Mike flinched violently at the sound of his phone. With a trembling hand he reached into his pocket. He had not slept in the last three days, even though it seemed as if he had dozed off just then, because he didn't have any recollection of the last few minutes.
He glanced at the caller's ID hoping for it to be British or unknown. But it was only Rachel's name on the display.
He accepted the call, but didn't manage to say anything but "Hi".
"Hi, Mike…" Rachel sounded tired even though for her it was the middle of the day. "You still haven't found him?"
Mike shook his head, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see.
"No… " There were over 60 hospitals in London, and he had been to every single one, asking if there was a Harvey Specter, or an unknown patient who fit Harvey's description.
„Oh, Mike," Rachel said wincing in sympathy. "Donna and I have tried to call the hospitals too…"
Mike knew they had, he had heard more than once that he was not the only one looking for a Harvey Specter. But all their combined efforts had not led to any results.
It had been five hours now since he had checked the last hospital. Not finding Harvey there had left him curiously empty. He had plunged into calling hotels and airlines, knowing fully well that his efforts were most likely in vain. Even if Harvey had checked into another hotel there were too many in London to have any chance of finding him and most of the airlines wouldn't even tell him if they had ever heard the name Harvey Specter.
"How many hospitals do you have left?"
Mike looked down at his list even though he knew. "None. I might go back to a few though…"
He had left all of them their phone number, but he wasn't sure if the notice scribbled down on the information desk wasn't lost half of the times.
"I'm sure he's fine," Rachel said, but Mike knew she was only saying that to console him.
„It has almost been 48 hours now, Rachel… If he is conscious he would have called by now. He could never to that to me… Maybe he's unconscious…"
But with every hour that passed there was a worse fear creeping into his mind, the fear that Harvey could be… He didn't allow himself to think the word yet, but the moment when he would allow himself to think it was coming closer.
Just like he had accepted the possibility that Harvey had had another heart attack Wednesday afternoon. Now it was Friday.
"Have you slept?" Rachel asked quietly.
Mike knew she didn't want him to think that she was worrying more about him than about Harvey, but he knew himself that he was pushing himself too hard.
"No. I can't, Rachel. Not when I have no idea where he is or what happened to him… If only I hadn't let him walk away…"
He felt tears rising in his bloodshot eyes. He could have just pretended to be alright with Harvey going out for dinner. It had not been that dangerous, he saw that now.
Harvey had been willing to accept his weakness after all, he might have even admitted to feeling unwell if he had had another heart attack and then Mike could have gotten him into a hospital quickly enough...
"Mike, it's not your fault," Rachel said quietly. "It was Harvey's decision to walk out on you. You couldn't have stopped him… I'm sure you'll find him soon."
Mike felt a lump in his throat not allowing him to talk.
„I… I have to go…" he managed at last and disconnected.
It took him a moment to remember where he was. It was St James park. He had gone there in the vain hope of just running into Harvey. Maybe Harvey was just playing tourist after all, maybe the deafening silence didn't mean something bad had happened... It was only foolish thinking of course.
The park was close to Victoria's hospital though, so that was where he went next. It was the hospital he had been to first, the one that was most likely, but also so big that he wasn't sure if they would realise they had Harvey, let alone remember about the phone number he had left at the information desk.
He hailed a cab, almost falling asleep during the five minute drive.
His stomach was grumbling angrily. He did not recall when he had last eaten something. He could have remembered if he had tried a little, but he did not really want to know.
When he walked to the information desk he was swaying slightly, and he saw the nurse starting to get up. He shook his head, leaning against the counter to steady himself.
"I'm looking for a Harvey Specter," he said, as he had sixty times during the last two days. If it had been any other task, it would have been a routine by now, but this still made his heart rate pick up.
"Are you family?" the lady asked, starting to type in her computer.
"I'm his fiancé." The lie came easily by now. Neither friend nor employee seemed to cut it. He had thought about going with son, but the age difference was just not big enough. If he just replied 'yes' to the family question, they usually wanted the exact relation, and neither nephew nor cousin were much better than friend. Also when he gave them his name, the different last name usually made them suspicious. He supposed he could have also gone with boyfriend, but why not make it as official as possible?
"I'm sorry but there is no one by this name in this hospital," the woman told him. It was little surprising. If Harvey had been well enough to give his name, he would have at least told them to contact the firm, and Mike didn't think that he still had his wallet. There were business cards in there and someone would have called the firm.
"Was there someone brought in recently whose name you don't know?" he tried. "Most likely Tuesday night, or maybe Wednesday. Or maybe even later…" He didn't want to be too restricting.
The woman snorted. "Was there someone? There are usually ten people a day whose identity we don't know. Lots of people get their wallet stolen, or don't even have an ID on them…"
Mike already knew that, because that was what he had been told at least twenty times in the last twenty-four hours.
"He probably had a heart attack. He is caucasian, dark blond hair. He's 6 ft tall. Sporty type."
"You know, you seem to be fishing in the dark here a bit, my dear… You have little idea when he was brought in but you think it was a heart attack…"
Mike only just kept himself from groaning. Why couldn't she just go on and look if they had anyone fitting his description?
"He had a heart attack earlier this week, that's why I think he might have had another one. But I haven't seen him since Tuesday evening because we had a fight, so I don't know when he was brought in."
He really wished he could have threatened a lawsuit, but reminding people of the law usually only led to them refusing to give any patient details.
The lady sighed. "Who proposed?" she asked then.
"What?"
"You said he was your fiancé, so who proposed?"
"I did," Mike said, knowing he only needed to make something up. "I gave him my Grandfather's ring…" He basically retold his proposal to Rachel, careful not to say'‚she' instead of 'he'. The woman looked him up and down after he had finished, and Mike couldn't do anything but stand there and await her sentence.
"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking.
At last the woman gave him a warm smile. "I'll see what I can do. Just wait over there for a bit… "
"Thank you," he said even though telling him to wait felt like sentencing him to live in hell.
"Mr Ross?" He must have dozed off again, because he woke up as someone gently nudged his shoulder.
"Yes," he said, blinking awake. The lady from the information desk was standing over him, smiling gently.
"I feel a bit bad about giving you a hard time, you really seem to worry about him."
Mike did not reply. He didn't really care how caring he came across as long as he got his answer.
"I have found someone who might fit your description…"
It was not the first time Mike had heard these words in the last few days, but he felt the familiar mix of excitement and fright rise in his chest. As much as he wanted to find Harvey, part of him still hoped that he wasn't in a hospital, but that he would just show up, unscathed.
"He is in intensive care and actually not allowed any visitors… Especially when they are not family. But I can have you let a peak and when it's him, we'll see from there, all right?"
Mike nodded.
He followed the lady, his stomach clenching more with each step. /Intensive care/ echoed through his head and he had to forcibly remind himself how much better that was than morgue.
"I'll go in and pull up the blinds," the nurse explained as they had stopped in front of a room. Mike nodded trying to take deep breaths to calm himself. It probably wasn't Harvey anyway…
It took his eyes a moment to focus when the nurse drew up the blinds, to find the human being between all the tubes and wires…
For half a second he thought he recognised Harvey's spiky hair and his heart nearly stopped.
But then he focused on the face. It wasn't Harvey's.
Whoever the poor guy lying there was, it wasn't Harvey. Mike shook his head, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed