Michonne laid in bed with Rick,, sound asleep, bodies tangled together like hair strands weaved into a braid. She made a restless turn onto her back, her fingers still laced in his. The air was stiff and strangling her, a discomfort that slowly woke her. In her ear she heard feasting, her eyes shifted from left to right, nothing in that room could be making that sound, everything was still. She felt a pressing against her stomach, she tries to sit up, she can't move but she can scream, her eyes widened releasing a tear in terror as a walker had torn into her stomach and gnawed on her innards. She felt nothing, no pain, how could she feel no pain? Paralyzed in fear she could only move a few frantic digits to feel around for her sword, then her trembling hand stopped, she looked at the walker, its mouth and hands covered and dripping bright red pools of blood, flesh being chewed between its worn brown teeth, and how skin just slipped from the familiar face in shreds, "Mike?"
Michonne woke up gasping for air and placing a hand on her stomach. She felt around her abs frantically, her forehead decorated in beads of sweat as her hands shook uncontrollably. She was all in one piece, it was just a dream. She'd secretly had dreams like these for the past few days now. She thought of it as her own personal torment for actually finding happiness after what she did to mike and his friend, and how her son was no longer Alive. This morning it was worse. There was an added thread of misery. She heard giggling in the distance and the patter of the tiniest pair of feet. She knew that giggle. "Andre!" She said getting up from the bed slowly, leaving behind a sleeping Rick as she grabbed her sword instinctively and followed the noise. She had to stop herself, she shook her head, took a deep breath, her chest was so tight it was as if the air around her decided she wasn't worthy. She couldn't let the past hunt her. She wasn't ready to fully grieve for Andre, she'd shut down before because she knew she couldn't get over that pain. She had to get out out this house, if only for the day.
She walked along the hall to check in on Carl, he was sleeping, he was safe. He breaths were still heavy as she wiped her forehead and closed her eyes to clam herself. In a moment's time she went downstairs and searched around for Daryl but didn't spot him so she stepped outside. The cool breeze helped her, the chill against her skin worked as a broom, sweeping away her fears. She spotted Daryl seated on the porch then watched him with annoyance as he was spinning on a sliver flask. God knows where he'd been stashing that the entire time.
"We could run into a herd of walkers at any moment, you really think its a good idea to get drunk?"
Daryl stood up watching the annoyance on Michonne's face. She'd already had a devastating past with men under the influence with the world like this. It was a sensitive subject and she was angry thinking history could repeat itself.
"Its just a swig or two, I aint gon be plastered or nothin." Daryl defended as he watched the anger on Michonne's face. "Tell Rick and Carl I'll be back in a while." She said sternly.
"Where are you going?" Daryl asked.
"I just need to be alone for a while."
"You know it aint safe, you might need some back up."
"You more than anybody should understand needing to be alone."
He took off after her and stopped her by gently grabbing her arm. "Back on our runs, we aint ever said much to each other but when we did it helped."
"Its different, this isn't about Merle or Andrea." She sighed softly and looked down at the ground. "We lost family, we connected on that but you never lost...your mind." She spoke with a saddened tone, the scowl on her face shifting into a helpless frown. "I hallucinate things from my past. And can't sleep anymore, I wake up thinking those dead people are real."
Daryl released her arm, a concerned look appearing on his face before he looked away from her shielding a sad stare. "You aint any crazier then the rest of us. I use to see Merle sometimes too. and I'd talk to him like he was real."
Michonne aimed to look up at Daryl, his words a comfort to her, but as she lifted her head, her eyes drifted beyond Daryl and she saw him, She saw mike as clear as day. He hadn't turned he even smiled at her with that handsome face that used to make her melt, but the moment didn't last, he'd turned, he was rotting. His arms were missing, his jaw, his eyes like pale marbles.
"Chonne, what are you looking at?"
"He's here...I see him. You don't see that?" She yelled in a fright.
Michonne saw Mike walking towards Daryl's back, "no no no..." she said in frightened gasps as she reached for the hilt of her sword. Daryl rushed towards her and grabbed her arms before she could pull her weapon, "Chonne" he shook her, "it aint real!" he screamed, "Chonne!" Michonne started to visibly shake, he could feel the skin of her flesh vibrate against his grip. The insides of her hands became sweaty, her breaths were shallow again, she was reaching for breaths that would be caught. "This isn't happening" she chanted to herself. Her eyes looked at Daryl's then past him again, Mike was gone and Daryl was scared.
"Come on, say something! Chonne?"
She exhaled deeply. "I thought...he was here again. He was just behind you." She said as her words rushed over one another.
"Who?" Daryl said looking at her, his hands still holding her in place.
"My boyfriend Mike. He'd supposed to be dead."
'He's what you hallucinate?"
She only nodded her head.
Daryl didn't really know how to handle a situation like this. He feared he'd say the wrong thing and trigger another vision. "You talk to anybody else about this?"
"No." She shook her head.
"But you can with me?" Daryl thought he would have been the worst kinda help since he knew he wasn't hiding his worry to well.
"What's one more sad story between us." She said somberly.
They just stood there with her for what seamed like forever, both were quiet. She didn't feel this way consciously but when the words left her lips she knew there was an imbalance with Rick and her level of comfort with him. Rick and Michonne getting close struck like a lightening bolt. Her and Daryl were more like flashes of thunder building up just before it rained. She wanted to fix that imbalance. Daryl was an easy ear but Rick meant to much to her not to tell him these things.
"If I ask you a question, you goin be honest with me?" Daryl asked but his tone alluded to the fact that he didn't want to ask this particular question.
"Don't see any reason to lie."
"You and Rick together?"
She nodded her head.
"Why him?" Daryl asked shocked at himself by being so forth coming. Rick was always off playing farmer or consumed with taking the initiative as a leader that he couldn't understand the quickness of his relationship with Michonne. He thought his own feelings for Michonne was just an infatuation, but its lasted so long. Whatever he was feeling wasn't fleeting.
"Its the way he makes me feel. Happy like before the world went to shit."
The admission from Michonne's own lips took Daryl aback. She was in love with Rick? But Rick really did make her happy and Daryl was faced with the fact that he'd lost her before he'd gotten the chance to have her. Wait, no. Why was he thinking about having her. She was his friend, she had to be. Just his friend.
Michonne knew all to well how Daryl was feeling, she could see it on his face and how strongly he tried to mask the fact that he was disappointed by her revelation. She figured she'd let him lead the way of the conversation. She wasn't going to acknowledge what she thought he felt for her unless he spoke the words, and even then she wasn't sure what she'd say.
Rick came outside from the cabin, his smile turning into a serious stare as he watch Michonne and Daryl from afar. Something about the way they were interacting together didn't sit to well with him. Daryl was almost close enough to kiss her and Michonne didn't seam to aware of the lack of distance between them, yet she was studying Daryl's every facial reaction.
Daryl stared at her, and she stared back, the look behind his eyes wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be with Rick, that she should be with him. Michonne's stare dreaded hearing anything to that liking. It had hit her all to late how Daryl had felt towards her, signs she should of picked up on whenever they'd go off on runs together while everything was still good at the prison. True to form Daryl forced the words out of his mouth, "I'm happy for the two of you." He cared for Rick and Michonne both and if they could be happy together all the more power to them, but he couldn't shake this sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Are you really?"
"Yea...but I just thought, I don't know. Maybe...that if you'd be with anybody it would have been..." Daryl didn't dare finish his sentence, Michonne was growing more and more uncomfortable before him. He stepped back a few paces realizing their closeness.
"We're friends Daryl. You were the first person to understand me, and after being on my own for so long, I needed that. I figured my only chance at a friend was Andrea, but when she was gone I didn't think I'd connect with someone like that again."
"So what? Now that connection is just gone."
She shook her head. "No. I still feel it but-"
Her words came to a halt as Daryl approached her, the space between them was limited yet again, she hated herself for looking into his eyes and she might have hated him for looking into her's.
"We can't have this conversation Daryl. It wont end well for you." she said stepping back from him. As she turned to head back into the cabin she saw Rick starring back at her. She exhaled deeply and shook her head, "shit." Rick turned coldly and entered the cabin. Daryl was flooded with guilt, he didn't know who he felt more sorry towards. The man who was like his brother to him in the truest form, or the woman who didn't share the strong feelings he held for her.
"Michonne I'll talk to him" she turned around and shook her head. "Daryl just let me handle this ok." Michonne walked off towards the cabin then entered it seeing Rick with his hands on his hips pacing back and forth in the living area.
Rick wasn't going to go through this again. Michonne wasn't Lori, she wasn't anything like her. She wouldn't entertain to men after her like Lori did. But if history was going to repeat itself this time with Michonne and Daryl he wasn't going through that again. Rick turned around hearing Michonne's footsteps closing in behind him.
"If something's going on between you and Daryl you better tell me right now."
"Nothing is happening Rick."
"You sure?" he asked in an aggravated tone, "because what I saw didn't look like nothing. And you rushed out this morning to do what exactly? Meet up with him?"
"No I didn't, I just wanted some time alone."
"You're always in your own head, something is always on your mind but you never share any of that with me. Now your out there with telling him something you aint sharing with me." He raised his voice, his words dripping with anger.
"Rick!" she screamed at him but returned quickly to her normal soft spoken tone. "I'm seeing things that aren't real anymore. I'm seeing Mike."
"What?" he lingered for a moment, his anger turning into deep concern. "And you didn't you couldn't tell me this?"
"I was being selfish. Didn't want you seeing me as weak."
"You're the strongest woman I've ever come across in my life."
"Physical strength Rick but you don't see whats going on in my head. How I let him haunt me."
"You're strong mentally too. Michonne, I've never had to worry about you. I've always known that you could handle yourself, that you could protect the people you care about. I trust you with everything, I trust you with my son. A day is never gonna come where I think of you as weak. Baby I just want you to talk to me." Rick pleaded.
"Remember a while back, with Merle. He said that when he found me and Andrea I had two pet walkers on chains. They weren't random walkers, I knew them. One was my boyfriend Mike and the other was his friend Terry. I had a son with Mike...I went out for a run, left him with his father even though Mike had started to drink as I left, Terry too. The entire time I kept telling myself I wouldn't be gone long, and on my way back I didn't walk, I ran. The place got over run and I knew what happened to my son. Mike and Terry got bit, I watched them die and I let them turn. I carried them with me to punish myself for not being there to protect my son. Mike is what I see now. Mike is what haunts me. The way I mutilated him haunts me." She left out how the ghost of her son haunted her. She thought she would never be ready to talk about him. It even surprised that that she mentioned Andre to Carl, maybe because she knew Carl wouldn't press the issue.
The way Rick looked at here, she hated it. It made her feel weak, she just wanted to leave. She wanted to cry. She saw him coming towards her, her body was willing her to just leave but he grabbed her and he held her, and somehow he made her feel like things would somehow be better.