Disclaimer in chapter 1

10

Sam was lying on her sofa, a heavy book on wormhole theory balanced on her stomach when she heard her doorbell ring. Another visitor? Her quiet home was starting to resemble Grand Central Station! Sighing, she sat up, placing the open book on the coffee table. The bell rang again.

"Just a minute!" Hurrying to the door, Sam's stocking-clad feet slipped on the hardwood flooring of her entry way. What was it with people these days arriving at odd hours of the night?

"What?" she demanded, swinging the door open. Colonel O'Neill was once again on her porch. He hadn't been by this much since she'd known him. "Sir?"

"Hey, Carter," he said, his smile artificial.

She wasn't exactly blocking the entrance, but neither was she welcoming him in. She'd just started to putting his last visit behind her, and here he was again. Emotionally, she didn't know if she was ready for that. It was so hard to see him as both Colonel O'Neill and Jack, she wasn't sure she could do this again after only two days. But tomorrow was Monday and she'd be forced to face him under the watchful eye of General Hammond. That would be infinitely more difficult than trying to settle this privately.

"Come in," she finally invited, offering to take his coat. She hung it in the closet, wondering if he was going to break the door down if he beat a hasty retreat. Sam led the way into the living room, forcing Jack to follow. "Sorry, I don't have anything to offer you but Diet Coke. You finished off the beer, and I got the wine."

Self-consciously, Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "Guess I shouldn't have shown up empty handed. Sorry I cleaned you out."

"It's all right," she said, waving away his apology. "It's probably better if we have clear heads for whatever this is." Sam waved her hand around again. She gestured towards the sofa, as she took her usual arm chair.

Leaning over the coffee table, Jack noticed the open book. "Wormhole theory? Didn't you pretty much write the book on that?"

Sam smiled. "Actually, it is my book. I wrote that when we had the armbands and I was curious to see if any of my opinions had changed."

"And have they?"

"I've got a different take on the time dilation fields now." Jack looked uncomfortable, as if he were about to be subjected to a string of technical string theory. "Don't worry, sir, I won't tell you about it."

"Sweet."

She couldn't help grinning, despite still finding it difficult to be near him. She was even more aware of the tension between them since he'd stormed out of her house. Sam wasn't quite sure how they were going to resolve the situation. Her chest still ached just seeing him sitting on her couch, and she couldn't imagine it was going to get much easier when they were on a mission. The only solution she could hope for was she had a strong enough sense of professionalism to buffer her reaction to him.

"I'm sorry about the way I left the other night," he said. "It's just that I'm so damned jealous of the guy. . . ." The stark honesty of his statement surprised her. The Colonel usually wasn't so forthcoming.

Taken aback, it took Sam a moment to respond. "He was jealous of you," she admitted.

"Of me? You've got to be kidding! What about my life would he have to envy?"

"Well, think about it. He knew I saw you every time I looked at him. How secure would you feel if the situation was reversed?"

"It kind of is," he said, looking up at her. "And you're right. 'Secure' is hardly the word I would use to describe this." That caused her to give him another small smile. The irony of the situation wasn't escaping her.

"Well, it's not like you're exactly the same. Different experiences have shaped your lives in different ways. He's a teacher, you're in the military. Sara's the one who died and Charlie. . ." She abruptly cut herself off, suddenly realizing what she'd just said.

Jack looked up sharply at the mention of his son's name. "Charlie? Charlie was still alive there?" Sam felt her eyes go wide and she barely nodded.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Of course I was going to, just not. . ."

"Just not what?"

"Just not like this-blurting it out!" Sitting wasn't working and Sam was on her feet.

"So, when were you going to tell me? Months from now?"

Sam felt her temper flare. "When did you want me to tell you? In the middle of a briefing? On a mission? As you were charging out my door? You tell me, Colonel, when would have been a good time for me to tell you the single most defining moment of your life hadn't happened there?" She turned her back to him and didn't realize he'd gotten off the couch until she felt his hands on her shoulders, grabbing her none-to-gently, then spinning her around. "You could have told me when we were in the hotel room!"

Shrugging him off, Sam stepped out of his grasp. "I was going to," she confessed, quieter now. "When you were in the shower, I decided I was going to tell you when you came out. But then you were all hot to look at the video. Even while you were watching it, I promised myself I was going to tell you, but I fell asleep. The next morning. . . .well, you know what happened the next morning. Charlie wasn't exactly on the top of my list. I'm sorry! I know I should have found a time to tell you, but with everything, there just didn't seem to be an appropriate opportunity."

Jack sagged down to the sofa, face buried in his hands. At least some of his anger seemed to have drained away. He sat there for long minutes, making Sam grow even more anxious the longer he remained silent.

Letting his hands drop to his lap, Jack looked up at her, his soulful expression tearing her heart out. His voice was so quiet she had to strain to hear him.

"What was he like?" Sam sat down next to him, and for the first time since she'd returned from the other universe, initiated contact. Reaching over and touching him, Sam took one of his hands in both of hers, squeezing gently.

