Chapter Ten

Though just about everyone protested, Olivia insisted on her going home to her apartment. The crime scene unit had just released it a few hours ago and she needed to rest. It had been a big day, but she wanted to go home as an attempt to get things back to normal She wanted to keep her independence, her dignity, so she didn't ask for anyone to stay with her, though she knew she desperately needed someone there. She didn't want to admit that she needed someone there and was very grateful that Elliot ignored her half-hearted protests against him staying with her. Though they would've been more comfortable at Elliot's larger apartment, he respected her attempt to move on and knew it would be the least he could do to make sure she woke up in familiar surroundings.

"You know, Elliot, you could sleep in here. The bed's big enough, I really don't mind," She felt bad that he was going to be sleeping on the sofa.

"No, I don't want to mess up your routine or anything. I'm just here for protection… actually you should pretend I'm not here."

"Elliot, I'm not letting the rape change my routine," (Lie), "So I don't think you sleeping on a mattress instead of breaking your back on the sofa will change my routine. Anyway, this is going way out of your way for this, isn't it?" Actually her routine has changed, a lot. Now she doesn't go anywhere without her gone. She even carries it around when she's off the clock. She even takes it in the bathroom when she's taking a shower.

"Nah, really. Plus the Captain's making me take time off and since Kathy's got the kids," Elliot shrugged setting the suitcase next to the sofa, "I could use a little company… And you sure as hell could." He said now putting a pillow on the couch. Olivia smiled then offered again.

"El, you really can come sleep on the bed… you don't have to sleep on the sofa."

"Kathy and I used to fight a lot. I have had plenty of experience sleeping on the sofa; I think I can handle it. I'm fine, Liv, thanks," he smiled at her smile. Cragen walked in holding a couple of keys.

"Olivia, we've installed all new locks," he put the keys on the coffee tale, "and we made Munch and Fin work together on installing a security system. You should've been there…"

Olivia giggled, "Thanks, Don," she said picking up the keys. She put one in her pocket, one in her wallet, and gave the other to Elliot. She then walked into the kitchen busying herself with making dinner. Yesterday they went out to eat after sitting in the silent locker room for hours (leaving only when Munch discovered his locker's new look) and then they slept over at Elliot's. She wanted to cook something tonight even though she wasn't the best cook and she didn't do it very often.

"Uh, Elliot, Dr. Hendrix is out in the hall and she wants to speak to you for a minute," Cragen said hushed so Olivia wouldn't hear. Elliot nodded then walked out into the hall to find Rebecca biting her nails anxiously.

"Worried?"

She looked at him, "No, not while you're here watching her," she said, "just a little uneasy. Still shocked I guess."

"Yeah," he responded knowing how she felt.

"Listen, El, I want you to hear me out…" she said seriously, "You're going to think you know exactly what to say or what to do because your and SVU cop, but Olivia is another story. She's been on both sides. You have to listen to me," she added when Elliot started brushing it off like he knew what he was doing. He really didn't.

"Elliot, the most important thing is to comfort her like a victim, but don't treat her like a victim. She'll absolutely hate the idea of being the victim, the weaker, but you have to listen to her, let her talk to you, offer her a shoulder to cry on, but not literally. She won't want to cry in front of you. She's a woman doing a man's job. She needs to feel equal to you. She pressures herself a lot about this. You have to help her in every way possible, but at the same time you can't help her- don't help her."

"What?" he interrupted.

"She's gonna want to get back to normal as soon as possible. She's a smart, energetic, clever woman, but the most important is her independence. Without her independence she has no dignity. Leave her alone. Don't force her to talk unless you think it's imperative. Even if you are leaving her alone, obviously don't ignore her. Give her your full attention, but at the same time turn the other way."

"Okay, I got it," Elliot said turning to walk away.

"No!" Rebecca yelled, "I haven't even scratched the surface. It's so complicated. It's everything you've ever known and then the opposite at the same time. Elliot, Olivia has grown up learning she was meant to be alone. She was meant to take care of others before making sure there was any time for herself and that there was no one to take care of her. Since she was little she took care of herself and her drunken mother. She hasn't been in any decent relationships either. I think Olivia is going to take an especially long time to get over this, and as we all know very well, no one ever does truly get over it. Take that and multiply it by three."

"What do you mean? She's already getting over it."

"No, she hasn't even started. She hasn't allowed herself to grieve because she feels she has to move on for everyone else's sake. Let her take her time to accept what has happened. She needs someone there, and I think it should be you first. She needs you to be there more than she needs anyone else, but as I've already told you, she'll never admit it. Let her push you away, but never go away. Ever. She's always so strong, but that's what makes her so fragile. She never breaks in front of anyone. It eventually just builds up and she feels emotionally overwhelmed. If she shows you any sign of emotion, this time she will break. Completely.

You know she hasn't led an ideal life. Her self esteem is very low. When she does break I'm not sure what she'll do. I don't think she'll turn to alcohol because of her mother, but she will find other way of self destruction. She's been in abusive relationships, verbal and physical. She could even starve herself. I'm the only one she's ever told about her eating disorder. She says she's stopped and that she's no longer anorexic, but it could always go back. Or worse, she could end up in another abusive relationship. She could even try to convince herself that she is evil and violent because of her father's genes. If that's the case she'll cut herself off from the world. She'd just give up. We have no idea what she'll do. You can't let any of this happen!" Rebecca ended her little speech just as Don was leaving Olivia's apartment.

"Elliot," he said handing him a locked case, "I know you always have your gun, and she probably always has hers, but take this one just in case."

"Yeah, Cap."

"Oh and don't let Liv see it. She'll think we're being over protective. Oh, and I'll always have an unmarked cop car somewhere outside her building. She won't like it so don't tell her that either.

"Okay," both Rebecca and Elliot sighed. Neither of them liked the idea of keeping any secrets from Olivia, but it was for her own good. She didn't know it, but she does have other people looking out for her. She may have grown up mostly alone, she isn't and hasn't been for the past eight years she's been working at SVU.