10. Christmas.

"If you thought," Severus growled, pacing Albus' office, "that asking me on Christmas Day would make me more generous and impressionable, you were sorely mistaken!"

Albus sighed from behind his desk, watching the furious movements of the younger man with something akin to guilt in his eyes. "I do not want this to happen either, Severus, but you are our only reasonable chance."

"Reasonable?" Severus repeated incredulously, spinning around to glare at Albus. "How is my current position and background even approaching 'reasonable' enough to lead to me becoming 'traitor'?"

"You are no longer an Auror," Albus listed, "instead you are, as you say, 'trapped in a morbid career of warbling to senseless idiots'-"

"Not enough."

"-James Potter is about to become the new Quidditch professor-"

"You have better be making that up."

"-and your relationship with Lily from then on turns sour."

Severus gaped at him. "You wouldn't!"

"Only if I have your permission and approval."

"You don't."

Albus sighed. "Severus, we are now further behind Tom than we were when I first made this suggestion-"

"If you are trying to guilt trip me-"

"Not at all," came the bland reply, "I am simply explaining my reasoning to you."

"And I will never agree, you know that! If you are so desperate, why not just go ahead? Wreck my life without explaining why, and maybe your crazy scheme will work!"

"There would be nothing to tie you to this side, my boy."

"Yes, that would seem to be a slight snag," Severus snapped. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe the same would happen with what you are proposing now?"

"That is precisely why I need your permission."

"I'm not giving it to you." He stopped pacing and stood instead with his arms crossed, glaring down his nose at the older man. "I'm happy, Albus. Do you know how long I've waited - dreamed, even - for a moment like this to come? Real happiness. My life has finally taken a turn for the better, and now you want to ruin it!"

Albus looked regretful, but that did not stop his next words. "I believe you once told a student, not long ago, that the families of others are more important than one."

"Do not," he hissed, "twist my own words!"

"I ask only that you continue to consider."

"And if I do not?"

"James starts work in January," Albus replied, "as Rolanda's transfer to professional Quidditch cannot be postponed any further."

"You," he snarled, "are little better than Voldemort himself."

He thought he would have received some pleasure from saying that. He thought he would have enjoyed the expression on Albus' face; shock, betrayal, hurt. It would have matched what Severus was feeling now, after all.

But instead, he felt a twinge of unease as the expression became slightly self-recriminating, the eyes filled with hate even as the man sighed, nodding.

"I do not enjoy what I do, but it must be done."

And for the first time, Severus truly believed him when he said it. "Albus, I-"

And then the twinkle was back full force, shocking Severus into silence. "I've ruined this day enough, I think. It is Christmas after all, Severus, perhaps you should find Lily."

Feeling more than a little off balance, Severus turned and left the suddenly claustrophobic office, clattering down the stairs with none of his usual grace. As he walked to the staffroom, he could not help but wonder, as he planned what he would tell Lily, who Albus had to talk to, who he could share his misgivings with.

He didn't particularly like the answer he came up with.

oOo

She was smiling, when he found her, and he suddenly couldn't bear to burden her with his most recent skirmish with Albus. That could wait until a more appropriate time, he decided, as he plastered on a smile and struggled to push the unease from his mind. For now let her celebrate.

"Merry Christmas, Sev!"

Wordlessly, he conjured mistletoe and floated it in front of her nose before making it come to a halt above them. He quirked an eyebrow upwards and she grinned, leaning in to kiss his lips.

Arms wrapped around each other, they let their surroundings drop away, concentrating instead on each other. He could feel her slim body next to his, leaning into him, her frizzy hair tickling him as they kissed, reminding him that this was not just a dream.

He felt his spirits lift slightly as he finally pulled away from her and registered the smiling faces of his colleagues. Hagrid, who was crammed into an armchair by the fire, gave a small sniff, his smile distinctively watery.

Severus snorted and conjured a tissue for the sentimental half giant, who nodded his thanks and promptly – with a lot of noise – blew his nose.

The tissue was immediately soaked through and Severus conjured another one, allowing an amused smile to curve his lips.

