Chapter 9

The next morning when I woke, Jace was not awake yet. I was lying on my back, and Jace was lying with his head on my chest, his face buried in my hair. His nose tickled my neck when he blew breath out or when he nudged his nose against the smooth skin of my neck. An arm was thrown around my waist, drawing me closer to him and his legs were tangled with mine.

I smiled, capturing the perfection of this moment and wishing that I could draw it as I so often did as a child and teen. I was so happy and due to my job, I might have already forfeited it yesterday.

I was angry with Magnus, suddenly. I was not the only one that could have taken this job and I wished more than anything that Magnus would have seen that and allowed me to take a pass on this. This was something that had always frustrated me about Magnus. In situations like these, he did not handle them in the best way, doing what he thought was best for him, not his agents.

Magnus was quite selfish in that way.

I knew that Jace was bound to be furious with me. I wanted to tell him more than anything. I felt like he was becoming a more important part of my life. I felt like one day we would get married and not just because I like him so much but because I genuinely thought that. I felt like we would have kids one day, and go on vacations every now and again.

I loved Jace.

A single warm tear escaped my eyes and dropped to my cheek, slowing sliding down. I brought a hand up, caressing Jace's face. His eyelids fluttered, and his golden eyes, shining brightly, slowly opened.

"Hey babe," My heart fluttered at Jace low, husky morning voice that I had decided I loved. I gave a small smile, and Jace's beautiful eyes became clouded with worry, as he saw my tears.

"Clary, what is wrong?" Jace propped himself up on an elbow and gently wiped my tears away. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a shaky breath, shaking my head. Jace brought his hand to my chin and tilted my head up slightly before kissing my lips gently. His thumb brushed back and forth over the damp skin stretched over my cheeks. I kissed him back, but the kiss was not like others we had shared recently. This was soft and caring, not desperate and rough. I loved the passionate kisses as much as everyone else, but this sweet kiss was what I needed right then.

That was another thing I loved about Jace; he knew exactly what I needed.

He broke our kiss, and I tried connecting our lips again, but he would not let me. "First, tell me what's wrong, please. I want to help," he tried desperately.

"You can't help," I whispered, miserably.

"Was it something I did? Did I do something? Please, babe, let me help. Talk to me," he begged.

I shook my head. "It was not you. It was me. It was something I did." I closed my eyes, as a few more tears fell onto my cheeks.

"Let me help," he continued.

I let out a sob, and Jace took me in his arms, shushing me comfortingly. "You are never going to talk to me again. You're going to hate me, Jace," I cried.

"That's what you think? Clare, I could never hate you. I love you Clary, I love you so much."

Jace thought he was helping, but in all reality, he was making me feel worse. I had forgiven him for what he had done years before. We were both young and you cannot hold blame to a child who was unaware of the damage cheating could cause. "I love you, Clary. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. Please, I could never hate you, I promise Clary," he softly said.

I opened my eyes and gazed sadly into them. "You won't after you know what I did," I whispered, silent tears falling. "You will never talk to me ever again."

"Tell me. I won't hate you, I promise I won't. Babe, it kills me to see you this way." His eyes were steady on mine, his thumb gently on my cheek, and I had to press my lips together to stop another sob from escaping. He pulled me into his lap, sitting up, and rubbed my back gently as I hiccupped frequently.

"I-," I was cut off by the sound of Jace's phone ringing, and I tensed up. I had a perfect night with him and now it was over. This was it. This was the moment when he was going to hate me forever. This was the moment that my heart was going to be broken all over again.

He must have felt me tense because he pulled back slightly looking at my face before glancing at his screen. "It is just an unknown number Clare," he said softly. "Wrong number," he clarified.

I shook my head, recognizing the number instantly. "Answer it," I whispered.

Jace looked confused. "It is just a wrong number, babe. It will stop in a minute."

"No, it won't," I took a deep breath before looking him in the eyes. "They will keep calling back, and calling back until you answer. Either that or they will come here looking for you."

"I-I am not quite sure I understand what you are saying, Clary,"

"Answer the phone, please," I begged.

Jace looked at me a last time before adverting his gaze to the phone buzzing beside the table. He picked it up slowly, and answered it, placing it on his ear.

After a moment, he answered, "Yes, this is he."

He looked at me, once again with confusion, probably on how I knew it was going to be the cops. Realization set in his eyes before he looked at me with an angry stare. He cast his eyes down, and my heart began to crumble in my chest.

"Yes, that will be fine," he replied. "Be there then." He hung the phone up, before quietly saying, "Get out. I don't want you in my house."

"I am sorry Jace. I am so, so sorry," I cried.

"I do not care what you are feeling right now Clary. You turned me into the cops! I knew it was you that followed me yesterday! I knew it! But I told myself that it could not have possibly been you! You, the sweet girl that I fell in love with! You are a traitor! So please, leave my house before I get angry." He said calmly, but steadily.

"Jace, please, try to understand, it was my job! I had to-," Jace cut me off and began speaking louder.

"You work for them?"

I gulped, before nodding. "Yes, Magnus is my boss. He put me on this case even though I told him that I did not want to investigate you. I knew that I would fall in love with you again, and I knew that I would not have the will power to not turn you in," I rationed.

"Then why did you?" I did not know how to respond.

"Why did you betray my trust? I trusted you, Clary!" I sighed, more and more tears streaming down my cheeks like waterfalls. I began to beg, and he only held out a hand to stop me. "Please, just leave." He refused to look at me, moving his eyes everywhere but me. I sighed, walking toward him. He tensed up and I grabbed his hand, enlacing my fingers in his unresponsive ones. I hugged his arm to me, and looked at him.

"I am sorry Jace. I love you too." I let go of his hand and I turned, leaving his apartment behind; leaving him behind.

The pain in my chest was unbearable. I was lying in my bed and I felt like I was dying. It was just as bad as the first one breakup. It was with the same person so I supposed it made sense. My face was puffy, but that was the least of my worries.

It was the type of crying where you are in so much pain and you want to scream, but no sound is coming out. It is just you clutching your chest and wishing just to let some of it out. Not to mention the tears. When sound finally did come out, it gasping for breath desperately because even if there was no sound coming out before, it was still forcing sound out.

What felt like hours later, Alec walked into my room and laid down next to me. I turned over, and cuddled into his chest, while he wrapped his arms around me. I listened to the steadiness of his heart beat, and while there was still pain in my chest, Alec was still here.

Just like he had always been.

Just like he always would be.