A/N: Huge apologies for the wait for this update! I am, unfortunately, not recovering as well as I'd hoped, and it seems I'm as ill as I was before...at least it's nothing too serious! BUT, hopefully that means a lot more updates a lot quicker than this was done!

Now, I know this one is a lot darker and more angsty and depressing than the other ones, and I know you all want your fluffy bits too! Don't worry, I'm not doing away with those moments! They will be back!

It's just I've found that I HAVE to go down this route - Chuck and Blair's relationship is far too complex to work out so easily in the ways it has appeared to do so in the previous chapters. Their histories, their complexities and their acceptances of all that is what make them work, and I realised that this story hadn't shown that.

SO, not to worry, lots more CB action and drama to follow, I just needed to change the direction of this story a little bit. I hope you guys understand and stick with me...and who knows, maybe you like this change even more! :P

*Also I am aware that this is like 80% Blair, 10% Dorota, 5% Serena and 5% Chuck - and 0% of everyone else. BUT they will all be back next chapter!*

SO I will stop rambling and let you enjoy! THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING SUCH FAB READERS! I love you all :)

16 Hours Later

The world really was a wonderful place.

There were such wonderful things in it, like the wonderful smell of hydrangeas, the wonderful sight of New York covered in a blanket of soft snow, like the wonderful, truly wonderful feeling of butterflies in your stomach – better yet, butterflies which were reciprocated. However the best, most wonderful thing must be the wonderful source of such butterflies. The ever-wonderful Chuck Bass…

"…who might just be in love with me," sang Blair, leaping up from her bed and hugging a very surprised Dorota, who was caught between returning such affection or reprimanding her for having a boy visit so late at night. She hadn't decided when Blair released her with a beatific smile and waltzed into the bathroom, still humming.

"Miss Blair? Your mother left this morning for Paris, she say she be back on Tuesday-"

"Of course, how wonderful Dorota!"

Dorota cocked her head and stared, puzzled, at the closed bathroom door. Miss Blair always sad when Miss Eleanor goes away! She contemplated checking Blair's temperature and then decided that a happy Blair, although unexpected, was definitely a good thing, and so she bustled out of the room, duster in hand, to get back to work.

The catchy sound of 'Independent Woman' by Destiny's Child disrupted Blair from her daydream about her and Chuck…well, spending time together. A small voice in the back of her head told her that Serena hadn't had that ringtone since before this whole 'new world' thing, but she shrugged it off and picked up the call – nothing was going to interrupt her good mood this morning.

"B! Hey!"

"Er, hi S," laughed Blair, surprised at the enthusiastic greeting.

"Wow, I have to see you straight away, I've missed you!" Serena was almost bubbling over with excitement.

"It's hardly been that long, S!" Really, they'd just talked last night – she (painfully) remembered every (excruciating) detail that the blonde had relayed about her and Cabbage Patch's date.

"It's long for us! Come on Blair, you must have missed me!"

This really confused Blair – yes they were close, but she didn't think in the week since Serena had known her that they'd got to the point where one day apart was a long time. "Um, sorry S but I don't miss hearing all about you and Cabbage Patch."

"Blair that's not all I do," giggled her best friend. "To prove it, you and I are spending the day together. So B, are you coming with me to pick out dresses for the Junior Ball?" gushed Serena. "I saw the most gorgeous selection of dresses hanging in Bergdorf's!"

"Of course, we have major shopping to do! I'm so excited, now I have a date and everything," replied Blair as she checked her appearance in her vanity mirror, shifting the phone so she could check how her sapphire earrings looked with her outfit.

"You have a date? Really?"

"Er, yeah, I mean not officially but I'm pretty sure he's going to ask me," said Blair sharply. Why does Serena doubt that Chuck will ask me? Didn't he just tell me last night that he'd never kick me out? If that isn't the equivalent to 'please go with me to the Junior Ball' then I don't know what is!

