A/N: I lied. I fucking lied. And what did I lie about. Here: Excerpt from Chapter One's Author's Note: And I promise you. This will not be a sob story. End of Excerpt. So yep. I lied. I'm so sorry you guys. I promised. And I broke it. I'm a douche. And I fucking cried myself to sleep. I legit cried myself to sleep. This is how sad this chapter is. I'm so dumb.
So... Enjoy?
Disclaimer: I don't own A&A or Amnesia by 5SOS
Two and a half months later.
Austin's POV
"Thank you LA!" I scream over the crazy fans. I turn to the side and run off stage. I was still high from the craziness of tonight but even that I was tried. Dunno how I can explain that. Man I sound like an idiot after that sentence... Oh well.
So I went to my dressing room and plopped onto the couch. I grabbed my phone off the table, seeing as though I haven't used it in a while. When my lockscreeen popped up, it was a picture of me and... Ally... And right then and there, my mood plummeted to the center of the earth. I haven't seen Ally in weeks.
Ever since that night after my Miami show... I never saw or heard from her again. Sometimes I'm afraid to even admit I miss her. We went through so much together... Now when we walk pass by each other we'll just keep walking. Because we would be strangers to one another. Like our past didn't exist.
Why does life have to be so complicated... Why did this have to happen?! Why can't everything be picture perfect? When did it happen and when did it stop? Or did never happen?
It's probably a nightmare that I'm having right now. Yeah! A nightmare! I must be fast asleep. I rub my eyes a few times to find out... It's not a night mare. Well dang it.
That means Ally and I are broken up, I'm on tour without Ally, which means I'm not with Ally, since I'm not with Ally, that means I'm single. And definitely not ready to mingle. My heart belongs to Ally. And only Ally. Even if I marry another woman, which I hope I don't, I will never love them like I love Ally.
But I bet she doesn't even love me anymore. I mean, she already told me she has a boyfriend. Thats not me. As she moves on with her life and her love, I'm standing here, waiting for someone who will never comeback to me.
Maybe when I do comeback to her, her arms will be around someone else. Her heart will be for someone else. Her love will be for someone else, but my heart will still be for her. Even thought waiting will never bring her back to me, I know I can still comeback to her.
Who knows what will happen in a year. Will she be in college in Miami or in New York? If I see her again, will it be in the blazing heat or the softly falling snow? If my worries are correct, her happiness will be someone who's not me. Because she knows waiting a year for someone who's gonna be around girls twenty four/seven is pretty dumb.
And what about me? Will I have a girlfriend by the time I get back? Will I have my arms around someone who's not her? Will my love be for the another?
Then I turned on the small radio and it said what came on, "Now here's Amnesia by Five Seconds Of Summer." I never heard of them before, let's see how good this song is.
I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
At this point I was slowly starting singing along with the song. It was really good.
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around
It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
I slowly start to stop singing because I realized I could relate to the song. So I stopped singing.
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say
I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all
By the end of the song, small tears were peaking out of my eyes. I turned off I went to my phone and searched it up. And then I played over again. The song was so true. Except, I was the one leaving, I was the one upset and she was the one that was fine. And I'm not fine at all.
The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And that line couldn't have been more true. I still every pic of Ally I have still saved into my phone. Even when I look at them... I feel so lonely. Like Ally just left me. Like that day at the concert. I was all alone. In a full parking lot.
And now I'll never hold her tighter again, I'll never hear her name the same again. Her love is for another man. She'll be hold tighter by another man. Her everything is for him. What's worst is that I haven't seen her in so long.
I remember a few days ago, Trish got a call from her. Apparently, she's doing great. I'm happy she's happy. But it hurts that she moved on.
If our relationship meant something to her, why is she fine? Why is she happy? Is she happy we're done and she's moved on? Does she know how I feel nowadays? I guess not, I bet she's already forgotten about me. She's too busy being happy. And it hurts she's happy and I'm hurting.
'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all
The song finishes and I close the app. I couldn't listen to anymore. It brought too many emotions and memories.
But all I know is she's in the foreground and in someone else's arms and I'm standing here in the background all alone. With no one to hold.