"I don't think we should kiss around Hagrid anymore," Lily said, amused.

"And certainly not any more than that," Severus replied with a wicked grin, "or the man would become the Niagara Falls personified."

As Lily choked on the image she must have been imagining, Severus allowed himself a chuckle and slipped his arms around her shoulders.

"So," Lily said lightly after a few moments of silence, "if I found some appropriate music, would you dance with me?"

"I don't dance."

"You did at our wedding."

"That was a special occasion."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "And Christmas isn't? Don't be such a scrooge, Sev."

He drew himself up haughtily. "I'm hardly a scrooge – I gave every member of staff a Christmas present. Even," he added, "those whose dubious 'inner eye' could have predicted what they would get."

Several people chuckled at that, though the target of the insult remained oblivious.

"Why," he continued, "buy a secret gift for someone who knows what it is anyway? I could never have bothered, yet I did."

"Don't be daft," Lily scoffed. "If you had not bothered she would have predicted that you wouldn't buy her anything."

"It seems that you were doomed either way, Severus," Minerva interjected, raising an eyebrow at an already tipsy Sybill.

"Oh shut up," he told the room at large.

"Hmm?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Go back to sleep, Binns, this doesn't concern ancient history."

"Sev!"

His expression was the picture of innocence in the face of Lily's shocked amusement. "I was referring to his subject, not his indeterminable age."

"Hmph," Lily replied, sounding as though she didn't believe him at all. "I suppose it was too much to ask that you stop insulting people for a few hours."

"He lives to be in a bad mood," Minerva sniffed. "I have wondered many times whether he should have the ghosts of Christmas past befriending him on a cold night."

Severus sneered and laced his voice with sarcasm. "When you say it that way, Minerva, I could hardly refuse." It was surprisingly entertaining to watch the older witch struggle against speechlessness. "But I sincerely hope that the ghosts have a little more energy than Binns."

There was a brief silence as everyone stared at him with alternating expressions of shock or amusement. Even Lily was quiet.

"Perhaps a sherry would relax the mood?" When no-one moved to grab it, Sybill simply drank it herself and sank a little further into her armchair.

Across the room, someone muttered, "She'll drink the entire supply if we don't stop her." The empty bottles surrounding the professor reinforced the truth of that statement, as only a few full ones remained on the table.

Sybill, as though sensing all eyes on her, hiccoughed and raised her bottle. "A toast," she announced, wavering a little, "to Christmas!" Again, she downed the liquid, by herself, at an alarming rate as the rest of the staff watched.

"And it is not even noon yet." Minerva was beginning to look very stern.

"It certainly livens up the day," Severus replied, allowing a small smirk to spread across his face. "If there had not been a very generous donor, events may have gone extremely differently."

Severus' smirk widened as Minerva's eyes narrowed. "We never did find out who gave Sybill the sherry, did we, Severus?"

"We do know, however, that he is enjoying the results of it immensely."

Lily was struggling to hide a smile as Minerva looked increasingly put out. "You gave her the sherry?"

A little bit of feigned innocence, and Severus could practically see the steam coming from Minerva's ears. "I never said I did-"

"A toast," Sybill shouted again, her words slurring slightly as she tipped her bottle clumsily at Severus, "to a generous man!"

Minerva actually began to tap her foot as all eyes turned to the smug Potions Master, whose smirk threatened to become a smile. "There is nothing wrong with contributing to the entertainment," he explained silkily.

"I am only grateful that no students are here to witness the spectacle you have caused, Severus." With that, Minerva turned her back on him and moved to the other side of the room, joining Pomona in discussing her latest gift – a Snunckle-rimmed cabbage.

Severus could only be glad, as he overheard snatches of the conversation and looked at the as of yet unfixed singe marks to Pomona's robes, that he had not been the one to open the wrapping paper to find a species of plant that hated confinement.

The following hours passed unbearably slowly for Severus, every second he spent with Lily feeling like some perverse form of bittersweet torture. He longed to reach out, pull her aside, and tell her that he was taking her far away from Albus' influence, but he knew that it was impossible. He could not condemn her to a life of danger like that, even if it meant that he had to suffer in the process.

