June 1970
Jolting up right, I groggily rubbed my eyes. What had woken me?
There was a sudden tap at the window. I froze, heart pounding. What was that?
A second tap and I realised it was more like someone throwing something at my window.
Sliding out of my bed, I turned my lamp on before grabbing my dressing gown. There was another tap and and I hurried across the room, pulling my dressing gown tighter to me.
I pushed the curtain open slightly and jumped back as a small rock hit the window. Who the hell was throwing gravel? I waited until the next rock hit the window before opening it.
Glancing down at the street, I saw Stan's car.
"Pines?" I hissed.
"Down here." A voice replied. I leaned out of the window and looked down.
"What are you doing?" I said in shock.
"Sorry... but I didn't know where else to go." Stan apologised, dropping the handful of gravel.
"I'm coming down. Stay there." I replied.
Hurrying out of my room, I crept along the landing and down the stairs. Unlocking the door quietly, I slipped out into the evening air.
Stan was slumped against the fence as I walked up to him. Before I could say anything, Stan grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back automatically, shocked to feel him shaking.
"Stan, what's going on?" I asked quietly. Stan's shaking got worse and I realised he was crying.
"I screwed up Carla, Ford doesn't want to talk to me, Pa kicked me out, I've got nothi-"
"Wait?! Kicked you out?" I asked, head reeling. "What the hell happened in the last 24 hours?"
Stan let me go and I could just make out the tears on his face in the street light.
"Come on." I grabbed his hand and walked toward his car. Stan didn't resist, just opened the door for me and we sat on the back seat together.
I reached out and gently pulled him towards me, wrapping my arms around him from behind and tucking my chin on his shoulder.
"What happened Stan?" I asked quietly. Stan sniffed and wiped his eyes.
"Pa finally got rid of me." He muttered.
"But why?" I prompted, stroking my thumb along Stan's collar bone slowly.
"For-Ford's science projec..." Stan stumbled over his brother's name, "It was an accident, I swear, but it got bust and I thought I fixed it, but it wasn't working, the scholarship, god I'm so stupid! I ruined his chance. Ford's never gonna speak to me again." He babbled.
I stroked his hair gently.
"Woah big guy. Slow down. What happened to Ford's science project?" I asked as Stan calmed under my touch.
"I went back to the school auditorium last night. I'd just talked to Ford... he was all keyed up for the scholarship... I was upset..." Stan trailed off. I waited patiently, still stroking his hair.
"It was an accident, I swear." Stan said sadly. "I didn't mean to break it. I was just angry and I hit the table, but I didn't touch his project. I wouldn't do that! I fixed it!"
I held him tightly, kissing his shoulder.
"Ok. I believe you." I reassured. "I know you wouldn't have broken it. I believe you. What happened next?"
"When those posh college guys went to see it, it wasn't working..." Stan muttered. "It was fine when I left it. I didn't do it." He repeated. I frowned.
"So I guess Ford didn't get the scholarship..." I murmured.
"Yeah... and when Pa found out, he went nuts. Threw me out. Told me to never come back." Stan hiccupped as a fresh wave of tears hit him. "Ford wouldn't even look at me. God, Carla, what am I gonna do?" he sobbed. I swallowed hard. Stan didn't need me crying too.
"Hey, hey." I soothed, holding him tight. "It'll be ok. Everything looks worse in the dark."
"Ford's never gonna talk to me again. He thinks I did it on purpose." Stan said through his tears.
I pressed my cheek against Stan's hair, wishing I knew what to do to make this better.
"Ford's probably just mad and upset. He'll talk to you again. You're brothers. He loves you." I reassured blindly. Stan just sniffed and gripped my arms tightly.
"It'll be ok." I repeated. Stan laughed despondently.
"If you say so..." He sat up, pulling away from my arms. Stan turned to look at me, taking in my appearance. "You should go back inside baby." He smiled sadly and reached out to touch my face. I leaned against his hand, closing my eyes as his thumb brushed my cheek.
"What about you?" I asked. "What are you going to do?"
"I guess I'll find somewhere to park and sleep. Plenty of room in here for me." Stan tried to grin bravely. My lip wobbled and I felt tears prick my eyes.
