."
"Good. Don't wake me up until after this wedding is over."
"Don't you want to marry Margaret?"
"Of course I do, but the war between my two best men is the last thing I need. I thought they would get along so much better. I mean I've already got to deal with the whole grounded for life deal. What if I slip off my crackers again? What if she slips off hers? What if we find out we never really liked each other to begin with and make a huge mistake. Dad, I don't know what I"m doing?"
"Slow down son. First of all, no one knows what they're doing when they get married. Marriage is really something you play by ear. If someone wrote a book on how to be the perfect spouse it would sell millions, but theres no such thing. So you live, and you love and care for each other the best you can, and if you or she need it, you have a pretty good friend just a phone call away. That Sidney is pretty good."
"Thanks dad."
"You're welcome son."
Meanwhile inside, an old army colonel felt it was time to pull his former clerk away from the hard stuff. He looked a little unsteady as he gulped down what the colonel guessed was a fourth drink.
"Easy Klinger. I think you've had a few too many," he said, once the others had calmed B.J. and Trapper down.
"I just needed to calm my nerves," he said.
"Trapper and BJs fight wasn't that bad," he said.
"I just can't take anymore. First Soon Li's pregnant, then I open my business and am trying to get that off the ground, now I come out here and these two are trying to tear each other apart."
"Oh, I think sleep will help you better then drinks," the old colonel said as he tried to help him off the bar stool.
"I don't know how to be a father," he slurred.
"Oh son, you learn that as you go along," the colonel said as he helped him out into the open air.
"I don't know what I'm doing."
"Son there's no instruction manual on how to be the perfect dad. You just do the best you can."
"Do all of you have the same script writer?" Hawkeye quipped, as the Colonel and Klinger came closer.
"Just lots of experience," Daniel and Sherman said at the same time.
In the meantime, across town, the future Mrs. Pierce was having her own kind of worries.She had been fine, until each woman had been asked to write down some marriage advice on a slip of paper. Every piece of advise seemed to conflict except one. "A wife knows her place." That peice of paper bristled her to the core. She had heard "a woman knows her place" all her life. She didn't get to be where she had gotten in the army by knowing her place, and she had ranked far higher then many nurses in the army and about as high as those that were twice her age. "Knowing her place" was something Margaret Jane Houlihan would never do. But what about Margaret Pierce?