Albus could do everything he wanted to ruin his life, but Severus would never allow her to leave Hogwarts, their one safe place.

At least, he sincerely hoped that he never would, he amended, as the Potter idiot's name was mentioned yet again.

His arrival at Hogwarts had become one of the main topics of conversation in the gossip mill, as everyone knew exactly how much he and Severus hated each other. In fact, he had caught one or two colleagues making bets on how much carnage would be caused. One or the other being decapitated seemed to be the favoured outcome.

Lily had begun sending him anxious glances whenever Potter was mentioned, and Severus had taken to looking away, unable to bear the worry in her eyes at the same time as knowing of Albus' plans.

"Sev…"

He ignored her, allowing yet another conversation about Potter's sheer, blinding brilliance wash over him. This time, he could not even muster his usual, biting insults.

"They'll shut up about him soon, Sev," she continued, placing a hand over his, which was clutching his fork convulsively. "They're just excited about seeing him again."

"I would never have known."

She frowned, but her words were gentle. "There's no need to sneer at me, Sev. I'm on your side, remember?"

She wiggled her wedding ring at him pointedly, a small smile curving her lips. All of a sudden, Severus could not stand to be in that claustrophobic room anymore. The smell of the turkey was making him nauseous, and the green eyes only made him want to squirm rather than feel comforted. The laughter around him was suddenly oppressive, the white bearded man at the head of the table too serene looking.

And he suddenly hated them all. None of them had ever known true despair; none of them had ever had it turn to fleeting happiness only to find it ripped out from under their feet and turned back into despair again. He hated them all, because they had what he could never even hope to possess.

He forced a smile onto his face. "That's right," he purred, ignoring the bitter stirrings in his heart as Albus glanced casually at them both, his eyes too sharp. "And he'll know it."

Lily's smile widened as Severus leaned in for a kiss, despite being at the dinner table, and his surroundings began to melt away. He could almost forget the events of that morning, almost pretend that there was no death sentence hanging over his head-

"Ah, to be young, and to feel love's keen pu-"

"You have ruined the moment, Albus," he growled, resurfacing so abruptly that Lily gasped in surprise.

"I apologise, my boy, I did not believe that you would hear me."

"I may have been otherwise occupied," Severus sneered, "but I am not deaf. Although I am hardly surprised," he continued relentlessly, only just managing to reign in the extent of his anger and keep his voice merely sarcastic. "I dare say that anyone as out of practice as you must be cannot help but reminisce. It is the only option you have left, after all, when presented with such a situation."

All eyes were on him now, looking wary.

"Everyone knows that mistletoe can only go so far," he added, going in for the kill, "as lacking in miraculous powers as it is."

The room was now completely silent, the wary eyes beginning to turn to Albus once it was clear that Severus had finished.

Without missing a beat, Albus chuckled, tears almost falling from his eyes as his laughter continued. Little by little, people began to join in, though with slightly less enthusiasm. Only Lily and Minerva remained completely silent, looking at Severus with equally severe expressions.

"You took that a bit far," Lily hissed undercover of the diminishing laughter.

He could not trust himself to reply.

"Well Severus," the headmaster finally said, eyes twinkling, "it seems that you have not yet lost your touch."

He gave his obligatory smirk. "Nor do I plan to. Especially when I will have such a deserving target so conveniently placed on school grounds."

Albus' eyes tightened slightly, catching the implicit defiance and promise of further arguments about his plan, but his smile did not waver one iota. "Do not go too hard on him, Severus. We cannot afford to lose one of our best professors."

Severus' smile grew shark-like. "I make no promises, Albus, as you should well know by now."

And just like that, the hidden argument was over as Albus clapped his hands once. "Perhaps we should move to dessert," he said neutrally, "before Severus goes to hunt down James a few weeks early."

A few smothered laughs accompanied the sudden appearance of Christmas cake, and Severus' nearly full plate mercifully disappeared, leaving him to pretend to eat his dessert, scowl fixed firmly in place.