In Spying, Love, and War: A This Means War Fanfiction Story

Special Feature/Alternate Ending 3: I Love You, Man

After 12:30 draws near...

FDR very faintly smiles. He kind of casually points out, "well...we aren't at war now."

Tuck very faintly smiles. He adds kind of casually, "yeah. We're really not."

Lauren puts sympathetic hands on both of theirs. FDR and Tuck put sympathetic hands on both of theirs.

Lauren very faintly smiles. And, she says, "and I'm glad."

There's a calm silence.

After a bit... Lauren wonders more casually, "so...do you guys want to know my decision?"

FDR and Tuck look nervous all a sudden.

Tuck says, "Lauren... Moderate sigh. We should tell you something first."

Lauren gets nervous.

She starts to ask, "okay. What do you...?"

Then, suddenly... Shots are fired.

Tuck calls out, "get down!"

At the same time, Tuck kicks the table down on its side.

Glass windows, the glass door, Lauren's sunglasses... They shatter from the bullets.

Some people run frantically for the back door.

Bullets make holes through the fallen table. But, none of them hit Tuck.

Tuck, Lauren, and FDR duck behind it. Tuck and FDR get out their pistols.

After Tuck, FDR, and Lauren touch down on a walled edge of highway...

Very nervously... Lauren voices, "well... Moderate sigh. I know this is weird. I don't know if it's possible for this not to turn out to be "oh my god, I'm Yoko". But... Faint chuckle. You're both incredible in your own ways. And...I don't want to have to choose. But, if you still feel I should... Faint sniffle. Please just tell me: Because I'll be okay with you choosing for me...because I love you equally."

FDR and Tuck look stunned. Lauren blushes.

After a bit... FDR starts to say nervously, "umm..."

Tuck starts to say, "well..."

Lauren suddenly gets teary eyed. She glares.

She asks, "what? I'm too much for both of you? This was all just another sort of game?!"

Almost at the same time... FDR and Tuck say, "Lauren, we were trying to explain. But..."

Lauren moderately sighs. Her glare mostly fades.

She realizes, "you mean back at Trucco's Pizza?"

Tuck adds nervously, "yeah. We're not trying to hurt you. Moderate sigh. Just let us explain. Please."

Sounding a little better... Lauren solemnly says, "okay. What did you two want to tell me?"

FDR reflects nervously, "yeah. Well... We still love you. But...we found we can't really handle dating drama."

Lauren very faintly smiles. The teariness in her eyes starts to dry up.

She says, "ohh. I think I understand now. It's because of your war over me that you've realized it. That's kind of sweet."

FDR and Tuck very faintly smile.

Tuck brings up, "yeah. But...that's not the only thing."

FDR and Tuck are now kind of awkwardly holding hands.

Lauren wonders, "are you about to tell me you're bisexual? Because I'm not going to judge if you are."

FDR suggests kind of nervously, "thank you. But... Well... You want to explain, Tuck? I think you can explain it better than I could."

Tuck concludes kind of reluctantly, "well, okay. If you're sure." FDR insists, "I am."

Lauren turns to tuck.

She asks, "Tuck, what is it you're both trying to tell me?"

Tuck explains, "before we even met you...we've done anything with and for each other. We went to the same C.I.A. entrance exam in Bangladesh. We had to fight each other to see who makes it to the spy academy. And, even though he did kick me in the balls... We've been best friends ever since."

Lauren kind of nervously chuckles a little.

She goes, "oh my god. I'm glad you're both okay. But...I can't imagine."

Sounding a little embarrassed... Tuck concludes, "maybe it's better you can't."

FDR figures, "yeah. But, maybe it's better if you can. Faint chuckle. You should've seen his face when he..."

Tuck and Lauren warningly glare at him.

Kind of cluelessly... FDR asks, "what?"

Tuck kind of shakes his head. Lauren kind of annoyedly rolls her eyes.

Quick to change the subject... Lauren concludes, "yeah. You're best friends. But, why are you...?"

FDR admits, "we've...been starting to think we should go out. Nervous sigh. We got drunk one night. But...yeah."

With mixed feelings... Lauren realizes, "oh. Now it's getting to be rational to me. It's much less drama with you two so close. Isn't it?"

