I'm sorry. I really have no excuse. I really hope you like this chapter. I worked on it steadily the whole time, but really tried hard to get it out to you today. I've been planning this since the very beginning. I hope you enjoy it :)
Also, I was sad when season 3 ended. It was a brilliant last episode, but too short! :/
As always thank you so much for the reviews. I loved them all.
"Someday I'll return when it's time for payment in kind. The church bells will chime. You'll stand before me surrounded by lights, dressed in white. You'll throw flowers in the air."
May
"Get out of my face, you arsehole!"
"Here we go again," Jerome rolls his eyes to accompany Mara's comment as he reaches across the breakfast table, grabbing a slice of toast. Upstairs, the pounding of feet and the slamming of doors are frequent, loud noises, most especially in the morning. This, much to the residents' distain, is a solid element of their routine.
It's no secret; Eddie still sometimes wholly dislikes Patricia and she is more than happy to reciprocate.
Joy sighs, reaching for the milk jug and pouring it over her cereal, then carrying it into the kitchen. Despite their relationship, Patricia has not ceased from unceremoniously dumping liquids on Eddie when the occasion called for it.
"Brace yourselves," Joy says, taking her seat again. From her place she can see her friend's ratty converse skip down the steps quickly, followed by Eddie's customary black trainers. Her friend appears in the doorway first, dressed for the final time in her customary school blazer adorned with studs and badges. She is scowling and throws a filthy look over her shoulder as she steps into the dining room.
"Morning," Nina calls from the far end of the table, while Patricia's frown deepens. Joy knows, mostly because she is Patricia's best friend, but partly because it's just obvious, that's Patricia always been disgusted by the fact that people lump them in with Fabian and Nina. "Honestly," she hisses to Joy and KT in the quiet of their dark room late at night, "do people really think we're as bad as Fabina."
Honestly, Joy replies, but only in her head, because she likes the fact that all her limbs are attached, people think you're worse.
Patricia doesn't offer a greeting to Nina but moves towards the kitchen, away from the doorway. Her space is soon occupied by her boyfriend. He, Joy notices, is entirely more relaxed, his pace is slow, deliberate, but he searches the room the second it is in view. She knows exactly who he is looking for.
"Eddie, I said leave me alone," Patricia's voice is heavy, angry, the other residents know exactly what is coming. It takes all of three strides, which Jerome counts out loud, before Eddie is right up in his girlfriend's face and he grins at her, raises his eyebrows and kisses her square on the mouth. Their limbs tangle quickly and the entire table groans in unison.
"PDA," Amber calls as Joy turns away from the pair and faces her cereal again.
Yes, she thinks, they're kind of gross, but she still remembers a time when Patricia used to insist that she didn't want to jump Eddie and when they both liked to pretend they hated each other, just to mask their jealousy. All in all, this version of them is a whole lot more kosher, and Joy always thought they'd be cute together anyway.
"I think my Mom literally cried at the idea of meeting you at graduation on Sunday," Eddie smirks into Patricia's hair as they sit in her deserted bedroom, late on the following Saturday evening. They are done with lessons, all prepped and ready for their forthcoming exams a fortnight from now, after graduation and a week of frantic studying. Patricia thinks that perhaps paying more attention in history might've been a good idea, but it's too late for that now and her book lies discarded on the floor beside a scarf (possibly KT's) and a tube of effervescent pink lip gloss (definitely Amber's).
"Literally?" she doubts because Eddie himself never cries at anything, not even movies or animals dying, which doesn't make him heartless, just weird.
"Literally," he repeats and his smile deepens at her frown, "I heard actual sobbing. I think she thinks you're perfect." He mock scoffs tightening his arm around her, laughing.
"No pressure," Patricia grumbles but laughs anyway because Eddie is too and she's actually kind of excited. When Eddie met her parents for the first time, during February midterm, he was a total dork about it, going on about honourable intentions and lack of questionable motives. Patricia had smiled politely along with him and thanked her lucky stars that she had a twin sister who was so easy in uncomfortable situations. She never thought she'd be so grateful for Piper's pointless small talk.
It was American, he'd insisted in the cab on the way back to his Dad's. It's what's said when you meet your girlfriend's parents.
They then proceeded to fight about exactly how many girlfriends' parents he'd met in his time. They didn't speak for three days afterwards.
"She'll love you."
"You're a sap."
"Your sap," he pouts mockingly
She hits him across the chest lightly, his corresponding laughter vibrating through her chest. She moves to glance at him briefly and finds him looking at her in a way that makes her throat tighten. He looks like he is considering something, considering her and she finds herself wondering at the fact that his face is now familiar, the way he smiles when he's watching a TV show or the way his eyes flinch every time America is mentioned.
It frightens her, that look, so, instead of letting him speak, she lets her hands find his face and pulls it down towards hers. He tastes familiar too, but that is far easier to dismiss as lust, as hormones so Patricia pushes harder, finds the skin under his t-shirt, ignoring the way her lashes flutter against his cheeks as her eyes close.