"Oh Stan..." I breathed. Stan shook his head and swallowed hard.
"Don't fuss. I'll be fine. I can handle myself." He said. I could hear the uncertainty in his voice.
I leaned in and kissed him. Stan was still shaking slightly and I quickly wrapped my arms around him to try comfort him.
"Promise me you'll still be here when I wake up?" I asked as we broke apart.
Stan gave me a lopsided smile.
"If you want." He answered. I squeezed his hand.
"This will get better, I'm sure of it." I told him as I slid out of the car. Stan didn't reply, just kissed me again and I walked back to the house.
"It will get better," I mumbled as I re-entered the house, "even if I have to smack Ford round the head myself."
I headed back upstairs quietly and tried to get back to sleep.
X
"This was waiting for you kiddo." My dad passed an envelope across the table as I stumbled down to breakfast.
"What?" I asked as I opened it.
"Carla, baby. I couldn't stay. I just couldn't. You're probably better off without me. I'd only screw things up with you too. I'm sorry. I love you. Stan x"
My legs wobbled and I sat down heavily, mouth open in shock.
"Carla? Honey?" My dad rushed to my side and I handed him he letter wordlessly.
"I don't understand..." My dad muttered as he read the letter. "What did Stan do?"
"He got kicked out of home because of a mistake." I said numbly. "And now he's gone."
My dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
"I'm sorry honey." He said quietly. I stared at the table, my eyes blurring as they filled with tears.
"You wanna talk about it?" My dad asked, placing a kiss on my head. I shook my head and stood.
"I'm sorry, I gotta go and do something." I muttered, rushing from the room and out of the door.
When I reached the Pines Pawn shop, I burst into the shop and headed toward the stairs.
"Carla?" Filbrick glanced out from behind his paper. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see Ford." I replied, not even slowing. I didn't hear what Filbrick said in reply, just took two stairs at a time until I reached the apartment door.
I knocked, the adrenaline slowly draining. Gina opened the door and sighed before letting me in.
"I shoulda known... He's still in bed." She gestured. "Shermie's awake so don't worry about him. Just try not to swear."
I nodded and walked toward the stairs before pausing. I hurried back to Gina and hugged her tightly.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. Gina laid a hand on my head.
"I don't deserve your apology. My baby got kicked out and what did I do? Nuthin." She said sadly. As we parted. I didn't know what to say. Gina waved a hand and pushed me toward the stairs.
I bolted up them quickly and burst through the door to the twin's bedroom.
Ford was curled up on Stan's bed, still dressed in the same clothes from the day before and holding a sheet of paper tightly in his fist. My anger relented, but only slightly.
"Stanford Filbrick Pines." I said loudly, startling Ford awake. As he glanced around, he saw me and all colour drained from his face. I stood, hands on my hips, waiting for him to say something. Ford sat up and looked at the floor.
"I guess you know then." He said quietly.
"Yeah. Stan came to me in the middle of the night, devastated, confused and alone." I said, feeling my anger burning the back of my throat. "What the hell happened?" I asked.
Ford sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses.
"Stan screwed up Carla. He wrecked my chance at West Coast Tech and expected me to just accept it." Ford replied. I stared.
"You believe that?" I asked. "You believe your brother would purposely ruin your chances? Jesus Ford, Stan knew how important this was to you!"
"What am I supposed to think?" Ford snapped. "He said he'd done something. Sure, he said he tried to fix it, but he still caused the problem! It's his fault!"
I took a step back.
"I'm not saying he didn't screw up. Stan told me what he did." I replied. "But I believe him when he said it was an accident. And you should've too." I said.
Ford snorted and stood up.
"Why? All I know is that he wanted to just sail away and never think about the future. When this," Ford waved a crumpled flyer in my face, "this could have been my future Carla!"
"You listen to me Stanford," I prodded him sharply in the shoulder, "your brother, the one who defended you from anyone and everyone, is out there alone and devastated. You need to talk to him."
"No." Ford replied coldly. I stared, stomach rolling slightly.
"What?" I asked.
"I said no. Why should I?"
"Because he's your brother Ford!" I said exasperated. "Because this is so stupid compared to the bigger picture."