"Wow, so soon after the whole, you know," she lowered her voice, "Chuck and Nate fiasco? I'm proud of you for moving on so fast!"

The world came to a complete halt.

"The Chuck and Nate fiasco?" Blair swallowed and dropped the bottle of perfume she'd been holding, about to adorn herself in her signature scent. The crash echoed around the room, causing Blair to wince and for Serena to gasp softly on the other end of the phone.

"Oh I'm so sorry B, I should have known not to mention it…fiasco isn't the right word anyway, I'm sure things will be cleared up any day now, it's not a fiasco at all, really I don't know what I was thinking…"

The words drifted from the phone and straight out of the open window as the brunette sat transfixed on her seat in front of the vanity. Ordinarily she would have noticed that the 'O' shape of her mouth wasn't very flattering, and that the surprise on her face would probably cause wrinkles – but right now, she was oblivious. Fiasco? FIASCO? What happened between last night and this morning that I do not know about?

"Blair? Blair?!"

She blinked once and settled her features into the calm mask of confidence and disinterest, with a little haughtiness just to finish it off. Perfect – she looked just like Queen B should.

"Yes Serena?"

"Oh you're still here, good, I was worried that I might of-"

"Scared me off? Stunned me into silence? I hope you give me more credit than that, S." Her tone was cold, but there was nothing she could do about that now.

"Look B, can we please not fight…you never told me about France, I want to hear all about it!"

Serena was suddenly taking in interest in her whole life which she had (apparently) had before moving to the Upper East Side?

"I'll tell you about that later, S. So, um, what time do you want to meet?" Desperately trying to regain control of the situation, Blair returned to what she did best – bossing other people about. "I can't meet with you before 11, so be ready at the Palace by 11.30 ok?"

"Ok Blair. Wow, we've been talking about the Junior Ball since we were like eight years old! I know the Senior Prom is bigger, but the junior dance was always so beautiful…"

Once again, time seemed to stop.

"Since we were eight years old?"

"Ok, maybe that's a bit young…wait, no, it was when we were eight! Remember, you'd just gotten that gorgeous blue taffeta dress, and you said you wanted to wear something just like it to the Junior Ball! And so you made Nate dress up in his suit, and I had to dance with Chuck, and even then he was all slimy and kept trying to pull me closer…"

"…"

"Don't you remember, B?"

Serena didn't seem to realise that that was the problem. She did remember. She remembered every little detail of that moment, when she decided that she was going to marry Nate and they would dance just like that on their wedding day.

That moment, which she had come to accept was only for her to remember.

But apparently, Serena's memory had returned.

"S…when did I last see you? It seems like ages ago…" Blair asked lightly, the words sounding fake to her own ears – but then Serena had never known when she was faking, at least never over the phone.

"I know, two whole months really is too long! I really missed you while you were away…but I know that you wanted time away from everything that happened, and you know I love you, B, so I do understand, really I do."

Blair saw the room sway in front of her eyes and swallowed hard, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. This couldn't be happening – not again. Things had been going just as she'd wanted. She'd accepted her new position, her literally new status in New York, and had made the most of it – and in a week, she'd achieved most of the dreams that she'd been struggling with in the real world. True, she had to be scared of Georgina, but that had been one thing she was sure she could handle…the problems in her life which had erupted thanks to the Basstard made the trivial difficulties of her new life pale in comparison.

No, no, no, I refuse; take me back to the other world, now! Whoever up there is playing with my life, quit it and let me be happy, please! Go play with Nelly Yuki's life, you can cause her as much misery as you want, I won't complain! Please… Look into your soul, do you honestly want to cause me this much pain? Can you really allow me to be hurt so much, when girls like Nelly Yuki are committing fashion crimes DAILY and remaining unpunished?!

Somehow, despite the more than fair trade she'd offered, Blair had a feeling that there was no going back. She muttered into the phone something about needing to sort something out with Dorota and hung up, forcing herself up from the chair and into the bathroom. Her head spinning with the revelation, she thought back to her feelings last night.