A month Later
Every day I get updates on Ally. One. I learned her boyfriend's name is Mason. So now I know the guy who stole her heart. And Trish had asked her about me and this was her response:
"Who in the world is Austin Moon? Are you imagining random people again Trish?"
My heart broke into two. She doesn't remember me. I knew this was going to happen. She never going to need memories anymore. I spent my day off crying into my pillow. Because the love of my life doesn't remember my existence. My everything... Doesn't need me anymore.
I thought I would have a future with her... Now I never will. My life is over. Who the fuck cares about this damn tour anymore? I fucking don't. But I still have seven months of this tour left. So what can I do? I can't cancel it unless it's a family emergency.
Ally's officially gone. There's no going back. She has another man. I have no one. I'll never get her back because she doesn't remember my name. I'm a lost memory to her. The four years we had together. Gone. And now I'll watch her move on and be happy...
And I'll still be standing in the background. Just watching her be free and happy. And I'll be wondering, where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?
Why did I go wrong?
How did I go wrong?
I'll never know.
Another month Later
"Thanks..." I stop. I forgot the name of the city. Shit. I turn to one of the dancers and they mouth "Toronto." I nod.
"Thank you Toronto!" I finally say. And the crowd cheers louder. I smile and I went backstage. There, I saw Trish closing her phone. And I knew it was Ally.
"What did she say?" I ask.
"She's doing well. She's going on her six month anniversary date with Mason soon." She answers.
I sigh. Everyday she tells me the same thing: Ally's happy with Mason. And the mention of my name just confuses her.
"Look. I know you're upset... But there's nothing we can do Austin. If I could make Mason disappear and make you guys together, I would. But this is reality. I can't do it Austin." She rubs my shoulder comfortably.
"I know. It just hurts that she's moved on and forgot about me. I thought she would be waiting for me. I guess I wrong. Two of the worst things in the entire world." I sigh.
"I'm so sorry Austin." She whispers and then walks away.
It's been six months. Six months since she moved on and I went on tour. Just two months in she forgets me. And just thinking about her name just hurts. Because I haven't seen her in so long. Heard her voice in so long. Kissed her in so long.
Because someone else is doing that for me.
A Week Later
"Jimmy, I can't do this anymore." I whisper quietly.
"What? Why?" He asks.
"I'm going crazy. Every day I hear how Ally's so happy and I'm so... Not." I sob in to my hands.
"Austin. I know you're heartbroken but are you sure you wanna cancel the rest of the tour?" I nod.
"I can't do it anymore. I rather be at home and upset than around the world and upset. I rather upset people I know than disappoint hundreds and thousands of people at a time." I croak.
"Okay Austin. We'll cancel it and you can go back home." He assures.
"Thanks so much Jimmy. And thanks for understanding." I sniff.
"You're welcome kid." He smiles.
And for once. I smile too.
Another Week Later
After the cab drops me off, I look at the big house in front of me. Now, this isn't my house. It's Ally's. I held my guitar close to my shoulder and adjusted the strap. I look to the side and see her car and someone else's car in the drive way. I know it's probably Mason's car. I lifted the beanie from my eyes and looked in to the window and sure enough. Her and Mason were in there.
I didn't tell Ally I cancelled the tour.
I didn't tell her I was coming over either.
So maybe that's why her arms and lips are around someone else's.
I sigh. Sometimes, I wish I could wake up with Amnesia.
And forget all the stupid little things.
A/N: I hate myself for this chapter. I, at first had no idea where the fuck I was going with this chapter. Then my good friend KfizzleWizzle (check put her stories. If you're into M Rated stories that is.) posted the fucking saddest one shot on the world. Besides All for Austin. Haha. And then. BAM. I got ideas. Like literally just like that. I don't even know how it happened. But it did. Oh whale.
I blame Ross. And 5SOS. And Kels. Mainly Ross. Because. Why the fuck not? He's leaving PR today. LIKE FUCKING HELL YAS. I NEVER WANT HIM TO RETURN TO THAT ISLAND EVER AGAIN. EVER. UNLESS ITS FOR TOUR BUT NEVER AGAIN BC HE SHOULDNT BE THERE FOR A GODDAMN MOVIE. THAT SUCKS.
I'm sorry if you like the movie. I hate it tbh.
Well.
Laters!
-BNYC