Clearing her throat, she began. "He was a great kid. He looked so much like you, but I could see Sara there, too."

Jack's head jerked up. "Sara was there?"

Shaking her head, Sam gave Jack's hand another squeeze. "In that universe, Sara was the one who was shot." She half expected him to go off on a rant again, but he didn't seem to have the energy.

"How. . .?"

"Charlie," she swallowed. "Jack had a gun in the house for protection and Charlie was playing with it. Apparently Sara startled him and he accidentally shot her."

"God," he sighed. Standing, Jack ran a hand through his hair. "I hadn't really thought about Sara in all this," he confessed. "I guess I thought they were divorced like we are. I didn't think about the possibility she might not be alive there."

Sam didn't move. "Like I said in the briefing, things were slightly off. Just enough to be confusing."

Nodding, Jack retook his seat. "So, Charlie was okay? He seemed like a normal kid after doing something like shooting his mother?"

"He seemed like an average teenager. Jack didn't talk about it, but I get the impression Charlie had suppressed the incident somehow. I mean he knew his mother was dead, but he didn't seem to connect himself to her death."

"That's one thing to be grateful for," he breathed. "Still, the guy had to have been devastated at her death."

"I get the feeling it had a pretty monumental effect on him, but we never really discussed it. I think he was doing his best to move on." Jack nodded again, obviously thinking of the differences between his and Jack's losses.

Just then Sam remembered her phone. She'd had it in her pocket when she'd come through the 'gate, and hadn't given it much thought in the hectic days that followed. Crossing to a desk with one of her computers, Sam found the device where she'd left it. It wouldn't function as a phone, but she'd jury-rigged a power adapter for it so she could still use some of the other features of the device. Accessing her photos, she scrolled through until she found the picture she wanted. It was one of Charlie and Allison, taken just before they headed out on a date. Both kids had balked at her insistence on a photo, but stood long enough for Sam to take a hurried shot. Charlie was grinning the same smile Jack often sported, and Allison just looked a little uncomfortable.

Sam handed Jack the fairly thin, palm-sized rectangle faced with glass. "What's this?" he asked.

"It's a phone, actually."

Jack turned the gadget over, examining it from several angles. "Get out! Really?"

Sam took the device back and activated it once more. "They're about five years ahead of us technologically. Most of the features don't work here," she informed him, "But the pictures are still there. It kills me I had to leave my laptop there."

Jack grinned at that. The first indication of a genuine smile since showing up at her door. He nodded sagely. "That explains all the weird behavior. Doohickey withdrawal." She was surprised he could joke considering the conversation they'd been having, but took it as a positive sign. Turning the phone around, Sam displayed Charlie's picture.

Jack hissed a sharp intake of breath. "Wow. No getting around he's my kid, is there? Or his, as the case may be." The last part was spoken with such sadness it made her heart twist. Jack couldn't take his eyes off the photo. "He'd be about seventeen, right?"

Placing her hand back on his arm, Sam nodded. "That part of the the timeline seemed to be about the same."

"Who's the girl?"

"His girlfriend, Allison. She's really sweet. I liked her a lot."

Jack looked up at Sam then, studying her face. "She looks a lot like you. Except she's got long hair. Guess the O'Neill men know what they like." Sam was stunned by his candid comment. Ever since the Za'tarc incident she knew her feelings were reciprocated, but he never spoke of his attraction to her. It was always just there, and they both seemed to do their best to ignore it.

As he handed back the phone, Jack's thumb accidentally brushed the screen, bringing up the next photo in the queue. It was of the three of them outside the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Jack had his arm casually slung over her, and his right hand on Charlie's shoulder. There wasn't much difference in the men's heights, hinting Charlie would probably be even taller than Jack. Realizing what he was looking at, Sam made a grab for the phone, but he pulled it out of reach.

"You guys look good together," he swallowed, still looking at the picture, likely comparing likenesses and differences with his counterpart. "I'm sorry you had to come back."

"I'm not." He looked up from the photo, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "I told him just because we'd gotten together I wasn't giving up on trying to get back where I belonged."

"But you said something about the timing. . . ."

"Yeah, that sucked," she sighed. "I feel as though I abandoned him." Sam fought the urge to cry, reliving how out of control she'd felt at having to leave him. She told the Colonel how Jack had saved that Earth by using an Ancient device, one that only he seemed to be able to activate. "I don't understand what he did or how he did it. Neither did he. Perhaps if I'd stayed there I would have eventually figured it out," she shrugged. "But he was exhausted, so drained from the effort to do whatever it was he did, I wasn't sure he was going to recover. My only chance to even attempt to get back to this universe came as they were transferring me out of the SGC. We all knew it was then or never."

Tears did slip down her cheeks now and she angrily brushed them away, starting to stand until she felt Jack hold her back. Her gaze met his and she read the compassion there which only served to make the tears flow faster.