16 Hours Earlier

'I'd never kick you out. Not you.'

She grinned to herself and spread her arms and legs out into a starfish shape under the covers. Stretching as far as she could, she allowed herself one short, quiet squeal of joy.

'But don't think I'm staying away from you for long.'

Her thoughts immediately started down the path of what that sentiment could entail. Her sexual thoughts brought a heated blush to her cheeks, but she couldn't help thinking of how proud Chuck would be of his little sex goddess. Her mind wandered to old memories of escapades in his limo, hidden rendezvous in janitors' closets, secret embraces on her bed… for a moment, Blair felt the excruciating pain of Chuck's rejection in that other world.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so glad this happened to me. Thank you, whoever is up there! She'd assumed that she'd have to work for months to achieve her current position, but it had floated to her naturally. I guess that's what happens when you know the cheats of getting around people. She had to admit, without knowing how her three best friends ticked, she wouldn't have befriended them all so quickly – and without the horrible experience of mistakes made, she wouldn't know have known how to avoid them this time around.

I think, for the first time in my life, I'm truly happy.

The statement surprised Blair as soon as it popped up, but its honesty shone out like a lighthouse in the dark of night. She'd always planned to be with Nate, because he was the perfect boy, the white knight and golden prince to her prim and proper princess character. With him came the promise of perfection, the assurance of safety and the security of her future. Chuck, however, had always had spontaneity, insecurity, wildness and devilish games lapping at his feet, and she'd known this from the moment his smirk fell into place. Happiness with Chuck was a risk she hadn't been willing to take as a six year old girl, and one she'd found to hard to take even as a seventeen year old.

But Nate's perfection wasn't a promise at all. Instead it was a tantalising image that was just out of reach. Blair lost her boyfriend to many things; first to Chuck Bass, then to alcohol, drugs and eventually Serena, each one in quick succession and sometimes overlapping, so that there was no chance for Blair to ever win him back.

Only now did she realise that that destroyed the image of perfection that Nathanial Archibald had always held to her. What was the point of having a boyfriend so right in every way, but who wasn't hers? Better to relinquish her iron grip and find true happiness elsewhere, than chain herself to the empty promises and constant wash of rejection that accompanied Nate's every step.

How had it taken such a dramatic turn of events, first her dethroning and then the moving to a whole new world, to make her come to such realisations?

The image of Chuck smirking at her, kissing her, and leaving her with the assurance of tomorrow, was enough to let Blair just feel a surge of gratitude towards God or whoever was doing this, and curl up in bed. Who am I to question things?

Present Time

Once again, she sought release in her porcelain friend, and emptied out the breakfast she'd consumed heartily downstairs, much to Dorota's delight. Wryly she noticed her finger hadn't even been needed. The familiar burn in the back of her throat, the tickling sensation of tears dripping down her cheeks, the ache in her stomach – all brought relief to Blair in some dark, twisted way. Whichever world she found herself in, she was the same. The vomiting was the same. The resulting relief, the sense of being in control, the source of comfort were all the same.

Resting her cheek against the chill of the bathroom tiles, she allowed the feelings of complete misery to wash over her. Thinking about it, those were the only things that really did stay the same; the only things that she could rely on.

Sure, Serena was here now…but what about when she was once again distracted by the enamour of one pathetic Brooklynite? Blair knew she would be one more chore pushed aside in favour of something more exciting, more fun.

In this world, Chuck's feelings were the opposite of those she'd encountered in the other Chuck. It confused her, made her doubt everything between them; how could he be so infatuated with her then, when he didn't even know her, but then break her with carefully chosen insults when she'd been his close friend since childhood? What possibly explained such behaviour? She reluctantly acknowledged the likely truth that it was her, the real her that he'd known from years of experience, was what he didn't like – the other world Chuck had only seen her outward show, didn't know the complexities of herself…didn't have the chance to dislike her. Because if he did, Blair knew that he'd feel the same as this Chuck, without a doubt.