His body is flush against her as she shifts around for better access, dragging her palms around to the back of his neck as her legs bracket his hips. He sighs into her, his hands brushing over the small of her back. After all this time, after all it's changed, it still feels like the first day. They are still on fire for each other, only now, they take their time, drink each other.
She would never admit it, not to Joy or KT, especially not to Eddie, but she likes it better this way. She can savour every moment and forget that things are about to shift irreparably.
Just as she's getting into it, he pulls back, away from her kiss, and her eyes open, finding his. They are wide and brown and beautiful – another thought she'd never dare voice – and watching her.
"What?" she clips, but he ignores her tone, just smirking.
"Nothing," he replies, before reaching back up to find her again.
Her sister makes it to their graduation, just two days later. She's leaving on a spectacular world tour with some prestigious orchestra and Patricia couldn't be more thrilled for her, but it's nice that she's there. She smiles widely at her sister when she knocks on the bedroom door, peering around, greeted with loud shrieks of approval as she enters.
Patricia is grateful that she's wearing a simple black dress. She knows Piper probably picked it out in an effort not to outshine her sister. She's always been the more considerate one.
She hugs the girls happily, one by one, before she gets to Patricia, squeezing her tightly.
"It's over!" she cries happily in her ear and pulling away from her to look over her outfit. She's wearing a red lace dress that she feels beautiful in. The back dips in such a way that her tattoo is on display. She's not too proud that she won't admit that driving Eddie crazy was motivation behind her picking it out. Her parents may kill her, but then at least they'd agree on something other than her inadequate ability to make decisions about her future, which would be a nice change.
"You look lovely, Trix," she says before turning to the wider room, "you all do."
Everyone is beaming and happy and Nina has already cried this morning. Twice.
"Aren't you all so excited?" Piper squeals, dropping down onto Patricia's bed, "off to university. And you Amber, to New York!" She claps her hands together quickly and Amber beams.
"I know I'm so excited!" Amber claps three times, bouncing in her heels
"What about you Nina?"
"I'm going back to America, to Boston," Nina smiles widely. She'd never admit it to them all, but Patricia had once overheard her telling Amber that it had taken a slight toll on her and Fabian. They were still together, but Fabian was staying in England, heading to Oxford.
"Brilliant. I might see you there in November. We're stopping at Berkeley as part of the tour. And Eddie, where's he headed?" Piper question is tentative, Patricia can almost hear how frightened she is that this might set her off, make her angry. Last time they'd talked Patricia had told Piper that Eddie was considering leaving for America, his choice was between some school on the west coast and the University of London.
"He eventually decided on London," Patricia says, joining her sister on the bed. She herself had decided on the University of Edinburgh in Scotland. It would be long distance, but they would make it work.
Piper smiles at her, and Patricia wants to grin back, but then things are lost in a buzz excitement and Victor and Trudy are calling from downstairs so everyone gathers their things and head towards the door.
They get their diplomas and everyone is so happy and screaming about graduating and Alfie has shouted "I did it!" at least three times since the ceremony ended. Patricia doesn't think she's ever been happier, laughing with everyone and throwing the hat from her graduation gown in the air. Eddie's arm is wrapped around her waist, but they are talking to different people, celebrating together, leaning into one another.
Joy is talking happily about university, about Scotland and how things are going to be different now, totally, immeasurably different, but good. Better even. Patricia nods along with her, they are all on a high, laughing, adrenaline coursing through them because, despite everything, they did it, and everything seems better now.
Just as she's considering unwrapping herself from her boyfriend and going in search of her sister, Patricia feels him tugging at her, hears her name over the buzz of excitement.
"Yes?" she turns around, expecting Eddie and perhaps Jerome, but instead finds her boyfriend with an older woman. She is slender and tall, with the kind of blonde hair that probably looked like Amber's when she was a teenager, only it's curly, so it spring around her shoulders. She wears glasses, too, which Patricia was not expecting, and a sharp suit, complete with pencil skirt, in a charcoal grey. Her eyes, behind the glasses, are brown, and even if she'd never seen the pictures, Patricia would know who she was anyway.
Eddie's mum.
He glances between them nervously for a second, smiling, before he clears his throat.
"Patricia," he says, letting go of her mid section and grabbing her hand. His palm is sweaty and if this were any other situation, Patricia would laugh, "this is my Mom. Mom, this is Patricia," he coughs, "my girlfriend."
There is one awful moment, as she stares at this woman, when it is so awkward, Patricia thinks that she has just blown her entire relationship. Then Ms Miller smiles.
"Patricia," she steps forward, hand outstretched, which Patricia takes with her free one and shakes, hard, "it's good to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
Patricia smiles back, then they launch into a conversation about Eddie, one which makes him blush and grimace. Then her parents join them and Mr Sweet. They joke about the pair of them, as a couple and Piper pokes fun at how obvious and oblivious they were when she visited in December.