"This is stupid?" Ford stared at me, his voice rising in anger. "This could've been my chance to finally do something with my intellect! I could've been someone!"
"You are someone you twit!" I seethed. "You're the brightest person in this town. You could do anything you wanted!"
"This is what I wanted!" Ford snapped the flyer open and stared at it. "Stan didn't understand and now it's apparent you don't either."
"Oh I understand Ford." I replied. "I understand that you only care about what you wanted. What about Stan?"
"He never cared enough to ask about what I wanted." Ford said heatedly. "He just always thought I'd follow him anywhere, blindly. Like I couldn't exist without him."
"So this is better is it?" I snapped. "Letting your best friend and brother get kicked out over a stupid mistake. Was it so awful being Stan's twin that you would just cut him off like that?"
Ford deflated suddenly, staring at me with dead eyes.
"It was suffocating." He said quietly. "He never tried. I always carried him through school. I'm done."
I grabbed Ford's shoulders and shook him slightly.
"Are you serious?" I asked. "This is Stanley we're talking about." Ford refused to look at me. "He never once hesitated when you needed him. And this is how you repay him." I twisted my lip in disgust.
Ford brushed me off easily.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked angrily. "Sorry for wanting something different to him? Sorry for having a brother who's a screw-up?"
My stomach dropped as I remembered what Stan had written in that note. I'd only screw things up with you too. And here was Ford calling Stan a screw up. No wonder Stan blamed himself if all he'd ever heard was how terrible he was.
I slapped Ford, anger reaching boiling point. Ford stumbled back in shock, staring at me as he held his cheek.
"You've had everything." I hissed through clenched teeth. "You were always the better twin. Stan always felt second best. But you never thought about that did you? Did you ever listen to him when he tried to talk about the future? Or did you just hear childish nonsense?" I asked, chest heaving with anger.
"Carla... It's not my fault Stan got kicked out..." Ford whispered.
"It might as well be." I retorted sharply. "You didn't stick up for him did you? All the times he got the crap beaten out of him to protect you and you couldn't even try to stick up for him. No, you just turned your back on him."
Ford held the flyer up.
"This was bigger than a few bullies." He said stubbornly. I ripped the flyer out of his hand and tore it in two.
"You think this college was the future for you?" I asked, slowly advancing on Ford.
"It's the best goddamn college for people like me!" Ford spat back. I laughed mirthlessly.
"Ford, you could go to any college in this country and still come out with multiple degrees and a lifetime of job offers. You think this college was the only one that could offer you that?" I asked. Ford swallowed and looked away. I laughed again as realisation dawned.
"This wasn't about college was it?" I asked. "You were just sick of being stuck with Stan."
Ford clenched his jaw and glanced at the door.
"I said it was suffocating." He muttered. I felt the urge to punch Ford hard.
Swallowing back my anger, I threw the torn flyer at him.
"You're an ass Stanford Pines." I said quietly.
Ford looked at me in shock.
"Me? Carla, Stan was the idiot who caused this. He screwed this up. Not me, him." Ford insisted. "He only thinks about himself. He's childish and stupid and selfish and moronic and he'll never grow up if he doesn't realise that!" Ford said.
We fell silent, both of us still squared off and facing each other. I was still breathing heavily and Ford was watching me cautiously, hands clenched by his side.
"Stan's worst fear was that you'd never speak to him again." I said quietly. Ford sagged like I'd punched him in the gut.
"What?" He asked.
"You heard. He didn't care so much about being kicked out. I think he probably wouldn't have stayed here for much longer," I said, watching Ford's face, "but he couldn't stand the idea of never speaking to you again. Doesn't seem selfish to me."
Ford sat back on the bed, shaking his head slowly.
"He probably just wants me to help him graduate." Ford muttered. I threw my hands up in the air.
"Who are you trying to convince Ford? Me or you?" I asked, frustrated by the boy in front of me.
"Me! I have to believe that because I can't change what happened! Stan caused this problem!" Ford yelled.
"And you call him the selfish one." I said in a low voice.
"Get out Carla." Ford said slowly. "This is done. It happened. Stan screwed up. He's gone."
I gritted my teeth and turned on my heel, stalking out of the room.
I paused on the stairs, my body shaking. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself back up the stairs and into the bedroom again.