Nate? Well that was one relationship she knew was wrong wherever she was… It was only the difference in which this had been discovered which made the two worlds stand apart. She knew which way she'd preferred.

To be truthful, those were the only three people who truly mattered to her. Her father was one of those figures who she loved unconditionally, but didn't really interact with her daily life. He was like an old photograph; occasionally he'd pop up, be a source of fond memories and warmth, but then he'd disappear, leaving only a faint imprint to mark his presence – one which Blair found faded after a time. Her mother was someone who she couldn't help but love more when she was absent; Blair desperately wanted to please her, but maybe the desperation was more for a chance to develop a relationship between them, rather than prevent damage occurring to a relationship already there. Then there were her minions from school, girls whose respect she needed just so she could feel good enough at least sometimes. Individually, she was sure she cared for them as much as they cared for her. The only people who she really loved were the Non-Judging Breakfast Club members…

And that was when the pain of unrequited love really hit her.

For the second time, she retched into the toilet. To her disappointment, nothing came out. It was true, this time she was unable to feel some contentment at ridding her body of unnecessary calories, but that wasn't the real problem.

It was that, despite everything, the butterflies were as present as they'd been since Victrola.

She'd been able to drag herself out of the harshly lit room to find her phone and send Serena a quick text, excusing herself from shopping for the Junior Ball. Unsurprisingly, she found a message from Gossip Girl announcing her arrival; or should she say return to the Upper East Side?

Spotted: A fallen Queen returning to her crumbling castle.
Poor B, looks like there's no prince to pick you up – didn't you know, C and N have moved on, N to Little J, and C on to whichever girl he pleases. As the picture shows, the latest is a redhead – but who was Chuck Bass to ever discriminate?
Don't worry, I definitely missed you – Little J hasn't been holding down the fort as well as she might have hoped.
Welcome back B, let's hope that your court is as welcoming.

You know you love me,
XOXO Gossip Girl

The same photo that had been attached to the Gossip Girl post announcing her arrival before, only this time it was accompanied by one of the Mother Chucker groping some model-esque whore. Shutting her eyes briefly, Blair felt the stab in her chest slowly fade until she was sure she could open them again without crying.

Resting against her bed, she found a few messages from her old cronies, one each from Kati and Iz, Nelly Yuki, Penelope, Hazel and Jenny, each one meaner than the last. By the time she'd read the current Queen's, she was sure that Gossip Girl's last statement wasn't going to be found to be as promising as she'd 'hoped'. In fact, Jenny's message of:

You may be back but everyone hates you as much as before.
Nate is mine and Serena is over you.
Go back to France while you have the chance.
J

- left much to be desired.

"Miss Blair?"

"Yes, Dorota?" replied Blair with as much disdain as possible, knowing the effect was ruined by the mascara tracks which marred both of her cheeks.

"Oh no, Miss Blair, you no cry! That Gossip Girl not be telling truth, you know Serena love you. This 'Little J' is no problem, I know you, you take care of her like I take care of Ivanna when I find him with blonde Austrian girl."

Blair couldn't help but chuckle at the glare on Dorota's face as she mentioned the Palace's doorman. I never knew they were together! Go Dorota for getting back at that cheating idiot!

"You subscribe to Gossip Girl, Dorota?"

"I think necessary. I need to know if Ivanna be seeing blonde, Austrian girls behind my back. I not take his lies, that-"

"Enough, Dorota. I'm glad you punished him, but I don't want to hear about Gossip Girl from you anymore, ok?"

"Yes, Miss Blair."

Satisfied, Blair stood up and fixed her face at her vanity. As she wiped the black smudges from her face and reapplied her make up, she turned to question her Polish maid.

"So, how did you get him back?"