They are just talking about the graduation ceremony, Patricia's parents are commenting on what a lovely affair it was when Eddie's Mom brightens up.
"Patricia, will you be joining Eddie in America in September?"
Then everything freezes. Eddie stills and Patricia feels her entire body tense up. Her parents look confused and Mr Sweet and Ms Miller look expectant and Piper, her poor twin sister, always caught in the crossfire, is just looking between Patricia and Eddie like she used to last year.
"I'm sorry," she says, breaking the silence, adverting her gaze from Patricia's, which then snaps up to her boyfriend's face. He looks unnervingly guilt ridden, "I was under the impression Eddie was going to university in London."
Then it is Eddie's Mom who frown, turns to her son. But before anyone else has a chance to Patricia holds her hand up.
"Eddie, are you going to America for college?" she knows her voice sounds cool, cold even and her eyes are calculating. He stares back momentarily, then swiftly adverts his gaze. This is all the answer Patricia ever needed.
Ripping her hand from his, she thinks she makes her excuses before she is turning and running, away from her friends and her family and her teachers and Eddie, whatever he is now and wonders why she ever believed anyone, Joy, Piper, Eddie, when they told her that giving this a chance would work out for the best in the end.
"I'm still not talking to you, Edison," she says, packing her bags into the back of her Dad's car. She can't see him though, he disappeared fifteen minutes ago to thank Mr Sweet and find a bathroom. They have a long drive home. Right now though, Patricia just wants her sister and cup of tea, "go away."
"Come on, Patricia," he says, lugging another bag into the boot, "I wanted to tell you, I did." He sounds desperate and when Patricia spares him a glance, she almost feels bad. Then, suddenly, the humiliation hits her again and her anger surges.
"Really?" she asks, turning to him, her voice heavy with frustration, "and when exactly were you planning on doing that? Sometime before you actually got on your flight to California? Or just when you were settled at the college? Wherever the hell that is? You told me you were staying here for Uni... Were you just planning on abandoning me?"
She is ashamed of how her voice cracks so she slams the door of the boot closed and marches around to the passenger side, Eddie shadowing her. Across the car park, a taxi pulls in and the sound of its engine dies. It must be for Eddie, to take him to the airport.
"Patricia, no," his voice is low, pleading, "no. I was going to ask you to come with me."
At this, her hand stills on the handle of the door, her breath quickens. He must take it as an invitation to continue, because he takes a step closer.
"You got accepted into all those colleges. I thought we could go together..." It only takes one look for Patricia to know he's being genuine.
"They were back ups," she sighs. They fall silent.
"I can't wait for you like that Eddie," she whispers the words, a second later, but he looks like he already knew what she was going to say. The odd thing is, she's not angry. She understands. They've only been going out for five months, officially. He can't wait for her either.
They could've been beautiful, she thinks, the kind of romance they write movies and books about, but he is missing something here in England that he needs to go and find. She, too, does not quite know how to understand who she wants to become. They are mutually lost. They need each other, but they need to go where they are being called.
That is the definition of tragic.
"Whatever it is you're searching for, Eddie," she whispers as he bows his head, curling his fists up in frustration and desolation, "I hope you find it."
She is in his arms before she knows what's happening, her face is buried in his chest. She does not cry, ever, but she thinks if she was ever to consider it, now would be the moment. He smells as he always did, even back in September when he leaned down to roughly kiss her squarely on the lips for the first time, like peppermint and aftershave and pancakes.
He is delicious and warm and she wishes for one crazy moment that she could get in the cab with him and go to the airport and leave for America. It would be insane, but maybe their relationship would endure college and flirty American girls and the stresses of being young and they would get married and have loads of kids and be in love for the rest of their lives.
Or it might fail. Patricia would be left with nothing but an American cell phone empty of contacts and a mountain of student loans. She's not brave enough to take the risk and he's not selfish enough to ask her to find that unattainable courage.
So, they hug each other close in the car park of her school, where she stands for the last time, the cool British summer breeze curling around them, holding them close. She is so annoyed at herself, disgusted, because right now she would give anything for just another minute and they wasted two and a half years being stubborn and proud and plainly stupid.
But they do not have that time to take back, so she pulls away from him and stands on her tip-toes, laying a gentle kiss on his cheek, lingering momentarily.
"I love you," she whispers onto his cheek, so that it remains imprinted there forever. It is the first time she has ever said those words to him, or to anyone, and his eyes are gleaming with unshed tears as he returns the kiss, a soft touch of his lips to her forehead.
"I love you, too."
This is their goodbye.
"But the best thing I can give to you, is for me to go, leave you alone, you got growing up to do."
Don't kill me. Remember, there is still one more chapter yet. :)
As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.