"C'mere," he said, pulling her into his embrace. She resisted only a moment before she collapsed into his arms. Sam was more than a little surprised at his willingness to comfort her, given she still sensed his upset over Charlie and her relationship with Jack.

Out of the blue he announced, "Teal'c stopped by yesterday."

"Teal'c? Really?"

"Yeah, it turns out he's the Jaffa's answer to Dr. Phil."

That made her snort an aborted giggle. "Why do you say that?" she asked, fearing she already knew the answer. The thought her team mates were interceding made her stomach churn. It was embarrassing enough Hammond thought they had a problem. To think Teal'c, and by extension Daniel, also thought they had personal issues, she wondered how she was going to face any of them.

While his arms around her provided a balm to her aching heart, this wasn't helping her distance herself from her CO. Wiping her remaining tears, Sam gently pushed herself out of his embrace, sliding a bit further away on the couch.

"How did he get to your house?"

"Daniel dropped him by. Look, the point of all this is Teal'c made me realize I might have. . .over reacted."

"Might have over reacted? You didn't give me any chance to explain!"

"How much more is there to say? You slept with the guy! That pretty much says it all!"

Sam's emotions were in a maelstrom. One moment Jack had his arms around her, and the next he was back to his accusations about her relationship with his counterpart. She didn't know what was going to set him off. "This is pointless," she mumbled, launching herself off the sofa, moving into the kitchen. Sam filled a glass with water, hoping the action would give her the few seconds she needed to collect herself. As she turned around, she bumped into Jack. She hadn't even heard him follow her, but he was so close, she could feel the heat radiating off him.

"Sam, I'm sorry. Again. I swore to myself I wasn't going to do this. Get all pissed off and start shouting at you. But here I am, making a mess of things once more."

He was so close. She wouldn't even have to take a full step to be pressed up against him. Her throat ached from unshed tears, but she was not going to give him the satisfaction of crying again.

"You have no idea what it was like," she whispered, tilting her head back slightly to look at him. "Part of it was my fault. I took on the persona of a dead woman so I couldn't afford to cultivate friends. I guess I thought I needed to be 'Sam Carter' there in case, by the grace of God, any of you had also made it, you could find me. I should have changed my name when I concluded I was alone. But I needed something to hold onto." Only vaguely was she aware Jack had taken the half-step necessary to touch her. His fingers found their way into her hair, brushing the short strands behind her ear.

"I'm sorry," he softly repeated. "I'm sorry I yelled, I'm sorry you were stuck there, I'm sorry I'm still so jealous. . . ."

Sam's gaze connected with his. "When I first saw him, I was so relieved. Even when I got that he didn't know me, or anything about the Stargate, I couldn't help the hope I felt just being in his presence. You always make everything right, Jack, no matter what the circumstances." She could tell she'd embarrassed him with her confession, and knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be something self-deprecating or an attempt at humor. She wasn't disappointed.

"You have some pretty low standards, Carter."

"I think I'm a tough sell," she smiled at him.

His fingers were still roaming through her short locks, decimating coherent thoughts. "Can I make this right?"

Sam couldn't fight his proximity any longer and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek into his chest. God, she wished they could stay this way forever, but she knew it was merely a reprieve, a moment out of time.

"Sam," he spoke softly, voice rough with emotion, "there is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. Even sleeping with another me." She was so shocked by his casual admission of love, she almost missed his attempt at joking away his pain. "I'm not saying it doesn't hurt," he added. "But we'll work through it. Just promise me at the end of the day there's a chance for us as well."

Sam could only nod, burying her face deeper into Jack's chest, inhaling the familiar scent he and his counterpart shared. She felt his arms tightening on her as well, his lips on her hair, placing a tender kiss atop her head. Squeezing her eyes shut, Sam longed to move the fraction it would take to kiss him. One last intimate connection for her, a first, a promise for him. But it wouldn't be fair to either of them. A taste of the forbidden would be too tempting given their raw emotions.

She didn't know how long they stood there, neither quite willing to let the other go, knowing once the contact was severed, the moment would be lost and there would be no going back. He would be her commanding officer once more and she his subordinate.

Taking a fortifying breath, Sam stepped back as Colonel O'Neill now watched her with Jack's eyes. As much as she missed the freedom of openly loving him in another universe, she knew here, it wasn't their time. There was still a war on and it was up to them and the SGC to protect Earth. If that meant waiting for him, she would find a way, because there was more at stake than her personal happiness.

The sharp pain she'd felt at her return was still there, but knowing both Jacks loved her equally was giving Sam the courage to face the future. It wouldn't be easy, but somehow she would find the strength to distance herself enough to become his 2IC once more. Because more than anything, she needed to be by his side. Needed to continue to be a part of SG-1. And some day, God willing, she wouldn't have to make the choice between lover and comrade. They would be one in the same, whatever reality they chose to embrace.

The End

A/N-I'd like to thank everyone for spending some time with my stories and for all the encouraging reviews. It's been a great ride!

Noda