A gleam came into the older woman's eyes as she showed a smirk that Chuck Bass would be proud of. "I look up this girl on Internet, and I find she no good girl. I send text to Ivanna from new phone, he goes to hotel to see girl with older men."

"Man, Dorota."

"No, Miss Blair, men."

"No!" Blair spun around to face Dorota, her mascara wand suspended inches from her eye.

"Yes," she nodded, her eyes bright. "Ivanna not see blonde Austrian girl again. He come back, crying like little girl, crying many tears and I say 'no, Ivanna, I not take this anymore'."

"You go, Dorota. I'm proud of you. So, how long has it been since you saw him?"

"Last night…we make up see, he buy me many flowers, he buy me nice dress..." the words trailed to a halt as the maid blushed at the disbelieving expression on Blair's face.

"You took him back?!"

"I love him," she shrugged simply. "It not fair to me, but I can't change it…and he be good to me now. He sweet. He cares for me, it better than before. I happy, Miss Blair."

Blair found herself thinking back to her own experiences, and considered what she'd do if Chuck Bass came back to her crawling. To her surprise, she realised she'd do exactly as Dorota did – after all, she loved him. She loved every inch of his womanising, drinking, manipulative, dark self. She wouldn't waste a chance to be with him for any reason.

"Well, as long as he's good to you. I don't want you getting hurt."

There was a moment where Dorota beamed at her, and Blair blushed, unused to such a sweet moment between her and the help. Pursing her lips, she sent the maid out of the room to polish the silverware in the dining room, and resumed fixing her make-up. As she assessed herself, she noted each flaw in her appearance. Once this ritual was done, she fussed around her room, sorting out her clothes and rearranging the items on her dresser, her vanity, in the bathroom cupboard and on her chest of drawers.

All the while, she wondered if she'd ever be as lucky as Dorota.

Now that was something I never thought I'd feel.

The caramel liquid in his glass was mocking him, he was sure.

Each time he raised it to his lips and took a gulp, relishing the heat of it sliding down the back of his throat, he felt it mocking him. The drink was golden, something he'd never been and never would be – a quality which he knew she was fully aware of. A quality which had made her decision for her, really – it was a choice of light or darkness, and it didn't take an idiot to figure that out.

After all, Nate had.

And Chuck Bass was no idiot. He'd known, possibly from the moment she'd given her virginity to him, that this wasn't the way she'd planned it. Wasn't the way she'd hoped of losing it. He knew the extents to which she had gone to secure Nate's taking of it, and now he reflected back on it, he couldn't stop the horrible, lurking thought that maybe she'd once again chosen him as a last resort. She would have known that Chuck Bass wouldn't be able to resist a beautiful virgin, especially not after a glass of champagne or two, and maybe she'd seen it as the only way for her to finally become a woman and all that shit.

"Fuck it," he cursed, slamming the empty glass back onto the bar.

She must have been back only a few hours, and she was already torturing him. The expression of pure shock and pain on her face when he'd rejected her had haunted him these past two months, but the photo of her alighting at JFK on Gossip Girl had brought back even worse memories.

Memories of him holding her, caressing her, kissing her, making love to her.

Because as much as he'd like to deny that Chuck Bass ever made love to anyone, that was exactly what had happened with her. Not at first, he knew, but it hadn't taken long for those butterflies to evolve into something more terrifying and consuming than the first flutterings he'd felt, all those nights ago. For them to transform an act he'd always viewed as his chance to lose himself, and for once be better at than Nathanial, into the art of making all his feelings for her tangible.

She'd wanted those butterflies murdered months ago.

If only they had been.

With a few more curses spat out under his breath, he grabbed the bottle of scotch and poured himself his fifth glass. As he drank the golden liqueur, he let himself wallow in the waters of un-fulfilment.

Because if anyone knew about not being enough, it was Chuck Bass.

TBC

Please click that little button and review! It makes me so happy and keeps me writing!

Maddy x