It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Except that Parvati is neither a man nor in possession of good fortune.

Yet Padma still seems convinced she's in want of a wife.

Every Thursday, when she and Padma go to the Duck Cafe, Padma will enter, survey the room, and point out a woman for Parvati to go talk to. Just because she's happy with Dean, she's convinced Parvati needs someone in her life.

Parvati, on the other hand, surveys the room to see if Remus, the owner, has added any new ducks. It's a weird quirk and a large part of why she loves this cafe. Remus and his husband Sirius collect rubber ducks of all sizes and colors, and have taken to sticking them all over the cafe. She asked Remus, once, what they meant, and he threw his head back and laughed, exposing the scars on his neck that she's never asked about.

"Honestly, Sirius bought me a duck once for my birthday, and it kind of spiraled out of control."

Parvati loves the ducks. They're happy, cheerful additions to the cafe, and she likes to see if she can spot the new ones and guess what occasion Sirius was buying them for.

So she goes with Padma to the Duck Cafe because she loves the ducks, and because Remus will always chat with her if he has the time. He seems fond of them both. He talks about literature with Padma (who teaches literature at the local university) and mathematics with Parvati, because she teaches maths. They'd never meant to wind up teaching at the same university, but they had.

Sirius, on the other hand, when he comes in, loves to make stupid puns and talk about ducks with Parvati, and talk about cute boys with Padma. It's not that he's not just as smart as Remus, because Parvati can tell he is, but he hated school for some reason he refuses to elaborate on.

Parvati is set up and grading papers already that Thursday when Padma comes in.

"What about–"

"I'd rather take coffee than compliments, just now," Parvati says without looking up. Padma sighs.

"Why can't you just try?" Padma asks.

"Because I'm tired of trying," Parvati says. "I'm fine. I'm ready to wait until love finds me, instead."

Padma huffs at her, and then goes to the counter to order them both a coffee. She talks with Remus as he makes the coffees, because Remus almost always works Thursday nights. When she comes back, she seems to have more of a skip in her step.

Parvati eyes her warily.

"What?" Padma says.

"What's got you so happy all of the sudden?"

Padma shrugs. "I'm not telling. Use your imagination. Oh, and in case I haven't told you yet, Dean booked us tickets to a show next Thursday. Can we do Friday instead?"

Parvati shrugs. "I guess so."

…

So Parvati shows up to the Duck Cafe at 6:30 PM the following Friday to meet Padma.

Except that the clock turns to 7 and Parvati's coffee is getting cold and Padma still hasn't showed up when a drop-dead gorgeous brunette slips into the seat across her, and says, "They say you and I only have five minutes, but I can tell we're going to need longer."

"Erm, what?" Parvati says. And that's when she really looks around. The cafe is busy for 7 PM, and there is a multitude of people milling around with name-tags.

In fact, the woman across from her is also wearing a name tag. Lavender, She/her, pansexual it says.

It's at that point that Remus stumbles in, looking harried. "Sorry I'm late. My husband shot our alarm clock."

"Erm, Remus, it's 7 PM," Parvati points out from her table near the door.

Remus looks at her, blinking. "Yes. Yes it is. And you're here for speed dating? That's… unusual."

Well. Speed dating would explain some things.

She's going to murder Padma. She's going to murder Padma, and then dissolve her body in pure acid so that no one will ever find a trace of her. And then she's going to tell Dean that Padma got cold feet and ran away.

"I'm dead, right?" she asks the woman across from her. "I'm dead. We're both dead. We are dead, and this is hell."

"Oh, honey," says Lavender from across from her. "You're too much of an angel for this to be hell."

Damn. That was actually pretty smooth, Parvati has to admit.

And… maybe this is love trying to find her?

Or maybe Parvati doesn't care, because this woman is beautiful, quick witted, pan, and interested in her.

So she says, "I like your earrings."

And Lavender grins, and says, "Thanks. They're from an ex, but honey, I've never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."

Lavender is right. Five minutes is not going to be enough.

So Parvati pulls in a breath, smiles, and says, "What do you say we ditch speed dating and go get dinner?"

And Lavender beams back. "Sounds perfect."

Meet cute Marathon: Although A normally goes to the cafe on Thursday evenings, A's sibling (or close friend) had called in tears, and s/he had been forced to miss it. So instead A goes the next evening, sitting down at a table with a fresh cup of tea, and then abruptly realised that Friday night was Speed Dating night as B slides into the chair opposite and says, "They say you and I only have five minutes, but I can tell we're going to need longer."

(Char App; 2. (Object) Rubber duck) (Disney S4: A Whole New World - Write about a date that the characters don't want to end.) (Nadine Cross: (profession) professor, (word) pure, (dialogue) "We… are… dead… and… this… is… Hell!") (Showtime: 3. The Wizard and I - (word) Quirk) (Buttons C1: Remus Lupin) (Lyric Alley 28. As life breaks new ground) (Liza's Loves: Death by Chocolate - Write about Remus Lupin) (Jenny's Jovial Quotes: 2. "I've never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back." - Zsa Zsa Gabor) (Library: Little Women - Louisa May Alcott (relationship) Sisters, (word) Imagination, (dialogue) "I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now." (Insane House: Quote - "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." (365: 132. Starter: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.") (Sneks: Egyptian asp - (dialogue) "Sorry I'm late, my husband shot our alarm clock.") (Scavenger Hunt: Write a fic breaking up a canon pairing (breaking up RemusTonks))