Atop the Astronomy Tower

By Matthew W. Quinn

Author's Note: Seems some people have gotten rather upset by the events in the last chapter. I will take this opportunity to inform you that I've got 65-odd chapters planned…it's not over yet, so don't fret.

October 20th, 1976

9:10 PM

Tears streaming freely down his face, Snape made his way up the stairs to the top of the Astronomy Tower.

No, no, no, NO! All his dreams, all he'd hoped for since that golden day nearly eight years ago where he saw the red-haired angel playing with her plain, grouchy sister on the playground were crumbling around him.

Ashes of victory, ashes of victory. He'd finally triumphed over his great tormentor, like he craved for so long, and what did it gain him? The woman he'd loved for nearly half his life rushing to the aid of Potter. Potter! The man she described as a toerag only a few months before!

It was true that Potter was badly hurt and he could understand why she had rushed to his aid—he could have bled to death like Mulciber Sr. did. But why the tears of joy? And the embrace? He and Lily had hugged many times over the years, but those embraces had lacked the intensity he'd seen a few minutes before.

He threw open the door and rushed onto the open space atop the Tower. He strode past the telescopes and stopped close to the edge. He inhaled, steeling himself for the end.

Then the lessons the Squib priest—the upper levels of the Roman Catholic hierarchy, like the upper levels of the Muggle governments, knew about the wizarding community and trained Squibs to attend to their religious needs—had taught him so long ago surfaced from the depths of his memory.

"Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life," the old man in the black robe had said, quoting from the Catechism. "It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God."

That may be, but I find myself not giving a shit. He took another step forward, perilously close to the edge. Then another lesson, from another time, drifted into his consciousness.

"For a sinto be mortal, three conditions must together be met," the priest said. "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."

He closed his eyes, holding back the tears that continued to spill from them. Another lesson from the Catechism appeared unbidden.

"To die in mortal sin without repenting and accepting God's merciful love means remaining separated from him for ever by our own free choice. This state of definitive self- exclusion from communion with God and the blessed is called 'hell.'"

For a long moment he hesitated, less than a foot from the open air and swift death. He inhaled.

Hell can't be worse than what I feel now. He took another step towards the rim of the tower, eyes locked on the distant lake where he and Lily had spent many a warm afternoon over the years…

"Severus!" a distant female voice called, interrupting his morose ruminations.

Is that you, Lily? Have you realized just how much you've hurt me?

"Sev!" the voice cried out again, closer this time.

Sarah?

The door clattered open behind him and Snape pivoted, avoiding the fatal plunge for a moment. He turned.

Sarah Jewell stood there, looking frantic and frightened. Don't show weakness, Snape thought, trying to compose himself.

"Yes?"

"Lily told me you stormed off. She thought you might be here."

Snape scowled. "She did?" How remarkably considerate.

Sarah nodded. "Yes. She was afraid you might hurt yourself."

If she was that bloody afraid I'd bloody hurt myself, why'd she bloody well all but snog Potter in front of me?

"She was right to be afraid," he grated.

"She didn't know you fancied her too," Sarah said quickly. "She just thought you were a friend, a close, loyal, and kind friend."

Snape raised an eyebrow. Trying to butter me up? Trying to make up for the damage she's done?

"You might not know this," Sarah began. "But…" Her voice trailed off.

What the hell? Is she about to tell me…

"But you're not the only one who's fancied someone who didn't know it." She gulped. "I…I fancy you too, Severus Snape!"

Despite the precariousness of his position, standing at the edge of the abyss, Snape barely restrained himself from bursting out laughing.

"This is rich," he said. "Are you telling me this just to prevent me from committing suicide?"

She scowled in a manner reminiscent of Snape himself, then put her hands on her hips in a manner that reminded him all too much of Lily when she was in a bad mood.

"No!" she declared. "I do fancy you! You're witty and smart and you're far kinder than you let on!"

Snape raised an eyebrow. Someone complimenting me? He was so used to being ignored — despite the positive attention he received from Lily and the new group of friends he'd made — that Sarah's words felt novel to him.

"You don't mind my teeth?" He'd been taking pains to brush and floss every day, but they were still uneven, particularly in the front where they were most visible.

Sarah smiled. "I don't mind your teeth."

Her words warmed the soul scarred by what felt like Lily's betrayal and suddenly Snape didn't want to die anymore.

She must have seen something in his face that suggested differently because she got frantic again. "You don't want to do this, you don't!" Sarah protested.

She's right, you know. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"You're right." He stepped away from the edge.

She rushed forward and wrapped him in a fierce hug, a hug much like the one Snape had seen between Lily and Potter moments before. That settles it, he thought. She does fancy me.

But his arm and shoulder had been hurt in the duel with Potter and Snape pulled back involuntarily from her embrace. He had forgotten that despite the step away from the edge, he was still in a perilous position.

He felt a foot sinking in the empty air where he thought stone would have been. "Oh shit!" he shouted aloud as he toppled backward. His other foot began to pull away from the cold stone…

"Sev!" She tried to pull him back, but he was heavier than she and rather than stop his fall, she ended up joining it.

The two of them fell together from the top of the Astronomy Tower…

Oh no. It would be bitterly ironic if, having been persuaded not to kill himself, he died accidentally, and Sarah along with him. He felt the air rush around them as they tumbled down the side of the Astronomy Tower towards the ground below.

As they hurtled towards certain death, he thought frantically. If he could find something to grab onto, he could try the Summoning Charm but…

Aha! There was a Charm that could be useful in this situation.

"Try the Cushioning Charm!" he shouted to Sarah. He pointed his wand to the ground that rushed up to strike them and shouted the incantation over and over again. Sarah soon joined him and Snape could see the ground beneath them grow hazy as the magical power built up beneath them.

The two of them slammed into the haze seconds later and Snape felt his left shoulder crumple beneath the impact. However, instead of descending further towards the black earth, the two of them bounced upward for at least fifty feet before dropping back onto the magical cushion. After several smaller bounces, they both came to a stop a few feet above the ground.

"Finite incantatem," Snape moaned and the cushion beneath them slowly deflated, leaving them resting on the wet grass beneath the Astronomy Tower.

"You all right?" Sarah asked as she painfully pulled herself to her feet.

"I think so," Snape began before waves of pain tore through the left side of his body. He attempted to struggle to his feet, but the pain grew so terrible that he fell to his knees. His arm leaped to his collarbone and found it somehow lumpy, much like his mother's after the Death Eater had cursed her over the summer.

He moaned.

"You're hurt," Sarah said. Snape tried to shake his head, but the pain grew so terrible he forced himself to nod.

"I'll call for help." Sarah raised her wand and began firing bursts of right light into the air.

He could hear the distant sounds of people running as the pain grew too great to bear and he slipped away into unconsciousness…