Tuck adds casually, "yeah. It does seem that way."

FDR and Tuck very faintly smile.

Lauren concludes, "all right. That's good for you two. But...I still don't understand something."

FDR asks in concern, "what is it?"

Lauren voices, "you're going to start seeing each other. But, at Trucco's Pizza...why did you keep telling yourselves about who deserves me more? Why didn't you make it clearer with me that you were talking about just being best friends if that's what you really meant?"

FDR faintly chuckles. He comments, "you don't miss things much."

Lauren faintly smiles. She presses, "no. I don't. So...why didn't you?"

Very nervously... FDR thinks out loud, "well...we were thinking sexually. But...you like Hitchcock and relationships. We weren't really sure if you'd go for it."

Lauren chuckles, kind of doubling over.

Looking amused... She wonders, "oh, that was all that was?"

There's a awkward silence.

After a bit... Lauren puts sympathetic hands on both of theirs.

She admits, "you're right. I am that kind of girl. But, for you two...I'll think about it. Okay?"

FDR just says, "okay." Tuck says, "yeah. That's more than fair."

Lauren tells them, "thank you."

They just sit there for who knows how long...looking out to the mostly clear sky.

A few days later, at Collin's office...

Collins figures, "still... If there's anything we or the F.B.I. can do for you, please let us know. You deserve it, boys."

There's a brief awkward silence.

Tuck says, "thank you. But...I think we're good."

They leave.

A few weeks later, in FDR's and Tuck's shared room...

It's dark. Smooth Operator by Sade is playing on their reinsured boombox.

A few mostly empty glass bottles of booze are on the floor.

And, mostly under the sheets... FDR and Tuck are topless and making out.

As more songs by Sade keep playing... They lowly groan and moan with pleasure.

A few weeks later, in Trish's and Lauren's house...

It's early night out.

The mostly jet black radio behind the kitchen counter is playing Me So Horny by 2Live Crew.

Lauren is wearing a dark red sleeveless dress. She has her hair slightly curly. She also is carrying her handbag over her shoulder.

Trish is wearing a black sleeveless dress with a loose cut by the neckline. She has silver hoop earrings. She also has her hair mostly tied back in a bun: Still a little wet from showering.

Some of Trish's F.B.I. agent friends are standing out around the house.

Lauren concludes nervously, "Trish... You sure this is a good idea?"

Trish figures, "yes. One of them is a parent, and I trust him. Besides, I thought we wanted to try double dating together."

Lauren moderately sighs.

She admits, "I do. I just... Moderate sigh. Am I going to ever find a guy that isn't a spy or too much drama? Because usually, they turn out to not work."

Trish faintly chuckles.

Trish hugs her. Lauren hugs her back.

After a bit... They pull away, very faintly smiling to each other.

Looking amused... Trish comments, "Lauren, you already have two guys: I'd be so proud if I was in your dresses. When are you ever going to tuck away the regrets, wake up from getting drunk off your ass, and be more like man stink loving me?"

Lauren blushes a little.

After a bit... She points out kind of nervously, "I really like you as my best friend. But, I just can't be like you Trish. I like holding hands, being taken out to dinner, smelling nice... Maybe it feels too short lived and tragic to me to go find guys just sexually. Moderate sigh. I still don't really know if I can even be just sexually with FDR and Tuck: We had so much fun on dates...until their war over me came to light, and they pretty much signed off on dating."

Trish puts a sympathetic hand on hers.

She concludes, "that's okay. Still...why are we double dating if you don't want to be more like man stink loving me?"

Lauren faintly chuckles. She comments lightly, "hey! I thought I question and worry a lot."

Trish interestingly smiles. She figures, "you still do. I just wanted you to remember for yourself so you don't rush or worry too much into more regrets tonight."

Lauren looks stunned.

She says, "wow. That's disturbingly good of you. Thank you."

Trish adds, "you're welcome. I'm proud to be your wing woman before I go off into my dirty deeds."

Lauren very faintly chuckles. She grins.

Soon... They're walking out through the double window screen double doors hand in hand...heading into their car and driving out for their girl's night out.