Ford looked up at me and I saw the tears on his face.
"You need to find him and talk to him." I said evenly. "He doesn't deserve to be treated like this and you know it." I crouched in front of him. "This isn't fair. Find him, talk to him, try to see his point of view."
Ford wiped his eyes roughly.
"What if I don't? He asked stubbornly. I sagged slightly.
"Then you lose both of us. Because if you can't even try to talk to him, I can't talk to you. Not without wanting to punch you." I stood and walked toward the door. "We graduate this week Ford. After that, we go our separate ways. After this week, you're on your own. Just like you want." I walked down the stairs slowly. My legs felt like lead.
Gina was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
"Guess I won't be seeing you anymore." She said sadly. I shook my head, determined not to cry. Gina glanced at the apartment door before holding her hand out to me. She pushed a few tightly folded bills into my hand.
"You make sure my baby gets this. He's gonna need it." She sniffed and pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't be so mad at Ford. He's hurting pretty bad."
"So's Stan." I replied.
"You look out for him you hear me?" Gina asked, looking me in the eyes. I nodded, the numb feeling returning to my body as I shoved the money into my back pocket.
I pecked Gina on the cheek and headed back down to the shop.
"See you Mr Pines." I said as I walked past.
"Carla," Filbrick waved me over. "You've no doubt heard about Stanley."
I nodded, biting my tongue.
"That boy is headed for trouble. You're better off staying away from him. Don't let him ruin your life too." He warned. I stared blankly.
"Thanks for that Mr Pines." I replied. "I don't think I'll see him again anyway. Pretty sure he's never coming back, thanks to you." I said quickly and bolted before Filbrick could say anything in return.
I ran to the end of the street before leaning against the wall. Panting, I finally let the tears fall. I thumped my fist against the wall repeatedly, not caring as I grazed my skin.
I finally caught myself and took a few deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down.
"Ow." I hissed, looking at my bloodied hand. I sighed and started to make my way back home, legs heavy and tears still filling my eyes.
X
"Carla McCorkle!"
I took a deep breath and walked up onto the stage. Shaking the principal's hand, I smiled as he handed me my graduation certificate.
"Well done." He said with a smile.
"Thank you sir." I replied before walking past and down the other set of steps. Walking back to my seat, I couldn't help but glance toward Ford.
We hadn't spoken since the weekend before, choosing to sit at opposite tables in every shared class, ignoring one another in the hall, basically pretending that the other one didn't exist. Like our friendship had never happened.
Tears stung my eyes and I glanced at the ground as I sat down.
I hated it. But I couldn't forgive him for turning his back on Stan. I'd managed to see Stan at the gym one night, dragging him inside and refusing to let him leave until the next morning just so I knew he was safe. Stan had reluctantly taken his mother's money from me, tears spilling as I tried to tell him she missed him and was sorry.
I took a deep breath as someone sat next to me and tried to focus on the ceremony... until Ford had to accept his certificate. I watched, holding my breath before they skipped from Stanford Pines to Harvey Roberts. My lip wobbled and I tried my hardest to ignore the tears that were silently rolling down my cheeks.
"- we wish them all the very best for their bright futures!" The headmaster concluded and applause broke out around us. We all stood, my legs feeling dead, and people began to throw their mortar caps in the air. I felt frozen. A hand suddenly snatched my cap and tossed it. Shocked by the action, I realised Jo had snuck into my row and had been the one to toss my cap. She pulled me into a one-armed hug and rested her cheek against my head.
"I know." She said softly, barely audible above the sounds of people moving. "But you're gonna want to go and check the car park ok?" She said with a smile. "Then you gotta come meet my mom. Deal?"
I nodded dumbly, her message sinking in.
Jo squeezed me and let go as we walked through the crowds. My dad was standing with my Grandma, both beaming.
"Well done my sweet." My grandma grabbed my hands and kissed my cheek. "We're so proud of you."
"Thanks Granny." I smiled, "I'll be right back ok? I gotta go and check on something."
"Stanley's out front kiddo." My dad smiled. "Figured you might be wanting to go and see him."
"Thanks dad." I pecked him on the cheek as I walked past. "I'll be right back."
