Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy or any of its characters. Welcome to the wonderful world of Fanfiction!

Warning: This fic contains at least SHOUNEN-AI (guys kissin' and cuddlin') and possibly YAOI (explicit sex scenes between guys). And implied pedophile, could also be seen with implied SHOUJO-AI (girls kissin' and cuddlin')

Pairings (in alphabetically order): Axel X Roxas, Leon X Cloud, Riku X Sora, Seifer X Zell (implied), Tidus X Wakka X Tidus, Zexion X Demyx (implied)

Author's Note: Sephiroth. I have counted, Sephiroth has "died and returned" 8 times throughout FFVII and KH. In Crisis Core/Last Order (2): Cloud impaled Sephiroth and left him for dead, Cloud threw Sephiroth into a pool of Mako below the reactor. FFVII (2): Cloud kills Jenova in Sephiroth's form, Sephiroth is killed by Cloud and dissolves into the lifestream. Advent Children (1): Kadaj transforms into a one winged Sephiroth and is killed by Cloud. KH(2): In KH1 the end of the Cloud/Sephiroth battle is unknown, in KH2 the same, Cloud and Sephiroth fight again and the outcome is unknown. Dissidia FF (1): Sephiroth appears with connections to Cloud in Destiny Odyssey I, V, VII, and Shade Impulse. He continues to taunt Cloud about being manipulated by himself (Sephiroth) and there is a final battle between the two in Destiny Odyssey VII. So basically based on this and in Tactics Cloud seems to hear Sephiroth in his head and in KH Sephiroth is the darkness inside Cloud that causes the wing phenomenon; and whether or not you are of the belief that some of this angst is due to Sephiroth raping Cloud—I believe that Sephiroth is a direct link to Clouds mental state.

Happy Reading!

-Na

Nagori no Omoi

Memory 10: Wings of Pain

Cloud was near tears, he hadn't slept the previous night at all and the sun was currently high in the sky. The blond was pretty sure that weapons club had already started but he couldn't go there now, not with the Masamune in the weapons room. If the Masamune was there then He would not be far behind and Cloud could not do that again. He had seen that man die so many times, felt his presence in his very core, "I will...never be a memory."

The blond didn't want to hear it, shaking his head he buried his face in his lap and thought of anything else. Blue eyes saw Aerith and Zack they were together in the lifestream his mind told him, but his eyes and ears told him they were worried for him. Shaking his head Cloud saw his blank wall.

He had not seen them like that since the hallucinations caused by the Geostigma. Clouds heart thudded loudly against his chest and in the pain Cloud gripped his chest with an indignant cry. "I will...never be a memory."

"Iie," mumbled the ex-SOLIDER, "Iie, you are, the lifestream is safe from you and Jenova." The words fell on empty ears.

Trying once more to distract himself the pained blond thought of Tifa, shaking his head once more as the guilt welled into his being. Tifa had never understood him, or his pain. He had packed up and left on Fenrir, heard about the college and after getting on a ferry and coming to this island he had been accepted at the college, getting a spot in the second year.

Part of Cloud wanted to call Tifa and tell her where he was, part of him told him that she would approve. That the blond wanting to further his education and forget what he had been made into would make her proud. But it was a lie, it was all a lie. Cloud left for one reason: to protect them. He would always come for Cloud; He would never leave him alone. He was in Cloud's head, in his heart, in his soul, the lifestream wasn't even a comfort anymore. A different pain and guilt, didn't even block out the chanting the taunting from Him.

Blue eyes scanned the room in a frantic half panic; he spotted a red cloak through the open closet door. Vincent. He remembered seeing the results of Shinra's influence on him. Seen the ways the old Turk's sins had consumed him. Cloud chuckled, he probably should call Vincent tell him that sins would never be forgiven, not until the lifestream, at least, Cloud hoped. It was funny not too long ago Cloud had though sins were forgiven as the Geostigma was erased from the people and the lifestream was safe. But He was still there, "I will...never be a memory."

Cloud shook his head and went through all his old friends. Barret and his AVALANCHE, Denzel and Marlene, Cid, Elena, Rude and Reno, Tseng, Cait Sith and Red XIII, Reeve, and even Rufus but none of them helped in the end they were all Him, as he was Him. Like Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo said; brothers, they were all brothers—all Him.

The pain surged through his heart and down his spine once more and Cloud gritted his teeth looking briefly at the clock he realised that it was already night again. He vaguely wished that he had been given some material from Yuffie yesterday perhaps his pain could be cured—"Yuffie."

How had he forgotten her? And she was here, she had been babbling about the college to Cloud and well here he was. She had changed, he had no doubt that she was still dangerous and cocky you would probably be hard set to get her to be anything like the princess that she was, but in all of that this hyper-Yuffie wasn't too bad. Cloud was happy; Selphie was good for Yuffie and was happy that the kunoichi seemed to be healing from her own past. It seemed to be the true nature of the college. Soon though Cloud's mind drifted to the past, and of Yuffie stealing from them in the woods. And as his mind wandered it headed to more dangerous thoughts. Shaking his head, the blond desperately searched his mind for someone else to occupy his time with.

Who was going to distract him now? That kid, Sora? Cloud didn't even know the brunet, He whispered that Cloud knew him, knew Sora. Not wanting to listen to Him, Cloud thought of the next person who came to mind, Riku.

The silver-haired youth could have been a relative of His, before Cloud could turn his thoughts away He whispered, "Riku fell into the darkness out of fear from his love, and then fell for his love. You should fall too."

"Iie, iie, iie," Cloud mumbled shaking his head as another ripple of pain ripped through his torso. Taking a few deep shuttering breaths the only comfort Cloud took was that the whisper sounded word-wise nothing like Him.

Leon, Leon was next. Leon had no connection to anything. Flashes from his dream made Cloud inhale sharply. It couldn't be the blond head shook, but there in his mind before his eyes were his dreams—no not dreams, reality. The reality where Aerith had been ripped from the lifestream. A tear rolled down Cloud's cheek, the pain in his heart and back increased.

The reality of Leon, Sora, Riku, Axel, Roxas, Demyx, all of them, even—"Sephiroth." The pain pulsated out of Cloud's heart and directly to his spine and shoulder blade. It was what Cloud had been unconsciously trying to prevent, this dissent. His skin burned on his left shoulder blade, through his screams and the blood Cloud distantly heard his own shirt rip, a leathery beat in the air, and blood hit the walls as his head hit the floor in sweet unconsciousness.

Author's Note: I know Cloud is a bit OOC, but I am going on the fact that Cloud just remembered Leon and his mental state is very fragile. Not to mention that he is in lots of pain from the wing ripping from his back. "I will...never be a memory." Are the last words of Sephiroth in Advent Children. I apologise ahead of time the next chapter will also involve über-emo Cloud. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review no matter what.

-Na