Spying the Diablo, I hurried over and tapped on the window. Stan leaned across and opened the door. I slid in, making sure not to catch my graduation robes on anything.
"Hey you." I said softly. Stan smiled and took hold of my hand.
"Hey Tiny." He replied. "You look good. Graduating suits you."
I swallowed, not wanting to talk about it. We both knew Stan had been unlikely to graduate, even if he hadn't been kicked out.
"It was a drag, you'd have hated it." I grinned. "All those people speaking, all that lining up... I'm glad it's all over."
"What about Ford?" Stan asked quietly, his eyes dropping to stare at our twined fingers. "How'd he look?"
"Proud to be graduating, maybe a little sad that there was someone missing." I said. Stan knew Ford and I hadn't really talked since that night. I hadn't told Stan about yelling at Ford... Just that we weren't talking anymore.
"Do you know if he got a chance at any other scholarship?" Stan asked. I shook my head.
"I haven't heard... though Jo saw him applying for a college."
Stan nodded.
"Good. He deserves to show the world how smart he is." He said sadly. I scoot closer.
"What about Stanley Pines? What does he deserve?" I asked, my hand gently cradling his cheek.
"Nothing." Stan replied and I tapped his cheek sharply.
"Don't you dare say that." I said, harsher than I would've liked. Stan looked away out of the window and his face seemed to collapse a little further.
Following his gaze, I saw Ford with his parents leaving the school. Ford seemed to be searching for something. His eyes glanced our way and I saw him freeze momentarily, almost like he was tempted to come across, but before he could, he looked away and followed his parents.
Stan let out a shaky breath.
"See? That's what I deserve." He said as he choked back tears. I shook my head and knelt beside him, my heart breaking and yet still burning with anger at Ford.
"You deserve more than this stupid town could ever offer you." I said firmly, kissing his forehead. "Trust me."
"Why do you bother believing in me Carla?" Stan asked sadly. "I'm a screw up."
"You're not a screw up, you just got dealt a crappy hand. Don't be so hard on yourself." I replied, brushing my hand against his cheek. "I have something for you. Gotta pen?"
Stan huffed and dug around in the glove compartment till he found one.
Grabbing a cleanish napkin off the back seat, I scrawled an address down.
"This is my cousin's address in West Virginia. I move there next month. You need anything, you find me there. You got it?" I asked, handing him the piece of paper. "I might not be able to stay here, but I want you to know where I am ok?"
"Really?" Stan took the napkin carefully, like he was afraid it wasn't real. "You'd want me to join you?"
"Of course. Me and you, we'll take on the world right?" I smiled. I knew I couldn't be Ford for Stan, but I could try to be the next best thing.
There was silence again. I knew Stan knew I was just saying it to make him feel better. Nothing could change what had happened now.
Besides, we both knew that once Stan left this place, he'd never be coming back.
Stan nodded, still staring at the address. I kissed his cheek, trying to get him to look at me again.
"You can still come see me at the gym for the next month too. And if you ever need a hot meal, dad doesn't mind." I continued, despite knowing Stan hated the idea of being thought of as a charity case.
"You're the best Carla." Stan said hoarsely. "I'm so glad I got to know you."
"So when you make it big, you won't forget me then?" I teased. Stan gave me a weak grin.
"How could I forget you? You'll be right by my side." He said. We laughed, knowing it was just words, but both desperately needing to hear them in that moment.
I kissed Stan as we finished laughing, savouring the feel of his soft lips against mine. Stan grabbed me close and I could feel the goodbye in his grip.
Trying not to let the tears well up again, I just poured every last bit of feeling into our kiss.
"I gotta go back... dad's waiting." I murmured against Stan as we broke apart.
"Ok." Stan replied, not letting me go.
"I love you Stan." I whispered, gently kissing him again. "Don't get yourself killed."
"I promise." Stan smiled. "I love you too."
Stan finally let me go and I slipped from the car.
"West Virginia ok?" I said as I stood and straightened my robes.
"Don't think I've ever been." Stan grinned, old bravado slipping back into place.
"Then I'll meet you there." I smiled, closing the door.
Stan waved and I waved back before turning to head back to the school, my heart already heavy with the knowledge that this probably was the last time I'd see Stan.